Is the child mine?

[godden]

You could ask her if she's living with the father and see what response you get.

[brewsterbudgen]

but, she might be married, and very afraid - of 'him' learning

but, she might not be married, and very afraid - of arrest

Why afraid of arrest? Is it a crime in Laos to have an affair with a foreigner? I don't believe it is.

It is.

[marioc]

Just ask her if there were complications in the birth, she'll mention if it was premature, if not then it's not your baby.

....or maybe the baby has a 100% Asian looking .....

[GertrudeL]

Parents are not one who make a baby, parents are people who grow up the child... You should not take it personally, you may be father of many other kids you even not aware of ^^ Good luck and if you reaaly want to be a father, find a woman who wants grow up a kid with you and not just use you as a donor of sperm... who (kid) later will be her slave... (pensions)

Edited September 29, 2014 by GertrudeL

[David48]

Just ask her if there were complications in the birth, she'll mention if it was premature, if not then it's not your baby.

....or maybe the baby has a 100% Asian looking .....

I understand what you are trying to imply, but I recently had Twin Boys with my Thai GF ... I'm from the west.

The boys have few, if any Asian features @ 7 months.

This may change as they get older ... who knows.

[Minnehaha]

but, she might be married, and very afraid - of 'him' learning

but, she might not be married, and very afraid - of arrest

Why afraid of arrest? Is it a crime in Laos to have an affair with a foreigner? I don't believe it is.

It is.

Yes, it most certainly is illegal.

Gestation period is 40 weeks. A period less than 37 weeks is technically premature. How many weeks was it, exactly? OP, you should get her to Bkk and then approach the issue of paternity. Get the test done without telling her and if it is negative then quietly extricate yourself from the relationship. If positive, then make the trip to Laos to see the situation. Is she married? Have a bf? what is her intentions? Then make your decisions and plans.

[smotherb]

This isn't Britain , Europe , US or Australia , where the social security come after you for child support .

Bus loads of girls travel from Laos to work in Thailand . If this girl wanted you to be the father and support her she would have said so .

My advice , leave well alone , find another girl on your next visit , wear a condom otherwide you might contract HIV .

In Thailand sex and pregnancy are no big deal , it happens all the time , nobody thinks anything of it or worries who the father is .

The girl will likely dump it on her parents , go off to work again , send money home to parents , who don't mind how she earns it .

Yeah, it's no big deal if it's your child; that is if you have no conscience. Have you ever seen, or even thought about, how half-breed children are treated in the village, especially if they are poor? What future have you given your child?

[Nemesis7]

OP my guess is, if the child was yours, she would for sure tell you. But like you planned to get the DNA tested secretly is a brilliant idea to get peace of mind indeed. Hey man I understand your agony, take it easy.

[DekDaeng]

but, she might be married, and very afraid - of 'him' learning

but, she might not be married, and very afraid - of arrest

Bit 'ard to 'ide?

Edited September 29, 2014 by DekDaeng

[kovaltech]

Appreciate the replies. I didn't even realize this was my first post as I've been on the site for many years.

Maybe those of you with children will tell me "DUH!" but having this situation evolve without notice has taken me off guard. She never asked for money, she never mentioned a pregnancy. But I'm pretty skilled at math. And adding up dates, it's pretty simple to figure out that there is a reasonable probability that the child is mine. And after confirming the dates of my hotel stay, I know within a 24 hour period when this "event" happened.

My goal now is to simply find out if the child is mine. That is my responsibility and one I'm taking seriously. I'm not sure how cooperative she would be if she knew my intentions. So any DNA test would most likely be done without her knowledge. You can imagine what's running through my head at the moment. Sorry to burden you with this but I think outside perspective could be helpful to me at the moment.

be honest with her...

the fact that she did not approached you can be meaningful ( already appointed another father ? )

so be careful, for her sake... don't push her in a confession towards someone else...

