The Expat Divide...

[Strangebrew]

Dear ventilating VillageFarang

I hear your loquacious lament

And raise you a dismaying dejection!

If only expats exuded

Gracious garrulous goodwill

It would be a wonderful world!

Instead, tenaciously taciturn,

They leave us wistfully wishing

For more sociable society.

I say verily, VillageFarang:

Careful for what we wish

When some of these guys take to talking, we'll wish they'd shut the furk up!

T

[Strangebrew]

Here here almost peed my pants well said.

[CMCMANGOMAN]

A couple of thoughts here. After reading most of the comments up to this point I've arrived at a few conclusions.

1st, many of us read or comment in a humorous way because it's good to laugh and mostly the Thais don't get our jokes. So it's an outlet for many of us guys.

2nd, as for those fellas saying that many guys on here are old bitter farts with nothing better to do than denigrate people... Well, then I say, those people saying this have not spent much time in the company of regular men in relaxed group settings. Look, men are rough. Men are gregarious. Men have testosterone. It's what makes men, MEN. Not every man in Thailand is on the same journey. We are not all cut from the same Caucasian cloth! We all have our experiences and as such, attitudes shaped by those experiences. This makes the expat community in Thailand a melting pot. And that's a positive thing in my opinion.

3rd, there is coming a day, very soon I'm sure, that Thailand will turn against the whole lot of us expats; regardless of country of origin. This will require us to join together as brothers and walk in lockstep as long as possible. We may not win the fight in the end but our collective voices will be heard and we will have shown that we really do care about our fellow expat.

I am ready and prepared for this eventuallity in Thailand. I will stand and help defend my expat brothers when that time comes. I'm resigned to it. I'm committed. I am an expat. Are you?

[AYJAYDEE]

A couple of thoughts here. After reading most of the comments up to this point I've arrived at a few conclusions.

1st, many of us read or comment in a humorous way because it's good to laugh and mostly the Thais don't get our jokes. So it's an outlet for many of us guys.

2nd, as for those fellas saying that many guys on here are old bitter farts with nothing better to do than denigrate people... Well, then I say, those people saying this have not spent much time in the company of regular men in relaxed group settings. Look, men are rough. Men are gregarious. Men have testosterone. It's what makes men, MEN. Not every man in Thailand is on the same journey. We are not all cut from the same Caucasian cloth! We all have our experiences and as such, attitudes shaped by those experiences. This makes the expat community in Thailand a melting pot. And that's a positive thing in my opinion.

3rd, there is coming a day, very soon I'm sure, that Thailand will turn against the whole lot of us expats; regardless of country of origin. This will require us to join together as brothers and walk in lockstep as long as possible. We may not win the fight in the end but our collective voices will be heard and we will have shown that we really do care about our fellow expat.

I am ready and prepared for this eventuallity in Thailand. I will stand and help defend my expat brothers when that time comes. I'm resigned to it. I'm committed. I am an expat. Are you?

LOL! I literally was going to ask you if youd ever met john wayne and then i saw your avatar! what a load of..................

[cooked]

Do you really need to say hello? to every stranger you pass? Is it a divide? nah if you took the time to say hi to every stranger you never have time to do what you want to do.. I'm not here to live to what you want nor are to live to what I want. You may get a hello or a nod, But don't expect I'm going to take you under my wing. After all why are most of us here? to get away from where we were. That and that nasty ex oops sorry off topic. But don't take it as personal we all are different yet the same. allow the space and from time to time others will enter your space. Like myself Thai Chi is my inner peace and found many others in same space. Go about doing things in life you enjoy and you will find others liked minded.

Well there you go, some of us only see a Farang or two when we go shopping. The others that live in my village are hiding. In my small mountain village in Switzerland it was considered an insult not to reply to a greeting, guys would stop their tractors. here it is the opposite, Russians won't say hello according to my son, and I know that Brits weren't either, I used to be one. Badly dragged up.

[cooked]

I have a pet peeve about expats, those who have lived here for five years or more and speak a total of 100 words using poor grammar. These tend to be but not exclusively the same people who say; "they come here to my country and can't speak any English"

yes right, I learnt an additional two languages plus a difficult dialect in my youth, no problem. I went to a foreign country and learnt. At the age of 66 after three years of work I am beginning to understand how the Thai alphabet works and have a vocab of about five hundred words, mostly to do with plants and animals. With respect I find your peeve is a bit arrogant if you don't mind me bloody well SAYING SO.

[cooked]

When is your first novel being published?

Apparently you have an attention span lesser than that of a goldfish.

