Issues with the in laws

[jack71]

I write to ask if any other esteemed members have ever had issues with the in laws and thus seek opinions from members who are married or who have been married in the past- in the LOS.

My wife’s family are all friendly and normal apart from one of the brothers. After some time in my relationship with the gf we decided to tell the older brother first and then the parents. A day or so after my gf told him he called her back and gave a 30 lecture stating that perhaps she would be better off seeing other guys etc.

On first meeting this guy at the folks house he did not make a good impression and was distinctly unfriendly to me. It was only small issue but he accused me of double dipping my spoon (assuming that I had previously put it in my mouth and then proceeding to serve myself the other dish). The way he said it quite loud in front of their folks made me lose face.

Prior to getting engaged my missus told me that sinsot would have to be paid but her parents are modern people; and will refund it to me after the wedding. After meeting the brother for the first time I was then told by my lady that it would not be refunded. A few weeks later I negotiated that I don’t agree with sinsot but will respect the Thai culture and present the money only on the basis that it’s refunded to me. This was agreed to and I subsequently was refunded the money as promised. I hazard a guess that her brother was not so happy about this outcome.

My wife’s folks are kind hearted and have taken in a 10 year old girl from their school who doesn’t have any parents. Whenever I’ve been at the house, the brother orders her around; and actually now he has been recently giving orders to me and my wife (i.e whilst organising the wedding etc).

A month ago at my wedding he tried to order myself and a friend (from back home) what to do. We were on our way to the toilet and he wanted us to go to the next part of the ceremony. I said a firm ‘no’ and that he can wait 5 min. Not long after we were outside the reception area and he grabbed my arm really firmly. He pressed his thumb into my bicep really hard and said come on lets go and meet the others. I pulled away and gave him the <deleted> look. Later in the day he was in the driver seat and I was in the back seat and he was chatting away holding us up (i.e. not driving the car). I slapped him quiet hard on his left shoulder twice and firmly said ‘lets go’. I wanted him to know that I have a pair of balls.

Also at the wedding I saw him pushing the village girl really hard through a door – she was being polite as there were people in front of her and she couldn’t get out. I couldn’t hear what he was saying to her but it was probably another job

He is one of these aggressive type A personality guys. After the wedding I spoke to my wife about the bicep incident and she was naturally sad. She said that sometimes her brother doesn’t know what he is doing. I told her not to say anything to him but assume she has probably been on the phone to him. We haven’t seen each other since as he lives an hour away.

There has been several instances since then which I will not bore you with the details but my judgement of his character is that he is a control freak and over opinionated. Having seen him in action many times I have come to the conclusion that he is, or wants to be the family boss; but actually he is the family bully.

I have never been married before and thus seek opinions about how to handle this situation. The wife and I have a baby due year end. I suppose I’m worried about exploding the next time he attempts to assert his authority on me / tell me what to do. FYI he is 10 years younger than me and of course has never travelled abroad and has limited farang experience. I’m probably the first he has ever had to deal with. I’m not attempting to predict the future but realise that I don’t want an unfavourable outcome on my part if the guy is indeed a nutter.

Obviously we all don’t want this to be another boring debate about sinsot. If you have any productive comments to make about this situation I would appreciate it. I’m well aware that a thai girl will always choose her family over a farang husband. Apart from moving 300km with my lady away from the family town I suppose my next step is to sit down with the guy and have a quick chat? I love my wife very much and don’t want this matter to affect my future with her. I have been very polite thus far out of respect to my wife but there is only so much one can take.

Many thanks

[Costas2008]

OP, I wouldn't care so much.

Get your own house, as far away as you can from the family, and have a nice and happy life with your wife and the coming baby.

Wish you all the Best.

[Soutpeel]

Well let's put this way if your ends up your wife having to choose between you and family over the brother, in all likelihood you will lose

[PiPiFFS]

The way he said it quite loud in front of their folks made me lose face. !

This is a Thai thing ! Farang do not / cannot lose face !

Same with the sinsod

​You have a lot to learn methinks judging by this post

[ATF]

As The Art of War says, never fight a battle on your home ground. Take her away, BKK, Pattaya or even to your home Country for a while. You must make your wife understand you are the boss. If not she will always believe her brother. Give the parents a couple of 100k to keep them on your side but don't even tell your wife you have done this.

Don't buy a house RENT! If you want a car rent or make sure it's in your name. Explain to your wife this is a new life or she can stay with her family and you will go back to your home Country.

[Soutpeel]

As The Art of War says, never fight a battle on your home ground. Take her away, BKK, Pattaya or even to your home Country for a while. You must make your wife understand you are the boss. If not she will always believe her brother. Give the parents a couple of 100k to keep them on your side but don't even tell your wife you have done this.

Don't buy a house RENT! If you want a car rent or make sure it's in your name. Explain to your wife this is a new life or she can stay with her family and you will go back to your home Country.

