Just Curious...

[ThaiGal]

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see an overweight 50 year old farang with an attractive 25 year old thai girl in his arms? My girl friend who is gorgeous, educated, and holds a good position in a reputable company has just started a relationship with this older gentleman who she cares about dearly but she constantly catches people looking disgusted like she was a bargirl and making comments. She said that she could care less but I'm sure things like this would get annoying after a while. I'm a thai girl who grew up in the US so maybe my way of thinking is not the same as some Thais growing up in Thailand so when they see an attractive young lady with a not so attractive older man, do most people in Thailand just automatically assumes that she must be a bar girl? Just curious.

[britmaveric]

First snap most people are going to think "Bar Girl" unless they know your friend. Perception is everything when you see the scenario described day in/day out in Thailand and they are Bar Girl relationships. I think even in Western World most people make the a judgement if a stunner happens to be with an older, unattractive or out of shape man. (Must have heaps of dosh)

I think your mate has the right attitude, ignore it and move on.

[mouse]

You know I have seen this problem for I am heavy and 52 years old. My wife is beautiful, slim and very attractive. We also get he looks, but, the moment they see our beautiful little girl (4 years) and handsome boy (2 years) then everything changes cause, well I guess it is cause we are a family.

If I really cared what they thought then I would be living their lives and not ours.

I must admit however, that in Europe, in was much worse, and that is was the major factor for us to come and live in Thailand.

Third baby is due in four months by the way.

[Sing_Sling]

Quick answer is that it does look dubious, this possibly springs from the notion that the initial attraction between people is the facade, our looks. One cannot judge a persons character from his looks.

Aside from the age issue, how many couples do you see where one party is stunnigly handsome/beautiful and the other completely unattractive? Of course, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but you still seldom see this.

I went out with a very attractive (in my opinion) Thai lady who works for Thai Airways for a long while, our age is similar +/- 6 years, I am an expat with a good income yadda, yadda, yadda.

We still got the same looks from Thais and Caucasians as other mixed couples and the simple solution is not to let it bother you. If it does, then it is a problem.

Disparities in age, height, colour etc . . . will always ilicit diffreing opinions from others.

[Nat]

Quick answer is that it does look dubious, this possibly springs from the notion that the initial attraction between people is the facade, our looks. One cannot judge a persons character from his looks.

Disparities in age, height, colour etc . . . will always ilicit diffreing opinions from others.

Totally agree with this.

The scenario of the 50 year old with the 25 year old reminds me of the joke: "How does a man keep his youth? By giving her money, clothes & diamonds" . Scary thing is many people think this way.

As Sing Sling said it's not really an issue unless the couple involved believe it is. Wish them all the best

[paddy]

It's entirely up to the the couple. If you love someone, who cares what other people think....

[p1p]

Problem is that others' opinions can have a very stressful, wearing effect on the relationship over time. Even if one thinks one doesn't give a monkeys', it can still cause unhappiness.

There is no real answer except trying to dress and look totally unlike a bar girl & her john.

[Guest timbee]

ah, so familiar with this: i'm a 48 year old, who has been told he looks 38, with a 19 year old half-thai daughter who has a successful domestic and international modelling career ... when we go to shopping malls together, people look so disgusted they could spit ... this has been happening ever since she turned 16 (my daughter feels the disgust in their looks just keenly as i do), so we've had a few years to survey and to form responses:

a. she calls me "dad" loudly in her most impeccable english accent

b. we each have a badge saying "father" "daughter"

c. she has a t-shirt saying "wanted: young gorgeous hunks (the old fart's with me)"

mostly we just ignore them, as is righteous. but our concensus is that the most aggressive of the disgusted lookers are men - usually ugly older men out with ugly older wives and children.

it gets much worse when my daughter and i go out with my girlfriend, who is 7 years older than my daughter ... the politer ones ask gf whether she is daughter's older sister ... ...

but the upshot is, in the eyes of most of the local pop, any thai woman with a farang man must be a hooker.

[lopburi3]

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see an overweight 50 year old farang with an attractive 25 year old thai girl in his arms?

Lucky guy?

