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When it becomes TOO much. How can we safely remove the problem?

frollywolly

By frollywolly
in ASEAN NOW Community Pub

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frollywolly Senior Member

frollywolly

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We all know at least person like this I am sure. An ex-pat who becomes expert on all things Thai related.

Our group have been meeting on a regular basis for quite some years. The group expands and contracts depending on the season, whoever is in Thailand at the time, new faces are added/subtracted. Friends of friends.

One of our brood has gradually become more and more the self-appointed expert on everything Thai. The reality is, he is no expert at all. His advice and commentary all stems from what he has read or heard from someone else. Minimal first hand experience.

We have tried to tell him, politely, but he simply cannot take a hint. We have thought of changing our meeting point, but we have used the same place for many years, it is close, convenient, comforting. The friend who introduced him has washed his hands of the man.

The other issue is he drinks. He drinks too much and he can become threatening and aggressive. We don’t want any backlash.

Have others had this experience? What is the easiest way to extricate this ardent bore from our daily lives? We want minimum fuss for ourselves.

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Costas2008 Ruby Member

Costas2008

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I can see your problem OP.

The only solution I can think of, is to change your place of meeting and don't tell him, although it is comfortable for you.

Saying that, I believe he will find out your new place and join you again.

This is not an uncommon problem with farang meetings.

Either we tolerate it or stop going there.

Sorry, I can't help you more but this is one of problems we often encounter being the minority in this country.

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Morakot Platinum Member

Morakot

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self-appointed expert on everything Thai. The reality is, he is no expert at all. His advice and commentary all stems from what he has read or heard from someone else. Minimal first hand experience.

I recommend a thorough system of checks and balances, possible in form of an assessment prior to admission. Once you're convinced the candidate has demonstrated adequate knowledge and sufficient experience of Thailand and Thai culture, you may facilitate him with the watchword. Of course you need a tyler who will ensure that only the right people may enter the meeting.

Edited by Morakot
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gerry123 Gold Member

gerry123

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self-appointed expert on everything Thai. The reality is, he is no expert at all. His advice and commentary all stems from what he has read or heard from someone else. Minimal first hand experience.

I recommend a thorough system of checks and balances, possible in form of an assessment prior to admission. Once you're convinced the candidate has demonstrated adequate knowledge and sufficient experience of Thailand and Thai culture, you may facilitate him with the watchword. Of course you need a tyler who will ensure that only the right people may enter the meeting.

sounds a bit masonic/clandestine for my idea of a couple of hours with my mates

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frollywolly Senior Member

frollywolly

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self-appointed expert on everything Thai. The reality is, he is no expert at all. His advice and commentary all stems from what he has read or heard from someone else. Minimal first hand experience.

I recommend a thorough system of checks and balances, possible in form of an assessment prior to admission. Once you're convinced the candidate has demonstrated adequate knowledge and sufficient experience of Thailand and Thai culture, you may facilitate him with the watchword. Of course you need a tyler who will ensure that only the right people may enter the meeting.

sounds a bit masonic/clandestine for my idea of a couple of hours with my mates

Of course. Draconian. No one would propose such idiocy.

I believe morokat was attempting some sarcasm or a type of childish put down.( I hope.)

Let be clear. This is not about the man knowing his Thai history.

He is insufferable. An 'I know everything and have final word' about every aspect of Thai culture; Marriage, divorce, land, sinsot, Face, driving, trust, friends, family, Thai social customs.

If the man knew what he what he was talking about we would be happy to listen and converse.

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pgrahmm Platinum Member

pgrahmm

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Take a poll - make sure it's not just you - then tell him straight up he's no longer welcome to join the group....change meeting location for 2 meetings then move back to your preferred place....

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frollywolly Senior Member

frollywolly

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I can see your problem OP.

The only solution I can think of, is to change your place of meeting and don't tell him, although it is comfortable for you.

Saying that, I believe he will find out your new place and join you again.

This is not an uncommon problem with farang meetings.

Either we tolerate it or stop going there.

Sorry, I can't help you more but this is one of problems we often encounter being the minority in this country.

Thank you costas.

We thought about a new place. He would find us, of course. If we said that we forgot to tell him, it would still leave us with the problem of he would be back with us. Limited options as to where to go.

