Queries about divorce....my 'wife' turned out to be a total crackpot

[choochoo]

A typical failure of many Farangs in Thailand that ignore common sense and now you blame your lady. Let me guess you don't speak Thai or Isaan.

Good on you. I always BlaMe the man in these situations. Signs are ignored-yet they still go through. And then blame the girl and the greedy family(usually mother)

[Anon999]

If you both go to the amphur and agree.

She needs id card and you need passport.

No translation or legitimising needed for passport.

Palad amphur may insist the attachments for kids and shattles be translated.

As you have neither kids or belongings together.

Should be straight forward.

So there is no need for legalisation of the passport? The article I read was very clear this did need to be done, but of course it could have been bull and I can't remember where I saw it now!

Depends on the Amphur some are helpful others are downright obstructive and make up their own rules as they go along.

[Andyfarquar]

Thanks for that Risky11. Yes she has abused me financially and emotionally unfortunately. I just have to deal with it and move on, there is no other option.

You abused yourself. Get a clue MAN!

Bit unfair there CC, almost any man can become a victim of an unscrupulous woman.

I'm the first to admit I had a house, pension and 4 children taken off me.

im being kind. did you marry an issarn girl with 2 kids? an issan girl who is breadwinner for a poor family?

marrying villagers is not the same as hooking up with girls from your own country.

No CC you are not being kind, you are using the OP's situation as a platform for your own warped style of entertainment. Your barely literate posts border on 'cyber bullying' and are without a shred of merit. Perhaps you don't get the point of 'contributing' to a forum or perhaps you are just one of those guys who gets his kicks from making others feel inferior, either way I don't like your style so don't bother adding me as a friend and don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.....

Back to the OP, I feel your pain and I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't been duped by a woman in the past in a similar way and she wasn't even a Thai girl. She was a British Indian girl who changed shortly after marriage and tried to take control of everything related to finance, including my pub. She wanted money so I got a lawyer and gave her money as a divorce settlement. You are in a stronger position because your wife has no legal rights yet in the UK without you. I suggest you cut all communication immediately. Change your phone numbers, email addresses and if you have Thai bank accounts, close them and open new ones elsewhere. You are entitled to a divorce in the UK without her presence, the waiting times are not the same as when I was divorced because the divorce rulles were changed so get a divorce solicitor and ask advice as soon as you are in UK. It's still going to cost you up to 2,000 quid with an uncontested divorce with a low price solicitor but better that than you subject yourself to further financial abuse from someone who clearly doesn't know any better. Next time, don't marry the girl, just give her a small weekly allowance so she can buy personal things and stay clear of her family until you are truly convinced she does not expect you to maintain them all. I'm lucky now to be married to a wonderful Filipina who doesn't expect too much and we have a 5 year old daughter who lights up my life, together they are my reason for living. I don't recommend anyone goes to Philippines for any reason, let alone to find a wife...... but that's for another thread.....

[super22k]

Paying money to your wifes family.Why? I have had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years and I have not paid her family one penny. Who makes these rules up? The Thais, and it is just a way to con money out of people.Tell her family to clear off!

[MobileContent]

A typical failure of many Farangs in Thailand that ignore common sense and now you blame your lady. Let me guess you don't speak Thai or Isaan.

Good on you. I always BlaMe the man in these situations. Signs are ignored-yet they still go through. And then blame the girl and the greedy family(usually mother)

I know of farangs in my village that have been buying a house, car, more land, three motorcycles and they still say their wife loves them even if I told them their Mrs screws around with Somchai and Sompong. The farang is even at home when their Mrs goes out to get a bang from a younger guy.

One American guy who is my friend he even writes down everything how his lady mistreats him but he still paid 5 month for the pickup in advance and bought the MIL a new Fino. He just returned to the US last week after having been locked up for 6 months without a TV or internet connection. Last week he cried when he returned to the US and told me he will try for the final time to bring the Mrs to the US but this time she has to work. She worked 3 months in 8 years and that says a lot.