[ChiTownHustla]

Reading this post, it may be a 30 second adventure. For me, call it 12 hours of controlled panic.

The cliff notes - the baby is apparently her sisters. I've never seen the volume & type of pictures (see examples below) of an aunt holding her sisters baby but at this point it seems plausible. We had a relatively quick response conversation on Facebook messenger which leads me to believe she is being honest. I offered to come visit her in her hometown which she seemed thrilled about. Against my better judgement, I asked if the kid was mine. Her instantaneous response was reassuring. She talked about her 2 year son as her only child (which I knew about). She said that was her sister's girl.

If you were in my shoes, knew exactly what happened, calculated the dates, and saw pictures of her on her Facebook page with the child, you may have come to the same conclusion. It was interesting to see the dad instinct in me come out. Never expected that. But it appears we have a wrap to the situation. False alarm. Back to defcon 0. Now I'm only left to wonder if I actually wanted it to be reality. How great would it be rolling into a family reunion with 40 year old siblings with my 22 year old bride & 2 month old kid. Regardless of that, I feel pretty confident the kid is not mine.

Thanks for putting up with the panic. I wanted to process my thoughts before reacting. Luckily, she eased the process by responding to my Facebook messages in a matter of fact way that put my mind at ease.

Let's hope if I have a 1/4 Thai, 1/4 Laos, 1/4 English, 1/4 German baby, it will be planned. She can still be 22 years old, I just want it to be planned.

I dont know man, that baby looks an awful lot like you.

[louse1953]

but, she might be married, and very afraid - of 'him' learning

but, she might not be married, and very afraid - of arrest

Why afraid of arrest? Is it a crime in Laos to have an affair with a foreigner? I don't believe it is.

2 men or 2 women,no worries.

[arunsakda]

This has scam written all over it and I can tell you want to do the right thing but DO NOT TRAVEL TO LAO. You could get jacked up there hard. Offer her to meet her in BKK paying generously for travel expenses and get an independent DNA analysis at a reputable international hospital and go from there, bringing her and the baby to the

Clinic without any ridiculous pretense of a surrepticious saliva swab. It appears you blew your load into a female and want to take reponsibility for your potential spawn, but if it "belongs" to somebody else you don't care. That's wonderful, what a great humanitarian you are! Anyway if you want to have a relationship is another question you need to work out together on a mutual basis based on trust. Obviously there is enough doubt present to make DNA test a prerequisite to proceeding forward. If you were otherwise unquestionably attached to this woman and committed to spend a life together it should not matter who the sperm donor is should it?

Edited September 29, 2014 by arunsakda

[Absolut]

Reading this post, it may be a 30 second adventure. For me, call it 12 hours of controlled panic.

The cliff notes - the baby is apparently her sisters. I've never seen the volume & type of pictures (see examples below) of an aunt holding her sisters baby but at this point it seems plausible. We had a relatively quick response conversation on Facebook messenger which leads me to believe she is being honest. I offered to come visit her in her hometown which she seemed thrilled about. Against my better judgement, I asked if the kid was mine. Her instantaneous response was reassuring. She talked about her 2 year son as her only child (which I knew about). She said that was her sister's girl.

If you were in my shoes, knew exactly what happened, calculated the dates, and saw pictures of her on her Facebook page with the child, you may have come to the same conclusion. It was interesting to see the dad instinct in me come out. Never expected that. But it appears we have a wrap to the situation. False alarm. Back to defcon 0. Now I'm only left to wonder if I actually wanted it to be reality. How great would it be rolling into a family reunion with 40 year old siblings with my 22 year old bride & 2 month old kid. Regardless of that, I feel pretty confident the kid is not mine.

Thanks for putting up with the panic. I wanted to process my thoughts before reacting. Luckily, she eased the process by responding to my Facebook messages in a matter of fact way that put my mind at ease.

Let's hope if I have a 1/4 Thai, 1/4 Laos, 1/4 English, 1/4 German baby, it will be planned. She can still be 22 years old, I just want it to be planned.

