Being farang

[namdocmai]

I have a question to you farang living in thailand amongst Thai.

Do you dare to be farang here?

I mean, do you dare to make jokes to Thai just like us farang do to eachother. (very direct, rude, sexy, make fun about the way things are done here and so on.

Or just give short answers like NO! instead of making polite long sentences/stupid excuses like a Thai would do.

I just noticed that i don't dare to do so against Thai and wonder if you guys also had that phase.

In Europe we are very direct (straight through sea as we call it), if something sucks then it sucks. If it's great then it's great. We don't have to agree in that and don't hate eachother if we have different opinions, that's life for us and we call it "being honest".

I am the point now that i don't care no more what Thai think of me. I don't have to keep my reputation up or nothing like that. I don't have to prove anything here, i'm farang and will always be one.

I noticed that if i dress very well the Thai treat me much different then if i wear a t-shirt with short and old slippers. When i dress like that the security won't let me park my motorbike in front of the mall. When i dress properly (nice blouse, new shorts, hi-so slippers) then they even salute me and i can park where i like.

Now that's something i have never seen in Europe. We don't judge eachother by clothes or appearance. Even multimillionaires dress like they want, can be anything. Also the car doesn't say anything about people. Some have a small car for shopping only and a big one at their villa. Some have dirty fingernails from working in their garden or whatever their hobby is.

I'm just curious if you guys also came in strange situations in Thailand where you can't be yourself or don't dare to be yourself to not offend a Thai.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I don't associate with adult Thai men (unless they're dressed as a woman).

So the problem never occurs.

Thai women, on the other hand, quickly gets much ruder, sexier and suggestive than I would have ever dared with a western woman.

(singly or in groups)

I remember, in my early days, sitting at a restaurant table with 6 businesswomen, when the female owner put a can of oysters on the table and asked if I liked eating "hoy". All the ladies giggled at her question and waited eagerly for my reply. My reply was I didn't like "hoy" at all, and I would never EVER eat it. Which brought howls of laughter, as they all knew I was sleeping with her. During the evening every lady at the table managed to put her hand on my leg, tell me her husband didn't understand her, and offer me their phone number. The owners American husband even had the nerve to tell me how his wife was different, he could trust her fully, and she had never cheated on him.

Of course we all spoke in Thai apart from the owners American husband, even after living here 10 years, not one word of Thai.

I guess I shouldn't post as I'm not really farang.

Edited November 7, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[gerry123]

. I don't have to keep my reputation 555555555555555555555555555555

[EmptyHead]

I don't associate with adult Thai men (unless they're dressed as a woman).

So the problem never occurs.

Thai women, on the other hand, quickly gets much ruder, sexier and suggestive than I would have ever dared with a western woman.

(singly or in groups)

I remember, in my early days, sitting at a restaurant table with 6 businesswomen, when the female owner put a can of oysters on the table and asked if I liked eating "hoy". All the ladies giggled at her question and waited eagerly for my reply. My reply was I didn't like "hoy" at all, and I would never EVER eat it. Which brought howls of laughter, as they all knew I was sleeping with her. During the evening every lady at the table managed to put her hand on my leg, tell me her husband didn't understand her, and offer me their phone number. The owners American husband even had the nerve to tell me how his wife was different, he could trust her fully, and she had never cheated on him.

Of course we all spoke in Thai apart from the owners American husband, even after living here 10 years, not one word of Thai.

I guess I shouldn't post as I'm not really farang.

None of this is anything to boast about. Pretty common really.

[namdocmai]

I agree that when oysters come to the table then those kind of jokes always come up. We have a lesbian thai couple as friends in the group and then they always get the most attention and questions. They handle it well though.

In my native language hoi is just a word for hello.....mooi means nice, so when groups of farang come to thailand and see a temple they will all say : Ohhh mooi and the thai will chuckle.

But yes i also had inappropoate questions like you had. One day we were in a hotel somewhere in a group and they all played cards on the floor. I went to the toilet and decided to sit on it while peeing. Then one of the girls came in the toilet and i still think she waited for that. But it gave big fun for the whole group, she is married though and her husband also was playing cards.

Also first year i learned to speak thai myself. When i needed a waiter i would call him "nung ka" and they all chuckle but nobody warned me. After a year they finally told me to say "nung krab" because i sounded like a gay but they all loved to hear me do so.

But in restaurants in Europe we would be much ruder in restaurants. If food is served like here, dish by dish with time in between we will be angry and walk away, whatever is still cooking for us. Not paying of course. In Europe the food has to be served warm and everything at the same time or the restaurant is no good and we sure would let them know so.

