See it, want it, take it! acceptable in this culture?

[willyumiii]

I have a problem where people seem to help themselves to anything and just about everything they want, without asking.

They see it, they want it, they take it!

It can be the fruit off the trees I grow,

vegetables from the garden I plant and tend,

tools, garden and otherwise...

It seems that things that are not locked up or hidden....

end up at someone else's house if they are not totally consumed first.

My Thai wife tells me " Don't worry about it. That is how people are here!.

Where I come from, it is called theft.

I get the impression from my wife that this is acceptable behavior in Thailand.

I will admit that I never have a problem getting my tools back, once I determine who's house they are at.

I guess that's nice!

I'd also like to state that I am a pretty nice guy and never refuse anyone who wants to borrow something or even needs food....if they ask first!

This has been a point of stress for me for years now and I was just wondering if it is a common occurrence here and really is acceptable to Thai people.

Anyone else have similar experience?

Edited August 28, 2014 by willyumiii

[Halfie]

Remember, here you're considered wealthy. The thinking is you're rich, you can buy new. It won't hurt you.

[CharlieH]

In a village scenario, is that theft or simply sharing ?

A non spoken agreement or acceptable agreement passed down over time, that people in a community share things ?

Just a thought.

[chiang mai]

It's pointless and expensive to accumulate "stuff" that sits around being unused for 95% of the year, let somebody else use, why not.

But I agree, it would be nice if on occasion they would ask, even nicer if they would return once in a while, mai pen rai.

[Cuddlycat]

I am Thai and I disagree that this is the way we are. It really depends on the person.

I did not have that problem yet. But if I had the same problem as you and I need my tool back, I'll simply explain that I will be much appreciated if they ask before they take it away from me.

[Gecko123]

That's a new one on me.

In 11 years of living in my village, the only thing that's ever happened along these lines is a couple of times I've caught neighbor kids helping themselves to mangoes when they're in season. Help yourself to anything you please definitely is not the status quo where I live.

I think you need to get your wife to lay down the law.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Gecko123

[Costas2008]

OP, I have the same problem exactly.

If they see it, they want it and they take it.

Always, try to hide my personal belongings, but they know were to find it and take it.

Some of us, as Mr CharlieH, said before, have to share, with other people and never leave anybody disappointed.

[96tehtarp]

OK I'll bite.

All of my stuff is loaned to everyone all of the time. This includes tools, power tools, digital cameras, mobile phone charges, and spare phones, stepladders, pesticide sprayers, and extension cords and sprinkler hoses. Most of the stuff is only returned after it is broken or about to break. I think my wife feels that being generous earns good karma and makes for good "face".

My wife sells all of our extra fruits, vegetables and coconuts. People don't take it for free as much as they did before she started selling to them. Prior to her selling it we did have a constant flow of neighbors and family coming by to help themselves.

How to I deal with this? I borrow from the neighbors everything I can whenever possible. They are very good about this.

Getting angry about it is not helpful as resistance is futile. It's just the way things are and it's not really that bad actually.

Edited August 28, 2014 by 96tehtarp

[ttthailand]

Planted some really expensive sweet corn seeds a few years back. The corn grew very nicely and looked great. One day looking at the corn and thinking its ready and tomorrow I am going to bring the family and start picking. Next day came and 90% of the corn was already gone.... So I picked the remaining and knocked the lot down... Never again grew anything .... Screw them !!!

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night. Seems like if you don't keep an eye on it it is fair game. Most farmers sleep in their fields when the crop is near time for picking.

[buhi]

OK I'll bite.

All of my stuff is loaned to everyone all of the time. This includes tools, power tools, digital cameras, mobile phone charges, and spare phones, stepladders, pesticide sprayers, and extension cords and sprinkler hoses. Most of the stuff is only returned after it is broken or about to break. I think my wife feels that being generous earns good karma and makes for good "face".

My wife sells all of our extra fruits, vegetables and coconuts. People don't take it for free as much as they did before she started selling to them. Prior to her selling it we did have a constant flow of neighbors and family coming by to help themselves.

How to I deal with this? I borrow from the neighbors everything I can whenever possible. They are very good about this.

Getting angry about it is not helpful as resistance is futile. It's just the way things are and it's not really that bad actually.

I recall a recent case of borrowed remote controls; this explainsit!

[GuestHouse]

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night.

Which reveals the "Bend-Over-And-Take-Whatever-Thai-People-Thrust-Up-Your-Orifice" explanation that its all about some cosy village culture of sharing to be a misinterpretation of theft.

If it was above board, they'd not sneak in an thieve it all at night.

[teatree]

OP, are you in a rural area of Issarn? I have heard stories similar to yours happening in Issarn.

[JockPieandBeans]

OK I'll bite.

All of my stuff is loaned to everyone all of the time. This includes tools, power tools, digital cameras, mobile phone charges, and spare phones, stepladders, pesticide sprayers, and extension cords and sprinkler hoses. Most of the stuff is only returned after it is broken or about to break. I think my wife feels that being generous earns good karma and makes for good "face".