[choochoo]

Sorryfarquar- im not a bleeding heart liberal. These guys are idiots- nothing more nothing less. They are what they are.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Paying money to your wifes family.Why? I have had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years and I have not paid her family one penny. Who makes these rules up? The Thais, and it is just a way to con money out of people.Tell her family to clear off!

I give 3k a month to my aunt, when she isn't living with me.

Nothing when she does live with me, but she eats for free.

She did sign her farm over to me though, so not exactly money for nothing.

They don't get much in the way of pensions over here, only fair to help out a bit, if you can afford it.

(15k a month seemed a bit excessive though)

[realenglish1]

And 12 K for a week That is rediculous. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much. There are village people with no education

Give them 6 or 8 thousand a month and tell them that's it Very simple.

Where did you meet this girl. I cannot believer she was in love with you It was more like How much could she extricate for her family. This is why she pulled a nutter on you .

Her parents did not give a care about you or her future Only about how much money they would get.

I have been with the same woman for 7 years and in that 7 years she has only asked me for money ONE TIME . That is it ONE TIME

So your wifes actions speak for themselves

I would wait 2 years and file for divorce in the UK and no she cannot get anything from you in the UK

Don't bother with the amphur She will just want more money for the divorce

Crazy

[frank0424]

Well Ive been happily married to my Thai wife for 5 years, BUT, weve been married for 18 years.

Edited September 13, 2014 by frank0424

[bigguy]

Rob. I went thru a divorce here in LOS some years back, my x-wife had an attorney and she ask for 5 million baht before she would agree to the divorce, we settled at 750,000. If your wife gets a Thai attorney be prepared to be Royally Screwed, but with a smile of course. And yes our divorce after I agreed to the amount took about 10 minutes. If your going to do it, try and do it quickly before any of her friends get to her or you'll be hung out to dry. She claimed I deserted her, and was abusive, and her family witnessed all of her claims, which were total bullsh@t, She walked out on me, and I have never touched a woman that way ever. But as her sister told me,, "if I say you did, the court will believe us, before they believe you"!!!! She was soo right. LESSONS LEARNED

No the kids stayed in Thailand, they're age 9 and 10, but as is normal in Thailand she didn't see much of them, but I take your point about actually being so far away from them and family. As for travelled before.....no, so it would have been a culture shock but she appeared to really like it here, that's the strangest thing. There was nothing in her behaviour for 3 months to suggest there was anything bothering her to such an extent that she would soon go into meltdown and have to go home, although due to the way it happened so suddenly she had obviously been bottling something up for weeks maybe even longer.

In Thailand she worries constantly about money as her family as I've said, get rid of cash quicker than burning it on a barbecue. The money problem was considerably alleviated when she came here, but she has gone back to have to deal with the same impossible situation. Makes zero sense that aspect, but it is understandable any person may feel they need to be near home and not 7000 miles away. Having said that, how many Thai women come to UK or Europe on marriage visas and go home within 3 months? Maybe it's 1 in 1000 or maybe its not as uncommon as I think !?

[apiwan]

Gotta love these.

My marriage is perfect. My lovely isn't like the rest.

All the other fallang are stupid but me

I don't give money.

Posts.

The guy is asking about divorce in Thailand.

He don't want to hear your life story. Be it real or not.

As for the ' guys act like teenagers when in Thailand' comments.

Most act like there in kindergarten on here

[Gandtee]

Yours as well??

[Tongdee]

No the kids stayed in Thailand, they're age 9 and 10, but as is normal in Thailand she didn't see much of them, but I take your point about actually being so far away from them and family. As for travelled before.....no, so it would have been a culture shock but she appeared to really like it here, that's the strangest thing. There was nothing in her behaviour for 3 months to suggest there was anything bothering her to such an extent that she would soon go into meltdown and have to go home, although due to the way it happened so suddenly she had obviously been bottling something up for weeks maybe even longer.

Reality is, they can pretend they like/love you for about 3 months, then their real feelings come to the fore and they go mad.

She didn't like you very much and married you for the money you appeared to have.

No translation needed for divorce.

Don't give her money, being married is a bigger problem for her than it is for you.