When he drinks he can become unhinged and that is what concerns us. We are not the types who are trained in physically defending ourselves.

As you might know, some people become irrationally incensed when they feel slighted/rejected. Back home we could call the old bill. Not so easy here.

P.s I saw another comment. The entire group feels the same. It is a situation that has built up over many months and has become intolerable.

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David48 Star Member

David48

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We've got a group like that (and a similar member or 3).

It's a Wine and Food group - no girls (because of the post-prandial activities around Bangla or points south).

Well ... I've learnt a new word/term 'post-prandial' ... means after eating a meal.

Cheers ... thumbsup.gif

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pgrahmm Platinum Member

pgrahmm

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I can see your problem OP.

The only solution I can think of, is to change your place of meeting and don't tell him, although it is comfortable for you.

Saying that, I believe he will find out your new place and join you again.

This is not an uncommon problem with farang meetings.

Either we tolerate it or stop going there.

Sorry, I can't help you more but this is one of problems we often encounter being the minority in this country.

Thank you costas.

We thought about a new place. He would find us, of course. If we said that we forgot to tell him, it would still leave us with the problem of he would be back with us. Limited options as to where to go.

When he drinks he can become unhinged and that is what concerns us. We are not the types who are trained in physically defending ourselves.

As you might know, some people become irrationally incensed when they feel slighted/rejected. Back home we could call the old bill. Not so easy here.

P.s I saw another comment. The entire group feels the same. It is a situation that has built up over many months and has become intolerable.

Then - tell him as a group with a united front before any drinking starts - no debate and don't proceed further until he leaves - thell him it's time for you to leave now.....Then SILENCE......no squabble - silence.....

If he does not want to leave - then leave en-mass and leave him there alone.....without a word......

Eat someplace else for that evening and maybe the next.....silence is the key.....says more than words ever could.....

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Evilbaz Silver Member

Evilbaz

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We've got a group like that (and a similar member or 3).

It's a Wine and Food group - no girls (because of the post-prandial activities around Bangla or points south).

Well ... I've learnt a new word/term 'post-prandial' ... means after eating a meal.

Cheers ... thumbsup.gif

You're welcome.

Now you'll have a phrase - post-prandial hyperhydrosis - sweating after a big/hot meal

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ttthailand Gold Member

ttthailand

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I know the type, know it alls ! But make sure you are judging him correctly. Just because he does not agree with your position on subjects does not make him a bad guy nor does it make him not correct, maybe he is right. He may also be a great guy away from your meetings. In addition he may look at you guys as his true friends and he is just a little socially retarded. Basically be careful, we all have feelings.

One idea....If as you say he is a know it all and your other group members agree, perhaps a voting system will help. This is done by someone asking for a vote when he starts to ramble on about something and no one agrees, vote to say your wrong as far as we are concerned, and then move on. Ignore him if he continues. He should get the message quickly if people just look away and ignore him.

Again, be careful !

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frollywolly Senior Member

frollywolly

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I know the type, know it alls ! But make sure you are judging him correctly. Just because he does not agree with your position on subjects does not make him a bad guy nor does it make him not correct, maybe he is right. He may also be a great guy away from your meetings. In addition he may look at you guys as his true friends and he is just a little socially retarded. Basically be careful, we all have feelings.

One idea....If as you say he is a know it all and your other group members agree, perhaps a voting system will help. This is done by someone asking for a vote when he starts to ramble on about something and no one agrees, vote to say your wrong as far as we are concerned, and then move on. Ignore him if he continues. He should get the message quickly if people just look away and ignore him.

Again, be careful !

Good answer.

I had not considered how he views us, but you could be spot on with what you say. He is socially not great, then again many are not in Thailand. Yet he might see us as friends. Yes, we must consider that.

The voting? I am not against it, but it might become too ordered and structured. perhaps we could try it once or twice, humoursly done... I will pass that suggestion on.

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orpheus454 Advanced Member

orpheus454

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We've got a group like that (and a similar member or 3).

It's a Wine and Food group - no girls (because of the post-prandial activities around Bangla or points south).

Well ... I've learnt a new word/term 'post-prandial' ... means after eating a meal.

Yeah, didn't you know that...? whistling.gif

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