Thai mothers interaction with children much different from Western women?

[BKK Blues Brother]

I've noticed that when the children are babies and breast feeding Thai mothers are some of the best and most dutiful mothers on the planet.

 

As the children become toddlers and start walking and talking their mothers patience wears thin.

 

When they are school age reading and writing asking questions and exploring life they tend to rely on the father more.

 

What are your experiences bringing up children with a Thai partner?

[Crazy chef 1]

can tell you in 4 months.

[Gonsalviz]

Although I have none myself, it my experience that grandmother raises the children while the mother works.

[ripstanley]

The Ops first sentence is true

His 2nd sentence is is false 

We have a 2 year old who has been walking since 10 months old. My wife is devoted to him. 

[Suradit69]

Do you seriously think all Thai women interact with their children in one culturally inculcated way and all western women deal with their children in a uniform, but markedly non-Thai way?

This, of course, based on your extensive study of a significant sample taken from the millions of women belonging to your "us versus them" grouping of women. This your first time away from home, is it?

 

I'm sure both western women and Thai women interact with their children in a myriad of different ways as individuals and neither set of women follow some set of instructions based on their race or nationality.

[BKK Blues Brother]

^I'm sure both western women and Thai women interact with their children in a myriad of different ways as individuals and neither set of women follow some set of instructions based on their race or nationality.

 

True enough.

 

i was looking for personal experiences of Thai mothers teaching,interacting and talking properly to their children from an early age.

[sdanielmcev]

Not a good title for the answers you want. Unless you're luring the Thai-bashers.

[geronimo]

It all depend on the individual, as with most things. My wife and I both shared the parenting with our two boys. They are both at Uni now and I am lucky that my wife supported me when I got tough with them.

[kurnell]

I'm lucky to get a word in. My msz knows everything.

[ebean001]

My 4 year old is 1/2 Thailand and 1/2 American. It is obvious she has both DNA. My wife sleeps with her even now at age 4. That is bad because she is 1/2 American. This has caused a significant bond between the 2. The child has trouble doing well when mommy is not around. Mommy also makes a huge mistake to tell the child that the child is number 1. This will scar the kid for life. The mother must make sure the father is number one. If not, then the child (girl) will not develop a good relationship later in life with men.
My wife (and most Thai women) are totally clueless with this type of talk.

She insisted in sending the then 3 year old to school 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. Thet is torture for American kids but ok for Thai kids. At age 4 my daughter fights hard not to go to school. she only goes 2 or 3 days a week because she 'hates school'.

You will have trouble raising your child with a thai woman - peroid. Not your fault, not her fault, the fault lies with the child being 1/2 Thai. If I had to do it all over i would have gotten the baby into her bedroom and my wife would not have stayed with her for years - only months at the beginning. It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

[Pungdo]

I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and I agree completely with the OP.

 

I find that Thai women have an extremely short fuse and it is no different when it comes to motherhood, my wife goes rank at our daughter much to my disgust, but that won't change.

 

I cannot convince her, that her violent tirades don't help the situation one bit, when the daughter is crying and very distressed, personally I have never been a hitter.

 

Bam Bam

[Kayahammer]

 It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

 

As with everything. You Americans know best and would not consider another way other than what you know.

 

You lot are fed that Americans are the best, leaders of the free world etc. And you gobble it up.

 

I have nothing against Americans, but your unwavering, usually baseless opinions tend to grate.

 

Thailand is a much more family orientated culture than yours. You only have to look at the divorce and single parent stats to see that.

 

I hope your post was tongue in cheek, but i doubt it as Americans and irony seem to be chalk and cheese.

[does]

I am no expert on the subject, but some people suggesting here that mothers all over th world are different isn't very insightful. I am quite sure there have been studies about the difference between countries in terms of child upbringing, so you can make generalization.

 

One think I have noticed here - Thai toddlers in public places tend to be more quiet (less of a nuisance/less noisy) than in the West. This could have something to do with how Thai mothers deal with their children.

[garyinhuahin]

Yes. Thai mothers interact with children much differently than they interact with Western women.

[garyinhuahin]

 

 It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

 

As with everything. You Americans know best and would not consider another way other than what you know.

 

You lot are fed that Americans are the best, leaders of the free world etc. And you gobble it up.

 

I have nothing against Americans, but your unwavering, usually baseless opinions tend to grate.