Gotta agree with the last statement. Do not give her money. It will improve nothing. It does not matter how much it will be gone before it hits her hand & she will be demanding more. For people that have been poor for a while they "Need" Face, they gotta show off how rich they are and splash it all around. How long could it possibly last?? The more you give the worse off she, or should I say they (read between the lines) will be, AND the worse off you will be. I understand spoken Thai & dont always let Strangers know that. Your a useless bum if you dont give enough (& its never {100,000baht a month} enough). The girl down the road gets more. If you give that 100,000 a month its not out of compassion or kindness, your just stupid to them. Once you become stupid to them there are no limits. She brought what to the table???? She wants to leave the table ,take that, same. You become the same idiot if you are generous or not. Stop abusing yourself. There is no shortage.

[apiwan]

If you both go to the amphur and agree.

She needs id card and you need passport.

No translation or legitimising needed for passport.

Palad amphur may insist the attachments for kids and shattles be translated.

As you have neither kids or belongings together.

Should be straight forward.

So there is no need for legalisation of the passport? The article I read was very clear this did need to be done, but of course it could have been bull and I can't remember where I saw it now!

Depends on the Amphur some are helpful others are downright obstructive and make up their own rules as they go along.

Ladprow kaet. Complete dicks

Won't do anything without making it difficult.

Thonburi perfect. At least willing to help in any situation

[Rob180]

Rob180, and you're surprised because???? Sending money home is normal practice & so is the speed with which they spend, unless they've been born into money it doesn't appear to last long in their hands & if your girlfriend /wife was working as " hairdresser" masseuse " bar maid" money doesn't seem to last long, old adage , eat come easy go, really applies here. I have Thai friends who've married Falangs & they're not sending money back to the "familiy" chances are it's her " real" husband she's sending it to. Aside from everything else, just as Thailand can cause culture shock to Falangs, so to does the western world have massive culture shock on Thais or anyone else. My suggestion to anyone marrying a Thai is to research research & learn about the culture.

No the transfers were from me to her father's bank account which I verified when I was in Thailand. Trust me, her family need the money, she's the only 1 in the home able to work and I've also been at their home several times. I know what you're getting at though, they can tell us any bull****. Strangely with her though, she doesn't fit the scammer profile, in the 16 months I've known her she's never asked me for unusually high sums of money or come up with any buffalo, motorbike, hospital, new roof stories. In some ways it would be easier to work her out if she had by just writing her off as another scammer. What's in her head goes way deeper than 'send me 20,000 my motorbike have accident'.

When you visited the village I am sure that each time you were there you noticed one person, always in the background, alone drinking Leo or Chang. That was either her boyfriend or husband. Usually they stand out because they are always there and always in the background.

555 no, there were no strange men lurking around, either when I was there or my Thai friends,not every scenario applies to every case although some people seem to think Private Dancer applies to everything. She didn't even work in a bar. Keep it real 555.

Edited September 13, 2014 by Rob180

[Rob180]

This topic was meant to be about amphur divorces 555. Whilst I appreciate the many supportive and sensible responses, some people as usual are degenerating the thread and trying to turn it into a Private Dancer 2. Sorry to extinguish your paranoia but it was never about trying to scam me. Only small amounts were sent before she came to UK and there were no requests from her in 10 months to pay for new roofs, motorbikes or sick buffalos. I chose to send more when she came to UK as it was only going to be for a few months until she got a job. She didn't ask me to send more. Her motivation behind everything was not to scam me, sorry to disappoint some of you. The explanation given by All American One earlier on is almost certainly the correct one, it isn't any more complicated than that. It isn't pleasant, but it's the reality. The theories of multiple farangs, her scamming me for 50,000 for a new roof, having boyfriends in the village (she didnt even live there, she worked in another city nowhere near anywhere where there are farang or bars) are all a load of cobblers, although they provide amusement for those with negative imaginations. She didn't even work in a bar and lived hundreds of miles away from the nearest beer bar. Don't bother with the 'oh but maybe she used to work in Soi Nana' zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Edited September 13, 2014 by Rob180

[Rob180]

I think I'll stick to your first post which was the nearest to the truth. What I saw of her family was real as was their home. I know this because I have Thai friends who had to visit her home for something when I was in the UK. Nothing was any different from when I was there. She herself faked things as you said, and she even said that to me, but this is all about her not her family, in this instance anyway.

