The fake hitting thing- you down?

[SicaHafan]

I have a 19 month old son who's half thai. My thai neighborhood loves us and everyone's very kind and helpful. People often want to play around with him and he loves it- but now and then someone (thai) new comes around and does the fake hitting thing to him- raises their hand up like they're ready to smack him hard and then stop at the last second- he flinches and (rightfully so) gets a confused and concerned look- on an occasion it even scared him enough to cry. He's tough kid and not the winey cry baby type at all- he's just not used to that kind of behavior. I explain (in Thai) that I don't hit him or joke about it, and I don't think it's funny- please don't. They kinda shrug and laugh it off, cuz that's so weird- to not pretend to hit your kid- but whatever.

Anyway, what do you guys think of that stuff? It's an aspect of the culture that I'm not willing to adopt into our home life as I personally don't think it's healthy- but I'd like to hear others westerners' perspective as well.

[MAJIC]

Scary! and I can't see any logical purpose!

[kurnell]

Your's is the first tough 19 month old I have ever heard of. Does he lift weights? Watch Van Damme movies?

[bina]

dont know, guys do that here also.. its like a macho thing... to fake a smack and at last minute stroke or caress... like thrwoing a fake punch... or clip to the side of the head....

i suppose if he was around adults that do that all the time he would get used to it and trust the adult to not really hit him; rather like those people that enjoy tossing babies in the air....

my husband does it with our dogs and they've learned that is is fun and not real and they wait for it every day as that is his way of petting adn carressing (its usuaully accompanied with a sound effect like psshhshsh or followed by a sort of muey thai boxing manouever . my oldest dog loves it and waits for it.

not fond of it on kids but have noticed that thai kdis that are raised with this dont react with confusion or fear... become desensitized.

[pinkpanther99]

I know exactly what you're talking about but I have no idea.

It's not about being a macho thing as I've only ever seen women do this fake hitting.

They did it to our daughter and I guess it's some strange sign of affection.

I just put it down as at #145256788241887227924 of things I don't understand about Thailand.

Like I often say, there isn't a day that goes by in Thailand where I'm not left with more questions than I have answers.

Add 'fake hitting' to the list of questions.

[jacko45k]

I have often wagged a finger at a naughty little Thai kid playfully in the village, and the kids give me a bit of a wide eyed look, often they haven't seen many farangs. The mother will then talk to him/her and I get the impression they are being told to behave else the big-bad,big-nosed foreign devil will punish them!

The kids seem to know what fake hitting represents and I wonder if the real thing happens more in private.

Edited November 25, 2014 by jacko45k

[recycler]

I see this too that aggression is often teached and rewarded with young kids here.

You see the same pattern on television and in society with a lot of violence and use of weapons. They learn it young...

[realenglish1]

My girlfriend has done this for 7 years. For some reason usually when she feels love for me

Weird Huh

Well its Thainess I guess

[frollywolly]

The kids seem to know what fake hitting represents and I wonder if the real thing happens more in private.

The reaction to an action they have experienced before.

We never liked it being done with our children.

[Acharn]

I have often wagged a finger at a naughty little Thai kid playfully in the village, and the kids give me a bit of a wide eyed look, often they haven't seen many farangs. The mother will then talk to him/her and I get the impression they are being told to behave else the big-bad,big-nosed foreign devil will punish them!

The kids seem to know what fake hitting represents and I wonder if the real thing happens more in private.

I did that with my first wife once, while she was in the middle of a tirade, cursing me out very violently. She was shocked. Apparently, at least among North-Easterners, wagging your finger is body language meaning you're really, really pissed off. Wish I'd discovered that years earlier, because it was the first way I found to make her stop cursing me. Later I found that asking her if she was already drunk also worked. Never did learn, though, why I couldn't smell the licquor on her.

[Krataiboy]

The kids are being groomed to accept and fear physical violence. Later on, at home, infants/junior school and every other walk of life as they grow, they will encounter the real thing.

Give me a child until he is eight. . .

[kennypowers]

No one has ever done that to our daughter. I guess this could be a village / Isaan thing. It's always worth remembering that North Eastern culture differs in many ways to the rest of Thailand, as does village mentality when compared with Bangkok.

Edited November 25, 2014 by kennypowers

[maidee]

what happens when you make a dog fearfull or agressive ???

[Suradit69]

I have often wagged a finger at a naughty little Thai kid playfully in the village, and the kids give me a bit of a wide eyed look, often they haven't seen many farangs. The mother will then talk to him/her and I get the impression they are being told to behave else the big-bad,big-nosed foreign devil will punish them!

The kids seem to know what fake hitting represents and I wonder if the real thing happens more in private.

"The kids seem to know what fake hitting represents and I wonder if the real thing happens more in private."

Quite the opposite. If someone raises a hand in that fashion to a child who has had any experience of actually being hit, the kid will flinch, duck or change his/her expression in response.