I'm a little confused, you say she's very honest but in your first post you seemed sure she had given birth to a child that was possibly yours.

Did she at any stage tell you she was pregnant and had given birth or did you simply see pictures of her with a new born and just assume it was hers?

[khunPer]

As someone with a pregnant Lao girlfriend, it's important that the OP be aware that in Laos an offence has been committed if a Laotian has "relations" with a foreigner that she is not married to. Of course, nothing is likely to happen, but getting involved especially in Laos itself, whether ot not you turn out to be the actual father, could open both her and you up to some invlovement from the police. I would proceed with caution.

Who does she say is the father?

Yes, I was scanning though the posts to see if somebody says that. OP, Maxbass, please be aware that the laws in Lao are slightly different from Thailand or what you expect. It may be a huge problem for a young Lao lady to have a child with a foreigner, if they are not already married (I think that should be at least 9 month before the birth of the child).

It bas been slightly mentioned before in this forum (getting married to a pregnant Lao girlfriend), and at that time I checked and found some English text about it at the Laotian Embassy in Australia’s homepage.

[mrfaroukh]

If she told you that the child is yours, either she is telling the truth or she want to scam you. In either case you just tell her you would like to take care of the child and her if the child is yours. So you need to do a DNA test which is the safest and 99.9% accurate. If she refuse then you know why.

[tifino]

scam? what scam? OP has already written earlier it was all a mistake through misinterpreting a photo on facebook.

My missus has heaps of that type of photo on her FBpages.

Of course the best reaction, even from as far as Germany, was the number of people who commented back on her FB about her new car that she was seen leaning on - a 200 merc (which was really her Dentist's).

Mistakes are easy to make (or create), not always procreate

[ALFREDO]

Appreciate the replies. I didn't even realize this was my first post as I've been on the site for many years.

Many years?

With this "nickname" 2,5+ years

If you, or others, get to know a possible Hospital or Institution, laboratory to make DNA tests in TH,

please let me know, also in PM possible of course. I have also interests.

[Greg Nixon]

Every child is our child. Does a sense of guilt drive you ? If it is a sense of responsibility, we are all responsible for the children in the world. I would not support this child out of a sense of guilt, but if you want to help someone, help this child and the child's mother. The mechanics of taking DNA tests is really quite cold. What every child needs most is love and emotional support.

If you are unable to be there for the child sending money sounds like a guilt trip. Do not worry, Issan people know how to care for children. The grandparents, neighbours and family members will grow to love this child and the child will be cared for. If you must send money, give till it hurts.

DNA TESTS ? Forget it. At least give those funds to the mother.

[kevinc]

Awesome 1^st post.

No idea what to suggest.

Good luck with it all.

I'm off for a ...

Why do people do this?

Guy asks a serious question, if you dont have any idea what to suggest then why bother to reply? just save your time and his by moving on (unless you are trying to get higher numbers posting for no reason).

[Jimbolai]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Appreciate the replies. I didn't even realize this was my first post as I've been on the site for many years.

Maybe those of you with children will tell me "DUH!" but having this situation evolve without notice has taken me off guard. She never asked for money, she never mentioned a pregnancy. But I'm pretty skilled at math. And adding up dates, it's pretty simple to figure out that there is a reasonable probability that the child is mine. And after confirming the dates of my hotel stay, I know within a 24 hour period when this "event" happened.

My goal now is to simply find out if the child is mine. That is my responsibility and one I'm taking seriously. I'm not sure how cooperative she would be if she knew my intentions. So any DNA test would most likely be done without her knowledge. You can imagine what's running through my head at the moment. Sorry to burden you with this but I think outside perspective could be helpful to me at the moment.

You are lucky that DNA tests are possible. You are right to pursue it ASAP as the problem will get much bigger as time goes on. I have a question though. Once you get the DNA swab, where will you get the tests done and what is the cost of such test?