It is much more common for a young woman to be a wife of an older man here and if the lady does not dress/act like she is from sin city she is likely to be viewed as the wife and a normal couple (at least much more so than in most countries). The view from foreigners however can be much less understanding.

But of course if the gal is really "in his arms" all bets are off.

[Bluecat]

I think this "problem" can happen anywhere and maybe more prevalent in Thailand because more common.

I had a discussion on that on another forum but people IN ANY COUNTRY have difficulty accepting their young girls (or even not that young) dating foreigners

As Timbee said, even walking with his daughter gets him "annoyed" looks,...

I have a 19 years old daughter who is blonde, blue eyes, tall and everybody looks at her but sure not at us or at me. Why, because they assume it is my daughter and they assume Timbee's daughter is her girlfriend.

What can you do about it? Not much, as Lopburi3 said, act as any "normal" (not the right word, I know) couple would,...

[Dove]

I had a very old fashioned girlfriend. I could not hold her arm, I could not hold her hand in public. I could not put my arm around her shoulder. She used to tell me that in my country only prostitutes walk with man like that. Well it really hurt because I relly loved her very much and I wanted her to hold her so much and actually didn't care what the world thought. But I never held her close in public because she didn't want it so in Thailand. It was okay elsewhere though.

Anyway what the ######, I lost her to her parents and to her job when Thaksin took over as Prime Minister and restructured the civil service and made slaves out of them.

[marto]

One cannot judge a persons character from his looks.

Disparities in age, height, colour etc . . . will always ilicit diffreing opinions from others.

I loved your answer. Btw - I spent a lot of time in South Africa. They have invented aparthed and may be it doesnt exist more There are some couples - white guy and colored woman - even they have children. Believe me - the society doesn't таke in them at all! I don't think that in Thailand there is such problem. May be the problem in LOS is that some people think that if you date with Thai GF -she's doing it only for your money... Thai girls are extremely cute, but I have shared with my GF that we - the farangs - are pretty ugly in their standarts - as she says: "Big noses, big ears, big eyes, big... , but you are very good person!" Hmmm - geniralize - I am ugly, good person... Kwazimodo. May be I should ask Thai girls- "Why they start date with farangs?"

[Ulysses G.]

One thing that I always thought was funny, back when I was a teacher, was whenever a Farang woman teacher would visit Pattaya, Inevitably they would come back and tell all the other women about all the pedophiles walking around with "12 and 13 year old girls" all over Pattaya.

I've been there a million times and have never seen anything like this, except, for all the Farang expats going shopping with their half-Thai daughters.

I would try to tell them that, but they knew better; They had seen the documentaries on the BBC!

[Yohan]

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see an overweight 50 year old farang with an attractive 25 year old thai girl in his arms?

.....

I'm a thai girl who grew up in the US so maybe my way of thinking is not the same as some Thais growing up in Thailand

This is the first thing that comes to my mind:

Point 1:

Asian girls like white men.

This is a fact, and some groups like feminists or racists or such people do not like that, but cannot change it.

Point 2:

Your self-description is wrong. You are not a Thai girl, grown up in the USA, but you are an American woman of Asian (Thai) origin.

A Thai girl is grown up in Thailand, and considers Thailand and its way of thinking as a part of her daily life. You said yourself, your thinking is maybe not the same.

Johann

[tutsiwarrior]

interesting discussion...the implication being that any suspect falang in the company of younger thai females must necessarily be on intimate terms. On my next visit to BKK (usually only go with the wife on business or to visit former associates) I shall bring along my 10 year old niece who is developing quite rapidly and frolic along Soi Nana in a completely innnocent way and observe and register the reaction from thai and falang passerby...open and carefree paedophilia in Thailand???

I think not...

[Bluecat]

interesting discussion...the implication being that any suspect falang in the company of younger thai females must necessarily be on intimate terms.

For the "outside" world, unfortunately, this is how it is,...

That it is stupid and unfair does not change anything to that perception.

Like it, don't like it, you have to live with it,...

[tutsiwarrior]

bluecat...no, I don't have to live with their censure...if fact if I see anyone display disgust or horror when I am with my thai niece, I shall cast aside my trench coat to reveal a pump action 12 gauge and let them have it...

