40 yo and still no children and wife

[pgrahmm]

Seriously - if you think that family/children/wife is what you want then 40 might be a bit late......I had a daughter when I was 38-39 and raised her as a single Dad....one of the greatest joys of my life - but - as this was the second time around I realized I was not as spry in many areas as the first time around and 10+ years older than the parents of our children my daughter's age.....my folks had me later on and my Dad and I participated in many sports together - in many ways it was a bittersweet day for me when I surpassed my hero at a youngish age.....

If you have been happy up to 40+ you might want to question whether this next step will make you a happier man....someone once told me there are only two types of people - givers and takers if you are a giver this may well be a happy choice for you - if you find you are more of a taker maybe the rigours of what is needed to be freely given might not be for you.......at the cost of the next 25+ years of commitment.....

Oddly enough - even at my age I find myself enjoying the thought of what would happen and there was an oops birth...the wife wouldn't mind - but I wouldn't want to start the job of raising a child that I couldn't finish or finish strong.....I find myself pitying the 65-70 year olds I see pushing the strollers around the store - about a year ago I was in the PI visiting friends when I was invited to a Christening in a Catholic church.....I thought it was just for the one family and it turned out to be mass production with 100's of familes there....two rows behind me was a guy my age with his wife and their baby to be Christened....the WTH HTF did it end up this way look on his face over the course of the service said it all.......

So far, over the years, by observation of fails and successes in the family environment and other "life" areas that I have watched seem to bear this theory to be quite true......

Edited July 7, 2014 by pgrahmm

[mrtoad]

It's all about choice in the end. I have three children, I don't want anymore. I am 41, and by the time I am 50 all of them will be 18 plus. With hindsight, I honestly believe that I got married too young, and had children too early. It doesn't mean I don't love them any less than my youngest daughter, I just think that probably I could have done a better job of being a parent to them if I'd been older. The thing about parenting us that you learn it as you go along and it's easy to make mistakes. I have a half brother who is 17, my father is 67, personally at that age I wouldn't want to be doing the teenage child stuff.

[hellohello123]

38 and same here, never married or kids.

No time frame for kids or marriage as it has failed me in the past.

Will let life itself take its course.

What do you mean it's failed you in the past but you've never been married or had kids?

[hellohello123]

I respect peoples decisions whatever it may be

I don't have kids, not married don't intend to either

But don't have this high and almighty attitude because you have kids such as "you haven't experienced life until you have kids" type comments

[Ulysses G.]

I'm 41 and have no children. I don't want any and I'm certainly not planning on getting married. Not now, not ever.

There's no real reason for you to follow the herd of banality which most people seem to do in this life, just do what suits you.

I'm closing on 60. I never had any desire for children and I'm thankful that I did not do it just because it was expected. My life has been erratic enough without being responsible for another life. However, I don't blame anyone who has the need and desire for having children to start a family. Whatever floats your boat.

Edited July 7, 2014 by Ulysses G.

[Cypress Hill]

Marriage and kids?

The biggest, most insidious trap mankind has ever devised. One designed to leverage key fundamental instincts to ensure that as many of us as possible stand still enough to generate revenue for the state.

The whole trap - school, job/career, girl/guy, marriage, mortgage/credit card debt, procreation and never-ending acquisition of consumer tat with which to compare yourself to other equally vacuous lemmings - is aimed at a majority too scared to question their programming lest they find themselves "left behind". They believe these things will somehow validate life choices that, thanks to the power of marketing - were never really theirs to make in the first place.

Yes it's a cynical view but given how many men emerge from the trap skint, bitter and mistrustful, I bet they wish they'd looked at it more closely.

OP should be absolutely ECSTATIC that he's been fortunate enough to elude this nonsense.

God knows I am

Like it's a conspiracy theory.

I also agree your parents made the wrong choice having you.

That is what you're saying right?

It wasn't always but society has piggy-backed on it to make relationships and procreation part of a foundation upon which their ambitions are built.