Edited September 4, 2014 by cooked

[NativeSon360]

I go to Thailand to be with my family members, who are Thai. Unfortunately, most farang I encounter fit the negative stereotype. They are swilling down beer at 9:00 a.m.; they think every Thai woman is for sale; and they are loud, sweaty, and arrogant. This is, of course, a stereotype and not all farang are like this. I just don't encounter as many away from the typical tourist haunts. As more move to our part of Isaan, I'm sure I'll encounter one or two with whom I might care to associate.

Hey Dream Lover! I don't know what planet Earth you've been living on, but after 50-years of traveling throughout Asia, I have yet to meet an (even the most educated & refined) Asian woman, who was not "4-Sale" , in some-way, shape or form. That is the nature of the (Therava-dictated) beast in Thailand. Do yourself a real big favor by taking-off those rose-colored glasses you're wearing. FYI ~ your Thai family would have had absolutely nothing to do with you (your wife included), if you were not seriously bringing something of value to Thai (Isaan Family) round-table. Have a cup of coffee, for a change, and wake-up to reality for heaven sake, man.

Edited September 4, 2014 by NativeSon360

[benalibina]

I wasnt without a fair amount of trepidation when considering whether or not to post this. So you can imagine how pleased I am with the results, in the form of so many thoughtful replies and shared experiences.

I ran out of Likes before retiring last night but would still like to show my appreciation for all your comments. Having started this I feel it is my responsibility to read each and every post, even those from the Twitter types who think nothing should be longer than 140 characters.

I like ThaiVisa and this topic has illustrated why. In my opinion it is a small but very vocal minority who attempt to give this forum a bad name. By ignoring the Trolls and being respectful of those we disagree with, things dont have to degenerate into name calling.

Thank you for all your time and effort put forth to read and respond to this topic.

IMO there is no divide, just diversity. This like somebody else stated previously. In all my years living and coming in Thailand i have spoken to hundreds of expats in various stages of their life. Honestly i can say that i can say that i have met only a handfull who i could trust , based on my parameters....honesty, reliability and integrity. This in the province and in touristlocations. Those people where the onces who did not need alcohol during the day. Especially the elder guys living in the province where the ones who were the most emotionally unstable persons IMO because they got married and built the house near the inlaws. This has been my personal observation so i am for sure not trying to generalize. When joining this forum i subconsciously see the way many members post. I not specifically refer to the twitterposters, thanks for the word btw. I see with some the hypocrisy, and total lack of selfawareness in their posts and topics. There was even a member who personally attacked me on a nasty way and some days later started a topic about the same subject, to stop nasty comments and vile personal attacks !! I just laughed and refrained from commenting on that topic. True colours always come out and not even at the end !

Best of luck OP, nice topic to read.

[sixlegs]

When I arrived here 5 years ago I was all positive towards other foreigners. But honestly reading these boards and encountering them as they ignore all polite greetings makes one to keep the distance and to be very cautious when interacting with them.

I haven't been here long enough to see the reason why it developed this way but I noticed that the older or more experienced expats are very hostile against the "newcomers". And I'm not talking about carelessness or the "why should I bother" attitude. It's genuine hostility. But to be honest, it was the same where I came from and that's why I left it for good for the first place.

Maybe it is some kind of egocentric self-centered "farangness" that even farangs themselves cannot comprehend and cannot leave at "home".

[ryanhull]

You need to get out more.... Who smiles and nods at someone they don't know?

[NeverSure]

I wasnt without a fair amount of trepidation when considering whether or not to post this. So you can imagine how pleased I am with the results, in the form of so many thoughtful replies and shared experiences.

I ran out of Likes before retiring last night but would still like to show my appreciation for all your comments. Having started this I feel it is my responsibility to read each and every post, even those from the Twitter types who think nothing should be longer than 140 characters.

I like ThaiVisa and this topic has illustrated why. In my opinion it is a small but very vocal minority who attempt to give this forum a bad name. By ignoring the Trolls and being respectful of those we disagree with, things dont have to degenerate into name calling.

Thank you for all your time and effort put forth to read and respond to this topic.

IMO there is no divide, just diversity. This like somebody else stated previously. In all my years living and coming in Thailand i have spoken to hundreds of expats in various stages of their life. Honestly i can say that i can say that i have met only a handfull who i could trust , based on my parameters....honesty, reliability and integrity. This in the province and in touristlocations. Those people where the onces who did not need alcohol during the day. Especially the elder guys living in the province where the ones who were the most emotionally unstable persons IMO because they got married and built the house near the inlaws. This has been my personal observation so i am for sure not trying to generalize. When joining this forum i subconsciously see the way many members post. I not specifically refer to the twitterposters, thanks for the word btw. I see with some the hypocrisy, and total lack of selfawareness in their posts and topics. There was even a member who personally attacked me on a nasty way and some days later started a topic about the same subject, to stop nasty comments and vile personal attacks !! I just laughed and refrained from commenting on that topic. True colours always come out and not even at the end !