Thai friends?

Nope, they would have lied too, not wanting to upset you with the truth.

I lie to my foreign pals about their women too, nobody wants to know the truth really.

NO because one is my mate's wife, they live in Thailand and he came with her to the house as he drove her and her friend there, and he understands Thai. I know it's easy to imagine a pile of bull**** but your original theory is most likely the correct one, nothing more complicated than that. It doesn't have to be, it's bad enough as it is!

Edited September 13, 2014 by Rob180

[kevinc]

The CrAcKpoT is the op. Who marries a thai girl after knowung her 3 months and then takes her out of her environment?

This is teechable momento for those who care to learn.

My reading slills are a bit off. the time frame may not apply.

But rarely do people change overnight. I bet op just didnt want to notice the red flaggs. Common problem with those foreign men.

She stayed in UK for 3 months. I met her 18 months ago. Please refrain from making negative comments without knowing the facts. Thank you.

Rob unfortunately no matter what you write asking for advice on here you will always get idiots who have no idea about most things replying.

As for your problem it does seem strange that she went like that after 3 months, it sounds to me that there was certainly something else on her mind, nothing to do with England or Money, You said you sent the family Thb15000 per month which is no where near a cheap Charlie, i know 'Farangs' that live in Pattaya on less than that. The average wage in Isaan for rice famers will be Thb5-7000 per month and Thb15000 is alot of money for a small family in Isaan as i say it has to be something else, I know that you are (was) serious about this lady and its sad that you never really knew the truth to her sudden crazyness.

I doubt you will get the answer from here as no one knows what the truth is, it could be that she started to miss Thailand then the rot set in then every day she got more and more depressed, Most Thai women i know are very difficult in coming clean with the truth if its something a that is on their mind, they seem to think it will go away. I feel sad for you as she might of been a real lovely girl but sometimes things are beyond any reason and are just a mystery.

We all have stories about friends that throw money at Thai girls and the girls end up a year later with nothing working back in Soi 6, many of them have a very simple outlook and education, yes they can be very clever shrewd and devious with love feelings and money but my ex wife (she is English) took a good £400,000 from me in properties etc etc. She would run rings round 99% of Thais in the devious department.

My advice is try to believe that in someway that it wasnt your fault, you tried your best and you were just unfortunate and the reasons you yourself may never know but as for some of the replies to your question on here then always be prepared to get some replies that are crazier than your wifes.

[ggt]

Your wife most likely experienced cultural shock...could not adjust...and for her mental health and wellbeing asked to be sent home...which is a reasonable request under the circumstances...try to see it from her point of view...

You may want to consider giving it another go...meet her back in Thailand...and see if you can work things out...Good Luck!

[kingstonkid]

OP

A question from a different side. Right now you are not interested in getting hooked and i assume that you gave up on UK ladies.

Why do you need to file for divorce at all.

I would hire a lawyer in the UK and make sure that everything involved is documented adn then sit back and relax.

She is going to have to find a way to live and like most Thai girls i am sure is gong to be looking for a husband. If and when that happens she is then the one that is going to have to do everything.

She is the one that will have to make a deal with you.

Right ow if you do it she can hold out for money or make you miserable. Remember her family is going to be seeing the last of the gravy train and will wnt to get as much out of you as they can.

Stay away from her and just do what you need to do to protect yourself.

Also you never kno9w once she is back here wtih the family she may realize what she gave up and tell them to go to hell.

[Rob180]

The CrAcKpoT is the op. Who marries a thai girl after knowung her 3 months and then takes her out of her environment?

This is teechable momento for those who care to learn.

My reading slills are a bit off. the time frame may not apply.

But rarely do people change overnight. I bet op just didnt want to notice the red flaggs. Common problem with those foreign men.

She stayed in UK for 3 months. I met her 18 months ago. Please refrain from making negative comments without knowing the facts. Thank you.

Rob unfortunately no matter what you write asking for advice on here you will always get idiots who have no idea about most things replying.