If everyone was out doing what they want to do, who would they tax? How would they push their agendas?

How many married guys would chuck it all in - nagging wife, dead-end job, mortgage, credit cards and the constant pressure to measure themselves against others - if there were no kids involved and financial losses were capped at, say, 10% of their net worth?

Exactly

[Loptr]

OP, you are 40 yo, no children or wife.

So you regret it, so much, as to come on this forum, and ask support from other members.

Would you be happy if others tell you they are on the same situation?

No, because already you regret it and asking yourself what went wrong with your life.

Saying, I will at 50, is just an excuse to yourself.

C'mon, start looking for the right woman and take the natural way of having and enjoying children.

Don't waste your time asking here.

Good Luck to you, and come back and tell us, in a couple of years. how happy you are.

In all deference Costas, everyone is not wired the same way...

I've been married twice, divorced twice and still have no kids... At this point in my life I am very happy about it... Had I not been married twice, my net worth would probably be triple what it is today and I would have retired 10 years ago instead of now...

[hellohello123]

There are plenty of children in the world who were brought into the world by people who really should never have been parents. Don't join this club just because the rest of the herd tells you to.

That's the second time this herd word has popped up in this thread.

It's a laughable concept, especially in the west, and especially in the last fifty years or so.

In fact, in this regard Thailand now shares the same attitude as the West but Thailand has maybe taken it too far as the birth rate has plummeted.

Social pressure now is to not have children, or to have a small family.

There is nothing "herdish" in having children.

In fact, in the West its almost at the point of becoming unique.

There's nothing noble in not having children.

That doesn't make you unique - you are the new norm. And here's the bitter truth about it - outside your close family - no one cares.

I've seen the rise of the childless couple - and I couldn't care less about that either.

Just the same way as I couldn't care less when the husband dies and leaves their wife alone.

Then loneliness becomes the new norm.

I bet you know how that feels already. Get used to it - its not going to get any better.

When those close to you die - and you join the vast ranks of the discarded elderly - then you'll really feel it. If you're lucky you'll die suddenly in your sleep, if you're unlucky you'll enter into a long slow decline. And no one will be interested.

No sons will take you out to watch a sports match. No daughters will invite you round for a thanksgiving dinner.

You won't see your grandchildren graduate. You'll just turn to dust and be gone.

And no one will care. No one will care.

Up to you.

So having children is just a selfish thing? So someone will care about you when you are old? So you think you will not be lonely? Children are simply to ensure you enjoy your later years?

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My opinion, having children is both selfish and selfless. Those people that thibk they are doing the world a huge favour piss Me off

Many people have kids because;

They are bored with life

They want to do the normal thing

They don't want to be left behind

They want someone to look after them when they get older

They are lonely now

They think they will be lonely later

They are all selfish!

I recently bought a fairly expensive fuel inefficient car that probably damages the environment. That's purely selfish, I don't say I'm doing the world a favour

If those saying that having a child is purely selfless why don't you sponsor a child, and give 50% of your salary to an orphanage but you have to remain anonymous and have no contact with the child or orphanage??? That means the kids can't thank you, talk to you, loom after you, keep you company etc etc etc. You would be helping unfortunate kids selflessly, while getting no benefits other then the satisfaction of knowing you are making a difference!

That to me is selfless,

I doubt anyone would be willing to do that!

Btw I'm not against kids, if I met the lady of my dreams, I would consider it, but I'm not doing the world any favours

[hellohello123]

Having kids is really the most meaningful and fulfilling thing that can happen to anyone's life ...

Only if your life prior to that was totally empty, and you cant think of doing anything better with it than produce more people. Many parents are like this, and they can be an incredibly boring lot.

Personally I cant think of much worse than being married and having children. Well, maybe Ebola.

Can you give us some examples of some of the things you have decided to do with your life that has been better than providing for and giving life to a child?

And what gives you the right to judge whether his examples are worthy or not? (as you were obviously about to by your post)

No offence intended......seriously

[Loptr]

So what many of you mean is...