Jeez what era do you come from ?..."make your wife understand you are the boss" if I said that to Mrs S, I would end up with a size 4 Jimmy Choo sticking out my noggin..

[DP25]

It was only small issue but he accused me of double dipping my spoon (assuming that I had previously put it in my mouth and then proceeding to serve myself the other dish).

I don't think I've ever met a Thai that was aware of the concept of double dipping. Everyone here seems to do it, even strangers will happily eat from your plate if you let them

[Thanet]

It's too complicated, and if you marry her then he will be a pain in the arse for ever.

Move on - you'll never win against the in-laws.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It's probably her Thai husband, and he is understandably upset at having to share his wife (for a while).

Even if he is expecting to get a house and car out of it.

[MJP]

It's probably her Thai husband, and he is understandably upset at having to share his wife (for a while).

Even if he is expecting to get a house and car out of it.

Cynical as AOA is, this is not outside the realms of possibility.

[neverdie]

It's probably her Thai husband, and he is understandably upset at having to share his wife (for a while).

Even if he is expecting to get a house and car out of it.

Cynical as AOA is, this is not outside the realms of possibility.

Yes, exactly what I was thinking and I'm only half as Cynical as AOA, but twice as wise

Take care OP & I hope you find your face too.

[cornishcarlos]

It's too complicated, and if you marry her then he will be a pain in the arse for ever.

Move on - you'll never win against the in-laws.

Read the post again, he is married already !!

OP, take him round the back of the house and pop in on the nose. No-one loses face if nobody sees it. Help him up, shake his hand and then run for cover

[claffey]

A few more details are required here. Where are you living? Bangkok ? How old are you and your wife? How old is the brother? What does he do? Is he educated? What do you do? Its important to have all the details before offering advice..

[AnotherOneAmerican]

!st post by OP,

Jack, how much does your wife weigh?

[transam]

I am wondering who the brother really is..........

Nooooo, I not jest, I know of a cousin living in a house NOW who is not a cousin...............

[Soutpeel]

It's probably her Thai husband, and he is understandably upset at having to share his wife (for a while).

Even if he is expecting to get a house and car out of it.

That occurred to me as well, but didn't want to be cruel to the OP, as he seemed like a decent guy, but seeing as you mentioned it

[Beetlejuice]

IF the OP is living with the out-laws then he has little choice and will have to tolerate whoever else lives or visits the wife`s family home.

IF the OP has set up his own home with his wife than he has the option of who he wants to visit and who he allows to visit the marital home.

IF the OP and his brother in law cannot hit it off then the OP can refuse to visit the out-laws when that BiL is present and also make in clear that the Bil is not welcome to visit the marital home.

IF the OP feels he has to appease his wife regarding her brother, than he will have to just grin and bear it and become the long and suffering.

A lot of IFs above meaning that these are the OP`s only options and it`s up to him.

I had a similar experience with my mother out law when my wife and I were first married. When I entered my wife`s parent`s home my MiL would rudely ignore me and disappear into her bedroom until I was gone. For the first 3 years of our marriage my MiL would only address me as the farang and not by name. Eventually I told my wife that I want nothing to do with her family anymore. 2 weeks later I was summoned by my wife`s family to their home. My MiL openly apologised to me, we hugged and kissed and since that day we have been the best of friends.

My advice to the OP is; he will be treated accordingly as to what he is prepared to tolerate and how he handles this situation in the future is up to his own discretion.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I had a similar experience with my mother out law when my wife and I were first married. When I entered my wife`s parent`s home my MiL would rudely ignore me and disappear into her bedroom until I was gone. For the first 3 years of our marriage my MiL would only address me as the farang and not by name. Eventually I told my wife that I want nothing to do with her family anymore. 2 weeks later I was summoned by my wife`s family to their home. My MiL openly apologised to me, we hugged and kissed and since that day we have been the best of friends.

And you're complaining!

Most guys would be jumping for joy!

[i claudius]

Well let's put this way if your ends up your wife having to choose between you and family over the brother, in all likelihood you will lose

sorry but not so ,i know many guys whoe's wives stick by them ,and i am 100%certain my wife would if it ever arose.

[Stradavarius37]

As The Art of War says, never fight a battle on your home ground. Take her away, BKK, Pattaya or even to your home Country for a while. You must make your wife understand you are the boss. If not she will always believe her brother. Give the parents a couple of 100k to keep them on your side but don't even tell your wife you have done this.

Don't buy a house RENT! If you want a car rent or make sure it's in your name. Explain to your wife this is a new life or she can stay with her family and you will go back to your home Country.

ATF's guide to success in relationships built on trust and real connection lmao

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[JDGRUEN]

OP - if it were me ... based upon what I have learned I would get out of town citing extreme health problems with a very close family member. Then I would fake a trip to back home ... take the wife aside far away from the family scene and GET IT STRAIGHT ... what the hell is going on? This is an extreme situation and the so called brother has to be put in his place which is not in your marriage. If your wife cannot handle this now - out of earshot and sight of her family - she will NEVER be able to handle it ...