 

Thailand is a much more family orientated culture than yours. You only have to look at the divorce and single parent stats to see that.

 

I hope your post was tongue in cheek, but i doubt it as Americans and irony seem to be chalk and cheese.

 

 

The problem with us Americans is that we generalize too much.

[SOTIRIOS]

...sorry to say...primitive...

[kleelof]

My wife is Thai and is dedicated to all 3 of our kids ranging from 6yo to 18yo.

[alpacino]

I agree with OP to a certain point. In my experience toddlers are still being taken very good care of.

 

When they get older though, especially teenagers, most thai mothers have given up on them, and just close their eyes, hope for best. Or rely on the husband to teach the kids how to behave.

[cardinalblue]

I would like to see our 3-year old become more independent from her mom. I wonder how long she will sleep with her mom? She has absolutely no interest in having her own bed and bedroom...

 

I will validate the short fuse my wife has with our child so she heads to me for comfort and support....And yes all my behavioral psy classes now can be effectively applied...

 

emotion (wife) vs reasoning/clear thinking (me)....

 

CB

[KhnomKhnom]

^I'm sure both western women and Thai women interact with their children in a myriad of different ways as individuals and neither set of women follow some set of instructions based on their race or nationality.

 

True enough.

 

i was looking for personal experiences of Thai mothers teaching,interacting and talking properly to their children from an early age.

I have been very close, too close, to watching 5 kids raised from infants to about 15, all Thai people.

The secret is FAMILY.  When there are two or more women around and teen girls, the children will be parented so well the problems just melt away.  Some one of the family will change the kid, another may have a turn feeding, and so on in a non-planned way of sharing duties.

 

The children grow up well adjusted, not demanding stuff, generally off of caffeine drinks, and respect older people.  Not true for single woman alone, granny does parenting, and not true for "modern" Thai middle class who do not live with extended family.  Not true for HiSo with nannies.  I don't know about these categories.

 

Thai poor who are in extended families are excellent rearing children.  Unfortunately, as soon as the MALE kid gets old enuf to ride motorbike, teen-ites (severe rebellion) sets in and males become loose cannon.  FEMALES stick with the good program and remain loyal and helpful to the family, often living near or with, even after marriage.

 

The culture of America, which I also know only, is very different where both parents work, move away from extended families, and dump their spawn onto a day care facility where the kids learn to be video game delinquents even before teenage.  That is why THEY have A.D.D. and many psycho doctors, and Thai has little of that.

[Thaiready]

 It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

 
As with everything. You Americans know best and would not consider another way other than what you know.
 
You lot are fed that Americans are the best, leaders of the free world etc. And you gobble it up.
 
I have nothing against Americans, but your unwavering, usually baseless opinions tend to grate.
 
Thailand is a much more family orientated culture than yours. You only have to look at the divorce and single parent stats to see that.
 
I hope your post was tongue in cheek, but i doubt it as Americans and irony seem to be chalk and cheese.

Talk about a prick......wow

[Minnehaha]

My experience is that one can identify a couple factors. Education level of parents, socio-economic level of parents and family, and functional/dysfunctional nature of the parents family. 

 

All people tend to parent their children similar to the way their parents did it. Of course some decide to do things differently... some decide to do thing completely differently. 

 

Another generalization that holds true across all these factors is the Asian family identity. Your family of origin comes first. Always. Again, there are exceptions, but overall this is true. It has advantages - grandparents and aunts uncles are around to help raise the child. Disadvantages, if they are dysfunctional people / relationships the children can suffer. The amount of sexual abuse done by male relatives in rural areas to young girls is very high. It may be the same in rural America or Russia, I don't know. But I do know this to be true of Thailand.

 

This is the single biggest (problem) issue I hear from expats like myself regarding being in a relationship, married, having children with Thai women.  How to raise the kids. 

 

Being wealthy does not mean a family (Thai included) are any less dysfunctional. But it does usually open doors for education which can be a silver bullet for making a parental relationship more successful. 

 

One thing that bothers me (besides the sex abuse comment above) is how often I see uneducated parents (usually mothers) hit their children for no apparent reason- like when a kid gets fidgety sitting for a long time. Or raise their hand like you would to threaten a dog. I had an ex gf who was from up country and when we would go on long rides I have given my friends neices and nephews coloring books and other toys to occupy their little minds. Why don't Thai parents know to do this? Education. 

[khunPer]

»You will have trouble raising your child with a thai woman - peroid.« ebean001 says in post #10.