"I have no interest in making sacrifices to give life to another human being so that they themselves can enjoy this magical world and all of the pleasures of it, I would rather spend all of my time and energy making only myself happy" ?

How about not wanting to bring another life into this crazy world, which in case you haven't noticed has grown to over 7 billion souls, economic and social unrest in dozens of countries and the basic destruction of the planet's natural resources... Now who is being selfish?

[hellohello123]

Can you give us some examples of some of the things you have decided to do with your life that has been better than providing for and giving life to a child?

The phrase was "meaningful and fulfilling", not "better".

I've done many things that are more meaningful and fulfilling. Doing a good job and leaving my client satisfied. Or giving money to charity. Or helping an old lady across the road. Or even having a nice lunch.

Those sorts of things I manage to do more or less every day, not just once or twice in a lifetime.

Procreation is merely an animal instinct that takes no special skill or ability to achieve.

I see nothing to be proud of there, especially when the planet is collapsing under the dead weight of the human population on it. In fact I think that people without children should be rewarded and those with children, especially more than one child, should be penalised. They shouldn't be allowed on planes or in restaurants either.

Well said, agreed with all of it except the last two sentences

[benalibina]

These should I have children threads always end up in heavy debate.

I'm not here to fight for one side or the other.

I do know though having a child and them looking back at you with nothing but love is really beautiful. Being in the hospital while she gives birth, and the nurse hands you your child, I don't care how tough you are, you'll cry tears of happiness. The whole 9 month journey is really exciting! The look of pure joy when your parents get the rite of passage and rise to the new rank of grandparents and get to hold the baby for the first time, and chase them around is great to watch, it keeps them feeling young. Seeing your partner be a parent, brings you both closer, even if it can be testing, it's worth being tired from lack of sleep. I love coming home from work and she starts clapping and yelling Daddddyyy! Makes a bad day suddenly really insignificant.

Funny thing is, I'm laying in bed writing this, my child gave me a cold. It's ok I forgive her.

Best post of the whole thread till now. Written with Love.

[hellohello123]

These should I have children threads always end up in heavy debate.

I'm not here to fight for one side or the other.

I do know though having a child and them looking back at you with nothing but love is really beautiful. Being in the hospital while she gives birth, and the nurse hands you your child, I don't care how tough you are, you'll cry tears of happiness. The whole 9 month journey is really exciting! The look of pure joy when your parents get the rite of passage and rise to the new rank of grandparents and get to hold the baby for the first time, and chase them around is great to watch, it keeps them feeling young. Seeing your partner be a parent, brings you both closer, even if it can be testing, it's worth being tired from lack of sleep. I love coming home from work and she starts clapping and yelling Daddddyyy! Makes a bad day suddenly really insignificant.

Funny thing is, I'm laying in bed writing this, my child gave me a cold. It's ok I forgive her.

Best post of the whole thread till now. Written with Love.

I agree, fantastic point, fantastic post, beautiful!

However what he has described is beautifuk, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it's still selfish.

What would everyone say to a person whose doctor said that their child would be severely disabled, unable to care for itself ever, bed ridden, and probably won't survive more then 3 weeks, and as a doctor, I strongly urge you to terminate

And the parents went ahead with it (ignoring abortion vs life issues)

Selfish or selfless? Who are we to judge the value of a life or what is a good life? As so many seem to refer to when the debate of kids vs no kids comes uo

[kurnell]

Are you in a hurry to ruin your life?

[benalibina]

These should I have children threads always end up in heavy debate.

I'm not here to fight for one side or the other.

I do know though having a child and them looking back at you with nothing but love is really beautiful. Being in the hospital while she gives birth, and the nurse hands you your child, I don't care how tough you are, you'll cry tears of happiness. The whole 9 month journey is really exciting! The look of pure joy when your parents get the rite of passage and rise to the new rank of grandparents and get to hold the baby for the first time, and chase them around is great to watch, it keeps them feeling young. Seeing your partner be a parent, brings you both closer, even if it can be testing, it's worth being tired from lack of sleep. I love coming home from work and she starts clapping and yelling Daddddyyy! Makes a bad day suddenly really insignificant.