As for your problem it does seem strange that she went like that after 3 months, it sounds to me that there was certainly something else on her mind, nothing to do with England or Money, You said you sent the family Thb15000 per month which is no where near a cheap Charlie, i know 'Farangs' that live in Pattaya on less than that. The average wage in Isaan for rice famers will be Thb5-7000 per month and Thb15000 is alot of money for a small family in Isaan as i say it has to be something else, I know that you are (was) serious about this lady and its sad that you never really knew the truth to her sudden crazyness.

I doubt you will get the answer from here as no one knows what the truth is, it could be that she started to miss Thailand then the rot set in then every day she got more and more depressed, Most Thai women i know are very difficult in coming clean with the truth if its something a that is on their mind, they seem to think it will go away. I feel sad for you as she might of been a real lovely girl but sometimes things are beyond any reason and are just a mystery.

We all have stories about friends that throw money at Thai girls and the girls end up a year later with nothing working back in Soi 6, many of them have a very simple outlook and education, yes they can be very clever shrewd and devious with love feelings and money but my ex wife (she is English) took a good £400,000 from me in properties etc etc. She would run rings round 99% of Thais in the devious department.

My advice is try to believe that in someway that it wasnt your fault, you tried your best and you were just unfortunate and the reasons you yourself may never know but as for some of the replies to your question on here then always be prepared to get some replies that are crazier than your wifes.

Thanks Kevin for your support, much appreciated. Yeah missing Thailand was def a part of it. I had took a few weeks off work when she came over, it was after that she became restless then a bit crazy. So it's prob a combination of things really as you say.

[Rob180]

OP

A question from a different side. Right now you are not interested in getting hooked and i assume that you gave up on UK ladies.

Why do you need to file for divorce at all.

I would hire a lawyer in the UK and make sure that everything involved is documented adn then sit back and relax.

She is going to have to find a way to live and like most Thai girls i am sure is gong to be looking for a husband. If and when that happens she is then the one that is going to have to do everything.

She is the one that will have to make a deal with you.

Right ow if you do it she can hold out for money or make you miserable. Remember her family is going to be seeing the last of the gravy train and will wnt to get as much out of you as they can.

Stay away from her and just do what you need to do to protect yourself.

Also you never kno9w once she is back here wtih the family she may realize what she gave up and tell them to go to hell.

Thanks Kingston. yeah I'll get everything documented and do nothing else. I think I need to wait 2 years to divorce from UK but as you say, I don't really need to do much just now. Thanks for your advice.

[ChoakMyDee]

Sorryfarquar- im not a bleeding heart liberal. These guys are idiots- nothing more nothing less. They are what they are.

You have no idea how rude and boorish you are. I'll bet you watch FOX News.

[louse1953]

"Laughably enough, at the moment she's sending texts suggesting she might want to come back to the UK. Crazy?"

Not crazy at all. When she was there her family got money every 7 days now how much are you sending? Her "wanting to come back" can best be translated as "wanting for the weekly baht infusion to continue". Her family just doesn't want the money spigot to stop and they'll send her back to beg from you in person because that's more effective.

Understand you are dealing with Thais. How do they think? A little history... so it's medieval Europe and you decide to sell your seed for next years harvest in exchange for mead/whiskey/hooch or whatever will you get you drunk - what happens? You DIE. You don't plant and decide to be lazy? Death. It's hot/cold/rainy/foggy and you don't want to work in the fields? Death. Now what was life in Thailand like in comparison? Nobody plants anything. Harvest season is all year round and the last time someone froze to death it was the last ice age. You walk around in the hot sun all year round and when you are hungry you kick a tree and food falls out. Your biggest concern is getting killed by criminals or being impressed into some army. Future planning? What the hell is that? If you have something EAT IT NOW USE IT NOW as tomorrow isn't important. In Europe if you thought this way you died and such people were quickly culled out of the population but in Thailand those that saved were simply objects of begging, taxing, raiding, criminal theft, etc. and nobody cares about starving in winter because it doesn't exist.