Best of luck OP, nice topic to read.

I don't think it's unusual no matter where you are for a long time to wind up with just a handful of people that you call true friends. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but a handful of friends. These friends are the guys I could count on no matter the time of day or where in the world I was. It requires being a friend to earn that. So even in my home country I can count on one hand the number of true, faithful friends I have. I can also point out a ton of people I don't trust.

I posted in another thread that I'm in a hotel in the US right now. I paid close attention today to how natives interact when passing in the hallway or the main doorways, or standing waiting to get some coffee in the office area.

100% of everyone I passed gave me some kind of acknowledgment. It's because it removes any sense of threat. A family comes down the hallway toward me and I look at the man and nod my head and say something like "How's it going?" He answers some similar comment and we pass, having let each other know we're friendly. It's part of the culture.

Only people who needed something actually spoke to me. The maid asked me what I needed today. So did a maintenance man. So did a stranger who wanted to know if I had jumper cables which I don't. One asked if I knew the directions to a place. I did and stopped and told him.

When I get to Thailand that all changes. I'm not going to speculate why but I have my hunches.

[JLCrab]

As per (published) US writer Fran Lebowitz - redux: “I rarely seek out the opinion of others … I have my own opinions”

[weegee]

I wasnt without a fair amount of trepidation when considering whether or not to post this. So you can imagine how pleased I am with the results, in the form of so many thoughtful replies and shared experiences.

I ran out of Likes before retiring last night but would still like to show my appreciation for all your comments. Having started this I feel it is my responsibility to read each and every post, even those from the Twitter types who think nothing should be longer than 140 characters.

I like ThaiVisa and this topic has illustrated why. In my opinion it is a small but very vocal minority who attempt to give this forum a bad name. By ignoring the Trolls and being respectful of those we disagree with, things dont have to degenerate into name calling.

Thank you for all your time and effort put forth to read and respond to this topic.

IMO there is no divide, just diversity. This like somebody else stated previously. In all my years living and coming in Thailand i have spoken to hundreds of expats in various stages of their life. Honestly i can say that i can say that i have met only a handfull who i could trust , based on my parameters....honesty, reliability and integrity. This in the province and in touristlocations. Those people where the onces who did not need alcohol during the day. Especially the elder guys living in the province where the ones who were the most emotionally unstable persons IMO because they got married and built the house near the inlaws. This has been my personal observation so i am for sure not trying to generalize. When joining this forum i subconsciously see the way many members post. I not specifically refer to the twitterposters, thanks for the word btw. I see with some the hypocrisy, and total lack of selfawareness in their posts and topics. There was even a member who personally attacked me on a nasty way and some days later started a topic about the same subject, to stop nasty comments and vile personal attacks !! I just laughed and refrained from commenting on that topic. True colours always come out and not even at the end !

Best of luck OP, nice topic to read.

I don't think it's unusual no matter where you are for a long time to wind up with just a handful of people that you call true friends. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but a handful of friends. These friends are the guys I could count on no matter the time of day or where in the world I was. It requires being a friend to earn that. So even in my home country I can count on one hand the number of true, faithful friends I have. I can also point out a ton of people I don't trust.

I posted in another thread that I'm in a hotel in the US right now. I paid close attention today to how natives interact when passing in the hallway or the main doorways, or standing waiting to get some coffee in the office area.

100% of everyone I passed gave me some kind of acknowledgment. It's because it removes any sense of threat. A family comes down the hallway toward me and I look at the man and nod my head and say something like "How's it going?" He answers some similar comment and we pass, having let each other know we're friendly. It's part of the culture.

Only people who needed something actually spoke to me. The maid asked me what I needed today. So did a maintenance man. So did a stranger who wanted to know if I had jumper cables which I don't. One asked if I knew the directions to a place. I did and stopped and told him.

When I get to Thailand that all changes. I'm not going to speculate why but I have my hunches.

You will know me when you come....I nod and say "Gidday"....everytime, either first or in reply....

