Everyone Leers at My Daughter

[Neeranam]

Everywhere i go now with my 12 year old daughter, many Thai males leer at her and women stare. She is now 169 cm tall and i consider beautiful but biased of course. She looks about 15/16.

The other day we were in Big C food court, Mahasarakham. A group of about 10 guys, maybe 15 yo sat next to us and kept staring the whole time. They were polite otherwise. I started watching the mobs walk past and whether or not they looked - the majority did, looking away when they saw me looking at them but then when walked past looking round again. This is a little uncomfortable but bearable as i am actually proud of her looks.

The worst is when we are walking around and grown men leer and make comments I can't hear but are obviously directed at her. I asked her what she thinks and she doesn't like it. I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop it but what can I do when this happens? She is at a very impressionable age and will be affectedif I say nothing and also if I punch the guy on the nose. Any advice?

[Gulfsailor]

I am in a very similar situation with my 11 year old, looking more like 14 or 15. Problem is that lots of her friends are also older. Just gave her an iPhone so I can at least track her when she is outside the house. I just try to teach her about the risks outside but don't want to lock her up. I think I'll make her wear a burqa or cut her hair really short for the next few years...

Edit to add; this weekend at a restaurant the waitress started pouring the wine from our bottle in her glass!

Edited October 7, 2014 by Gulfsailor

[Neeranam]

I am in a very similar situation with my 11 year old, looking more like 14 or 15. Problem is that lots of her friends are also older. Just gave her an iPhone so I can at least track her when she is outside the house. I just try to teach her about the risks outside but don't want to lock her up. I think I'll make her wear a burqa or cut her hair really short for the next few years...

Maybe I am paranoid but I never let her outside with her friends without myself or another adult. This will change but I don't know what age - maybe 16. Then again, she will never be allowed out alone while I am still around.

[Costas2008]

OP, I understand your concerns about your daughter.

But you can't stop people looking at her, unless you make her wear a Hijab.

Not advisable anyway.

Try to ignore these people and be proud of your daughter.

[thehelmsman]

Get her a movie contract. Seriously, what can you do ??

[arthurwait]

Same thing with my friends daughter only turned 12 this years visit , half Australian half Thai. Dad is 6'4" and she got his height. Many Thai and Laos , Cambodian are staring at her, she is taller than most of them, about 1.7m.

I know how they both feel,a group of 60/70 year old Thai grannies trying to grope me in the swimming pool.

[Neeranam]

Actually, maybe a kind mod could move this to the family forum.

She was wearing a miniskirt over leggings that day which I thought was ok for her age. Maybe her dress should be monitored more.

Sorry Claudius, this ain't Rome.

[Briggsy]

Do the Thai Chinese thing. Daughter's whereabouts must be known at all times, must be accompanied at all times and must be in by a certain time. I am assuming your daughter is look khreung. Thai blokes definitely have a trophy culture surrounding look khreungs, something like Pakistanis in the UK with white women (i.e. for sex not marriage). Here, it is up to the family to protect the girl, no social services, no effective policing, etc.

[Neeranam]

Same thing with my friends daughter only turned 12 this years visit , half Australian half Thai. Dad is 6'4" and she got his height. Many Thai and Laos , Cambodian are staring at her, she is taller than most of them, about 1.7m.

I know how they both feel,a group of 60/70 year old Thai grannies trying to grope me in the swimming pool.

That's the same height as me and I pray she doesn't grow much more unless she wants to be on the catwalk.

[animatic]

My daughter towers over the wife and even when dressed low key is unavoidably nubile plus.

A few years back so thai guys around 17-19 started commenting on me being a 'lucky old man having bagged her,' in thai of course.

She got really pissed off and told them so rather clearly. They fell totally silent and stayed that way all night around her.

Eventually yours will learn to handle the attention, and shut it down when needed. It is a learning curve and rite of passage for you both.

But dad will never stop stressing.

Watch

'8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter'

[evadgib]

Just a thought, but when I ventured out shopping recently with my pre-teenage sons it occurred to me that the dirty looks we attracted in the mall/arcade were predominantly from 2 week wonders who assumed I was up to no good...