Funny thing is, I'm laying in bed writing this, my child gave me a cold. It's ok I forgive her.

Best post of the whole thread till now. Written with Love.

I agree, fantastic point, fantastic post, beautiful!

However what he has described is beautifuk, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it's still selfish.

What would everyone say to a person whose doctor said that their child would be severely disabled, unable to care for itself ever, bed ridden, and probably won't survive more then 3 weeks, and as a doctor, I strongly urge you to terminate

And the parents went ahead with it (ignoring abortion vs life issues)

Selfish or selfless? Who are we to judge the value of a life or what is a good life? As so many seem to refer to when the debate of kids vs no kids comes uo

Love for children is both....selfish and selfless.

Life of innocent kids is precious and cannot be taken for granted.

[expatsupreme]

thanks for all the replies, I was in relationship with Thai for 1,5 years, then suddenly she went to work in USA as a nanny, she met an ugly black man, really ugly, not because he is black, no rascism here, but it just rub me wrong.....

I was thinking hey this woman is all about the money and taking care of her mom or who knows.....

and she was beautiful, men were always looking at her when she walked by.....

I just dont want to end up with a horrible ex wife and kids where I will always have to look at my wife and talk to her, when trying to visit the kids, and pay for them each month

I had some horrid experiences with women in the past.......

last girl got pregnant while I was in south america... just few months after I left Thailand, i even spoke with her each day over skype......

disaster.....

Edited July 7, 2014 by expatsupreme

[IsaacHunt]

I had the same outlook as the OP upto when I turned 29 ,then I grew up

[IsaacHunt]

dp

Edited July 7, 2014 by IsaacHunt

[tullynagardy]

thanks for all the replies, I was in relationship with Thai for 1,5 years, then suddenly she went to work in USA as a nanny, she met an ugly black man, really ugly, not because he is black, no rascism here, but it just rub me wrong.....

I was thinking hey this woman is all about the money and taking care of her mom or who knows.....

and she was beautiful, men were always looking at her when she walked by.....

I just dont want to end up with a horrible ex wife and kids where I will always have to look at my wife and talk to her, when trying to visit the kids, and pay for them each month

I had some horrid experiences with women in the past.......

last girl got pregnant while I was in south america... just few months after I left Thailand, i even spoke with her each day over skype......

disaster.....

Where are you from Expatsupreme? Maybe looking for your soul mate on the other side of the world isn`t the best plan?

Internet dating now has no stigma attached to it and it is so easy to get dates. Im not remotely embarassed to say I tried it, and that was ten years ago when it wasn`t as big. I didn`t meet my future wife but met some great ladies and if things had gone a little differently one could well have been.

Give it a whirl. If Asian girls are your thing you dont need to travel to Asia to meet one, rest assured theyll be some nearby in a similar situation to yourself.

Good luck.

[nottocus]

I respect peoples decisions whatever it may be

I don't have kids, not married don't intend to either

But don't have this high and almighty attitude because you have kids such as "you haven't experienced life until you have kids" type comments

Good post. I agree with this.

[bigbamboo]

I certainly wouldn't want kids at 50, as another person said having a teenager, possibly in education while you are almost 70 wouldn't be my idea of winding down.

Nothing wrong with not being married, or having kids.

And when your boy starts playing football or something for the school team and all the dads show up they'll be wondering whose grandfather you are.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I certainly wouldn't want kids at 50, as another person said having a teenager, possibly in education while you are almost 70 wouldn't be my idea of winding down.

Nothing wrong with not being married, or having kids.

And when your boy starts playing football or something for the school team and all the dads show up they'll be wondering whose grandfather you are.

50% of marriage ends in divorce.

40% of divorced men never see their children again.