[WitawatWatawit]

Many posters (not just on this thread) are saying they are not sure of most of the foreigners they meet, indicating they themselves are the trustworthy, decent type, but others, until proven otherwise, are not. So where are all you trustworthy decent people? How come I never seem to meet you? I'm a decent trustworthy type, so how come you haven't spotted me and started up a conversation? I wait with great trepidation the answers to these questions.

[benalibina]

I wasnt without a fair amount of trepidation when considering whether or not to post this. So you can imagine how pleased I am with the results, in the form of so many thoughtful replies and shared experiences.

I ran out of Likes before retiring last night but would still like to show my appreciation for all your comments. Having started this I feel it is my responsibility to read each and every post, even those from the Twitter types who think nothing should be longer than 140 characters.

I like ThaiVisa and this topic has illustrated why. In my opinion it is a small but very vocal minority who attempt to give this forum a bad name. By ignoring the Trolls and being respectful of those we disagree with, things dont have to degenerate into name calling.

Thank you for all your time and effort put forth to read and respond to this topic.

IMO there is no divide, just diversity. This like somebody else stated previously. In all my years living and coming in Thailand i have spoken to hundreds of expats in various stages of their life. Honestly i can say that i can say that i have met only a handfull who i could trust , based on my parameters....honesty, reliability and integrity. This in the province and in touristlocations. Those people where the onces who did not need alcohol during the day. Especially the elder guys living in the province where the ones who were the most emotionally unstable persons IMO because they got married and built the house near the inlaws. This has been my personal observation so i am for sure not trying to generalize. When joining this forum i subconsciously see the way many members post. I not specifically refer to the twitterposters, thanks for the word btw. I see with some the hypocrisy, and total lack of selfawareness in their posts and topics. There was even a member who personally attacked me on a nasty way and some days later started a topic about the same subject, to stop nasty comments and vile personal attacks !! I just laughed and refrained from commenting on that topic. True colours always come out and not even at the end !

Best of luck OP, nice topic to read.

I don't think it's unusual no matter where you are for a long time to wind up with just a handful of people that you call true friends. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but a handful of friends. These friends are the guys I could count on no matter the time of day or where in the world I was. It requires being a friend to earn that. So even in my home country I can count on one hand the number of true, faithful friends I have. I can also point out a ton of people I don't trust.

I posted in another thread that I'm in a hotel in the US right now. I paid close attention today to how natives interact when passing in the hallway or the main doorways, or standing waiting to get some coffee in the office area.

100% of everyone I passed gave me some kind of acknowledgment. It's because it removes any sense of threat. A family comes down the hallway toward me and I look at the man and nod my head and say something like "How's it going?" He answers some similar comment and we pass, having let each other know we're friendly. It's part of the culture.

Only people who needed something actually spoke to me. The maid asked me what I needed today. So did a maintenance man. So did a stranger who wanted to know if I had jumper cables which I don't. One asked if I knew the directions to a place. I did and stopped and told him.

When I get to Thailand that all changes. I'm not going to speculate why but I have my hunches.

Acknowledgement to remove any threat !! Never thought about it that way. Quite a sad way for Americans to look at it that way though. No offence intended. It shows the difference,IMO, between ,my, European and US culture.

What did you mean with the last 2 sentences ?

[benalibina]

Many posters (not just on this thread) are saying they are not sure of most of the foreigners they meet, indicating they themselves are the trustworthy, decent type, but others, until proven otherwise, are not. So where are all you trustworthy decent people? How come I never seem to meet you? I'm a decent trustworthy type, so how come you haven't spotted me and started up a conversation? I wait with great trepidation the answers to these questions.

Lacking initiative or confidence in yourself ?

[billd766]

I have a pet peeve about expats, those who have lived here for five years or more and speak a total of 100 words using poor grammar. These tend to be but not exclusively the same people who say; "they come here to my country and can't speak any English"

yes right, I learnt an additional two languages plus a difficult dialect in my youth, no problem. I went to a foreign country and learnt. At the age of 66 after three years of work I am beginning to understand how the Thai alphabet works and have a vocab of about five hundred words, mostly to do with plants and animals. With respect I find your peeve is a bit arrogant if you don't mind me bloody well SAYING SO.

Imagine how hard it is for people like me who are part deaf and part tone dead as well.

A lot of the time I have to turn around to hear what people say and as Thai is a tonal language, if you can't hear it properly how can you speak it?

[billd766]

Many posters (not just on this thread) are saying they are not sure of most of the foreigners they meet, indicating they themselves are the trustworthy, decent type, but others, until proven otherwise, are not. So where are all you trustworthy decent people? How come I never seem to meet you? I'm a decent trustworthy type, so how come you haven't spotted me and started up a conversation? I wait with great trepidation the answers to these questions.