Edited October 7, 2014 by evadgib

[h90]

My father and I had lunch. He 70 but looking a bit younger. I 40 and looking younger.

The gay waiter thought I am the lover of the old guy and invited himself to come to our hotel......

Strange......

(all of us look European)

[BKK Blues Brother]

If they stare at my daughter i stare at them hard and cold.

Works in most cases, not all.

Just have to get used to it.

Where you live can have an impact also.

[kurnell]

My daughter is 8. I shall buy a gun in 3 years

[Gecko123]

Is it possible you are being mistaken for a couple rather than father/daughter and this is why you are garnering so much attention?

[Rooo]

Moved to Family.

[JLCrab]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=PDYRC_BRIWs#t=97

[pgrahmm]

Same here with our 14 year old.....a mini version of my wife....at first I didn't really notice until my wife pointed it out - she was more tuned into it......there's not much you can do except give the conciously aware stare back it - usually it startles/detracts them.....seems to make no difference whether a lone guy or a few.....it happens a little less when we walk as a family but still occurs......it's almost like they are sizing up the newest sweetest piece of fruit......she does have FB but we have the password and are always monitoring and all seems innocent there.....she's really an innocent; sweet, and shy like her mom - but she has the looks......

I always cringe for someone elses daughter when I see a group of 4 - 5 guys river/beach/waterfall/stream swimming/eating places and one girl all drinking sucking down the beer....sooner or later something is going to happen.......we try and impress on our daughter the dangers and lessons as we see them....fortunately there's no drinking history in the immediate family.....+ she is genuinely shy - not looking for attention.....we all share that trait so she has no bad family role model.....

The wife quite often gets sized up even though she's pushing 40 and considers herself "old" - (looks younger).....farangs doing the comparison inspection & of course the Thais.....sometimes it's funny.....we were walking in a park and another couple (Thai) was giving my wife the once over - twice over - thrice over.....as we passed I glanced at his gal and she had noticed also - but not as soon as I had......as they ppassed going the other way he turned his head to inspect the back side - - - - he never made it - I heard this loud thwak - she let him have it hard right on the side of his head.....by that time/sound I glanced back and he was a little wobbly for a few steps - made for a good laugh....

We're all together a high percent of the time in one way or the other so it effectively removes unwanted attentions from the clueless "admirers".....

Guard with love, vigilance, guidance, caution, and care there's a lot of extremely pretty women out there 20-26 that "somehow" have a child that's 4-5-6-7........they're targets........

Edited October 7, 2014 by pgrahmm

[HeijoshinCool]

Have her stare back while picking her nose and eating it.

Works for me.

[thaipod]

I've had Thais looking and staring at my 12 yr old son with continual comments of Lor. We were at a shopping center last month and some young girls were staring and giggling and then approached him to help with their English homework.

Now my wife wants to send him to a boarding school overseas .

[KhaoNiaw]

Mine's 22 now. Not much you can do beyond helping her to get a good radar for what's going on around and being sensible. Even at a fairly young age my daughter thought it was great to go to the UK and not get all the attention.

[Scully]

In a country where image and beauty are everything you will just have to get use to it. Thai's stare, they even stare at me,its rude to us but I just brush it off as being curious.

Just be proud to have a beautiful daughter or would you like an ugly one. In ten years time when she doesn't have to settle for Somchai the taxi driver she won't be complaining.

Sorry for being blunt.

[Ulysses G.]

I have had old farts with really attractive, scantly dressed, young ladies come into my shop and automatically assumed they were hookers. I start leering away (not intentionally) and all of a sudden it dawns on me that they are father and daughter and I have to wipe the look of lust off my face. It is embarrassing but what can you do?

[Neeranam]

Same here with our 14 year old.....a mini version of my wife....at first I didn't really notice until my wife pointed it out - she was more tuned into it......there's not much you can do except give the conciously aware stare back it - usually it startles/detracts them.....seems to make no difference whether a lone guy or a few.....it happens a little less when we walk as a family but still occurs......it's almost like they are sizing up the newest sweetest piece of fruit......she does have FB but we have the password and are always monitoring and all seems innocent there.....she's really an innocent; sweet, and shy like her mom - but she has the looks......