 

Not my impression, having a ying luk khrueng – half Thai, half Viking daughter – now 9 years old; but the farang part of the parents may have to take active part in the process and the parents need to talk about and agree how to compromise between two cultures, using the best from both.

 

It is in my opinion also a question of where in the World you expect the child will have the future, in Thailand or in Farangland…?

If Thailand then Thai behavior and culture is important, if abroad then it may be beneficial not to behave too much Thai-way-of-thinking…

 

So far it seems like we are doing fairly well, can tell if we succeeded 5 or 10 more years from now. 

 

Agree in that it’s not without challenge to raise a dual culture child, however I think it’s also “not without challenge” to raise a single culture child… 

[brd]

I am raising for ten years three boys in Thailand.
The first one I took over from grandparents being my step son when he was 4 years old so free to do what ever my own wife said he is a buffalo he took us 5 years to educate him as a boy after having been treated as a pet.
the second boy the grandmother after one year caring for him to my expense the father was kicked out from our live.( the grand father tried to take over from my father hood and was ejected promptly ! ).
I had to become the usual smiling at so much farang ATM to suit their selfish derelict needs.
the third one after one month I did communicate with him, no other influences than my wife and myself and since we are a team the other brother asking why he does love papa so much and admitting he is the brightest ( why because I do teach him right and wrong he is not free to be an animal ).
As per now with my presence and NO siblings live is better with my wife accepting to educate good boys it is very tiring.
In conclusion all the kids under Thai culture sent to grd parents are not educated are their entertainments and bread and breakfast from the mother financing the food because they remain pets all their life...to play..play....no discipline...no listening...arrogant to act free for all anything never heard a no.
The first two years no difference between pets and kids and in Thailand under the Thai culture too many remain pets during their even adults life explaining the relationship with women not trusting them at all.
It is a sad reality I have survived from putting my foot down firmly to the breaking point if necessary but my wife got the message and herself after ten years hammered by my words and acts can progressively change OTHERS CAN NOT also are very LAZY included.
I can advise now anyone to do not waste your time in Thailand ( my ways as I am told I am part of the less than 5 or even 1 % percent keen to do the right things with our family life and looking for quality kids ) this is the place to play as everyone is against you throwing coconuts on your head and refusing your knowledgeable background because they are superior,always so tired too hot and happy living without consumers goods but smiling a lot for survival..
If dead people do not know they are dead and others around are hurt same same with stupid people they do not know they are stupid and everyone around is hurt.
Good luck is a gift from God after long years of hard work provided.
The New Thai Army so smart General Prayuth Chan-Ocha is shaking up SO RIGHTly each parts of the Thai society it is a pleasure to witness it.

[brd]

It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

 
As with everything. You Americans know best and would not consider another way other than what you know.
 
You lot are fed that Americans are the best, leaders of the free world etc. And you gobble it up.
 
I have nothing against Americans, but your unwavering, usually baseless opinions tend to grate.
 
Thailand is a much more family orientated culture than yours. You only have to look at the divorce and single parent stats to see that.
 
I hope your post was tongue in cheek, but i doubt it as Americans and irony seem to be chalk and cheese.

dear dear USA was nothing 240 years ago and look where they are today compared to the world though follow the leaders and the dogs won't bite you. American education had made mistakes and they learn from their mistakes being bright and competitive. Nothing can be compared to Thai culture where parents are not together for long with grd parents taking over ( for convenience and cheaper ) all kids are raised as pets ( never heard NO and free to do it all ) that are facts of life we discover quickly by ourselves. The sabai sabai ( i hear a lot less recent years ) is ideal for tourists tired from their own country so hard working basically but can not be a lifestyle. Open your eyes, learn from foreigners and listen to your new so smart leader Thai Army General Prayuth Chan-Ocha working hard with Thailand turning an important page in history thanks to him and looking for more from him for the Thai Nation.

[rethaier]

We have 3 children aged 19, 11 and 9 and my wife is devoted to all of them and helps with everything to the point that sometimes I think it is too much.  She does have a short fuse but when the fire dies down she is all lovey dovey again.  I do however think that two very important things that should be taught seem to be neglected, especially with the boys.  Those two things are self suffiency and independence.  They depend on mum for everything and I cannot change her thinking or her ways.