(I quite liked the scene in Terminator)

[Bluecat]

if I see anyone display disgust or horror when I am with my thai niece, I shall cast aside my trench coat to reveal a pump action 12 gauge and let them have it...

Disgust or horror, is it because of your niece or because of you?

[tutsiwarrior]

bluecat...you are vile...this thread is not about tutsi's drunken, disheveled, middle-aged appearance

[Gfunk]

First thing i think when i se an old boy with a young fit girly of about 22 is,"thats gonna be me one day" maximum respect bar girl or true love, it dont matter long as ya happy

[Tongdee]

hello Yall

I have been visiting Land of Smile for 20 years. Many young Thai Girls have told me they prefer older men because they are more mature than young men. Less macho stupidity. Not reckless with life limb & $$.Thai girls mature faster than theyre male counterparts and are much more mature than 20ish folung boys most of whom are little more than children in the growing up mode. Older men are more stable emotionally & financially. Got a real kick out of Listening to an neiboring Isreali woman tell me at length about how horrible it was for old guys to be with young Beutiful Thai girls after half hour of politely smilling (Thai style and saying really?, no?, my 20 year old thai Girlfriend showed up for a romp. Be comming back to LOS for years to come. & enjoy the jelous stares of misguide folung puritans who canot accept that other ways than thier own can be a positive thing.

Tongdee of Canada

[Bluecat]

Thai girls mature faster than theyre male counterparts and are much more mature than 20ish folung boys most of whom are little more than children in the growing up mode.

On this, I really, really do not agree.

If there is one country in the world where girls mature more slowly than boys, Thailand is the place,...

[tutsiwarrior]

from my observations of my wife's family it appears that the females 'jump' from a child like appearance to that of an adult...especially when they leave school and are allowed to grow their hair out and leave the school girl tonsure. Butts and tits all seem to develope with rapid speed and they suddenly need to have their own sleeping space and not on the floor in front of the tv with the other kids. It is most disheartening when the little girl that used to give you a cuddle begins to select clothes that show off her assets and becomes distant.

Don't know much about the boys...we ain't got many in the family...

[camel_jockey]

what happens when the woman in your life is older than you, as is my case?I don't care what people say, how they look at us, so long as I am happy(and the wife of course!)

[et33.com]

who cares what others think

one must be aware of their own feelings

if the relationship is true and caring

it's your life isn't it

my policy is

if you had ever love deeply even once

for a short period

truly from your heart

no matter the condition

or the circumstances

or the future outcome

and have no regrets about it

even when it's over

your life had not been in vain

you had indeed lived

oh...

by the way

i am looking for thai gal to be friends

with a view of moving to thailand

write to me...

[chanchao]

ah, so familiar with this: i'm a 48 year old, who has been told he looks 38, with a 19 year old half-thai daughter who has a successful domestic and international modelling career ... when we go to shopping malls together, people look so disgusted they could spit ... this has been happening ever since she turned 16 (my daughter feels the disgust in their looks just keenly as i do), so we've had a few years to survey and to form responses:

a.  she calls me "dad" loudly in her most impeccable english accent

b.  we each have a badge saying "father" "daughter"

c.  she has a t-shirt saying "wanted: young gorgeous hunks (the old fart's with me)"

mostly we just ignore them, as is righteous. but our concensus is that the most aggressive of the disgusted lookers are men - usually ugly older men out with ugly older wives and children.

it gets much worse when my daughter and i go out with my girlfriend, who is 7 years older than my daughter  ... the politer ones ask gf whether she is daughter's older sister ...    ...

but the upshot is, in the eyes of most of the local pop, any thai woman with a farang man must be a hooker.

Loved this post!!!!

Shows the issue in a witty and positive way.

Can I quote it elsewhere if/when the issue comes up (yet again)?

Personally I never ever get looks or comments.. Not here in Thailand, not in Europe and not in the USA when I'm with my girlfriend. What am I / are we doing wrong?

Cheers,

Chanchao

[NedKelly]

Yes the looks do come, but in a way it depends on how you handle yourself in public too. Really I dont give a shit about what others think. they can think all day, but if anyone ever says anything then I will turn and have my say right back.