Well I don't know where you live but I live in rural Khampaeng Phet close to the Mae Wong national park.

Where I live there are a couple of FIFO guys, several part time guys from a couple of weeks to 6 months at a time, a Belgian 6 km away who speaks no English, an Aussie mate about 20 km away and a few guys in Khampaeng Phet 65 km away.

I do have a mobile, a computer, Skype, a couple of motorbikes and plenty of books so I have plenty of things to do and I am not lonely or cut off.

So WW if it isn't too far as Mae West said a few times, come up and see me.

[NativeSon360]

I have a pet peeve about expats, those who have lived here for five years or more and speak a total of 100 words using poor grammar. These tend to be but not exclusively the same people who say; "they come here to my country and can't speak any English"

yes right, I learnt an additional two languages plus a difficult dialect in my youth, no problem. I went to a foreign country and learnt. At the age of 66 after three years of work I am beginning to understand how the Thai alphabet works and have a vocab of about five hundred words, mostly to do with plants and animals. With respect I find your peeve is a bit arrogant if you don't mind me bloody well SAYING SO.

Hey, PJcm! Why would you have a "pet" peeve about another expat, who doesn't impact the reality of your expat life (in the Land of Smiles), to begin with? Huh . I am probably beyond this point, but I believe in letting my money, do my talking for me, especially in Thailand. I definitely enjoy the life that I have made for myself in Thailand, but I do not delude myself into believing that a real (western-style) 50/50 relationship, with any Thai person (wife included), will ever be achievable. You (together w/ any children you may foolishly produce, w/ a Thai woman) will always be the "farang(s)", in the eyes of the Thai/Sino-Thai people. Even if you learned spoke fluent Thai (for some unfathomable) reason, you will always be nothing more, than a "tolerated" guest in Thailand, as long as you keep your ATM card, sufficiently topped-up, w/ "farang" cash available! Just the facts. Absolutely, enjoy your expat life in Thailand, but live the reality, not the "smoke & mirrors" presented fantasy. Cheers.

[ericthai]

A couple of thoughts here. After reading most of the comments up to this point I've arrived at a few conclusions.

1st, many of us read or comment in a humorous way because it's good to laugh and mostly the Thais don't get our jokes. So it's an outlet for many of us guys.

2nd, as for those fellas saying that many guys on here are old bitter farts with nothing better to do than denigrate people... Well, then I say, those people saying this have not spent much time in the company of regular men in relaxed group settings. Look, men are rough. Men are gregarious. Men have testosterone. It's what makes men, MEN. Not every man in Thailand is on the same journey. We are not all cut from the same Caucasian cloth! We all have our experiences and as such, attitudes shaped by those experiences. This makes the expat community in Thailand a melting pot. And that's a positive thing in my opinion.

3rd, there is coming a day, very soon I'm sure, that Thailand will turn against the whole lot of us expats; regardless of country of origin. This will require us to join together as brothers and walk in lockstep as long as possible. We may not win the fight in the end but our collective voices will be heard and we will have shown that we really do care about our fellow expat.

I am ready and prepared for this eventuallity in Thailand. I will stand and help defend my expat brothers when that time comes. I'm resigned to it. I'm committed. I am an expat. Are you?

So funny. Please tell us why, "sometime in the near future Thailand will turn against the whole lot of us expats" why?

This just shows you have no idea what is going on. The crack down was to go after overstayers and people working here illegally.

Thailand has no issue with people staying here long term. They have said a million times you want to stay here get the correct visa.

[AYJAYDEE]

I have a pet peeve about expats, those who have lived here for five years or more and speak a total of 100 words using poor grammar. These tend to be but not exclusively the same people who say; "they come here to my country and can't speak any English"

yes right, I learnt an additional two languages plus a difficult dialect in my youth, no problem. I went to a foreign country and learnt. At the age of 66 after three years of work I am beginning to understand how the Thai alphabet works and have a vocab of about five hundred words, mostly to do with plants and animals. With respect I find your peeve is a bit arrogant if you don't mind me bloody well SAYING SO.