[Thai at Heart]

My 4 year old is 1/2 Thailand and 1/2 American. It is obvious she has both DNA. My wife sleeps with her even now at age 4. That is bad because she is 1/2 American. This has caused a significant bond between the 2. The child has trouble doing well when mommy is not around. Mommy also makes a huge mistake to tell the child that the child is number 1. This will scar the kid for life. The mother must make sure the father is number one. If not, then the child (girl) will not develop a good relationship later in life with men.
My wife (and most Thai women) are totally clueless with this type of talk.

She insisted in sending the then 3 year old to school 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. Thet is torture for American kids but ok for Thai kids. At age 4 my daughter fights hard not to go to school. she only goes 2 or 3 days a week because she 'hates school'.

You will have trouble raising your child with a thai woman - peroid. Not your fault, not her fault, the fault lies with the child being 1/2 Thai. If I had to do it all over i would have gotten the baby into her bedroom and my wife would not have stayed with her for years - only months at the beginning. It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

What a load of nonsense.

[socksy01]

I short. Uselss mother and useless ex-wife but not when I met her.

[kleelof]

 

My 4 year old is 1/2 Thailand and 1/2 American. It is obvious she has both DNA. My wife sleeps with her even now at age 4. That is bad because she is 1/2 American. This has caused a significant bond between the 2. The child has trouble doing well when mommy is not around. Mommy also makes a huge mistake to tell the child that the child is number 1. This will scar the kid for life. The mother must make sure the father is number one. If not, then the child (girl) will not develop a good relationship later in life with men.
My wife (and most Thai women) are totally clueless with this type of talk.

She insisted in sending the then 3 year old to school 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. Thet is torture for American kids but ok for Thai kids. At age 4 my daughter fights hard not to go to school. she only goes 2 or 3 days a week because she 'hates school'.

You will have trouble raising your child with a thai woman - peroid. Not your fault, not her fault, the fault lies with the child being 1/2 Thai. If I had to do it all over i would have gotten the baby into her bedroom and my wife would not have stayed with her for years - only months at the beginning. It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

What a load of nonsense.

 

It's a double-load of crap.

 

It is incredible how this site seems to attract the most uneducated(about Thailand and, apparently, people in general) dredge you can find. And I don't mean just ebeam001, but SO MANY of the people who have commented here.

 

I have a 6 y.o. daughter.

 

When she was born, her mother stayed home with here for 2 years. Until she was about 4 1/2 years old, she only ever slept in our room, quite often in our bed. I was happy about this. I think it is much more natural and healthy than the Western idea of sticking the kids alone in a room. Despite this time with us, when it came time for her to start sleeping in her own room, there were no issues. And when she goes to stay with her grandmother or cousins there are never any 'attachment' type issues. She is happy to go. And, in fact, can go a week or more without even talking to me on the phone. (I miss her more apparently. Perhaps I have the attachment issues.)

 

I hardly spoke English with her until she was 2 years old.(Not sure why really.). Now, at 6, she can speak English at least as well as any of my friends 1/2-1/2 kids or the ones I teach at school, that is to say, fluently. And, she gets higher grades in Thai than all of her classmates.(Okie, this is unrelated, just wanted to brag. )

 

As far as culture goes. I have always encouraged her to be Thai. Sawadee older people and teachers, say 'ka', go to the Wat..the whole kit and kaboodle. Yet, she has none of these bad habits people above are saying come with learning Thai culture. She works hard(housework, homework) she is as independent as any American 6.yo(I'm American). The only American culture she has gotten has come in the occasional question about 'Merica (how she says it), Simpsons and a few other American T.V. shows she likes to watch. Personally, I think trying to force your kids to be Farang can be detrimental. I believe it can make them self-conscious of their Thainess and hinder their ability to bond with friends and other Thais they are around. 

 

Now, I know FOR A FACT, there is nothing special going on here. I have many friends with kids and, with the exception of 1, none of them have had any of the types of issues people have posted here. And, I'm certain, most Farang with kids here have had an experience more similar to what I have written here.

 

I suspect the people above who are being so critical of their Thai wives and their families are just inflexible and unable to adjust to Thailand. As someone above said, you and your wife have to be a team. And if your wife does not have the skills to do this, then you have to make it happen. This is what I did. My wife came from an abusive marriage and I had to teach her the skills to function in a give and take, equal relationship.