I find that I dont get too many looks because i probably dont fit the description and if I speak Thai and do all the dealings wherever I am then people look differently at you.

[Spee]

(snippage) .... do most people in Thailand just automatically assumes that she must be a bar girl?

Like the old saying goes: "Assume can sometimes make an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me'."

This is just one of many examples what peoples' preconceived notions of certain situations may be.

For example:

- Is every kid hanging out on an urban street corner, a gun-toting, drug-dealing scumbag? Of course not. Many are just regular kids in a tough environment with very little else to do.

- Is every person leaving a bar at the crack of dawn an alcoholic? Or even drunk? Maybe the latter, but very few of the former. Been there, done that, just don't need it to get through the day.

- Is everyone walking out of church on Sunday a self-righteous, bible-thumping, jesus-freak trying to impose their ways on everyone else? Probably some are, but most are just regular folks doing what they think is right for them and their's.

I've been in enough strange situations to know when someone is staring me down or scoffing at me because of something I am or something I did.

For example:

- As a gaijin living in the orient for a while, I am always a minority and when I go into areas where there are few like me, I am always stared at. So what?

- As someone who has had a few successful ventures in casinos, I've been stared down by many a pit boss while beating a game of blackjack. The trick is to act the opposite of how people expect you to act.

Getting back to your test case, if you get stared down or scoffed at, then you have a few choices. You can get upset which maybe makes you feel bad and them feel good. Or you can act the opposite of what they may expect, like others have suggested, respond back with a native Thai phrase or simply ignore them.

I am just as you described, an older american "honkey" who could drop a pound or two. My Thai GF is also as you describe, young, intelligent and beautiful, and works in a nightclub (though she is not a stereotypical "bar girl").

But the fact that she is beautiful or Thai has nothing to do with it. She fills in most of the blanks for what I look for in a woman:

- young (I want to have children, borderline geezers can be fathers, but not all older women can become mothers)

- intelligent (though not highly educated in the formal sense)

- hard-working

- sensually and sexually attractive (there is a difference IMHO)

- a sense of importance with family and taking care of family

- knows what she wants from life

- engaging and compatible (our personalities click)

- makes me feel special when I am with her

- she is not an american woman

In my case, let people assume what they want to assume. It doesn't affect me or how I feel, and I hope the same is true with my Thai GF.

And if someone wants to make a bigger deal out of it than a simple scoff or running of the lip, then I'm also more than willing to deal with that in the "tutsi-warrior" sense.

[Lourens]

I grew up in a culture where pure white only married pure white and to me that just felt wrong since I had the sence to understand these things. After me and my wife has been married for a year, I decided to take her back to South Africa and introduce her to the family. Now if you thought you got weird looks from others just because you had a beuatiful Thai girl by your side, you should have been there. First of all, her colour wasn't right. What Bulls**t!! Colour has nothing to do with it. Secondly, my wife was 23 at the time (but looking 18) and me 42. Peadophile! We were judged from the first minute we walked off the plane until the day we left. Did this bother me? Not a bit because I love my wife so deeply that nothing will ever seperate me from her. She is intelegent, mature, confident and a helluva looker to boot. I tend to agree with a previous post that implicated that Thai woman mature faster than men. I am a very happy man. We have been married for five years now and have not been back to South Africa since. We will go again but this time just to show our boy the wild life of the fantastic game parks there. In my opinion, farang men married to the right Thai women are some of the luckiest people in the world.

[Khutan]

Tongdee:

I have been visiting Land of Smile for 20 years. Many young Thai Girls have told me they prefer older men because they are more mature than young men. Less macho stupidity. Not reckless with life limb & $$.Thai girls mature faster than theyre male counterparts and are much more mature than 20ish folung boys most of whom are little more than children in the growing up mode. Older men are more stable emotionally & financially

I could not agree more, and the same with Mrs Mattnich, who is leaning over my shoulder.

She is 20 years younger than me and many times better looking. She cannot stand young men for the reasons you have said. But that is her opinion, and what would a 20 odd year old Thai girl know