Hey, PJcm! Why would you have a "pet" peeve about another expat, who doesn't impact the reality of your expat life (in the Land of Smiles), to begin with? Huh . I am probably beyond this point, but I believe in letting my money, do my talking for me, especially in Thailand. I definitely enjoy the life that I have made for myself in Thailand, but I do not delude myself into believing that a real (western-style) 50/50 relationship, with any Thai person (wife included), will ever be achievable. You (together w/ any children you may foolishly produce, w/ a Thai woman) will always be the "farang(s)", in the eyes of the Thai/Sino-Thai people. Even if you learned spoke fluent Thai (for some unfathomable) reason, you will always be nothing more, than a "tolerated" guest in Thailand, as long as you keep your ATM card, sufficiently topped-up, w/ "farang" cash available! Just the facts. Absolutely, enjoy your expat life in Thailand, but live the reality, not the "smoke & mirrors" presented fantasy. Cheers.

nonsense

[NativeSon360]

I have a pet peeve about expats, those who have lived here for five years or more and speak a total of 100 words using poor grammar. These tend to be but not exclusively the same people who say; "they come here to my country and can't speak any English"

yes right, I learnt an additional two languages plus a difficult dialect in my youth, no problem. I went to a foreign country and learnt. At the age of 66 after three years of work I am beginning to understand how the Thai alphabet works and have a vocab of about five hundred words, mostly to do with plants and animals. With respect I find your peeve is a bit arrogant if you don't mind me bloody well SAYING SO.

Imagine how hard it is for people like me who are part deaf and part tone dead as well.

A lot of the time I have to turn around to hear what people say and as Thai is a tonal language, if you can't hear it properly how can you speak it?

Well put, and your account avatar is absolutely "right-on"

[NeverSure]

I wasnt without a fair amount of trepidation when considering whether or not to post this. So you can imagine how pleased I am with the results, in the form of so many thoughtful replies and shared experiences.

I ran out of Likes before retiring last night but would still like to show my appreciation for all your comments. Having started this I feel it is my responsibility to read each and every post, even those from the Twitter types who think nothing should be longer than 140 characters.

I like ThaiVisa and this topic has illustrated why. In my opinion it is a small but very vocal minority who attempt to give this forum a bad name. By ignoring the Trolls and being respectful of those we disagree with, things dont have to degenerate into name calling.

Thank you for all your time and effort put forth to read and respond to this topic.

IMO there is no divide, just diversity. This like somebody else stated previously. In all my years living and coming in Thailand i have spoken to hundreds of expats in various stages of their life. Honestly i can say that i can say that i have met only a handfull who i could trust , based on my parameters....honesty, reliability and integrity. This in the province and in touristlocations. Those people where the onces who did not need alcohol during the day. Especially the elder guys living in the province where the ones who were the most emotionally unstable persons IMO because they got married and built the house near the inlaws. This has been my personal observation so i am for sure not trying to generalize. When joining this forum i subconsciously see the way many members post. I not specifically refer to the twitterposters, thanks for the word btw. I see with some the hypocrisy, and total lack of selfawareness in their posts and topics. There was even a member who personally attacked me on a nasty way and some days later started a topic about the same subject, to stop nasty comments and vile personal attacks !! I just laughed and refrained from commenting on that topic. True colours always come out and not even at the end !

Best of luck OP, nice topic to read.

I don't think it's unusual no matter where you are for a long time to wind up with just a handful of people that you call true friends. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but a handful of friends. These friends are the guys I could count on no matter the time of day or where in the world I was. It requires being a friend to earn that. So even in my home country I can count on one hand the number of true, faithful friends I have. I can also point out a ton of people I don't trust.

I posted in another thread that I'm in a hotel in the US right now. I paid close attention today to how natives interact when passing in the hallway or the main doorways, or standing waiting to get some coffee in the office area.

100% of everyone I passed gave me some kind of acknowledgment. It's because it removes any sense of threat. A family comes down the hallway toward me and I look at the man and nod my head and say something like "How's it going?" He answers some similar comment and we pass, having let each other know we're friendly. It's part of the culture.

Only people who needed something actually spoke to me. The maid asked me what I needed today. So did a maintenance man. So did a stranger who wanted to know if I had jumper cables which I don't. One asked if I knew the directions to a place. I did and stopped and told him.

When I get to Thailand that all changes. I'm not going to speculate why but I have my hunches.

Acknowledgement to remove any threat !! Never thought about it that way. Quite a sad way for Americans to look at it that way though. No offence intended. It shows the difference,IMO, between ,my, European and US culture.

What did you mean with the last 2 sentences ?

I shouldn't have used the word threat. What I meant was that the man, who has his wife and kids with him, are free to pass and I will stand over out of the way. I simply acknowledge him as a way of letting him know I'm aware of him and is family and I won't be an impedance. It not a sad way, it's a nice way to treat people.

As for the last two sentences I said I'm not going to speculate and I'm not.

[Cuppa]

A couple of thoughts here. After reading most of the comments up to this point I've arrived at a few conclusions.