Personally, I would have by now hire a few Thai guys from another city and had the so called brother's ass beat... but that is me...

OP - if you leave this unresolved you will NEVER HAVE PEACE in your marriage

[Thanet]

It's too complicated, and if you marry her then he will be a pain in the arse for ever.

Move on - you'll never win against the in-laws.

Read the post again, he is married already !!

OP, take him round the back of the house and pop in on the nose. No-one loses face if nobody sees it. Help him up, shake his hand and then run for cover

Whoops - you are right.

My apologies (and condolences) to the OP.

[nottocus]

Pop him….and tell him the next time will be far worse and the last time something will be done to him.

[BillyBobThai]

Pictures of the wife are always a help.

[Pralaad]

I have a few questions which i do not think OP will answer.

But in what language did all the communications with the brother took place?

Either OP speaks fluent Thai or brother is bossing everyone around in English.

Secondly if so called brother dared to grab my arm hard, i would have slapped him.

OP, if you are genuine, and he is really a brother and you really do have balls, the next time you see him and he tries to boss you around, take him outside, out of everyone;s sight and bitch slap him,

Make sure its the hardest bitch slap you ever give.

Then tell him, if he ever disrespects you again or even looks at you in a way you do not like, you will use closed fist for the next time.

The beauty of the bitch slap is that it hurts like hell, totally unexpected and does not leave any marks, besides a red cheek.

I have not been married but did have a GF, her sister was married to an arrogant tool, who for some reason assumed my house was his house and my cigarettes were his.

He also had trouble remembering my name or anything but to call me "you"

One bitch slap fixed all that, he even learned how to ask if he can have a cigarette in English.

[chrisinth]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I have a few questions which i do not think OP will answer.

But in what language did all the communications with the brother took place?

Either OP speaks fluent Thai or brother is bossing everyone around in English.

Secondly if so called brother dared to grab my arm hard, i would have slapped him.

OP, if you are genuine, and he is really a brother and you really do have balls, the next time you see him and he tries to boss you around, take him outside, out of everyone;s sight and bitch slap him,

Make sure its the hardest bitch slap you ever give.

Then tell him, if he ever disrespects you again or even looks at you in a way you do not like, you will use closed fist for the next time.

The beauty of the bitch slap is that it hurts like hell, totally unexpected and does not leave any marks, besides a red cheek.

I have not been married but did have a GF, her sister was married to an arrogant tool, who for some reason assumed my house was his house and my cigarettes were his.

He also had trouble remembering my name or anything but to call me "you"

One bitch slap fixed all that, he even learned how to ask if he can have a cigarette in English.

I used to think like that as well. The stitches come out tomorrow...................

Before you strike, make sure it is a bitch before you slap that has never done kick-boxing.

But being serious, what is it you are looking for OP? An insight into Thai culture?

For the marriage issue and in-laws, use your imagination and think how it would be solved in your home country.

And make it so....................

Don't forget, unless both of you are the same religion now, or one is willing to change, marriage is a farce in the religious sense, just another piece of paper.

[David48]

Jack 71 ... welcome to Thai Visa. AFP

As soon as I can, I'll be back to bestow my years

of experience of living with the Thai In-Laws.

I'm off for a as the World Cup is on in an hour.

Might be a while before I can get back.

Maybe you should also enjoy a

[Pralaad]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I have a few questions which i do not think OP will answer.

But in what language did all the communications with the brother took place?

Either OP speaks fluent Thai or brother is bossing everyone around in English.

Secondly if so called brother dared to grab my arm hard, i would have slapped him.

OP, if you are genuine, and he is really a brother and you really do have balls, the next time you see him and he tries to boss you around, take him outside, out of everyone;s sight and bitch slap him,

Make sure its the hardest bitch slap you ever give.

Then tell him, if he ever disrespects you again or even looks at you in a way you do not like, you will use closed fist for the next time.

The beauty of the bitch slap is that it hurts like hell, totally unexpected and does not leave any marks, besides a red cheek.

I have not been married but did have a GF, her sister was married to an arrogant tool, who for some reason assumed my house was his house and my cigarettes were his.

He also had trouble remembering my name or anything but to call me "you"

One bitch slap fixed all that, he even learned how to ask if he can have a cigarette in English.

I used to think like that as well. The stitches come out tomorrow...................

Before you strike, make sure it is a bitch before you slap that has never done kick-boxing.

But being serious, what is it you are looking for OP? An insight into Thai culture?

For the marriage issue and in-laws, use your imagination and think how it would be solved in your home country.

And make it so....................

Don't forget, unless both of you are the same religion now, or one is willing to change, marriage is a farce in the religious sense, just another piece of paper.

If he has done kick-boxing,then make sure to hit harder

[Thongkorn]

you dont pay sinsnot unless she is a sturgen. Just tell the brother where to go. say it firm and mean it, it usually works,

[vtjforyou]

Headbutt should fix the problem <3