[Suradit69]

The kids are being groomed to accept and fear physical violence. Later on, at home, infants/junior school and every other walk of life as they grow, they will encounter the real thing.

Give me a child until he is eight. . .

"The kids are being groomed to accept and fear physical violence. "

Utter nonsense. That comment says more about you and your perception of others than you appear to realize.

I see this too that aggression is often teached and rewarded with young kids here.

You see the same pattern on television and in society with a lot of violence and use of weapons. They learn it young...

"You see the same pattern on television and in society with a lot of violence and use of weapons. "

I hope you're talking about the west. The violence in video games, TV and movies is often directly linked to violence in young people in western countries, including the frequent school shootings, bullying, drive-by shootings, gang violence, domestic violence ... And of course, the easy availability of weapons. Both matters far more prevalent in the west than Thailand.

Edited November 25, 2014 by Suradit69

[Mattbaldacchino]

Weird, my girlfriend does that to me when I do something stupid and its usually a joke, but never seen her or anyone really do it to a kid. That must be traumatizing, thinking you're going to get hit then at the last minute realising you're not..a form of mental torture really, until the kid gets used to it..

[bob strutt]

ya i wondered what it is all about too, every women in our village seems to do it to all the new born babies and very young kids, i think it is an animal female cultural thai thing , where they are displaying there dominence and family standing in a strong, but unhurtful way, mothers are definately not the same when punishing there kids, no pulling of punchs there, three strikes and your OUT, the babies do not seem to mind, scares the hell out of me, but this is not my country

[Bosse137]

I live in the north east.Happens here all the time.I don`t get it;meant to be funny? A similar thing is when the mother goes looking for her child with a tiny branch from a tree.Never seen it used, except "symbolicly".Don´t think it scaers anybody.

[smotherb]

Your's is the first tough 19 month old I have ever heard of. Does he lift weights? Watch Van Damme movies?

It's apparent you know little of infants, or maybe you just raised a bunch of cry-babies.

[SicaHafan]

Ya I know it's just playing, and meant to be cute, but I just don't agree with it- it's a psychological game that I don't think is healthy for children. But hey, to all their own- I just don't want it imposed on my kid.

I could almost understand the game if those same people didn't hit for real- but I think you have less ground to stand on calling it a joke when it's also very real sometimes. I make gay jokes with my gay friends, but it'd be a lot less funny if I was also a homophobe.

It's not just a northeastern thing either- I used to live an hour from bangkok and now I live in the south on an island and I've always seen it happen. The in laws (kanchanaburi) do it too, but they don't to our son cuz they were pre-warned that I'm not keen on it. My baby's cousin in the other hand, is chased around the room with a stick when he's misbehaving. They raise it and yell at him and laugh after, while he cries and retaliates in anger.

I know kids like this well because I could recognize them easily when I used to teach kindergarten. The ones that were hit and teased at home were the most violent in class and would lash out when upset.

Edited November 25, 2014 by SicaHafan

[vijer]

It's the retard factor (apologies to any people born mentally disabled). They still do the same thing to my son. Every time I see it I think what the <deleted>> is the matter with these people. It's like stopping in the middle of making a turn. Just dumb and pointless.

They also, make this dumb sound, pheeuu and blow on his face.

[bkkworker]

I have discussed this topic with my Thai wife many times. The first time it happened to my daughter, she was around 13 months old or so, and I instinctively put my hand up to block the hit by the offending woman. I was appalled and the woman was shocked at my behavior and the fact that I was indeed quite serious in regard to my action. She and the others present then started to laugh at my reaction. I was not amused.

One post has mentioned 'to each their own' but I still cringe when I see it done to other babies.

[eezergood]

Try doing the fake hitting thing to the ladies & see how funny they find it....... then walk off laughing

[bina]

it is a male and female thing; the thai guys here do it to eachother also, especially among very good friends and yes! along side their head or face/// or do a sort of muey thai move. my husband does it to the dogs who know that it is in fun and yes react accordingly. kids and animals learn fast who and what is real or not real, its similar to the western mostly male thing of sort of punching someone on the shoulder or near their head but drawing back in time and laughing. and ive noticed the older women doing it to young children.

thai men and often women also like to wake sleeping babies , poke them or annoy them until the child responds either crying or laughing. they also do that to dogs... hubby does it to ours, and then the dogs bark at him and he continues until i shut everyone up and calm them all down.

i think in a lot of ways thais at least country thais are not big on soft carresses and touchy feely huggy motions so have found wasy to express their feelings in a more rough/gruff way. its also akin to kids pulling pigtails of other kids that they like, or bugging them to get attention.

also, in the beginning, babies are very babied but very quickly they become just little people. there is not much time for being jsut a child in the poorer households in upcountry. once a child is able to walk and talk on his own, he becomes a mini adult and i guess also the rough and tough actions help the child be less 'delicate' or 'sensitive' or 'afraid' much earlier then our kids. it sort of desensitizes them.

the running after a child with a stick is because in the long run many of the kids will feel that stick on their legs or back if they misbehave. the children have seen that stick use d on someone so know the potential. (used to be used in school, not sure now, although ive heard that upcountry in smaller shcools still exits).