So you get idiotic stories like this with Thais demanding way too much way too quickly and their lack of patience kills the golden goose after a single egg. Its stupid to us because the people we grew up with have a future mind set - the Thais DON'T. Drop them in Europe circa 1000 B.C. and subject them to 3,000 years of pummeling by nature and maybe they'll think differently (or die). Her family is acting as a spoiled child acts - everything must be NOW NOW NOW NOW. The only thing a person can do is make it very clear that there will be a set amount of money at a set point and this will not increase nor will you be moved by whatever fake emergency they come up with. The sun sets and will not come up until morning - all the screaming, shrieking, guilt, manipulative attempts, and lies will not change this. Be as immovable as the heavens, there is no other way when dealing with this.

What do you mean set amount,cant they get a job!!!

[SilverBeast]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Paying money to your wifes family.Why? I have had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years and I have not paid her family one penny. Who makes these rules up? The Thais, and it is just a way to con money out of people.Tell her family to clear off!

I give 3k a month to my aunt, when she isn't living with me.

Nothing when she does live with me, but she eats for free.

She did sign her farm over to me though, so not exactly money for nothing.

They don't get much in the way of pensions over here, only fair to help out a bit, if you can afford it.

(15k a month seemed a bit excessive though)

If you got a farm that isn't that bad of a deal. Its one thing to take care of family when you get a farm out of the deal.

--------------

How much English did this Isaan Girl speak?

[choochoo]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Paying money to your wifes family.Why? I have had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years and I have not paid her family one penny. Who makes these rules up? The Thais, and it is just a way to con money out of people.Tell her family to clear off!

I give 3k a month to my aunt, when she isn't living with me.

Nothing when she does live with me, but she eats for free.

She did sign her farm over to me though, so not exactly money for nothing.

They don't get much in the way of pensions over here, only fair to help out a bit, if you can afford it.

(15k a month seemed a bit excessive though)

If you got a farm that isn't that bad of a deal. Its one thing to take care of family when you get a farm out of the deal.

--------------

How much English did this Isaan Girl speak?

the avg thai family farm aint worth s h i t!

[sletraveler]

Many posts here and elsewhere referring to Thai girls sending money home. Wouldn't this typically be for younger, bar working age girls? If I see a 60 year old fat dude with a twnety or thirty something I figure she's probably siphoning money from him. Probably a very fair exchange.

I'm coming to Thailand this week for a month. I've been chatting and skyping with several women that seem to be very solid middle class with grown children. I being 61 am only considering a long term relation with a lady I consider age appropriate and attractive. Say around 50.

So I wonder does the day come when I get hit up for money? Should I expect that? Because from what I know of them now it doesn't seem very likely. But that may be my naivete.

[choochoo]

Many posts here and elsewhere referring to Thai girls sending money home. Wouldn't this typically be for younger, bar working age girls? If I see a 60 year old fat dude with a twnety or thirty something I figure she's probably siphoning money from him. Probably a very fair exchange.

I'm coming to Thailand this week for a month. I've been chatting and skyping with several women that seem to be very solid middle class with grown children. I being 61 am only considering a long term relation with a lady I consider age appropriate and attractive. Say around 50.

So I wonder does the day come when I get hit up for money? Should I expect that? Because from what I know of them now it doesn't seem very likely. But that may be my naivete.

very funny stuff. age appropriate 50 year old thai girl aint gonna be attractive.

Say you found an attractive thai girl- what do you have to offer?

PS 1.these girls that skype may not work in bars but i bet you all i got they think like bargirls.

2. solid middle class girls arent interested in one month flings with what prolly is a sex tourist..................lol.

Edited September 13, 2014 by choochoo

[joecoolfrog]

Rob

Shame that things didn't work out but just put it down to experience , hopefuly you will have better fortune next time. Things could be far worse mate , you could be bitter and delusional like a few of the naysayers here, keep on rocking !

[Timwin]

I think she suddenly realized her support system aka large family was not around anymore. So she got very bad culture shock and wanted to return back to "safety". It can be really bad for some people, resembling a mental breakdown. Thais are used to have a lot of people around, coming, staying and going, being part of ant colony.