1st, many of us read or comment in a humorous way because it's good to laugh and mostly the Thais don't get our jokes. So it's an outlet for many of us guys.

2nd, as for those fellas saying that many guys on here are old bitter farts with nothing better to do than denigrate people... Well, then I say, those people saying this have not spent much time in the company of regular men in relaxed group settings. Look, men are rough. Men are gregarious. Men have testosterone. It's what makes men, MEN. Not every man in Thailand is on the same journey. We are not all cut from the same Caucasian cloth! We all have our experiences and as such, attitudes shaped by those experiences. This makes the expat community in Thailand a melting pot. And that's a positive thing in my opinion.

3rd, there is coming a day, very soon I'm sure, that Thailand will turn against the whole lot of us expats; regardless of country of origin. This will require us to join together as brothers and walk in lockstep as long as possible. We may not win the fight in the end but our collective voices will be heard and we will have shown that we really do care about our fellow expat.

I am ready and prepared for this eventuallity in Thailand. I will stand and help defend my expat brothers when that time comes. I'm resigned to it. I'm committed. I am an expat. Are you?

1st. Understood. But there is a time & a place, & laughing or making fun at the wrong time or in the wrong place can be disrespectful. Whether the disrespect is intended or not is irelevant.

2nd. Making assumptions about all men is not helpful. Granted there are plenty of men who fit your description, but whether you acknowledge it or not there plenty who are not like that. Sure lots of blokes would prefer to suck on a beer & take the piss out of their mate & often this is good for both of them, but there are also plenty of blokes who also sometimes prefer to communicate at a deeper level as well, to let go of the ‘masculine armour’ & to open themselves up a bit. To share feelings even! When someone asks questions which essentially ask blokes to drop the usual bullshit bravado the blokes have a choice about whether they answer or not. It doesn’t sit well with me when those blokes fail to answer the question but choose to only hang sh*t. It’s not only disrespectful & ignorant, but it also tells all that here is a bloke without the guts to let his armour down. I enjoy a bit of banter at times & give as good as I get, but it’s not the only way of being. We all need to recognise, respect & encourage difference.

3rd. This sounds incredibly defensive. Your neck must get sore from all that looking over your shoulder. In the unlikely event that Thailand, or any country, were to turn wholesale against it’s expats, the ’them & us’ attitude so clear in your statement would probably be the number one reason. You write as though you have a right to expect Thailand to follow your rules & expectations, which, I would suggest is probably not very polite for someone who is essentially a visitor - long term or otherwise.

Would I say all this to your face? Possibly, it would depend on whether my reading of your demeanour suggested you might listen or punch me out.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Cuppa

[Gecko123]

Notes on real world social life:

Some foreign guys just don't seem to want to make eye contact. I never know if this is because they aren't aware of their surroundings, are anti-social, or are just in 'I'm in Thailand, and only want to meet Thais" mode. When they are with their Thai wife/girlfriend, more often than not, the Thai woman will quickly spot me as a non-Thai and make eye contact. Usually, I exchange a quick smile with her. But the guy almost never does. Even when the wife points me out to him, usually he will take a quick glance and then turn away, ostensibly disinterested. I've pretty much learned to accept this behavior as the norm, and it really doesn't bother me anymore. I'm open to being approached, but usually I would have to be unusually interested in a foreigner for me to initiate contact.

I'll admit that I tend to steer clear of foreign guy/Thai woman couples when there is a big age difference between them. In a word, I don't feel that comfortable around them, mainly because I rarely sense that the wife is happy. Not saying it's not possible, just saying what I've seen.

Things can also sometimes get awkward if there's a big language barrier between the foreign guy and his Thai wife. I am fluent in Thai, but unless the foreign guy is fluent as well, most guys don't enjoy listening to another foreigner quacking away in Thai to his wife, especially if they can't understand a word that's being said. This means the conversation is largely dependent on how well the wife speaks English, which can at times be quite limited.

Notes on cyber social life:

I am a relative newbie, but I have been repeatedly struck by the perceptive and intelligent comments I have read here. There are some truly witty and funny people out there. There's also a lot of humanity. All this has been a very heartening discovery for me. I am still struggling how to respond when someone says something that I don't agree with, or that upsets me. I'm trying to keep in mind that getting into squabbles doesn't do much to elevate the discourse, and that what we're all after is a feeling that we understand another person and another person understands us. I hope that doesn't sound too corny.

[winnerinsix]

too long, didnt read

But just had to comment eh?