I always cringe for someone elses daughter when I see a group of 4 - 5 guys river/beach/waterfall/stream swimming/eating places and one girl all drinking sucking down the beer....sooner or later something is going to happen.......we try and impress on our daughter the dangers and lessons as we see them....fortunately there's no drinking history in the immediate family.....+ she is genuinely shy - not looking for attention.....we all share that trait so she has no bad family role model.....

The wife quite often gets sized up even though she's pushing 40 and considers herself "old" - (looks younger).....farangs doing the comparison inspection & of course the Thais.....sometimes it's funny.....we were walking in a park and another couple (Thai) was giving my wife the once over - twice over - thrice over.....as we passed I glanced at his gal and she had noticed also - but not as soon as I had......as they ppassed going the other way he turned his head to inspect the back side - - - - he never made it - I heard this loud thwak - she let him have it hard right on the side of his head.....by that time/sound I glanced back and he was a little wobbly for a few steps - made for a good laugh....

We're all together a high percent of the time in one way or the other so it effectively removes unwanted attentions from the clueless "admirers".....

Guard with love, vigilance, guidance, caution, and care there's a lot of extremely pretty women out there 20-26 that "somehow" have a child that's 4-5-6-7........they're targets........

There is alcoholism in my family - that's another challenge in a few years time.

[chiang mai]

The OP has to guts it out I'm afraid, I do understand and relate to the problem but there's not a lot to be done other than adjust personally and hope your daughter is as smart as she is attractive, which I'm certain she is.

[Gecko123]

She was wearing a miniskirt over leggings that day which I thought was ok for her age. Maybe her dress should be monitored more.

Would encourage pursuit of this line of thought. There are plenty of choices between a mini-skirt and a burqa.

My step-daughter is 16 and I talk to her all the time about what looks good and what is appropriate and not appropriate attire. I think the first time this came up was when she was 8-9 and wanted to pierce her ears. There's just been an on-going dialogue since early on.

I've noticed Thai parents can sometimes dress young girls in what I consider to be somewhat age-inappropriate overly suggestive clothing. I don't think they do this intentionally but more out of an unawareness about the signals this might be sending. Depending on how your wife was raised, she may be unaware of the messages your daughter's clothes are sending.

A lot of rural Thai girls start becoming sexually aware and, unfortunately, sexually active beginning in their early teen years. It seems like there are two camps: the "good" girls who are focused on their studies and headed for university, and the "naughty" girls who lose interest in school and start getting interested in boys. I would say the way your early teen daughter is dressing is sending powerful signals to teenage boys about which camp she belongs to.

I would encourage you and your wife to discuss these issues with your daughter. Building her awareness and letting her find the balancing line is far preferable to the parents trying to impose their iron-fisted fashion views. All that is likely to do is trigger rebellion.

Edited October 7, 2014 by Gecko123

[lumply]

It amuses me how fathers' can be so protective of their young teenage daughters. This is not exclusive to Thailand, it can happen anywhere. My young girls were exposed to the vagaries of the Middle East where on one occassion an Asian guy was caught red handed by my eldest pounding the monkey behind a pick-up and at night. She just exclaimed 'disgusting' which drew the attention of the youngest (8 at the time). Mum and Dad were close by, It was a non event, no harm done and I certainly did not feel inclined to lash out at the poor guy; the girls had forgotten about it five minutes later. There was the leering on other occassions, so where's the problem? Ignore it.

Mine grew up well adjusted and well guided by their parents, which I know they are now following with their own children. I was let off the leash at the age of eight to attend boarding school and I had to grow up and learn fast which no doubt influenced me in my approach to bringing up my kids. I respect the freedom of parents to do what they think is best of course but I still believe that being over protective achieves nothing in the long run.

[choochoo]

Just pray she doesnt use her looks to make money........................lol. Happens here quite often!

Guys who leer @ girls only have one thing on their mind. Monkey pounding......................................lol.

Edited October 7, 2014 by choochoo

[nottocus]

Burqa time me thinks.

[Gulfsailor]

Just pray she doesnt use her looks to make money........................lol. Happens here quite often!

Guys who leer @ girls only have one thing on their mind. Monkey pounding......................................lol.

You know the saying; 'pay peanuts, pound the monkey'