So that gives you a 25% (ish) chance nobody will be wondering, cos you won't be there.

You just gotta do, what you gotta do.

Why not, make some babies, let some other guy look after them.

This is Thailand, do it the Thai way.

[mrtoad]

I certainly wouldn't want kids at 50, as another person said having a teenager, possibly in education while you are almost 70 wouldn't be my idea of winding down.

Nothing wrong with not being married, or having kids.

And when your boy starts playing football or something for the school team and all the dads show up they'll be wondering whose grandfather you are.

Yep

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[jaffacakes1]

I wouldn't feel compelled to have children. I'm 39, married to a 33 year old English girl and we are enjoying out childless lives together.

Everyone I've spoken to tell me that having a child 'completely changes your life'. The last thing I want is my life changed.

There is absolutely a social pressure to get married and have children and that is very much a herd mentality. Besides, the couples we do know with children seem to now live rather dull, predictable lives centred almost entirely around their offspring.

Be an individual, do what feels right to you and don't conform to societies norms.

There are enough children in the world.

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[IsaacHunt]

I wish half of the TV members dads didn't come home pished and knock up their mothers...

[IsaacHunt]

I wouldn't feel compelled to have children. I'm 39, married to a 33 year old English girl and we are enjoying out childless lives together.

Everyone I've spoken to tell me that having a child 'completely changes your life'. The last thing I want is my life changed.

There is absolutely a social pressure to get married and have children and that is very much a herd mentality. Besides, the couples we do know with children seem to now live rather dull, predictable lives centred almost entirely around their offspring.

Be an individual, do what feels right to you and don't conform to societies norms.

There are enough children in the world.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile appjxnhl

Did your daddy not pay you any attention ? or was uncle ronny just a bit to touchy?

[Ulysses G.]

I certainly wouldn't want kids at 50, as another person said having a teenager, possibly in education while you are almost 70 wouldn't be my idea of winding down.

Nothing wrong with not being married, or having kids.

And when your boy starts playing football or something for the school team and all the dads show up they'll be wondering whose grandfather you are.

My father was 20 years older than my mom and was 50 years old when I was in kindergarten. The neighbors always told me to ask him how old he was and he always said 25. I would go back and tell them and they would laugh, but it did not bother me at all. I couldn't have asked for better dad.

Edited July 7, 2014 by Ulysses G.

[jaffacakes1]

I wouldn't feel compelled to have children. I'm 39, married to a 33 year old English girl and we are enjoying out childless lives together.

Everyone I've spoken to tell me that having a child 'completely changes your life'. The last thing I want is my life changed.

There is absolutely a social pressure to get married and have children and that is very much a herd mentality. Besides, the couples we do know with children seem to now live rather dull, predictable lives centred almost entirely around their offspring.

Be an individual, do what feels right to you and don't conform to societies norms.

There are enough children in the world.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile appjxnhl

Did your daddy not pay you any attention ? or was uncle ronny just a bit to touchy?

What part of my comment offended you enough to attempt a joke about child molestation? I fail to see any connection...

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[JournalistsAreLiars]

Another solution is to have kids with a Mom who is not your wife and with whom you dont live, so you avoid all their bullshiiit and the poor life that anybody who has a family to take care lives...

[mrtoad]

I wouldn't feel compelled to have children. I'm 39, married to a 33 year old English girl and we are enjoying out childless lives together.

Everyone I've spoken to tell me that having a child 'completely changes your life'. The last thing I want is my life changed.

There is absolutely a social pressure to get married and have children and that is very much a herd mentality. Besides, the couples we do know with children seem to now live rather dull, predictable lives centred almost entirely around their offspring.

Be an individual, do what feels right to you and don't conform to societies norms.

There are enough children in the world.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile appjxnhl

Did your daddy not pay you any attention ? or was uncle ronny just a bit to touchy?

What part of my comment offended you enough to attempt a joke about child molestation? I fail to see any connection...

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His username gives it away

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