[WitawatWatawit]

Many posters (not just on this thread) are saying they are not sure of most of the foreigners they meet, indicating they themselves are the trustworthy, decent type, but others, until proven otherwise, are not. So where are all you trustworthy decent people? How come I never seem to meet you? I'm a decent trustworthy type, so how come you haven't spotted me and started up a conversation? I wait with great trepidation the answers to these questions.

Lacking initiative or confidence in yourself ?

You're normally a bit sharper than that.

Maybe I need to push the reset button on my sense of humour or get more creative with the emoticons.

[Guest]

I go to Thailand to be with my family members, who are Thai. Unfortunately, most farang I encounter fit the negative stereotype. They are swilling down beer at 9:00 a.m.; they think every Thai woman is for sale; and they are loud, sweaty, and arrogant. This is, of course, a stereotype and not all farang are like this. I just don't encounter as many away from the typical tourist haunts. As more move to our part of Isaan, I'm sure I'll encounter one or two with whom I might care to associate.

Hey Dream Lover! I don't know what planet Earth you've been living on, but after 50-years of traveling throughout Asia, I have yet to meet an (even the most educated & refined) Asian woman, who was not "4-Sale" , in some-way, shape or form. That is the nature of the (Therava-dictated) beast in Thailand. Do yourself a real big favor by taking-off those rose-colored glasses you're wearing. FYI ~ your Thai family would have had absolutely nothing to do with you (your wife included), if you were not seriously bringing something of value to Thai (Isaan Family) round-table. Have a cup of coffee, for a change, and wake-up to reality for heaven sake, man.

Dear Dream Weaver, sorry to say Native Son has banged this nail squarely on the head. You will not be able to take this in now, but remember his words ... I, and many like me ...used to drink the Koolaid you currently live on.

Some might argue it is women everywhere to one degree or another ... but in Thailand this is an upfront FACT, a GIVEN ... and without the hint of a blush, openly accepted.

If they put up a sign at Swampy that said "No Money, No Honey" many of us would just say "Tru Dat"

I do pity you for you will endure the heart wrenching awakening that all this is true.

Don't beleive us?

Try this experiment:

Go home and tell your wife you need to have a serious talk.

"Sweet heart, I am sorry to say that my money has now been held back and until we find some way to replace it, will have to live on just paying the basic bills and eating at home. I can not provide any allowance to your family, but hope by next year things will change. If not, we still have each other."

Then get a Hydraulic jack and crowbar to see if you can pry her legs apart. That is, if your front door key still works.

In Thailand especially, "Love" is not about the money ... it is about the MONEY.

And by the way, the sweet angel, the love of my life .... La La La ... I learned this from was "Hi So" ... cost me a nice round 1,000,000 THB +. Frankly, in a cost benefit analysis, the village girls have all the same "features and benefits' at a much lower operating expense.

I however, am now one of those you look down your nose at, with about a six professionals who are employed on an "as needed" basis. Like any employer, it is performance driven ... and I reserve the right to fire them and take them off the roster whenever I choose. Now the shoe is on the other foot ...it is "Baby, listen to me ...No Honey ... No Mo' Money ... I mean your best effort ... If you think you can just "mail it in" and I will be back ... Wrong ...See Ya, wouldn't wanna be ya" There are 5,000 of you, and one of me.

Supply and Demand, don't leave home without it.

Sign me - "Never been happier"

[Bernard Flint]

As a newbie here I suspect what I am about to say may result in criticism being sent my way. That’s OK, I can take it, but I’ll say what I think anyway. No-one should consider that I am pointing a finger at them personally, I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to because I don’t know you.

I thought that the OP was a considered & well written post which deserves response with rather more thought than a number of folk have deigned to give it. During the short time I have been a member of this forum I have read many threads & there does seem to be a common pattern of ‘shots’ being taken. Whether these are generally from the same folk I don’t know, I am not yet familiar with members names. If there is forum history I am unaware of I don’t need to be told it, to do so would doubtless perpetuate the unhelpful.

My professional background has given me an interest not just in people, but in the interactions between people, hence my interest in the OP & the responses to it. Feel free to tell me if you think I’m wrong, but the responses I see are about discomfort, quickly morphing into distractive humour. Certainly there has been little discussion of the OP’s content, which were I Villagefarang, I think I might be feeling a little disappointed that the effort I had made were treated thus.

Although I am unable to pass meaningful comment on the OP’s content I would nevertheless like to encourage the sharing of such thought.

EDIT. Pleased to see some of the posts made whilst I was typing this

You will very quickly see the ones who,s posts you will ignore, quite a few, my shit dont stink expats on here, shame realy.