My wife sells all of our extra fruits, vegetables and coconuts. People don't take it for free as much as they did before she started selling to them. Prior to her selling it we did have a constant flow of neighbors and family coming by to help themselves.

How to I deal with this? I borrow from the neighbors everything I can whenever possible. They are very good about this.

Getting angry about it is not helpful as resistance is futile. It's just the way things are and it's not really that bad actually.

I recall a recent case of borrowed remote controls; this explainsit!

The mysterious case of the missing remotes solved. Well done Sherlock

[Berkshire]

In a village scenario, is that theft or simply sharing ?

A non spoken agreement or acceptable agreement passed down over time, that people in a community share things ?

Just a thought.

That was my first thought, the typical "village life" or "commune living." I'm a city guy, so wouldn't know much about that. In the city, or even the suburbs, there's not a whole lot of "borrowing" going on.

[96tehtarp]

Planted some really expensive sweet corn seeds a few years back. The corn grew very nicely and looked great. One day looking at the corn and thinking its ready and tomorrow I am going to bring the family and start picking. Next day came and 90% of the corn was already gone.... So I picked the remaining and knocked the lot down... Never again grew anything .... Screw them !!!

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night. Seems like if you don't keep an eye on it it is fair game. Most farmers sleep in their fields when the crop is near time for picking.

I see two things going on here. One is outright stealing, the other is borrowing/loaning and sharing. Sometimes the differences get blurry.

As CharlieH pointed out sharing is a thing that we rural folk do. It's give and take. I feel better about the entire arrangement after I take other people's stuff or borrow it. I quit buying hand tools and power-tools years ago after I found out I could borrow anything I needed, including an arc-welding machine and cement mixer. It's sort of expected. It's Thai rak Thai. (pardon the pun).

Outright burglary is very common in Thailand and is not specific to Isaan. A neighbor of mine went to his paddy to harvest his 30 rai to find a thief driving a combine in the act of stealing the rice. Thieves will steal clothes off the clothesline, fish from the fishponds, and fighting cocks from their coops.

I often wondered why the mom and pop Chinese mercantile shops don't normally allow customers to browse their store's shelves. One places one's order and a runner fetches the goods. Reason: shoplifting.

edited to add location: rural

Edited August 28, 2014 by 96tehtarp

[YeahSiam]

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night.

Which reveals the "Bend-Over-And-Take-Whatever-Thai-People-Thrust-Up-Your-Orifice" explanation that its all about some cosy village culture of sharing to be a misinterpretation of theft.

If it was above board, they'd not sneak in an thieve it all at night.

Precisely

The OP's neighbours are taking the piss out of him and his wife knows it.

She just doesn't want to be seen as stingy or selfish - her face in the community may be more important to her than her husband's perfectly reasonable but somewhat inconvenient sense of good manners.

[Munger]

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night.

Which reveals the "Bend-Over-And-Take-Whatever-Thai-People-Thrust-Up-Your-Orifice" explanation that its all about some cosy village culture of sharing to be a misinterpretation of theft.

If it was above board, they'd not sneak in an thieve it all at night.

Precisely

The OP's neighbours are taking the piss out of him and his wife knows it.

She just doesn't want to be seen as stingy or selfish - her face in the community may be more important to her than her husband's perfectly reasonable but somewhat inconvenient sense of good manners.

YUP, its a piss take from the thieves, but the Thai apologists will say it is "simply sharing"

[96tehtarp]

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night.

Which reveals the "Bend-Over-And-Take-Whatever-Thai-People-Thrust-Up-Your-Orifice" explanation that its all about some cosy village culture of sharing to be a misinterpretation of theft.

If it was above board, they'd not sneak in an thieve it all at night.

Precisely

The OP's neighbours are taking the piss out of him and his wife knows it.

She just doesn't want to be seen as stingy or selfish - her face in the community may be more important to her than her husband's perfectly reasonable but somewhat inconvenient sense of good manners.

YUP, its a piss take from the thieves, but the Thai apologists will say it is "simply sharing"

It is simply sharing, however what comes in to play here is the "pecking order", or the wife's priorities. This is a hard nut to crack.

It's not at all unusual for the farang husband to sit at the bottom of the long list after: parents, siblings, cousins, other family members, friends, neighbors, strangers, pets, soi dogs, rats and stray cats, mice, cockroaches, worms, and ants. Yes it happens, and when it does happen if it drives a man crazy there is not much he can do other than deal with it or move on.

[YeahSiam]

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night.

Which reveals the "Bend-Over-And-Take-Whatever-Thai-People-Thrust-Up-Your-Orifice" explanation that its all about some cosy village culture of sharing to be a misinterpretation of theft.

If it was above board, they'd not sneak in an thieve it all at night.

Precisely

The OP's neighbours are taking the piss out of him and his wife knows it.