One day we had a dinner from my wife's company with a big client. 25 people from the client, my wife and her sales. I was also with her.

When the customers personell all came they saw me and all went sitting at the other end of the table. They all thought i was their CEO from Norway. Everybody was nervous, didn't dare to speak or eat. But when they found out who i really was things changed fast and it became a nice party.

[Ulysses G.]

I've been here a long time. All in all, I rather put up with most Thais than many Westerners.

[namdocmai]

I've been here a long time. All in all, I rather put up with most Thais than many Westerners.

Yes i agree with that, the thing is just that i am a farang and always will be one. I just noticed that i don't dare to say no to a Thai while i would easy do that to any farang, without thinking. Saying NO is just not done in Thai culture and i'm not good in finding excuses, i would rather say no but that might hurt their feelings deeply.

People around me are very spoiled, the kids here have never heard the word NO. Many of them have rich parents and always get what they want or they cry like crazy. My parents would have punished me if i cried like that but here that's not done at all.

Also telling the truth is not done here, they always talk around it. If i don't like something i will say so in as few words as possible but Thai don't do that.

I just want to be myself and be respected the way i am. If i hurt their feelings then so be it. But of course i don't want to have problems about nothing with my neighbours.

I have one neighbour who always parks his car oppose the driveway from my neighbour so he has big problems to get his cars out. But he will never complaint about that. That guy even parks his car almost on the middle of the road in front of his driveway, even cant' be bothered to park close to the pavement. Very selfish and if he did that to me i sure would tell him to stop that and that would give problems for sure.

He had problems about that with another neighbour, then he called his family who is police and that one showed his gun a few times to the other neighbour.....Also he himself has a gun at home and likes to let that be known.

See things are not simple here and i just wonder how you guys handle such situations.

[DogNo1]

Well, in my experience, many Asian countries, including Thailand, have their own versions of the Japanese "Tatemae" and "Honne. The terms could be translated as "Appearance" and "Reality." Many novelists have dealt with the problems caused by the necessity of keeping them apart. Perhaps one famous novel exploring tatemae and honne is The Tale of Genji. In Japan, it is advantageous to wear your invisible tatemae mask when you are in public and reserve your real self, your honne for family and drunken parties. This is among the many contrasts between Western culture and Thai culture.

[benalibina]

You think too much. Maybe it isnt for you...living in Thailand. You can fit in if you want to.

[Crazy chef 1]

that's the reason they hired me.if things need to be done i have sometimes to use the direct way.but my staff got used to it and my not so correct humor is something they love. we are a family and every family got his grumpy part.

[namdocmai]

Yes i guess i have to learn to put a mask on. Everything here is fake so i also should play the game that way. I will try to lie whenever it suits me, that will be very hard though.

But working here with personell is something i won't even try. They will call me Gordon Ramsey for sure although i sure respect that man. With so many sharp knives in the kitchen i won't dare to be myself. I wonder though how japanese restaurants can train their personell to do the job perfect, only they can do it.

Well that is for the cooking part, serving and cleaning still goes the mai ben rai way is what i noticed.

I will try my new mask from today, just smile and if things go wrong then so be it, as long is it is not on my account then who cares.

Also i don't care what Thai think of me, only my wife is important here.

[tracker1]

Being a farang WELL as my Mrs puts it know nothing as she always believes what a Thai tells her never what her husband tells her, stingy but pays most the bills, washed dishes and clothes but does nothing it goes on and on

[benalibina]

Being a farang WELL as my Mrs puts it know nothing as she always believes what a Thai tells her never what her husband tells her, stingy but pays most the bills, washed dishes and clothes but does nothing it goes on and on

And what does this tell you ?

[ivan96822]

Someone stick a fork in this guy ;p

[Berkshire]

Funny, but I just posted this on another thread today:

"Why do farangs travel thousands of miles to a foreign land, then complain that it's not more like home?"

Seems much more applicable to this thread.

[marko kok prong]

Well i wish they would stop playing the damn music at 5am,in Uk or Australia,you would ask them to turn it down,i do not because how would i look,like some colonial era planter,this is how it is in the village,it is there country,not mine,so i put up with it even though i may not like it,along with many other things,but i say nothing,you have to accept the traditions and culture of the place,or move on.

[sipi]

Life is a charade, no matter where you are. There are volumes of books written about the white millionaire that wandered down the street in the appearance of a vagabond, or the homeless dude that went to the poshest places in a suit and tie; and were treated respectively according to their appearance or actions.

As for me, I just don't give a <deleted>!