 

For those of you with the problems like above, and are open to some advice: Don't take teaching your kids to be Farang so serious. Don't criticize Thais and Thailand around your kids. Remember, it is their country and, despite your efforts, they will always be Thai before being Farang. Be a good father, spend time with them, monitor their schoolwork....Really, this is enough to raise a child you will be proud of. Focus on teaching them to be a good and responsible human being. Everything else will come on its own.

[Thai at Heart]

 

 

My 4 year old is 1/2 Thailand and 1/2 American. It is obvious she has both DNA. My wife sleeps with her even now at age 4. That is bad because she is 1/2 American. This has caused a significant bond between the 2. The child has trouble doing well when mommy is not around. Mommy also makes a huge mistake to tell the child that the child is number 1. This will scar the kid for life. The mother must make sure the father is number one. If not, then the child (girl) will not develop a good relationship later in life with men.
My wife (and most Thai women) are totally clueless with this type of talk.

She insisted in sending the then 3 year old to school 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. Thet is torture for American kids but ok for Thai kids. At age 4 my daughter fights hard not to go to school. she only goes 2 or 3 days a week because she 'hates school'.

You will have trouble raising your child with a thai woman - peroid. Not your fault, not her fault, the fault lies with the child being 1/2 Thai. If I had to do it all over i would have gotten the baby into her bedroom and my wife would not have stayed with her for years - only months at the beginning. It seems to me, we Americans know much more about raising children. Enough..

What a load of nonsense.

 

It's a double-load of crap.

 

It is incredible how this site seems to attract the most uneducated(about Thailand and, apparently, people in general) dredge you can find. And I don't mean just ebeam001, but SO MANY of the people who have commented here.

 

I have a 6 y.o. daughter.

 

When she was born, her mother stayed home with here for 2 years. Until she was about 4 1/2 years old, she only ever slept in our room, quite often in our bed. I was happy about this. I think it is much more natural and healthy than the Western idea of sticking the kids alone in a room. Despite this time with us, when it came time for her to start sleeping in her own room, there were no issues. And when she goes to stay with her grandmother or cousins there are never any 'attachment' type issues. She is happy to go. And, in fact, can go a week or more without even talking to me on the phone. (I miss her more apparently. Perhaps I have the attachment issues.)

 

I hardly spoke English with her until she was 2 years old.(Not sure why really.). Now, at 6, she can speak English at least as well as any of my friends 1/2-1/2 kids or the ones I teach at school, that is to say, fluently. And, she gets higher grades in Thai than all of her classmates.(Okie, this is unrelated, just wanted to brag. )

 

As far as culture goes. I have always encouraged her to be Thai. Sawadee older people and teachers, say 'ka', go to the Wat..the whole kit and kaboodle. Yet, she has none of these bad habits people above are saying come with learning Thai culture. She works hard(housework, homework) she is as independent as any American 6.yo(I'm American). The only American culture she has gotten has come in the occasional question about 'Merica (how she says it), Simpsons and a few other American T.V. shows she likes to watch. Personally, I think trying to force your kids to be Farang can be detrimental. I believe it can make them self-conscious of their Thainess and hinder their ability to bond with friends and other Thais they are around. 

 

Now, I know FOR A FACT, there is nothing special going on here. I have many friends with kids and, with the exception of 1, none of them have had any of the types of issues people have posted here. And, I'm certain, most Farang with kids here have had an experience more similar to what I have written here.

 

I suspect the people above who are being so critical of their Thai wives and their families are just inflexible and unable to adjust to Thailand. As someone above said, you and your wife have to be a team. And if your wife does not have the skills to do this, then you have to make it happen. This is what I did. My wife came from an abusive marriage and I had to teach her the skills to function in a give and take, equal relationship.

 

For those of you with the problems like above, and are open to some advice: Don't take teaching your kids to be Farang so serious. Don't criticize Thais and Thailand around your kids. Remember, it is their country and, despite your efforts, they will always be Thai before being Farang. Be a good father, spend time with them, monitor their schoolwork....Really, this is enough to raise a child you will be proud of. Focus on teaching them to be a good and responsible human being. Everything else will come on its own.

 

 

 

There is no hard and fast way to do anything, and there is good and bad in both stereotypical ways.  I encouraged my kids to be happy and embrace being a luuk kreung.  2 languages, 2 families.  My wife is excellent, but she knows Thai culture isn't perfect, as I do about foreign culture.  But take the best of both and its all good fun.    My kids slip seamlessly between both languages and cultures.