[EyesWideOpen]

I have a four year old daughter, and I have never seen this done to her. If I did see

someone doing a check swing on her I would be pissed off. But I do not live in a

Thai village, so maybe not much of a problem living in a city without village relatives around.

[kurnell]

Your's is the first tough 19 month old I have ever heard of. Does he lift weights? Watch Van Damme movies?

It's apparent you know little of infants, or maybe you just raised a bunch of cry-babies.

Congrats, on your macho parenting. A little slap never hurts does it big man?

[Smurkster]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that

The kids are being groomed to accept and fear physical violence. Later on, at home, infants/junior school and every other walk of life as they grow, they will encounter the realI hope you're talking about the west. The violence in video games, TV and movies is often directly linked to violence in young people in western countries, including the frequent school shootings, bullying, drive-by shootings, gang violence, domestic violence ... And of course, the easy availability of weapons. Both matters far more prevalent in the west than Thailand.

you know I really think the case could be made that that isn't 100% accurate. First of all, Thai kids watch a lot of violent stuff and play a lot of violent video games and a lot of times, I have seen them pretending to act out what they have watched. Ok so maybe there aren't drive by shootings, there is a heavy underbelly of violence in this country and if you choose not to accept that fine, but its true. Domestic violence, check! maybe the weapons aren't as available here as they are in the west and maybe thats the only thing keeping this place from appearing to be as violent...also, one stat you cannot run a way from, the murder rate per 100,000 in the United states...4.7....Thailand....5.0

The numbers don't lie but apparently some of us will do whatever we can do to apologise and defend this country and its people at all costs, even when actions are indefensible. example in the post about this fake hitting that Thais do to kids, had to be turned around to be about how "well, its worse in the west.."'

Edited November 26, 2014 by Smurkster

[SicaHafan]

I tend to agree. I'm not defending the west, but to imply violence isn't very prevent here is silly- and weapons not available? If say about half the thai men I know have or at one point had at least a black market one-shot gun. Domestic violence feels a LOT more widely accepted here. When I see a guy dragging a woman down the street by her hair as she tries to get away, and when I try to make a fuss, but the local people stop me and say it's ok- they're married.

When my friend gets hit and has a shard of glass held to her throat by her angry thai boyfriend and no one seems very surprised.

I think a huge factor is in regards to class. Thailand has a huge range of wealth and poverty- modern life and village life- high education and complete lack there of. I worked for years at a government school that had a private English Program within it. My EP students reality was very different from most of those that attended the regular school. There was a huge range of how children were treated, and it often was in correlation with the family's status/wealth/education.

Bangkok people are probably less familiar with this type of thing because the cultural mentality there is striving to be a more modern society- but you don't need to travel to hill-tribe villages to see this, there was plenty of fake and real hitting very publicly around any average thai city.

And yes- they do still hit the kids in most schools. Kindergarteners usually get the big foam stick on the legs (still stings pretty good), and the older ones get the bamboo on the hands.

[Smurkster]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I tend to agree. I'm not defending the west, but to imply violence isn't very prevent here is silly- and weapons not available? If say about half the thai men I know have or at one point had at least a black market one-shot gun. Domestic violence feels a LOT more widely accepted here. When I see a guy dragging a woman down the street by her hair as she tries to get away, and when I try to make a fuss, but the local people stop me and say it's ok- they're married.
When my friend gets hit and has a shard of glass held to her throat by her angry thai boyfriend and no one seems very surprised.
I think a huge factor is in regards to class. Thailand has a huge range of wealth and poverty- modern life and village life- high education and complete lack there of. I worked for years at a government school that had a private English Program within it. My EP students reality was very different from most of those that attended the regular school. There was a huge range of how children were treated, and it often was in correlation with the family's status/wealth/education.
Bangkok people are probably less familiar with this type of thing because the cultural mentality there is striving to be a more modern society- but you don't need to travel to hill-tribe villages to see this, there was plenty of fake and real hitting very publicly around any average thai city.

And yes- they do still hit the kids in most schools. Kindergarteners usually get the big foam stick on the legs (still stings pretty good), and the older ones get the bamboo on the hands.

Yes, I don't have any hard evidence that domestic violence is more prevalent here than in the west, but I too also get the feeling that it is more widely accepted here and seen as part of a marriage more than it is back in our respective countries.

[Brigante7]

No one has ever done that to our daughter. I guess this could be a village / Isaan thing. It's always worth remembering that North Eastern culture differs in many ways to the rest of Thailand, as does village mentality when compared with Bangkok.

That sounds a bit snobby.

Brigante7.