She just doesn't want to be seen as stingy or selfish - her face in the community may be more important to her than her husband's perfectly reasonable but somewhat inconvenient sense of good manners.

YUP, its a piss take from the thieves, but the Thai apologists will say it is "simply sharing"

Yes I wonder if the "sharers" would borrow fruit, vegetables, power tools and the like from property belonging to the Thai headmaster of the local school, the Thai local doctor or the local bigshot businessman.

I doubt it, somehow.

[chiang mai]

Found out later that the entire village basically took what they wanted during the night.

Which reveals the "Bend-Over-And-Take-Whatever-Thai-People-Thrust-Up-Your-Orifice" explanation that its all about some cosy village culture of sharing to be a misinterpretation of theft.

If it was above board, they'd not sneak in an thieve it all at night.

Precisely

The OP's neighbours are taking the piss out of him and his wife knows it.

She just doesn't want to be seen as stingy or selfish - her face in the community may be more important to her than her husband's perfectly reasonable but somewhat inconvenient sense of good manners.

YUP, its a piss take from the thieves, but the Thai apologists will say it is "simply sharing"

And your extensive experience of rural Thai culture amounts to what?

[h90]

in many European countries stealing food wasn't stealing. The laws just changed recently, because now everyone is rich enough to buy food.

[96tehtarp]

Yes I wonder if the "sharers" would borrow fruit, vegetables, power tools and the like from property belonging to the Thai headmaster of the local school, the Thai local doctor or the local bigshot businessman.

I doubt it, somehow.

That depends on how much Kreng Jai the person giving the loan or sharing is due. Normally it starts with one's wife/GF. Kreng Jai starts at home and if it goes wrong on can end up being used as a doormat/ATM.

[thailiketoo]

I lived in a close knit farming community in the States and that was also common there although most folks asked. Once I mentioned I'd like to make a running path around my place (500 acres) and the next morning a bulldozer showed up in my driveway.

It's understandable that you non American/farmer city folks would think this odd behavior. My dog here however lets me know if anyone is on my property 24/7 so I don't have that problem.

Edited August 28, 2014 by thailiketoo

[ratcatcher]

In a village scenario, is that theft or simply sharing ?

A non spoken agreement or acceptable agreement passed down over time, that people in a community share things ?

Just a thought.

When we are at our home upcountry, Phichit area, I would gladly welcome neighborhood visitors if they are willing to come round behindf the house and sit and have a beer. BTW I have a small dog wandering round, like the one in your avatar,. perhaps that's why they never steal?

[aussiebebe]

I live in a condo in Bangkok and borrowing things without asking first is indeed theft. Before you pity me for living in a condo and not being able to grow things, a few months ago, I got chatting with a Thai colleague at work about different types of salad. As a gesture, I made him a Greek salad to try. When he returned the box, washed, he filled it with really nice Thai fruits. That's Thai culture.

Edited August 28, 2014 by aussiebebe

[samran]

Here is a hint. Don't live with hillbillies and this won't be a problem.

[In Search of Space]

OK I'll bite.

All of my stuff is loaned to everyone all of the time. This includes tools, power tools, digital cameras, mobile phone charges, and spare phones, stepladders, pesticide sprayers, and extension cords and sprinkler hoses. Most of the stuff is only returned after it is broken or about to break. I think my wife feels that being generous earns good karma and makes for good "face".

My wife sells all of our extra fruits, vegetables and coconuts. People don't take it for free as much as they did before she started selling to them. Prior to her selling it we did have a constant flow of neighbors and family coming by to help themselves.

How to I deal with this? I borrow from the neighbors everything I can whenever possible. They are very good about this.

Getting angry about it is not helpful as resistance is futile. It's just the way things are and it's not really that bad actually.

I recall a recent case of borrowed remote controls; this explainsit!

But the remote controls would have been returned if he had offered his wife in exchange

Edited August 28, 2014 by In Search of Space

[nidieunimaitre]

We had to stop growing orange colored flowers in our garden.[/i]

We have a neighbour that covers herself in lucky amulets and spends all her families money on merit making.[/i]

See the connection?

[nidieunimaitre]

6 years ago, my wife (ex dressmaker in BKK) and I moved to the country side.

With no farming experience we now grow lots of vegetables, flowers, herbs - more than enough for us, so we have no problem in sharing.

But it would be nice if people asked first.

And I wonder, why don't they grow those things themselves?

[draftvader]

Here is a hint. Don't live with hillbillies and this won't be a problem.

Couldn't you have waited another couple of pages before saying it as it is. Typical Samran cutting down good reading just for the truth.

If one of my suburban neighbours "borrowed" something from me I'd smile, walk into their house, take their car keys and "borrow" their car.

2 reasons why I say this. 1, they're all much older than me so wouldn't pose a threat. 2, and far more important, I have worked gently to engender mutual respect so it will never actually come to it.

Now if I can just stop the generous rotters from buying our little girl presents....