What is your understanding of being married in Thailand?

[Costas2008]

I had a conversation with a nice Aussie, Lady and that prompted me to open this thread.

During my life in Thailand, I’ve met many farangs from all over the world.

I observed them and their wives and I have come to the conclusion that they didn’t get married because they wanted a wife but because they wanted an obedient servant.

There is no communication between them, there is nothing in common.

Usually the wives can manage a basic phrase or two in English and the husbands can manage a word or two in Thai.

I have been invited for lunch or dinner to other farangs houses, where the men sit on one table and the wives on another or on the floor in the kitchen.

I can see the frustration on the husbands and wives faces when they are trying to communicate and that usually ends into shouting or ignoring each other.

But when you ask them if they are happy, you get the answer that they are the happiest men in the world.

Happy with what?

Having a servant to take care of them or their sexual needs?

That is not called marriage, in my books it’s called leasing a lady to take care of their needs.

And these Ladies, oblige, because they need the money and the financial support for themselves or their families.

Then we are surprized when we read on TVF how “ungrateful” these ladies are cheating them with another man.

But that doesn’t happen very often as the wives prefer to put the head down and suffer mentally than hurt the family financially.

I can’t generalize to what I am saying as I have met also couples that are really happy together and have a wonderful life.

But unfortunately I’m speaking about the majority of farang/Thai couples I’ve met.

What is your opinion, members?

Do you associate yourselves to what I said or are you with the happily married couples?

[BritManToo]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Edited December 3, 2014 by BritManToo

[gerry123]

i am so happy with my lot words cannot explain so i wont

[Thai at Heart]

I had a conversation with a nice Aussie, Lady and that prompted me to open this thread.

During my life in Thailand, Ive met many farangs from all over the world.

I observed them and their wives and I have come to the conclusion that they didnt get married because they wanted a wife but because they wanted an obedient servant.

There is no communication between them, there is nothing in common.

Usually the wives can manage a basic phrase or two in English and the husbands can manage a word or two in Thai.

I have been invited for lunch or dinner to other farangs houses, where the men sit on one table and the wives on another or on the floor in the kitchen.

I can see the frustration on the husbands and wives faces when they are trying to communicate and that usually ends into shouting or ignoring each other.

But when you ask them if they are happy, you get the answer that they are the happiest men in the world.

Happy with what?

Having a servant to take care of them or their sexual needs?

That is not called marriage, in my books its called leasing a lady to take care of their needs.

And these Ladies, oblige, because they need the money and the financial support for themselves or their families.

Then we are surprized when we read on TVF how ungrateful these ladies are cheating them with another man.

But that doesnt happen very often as the wives prefer to put the head down and suffer mentally than hurt the family financially.

I cant generalize to what I am saying as I have met also couples that are really happy together and have a wonderful life.

But unfortunately Im speaking about the majority of farang/Thai couples Ive met.

What is your opinion, members?

Do you associate yourselves to what I said or are you with the happily married couples?

Costa's, youre on shaky ground here. There are millions of mixed culture marriages around the world where languages are complicated.

It is what it to be judged wrong about wishing for a stay at home wife? That is for many the ideal family style.

I don't think you have the right to superimpose your view of marriage into every one else and judge it.

Just my opinion and all that.

Married 14 years.....

[swampdonkey]

Costa's you should stick to topics you are an expert on such as milking mammals

[Morakot]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Regardless of who is eating with whom, let the Greek man speak and respect his discursive effort.

[colinneil]

Body lanquage speaks more than the spoken word

[Costas2008]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Why troll topic?

This is my observation living in Thailand.

It's very good to bash the Thais for whatever bad or good they do but it's a taboo to mention the wrong things with the farangs.

But again, after reading my post may be you faced reality and you didn't like it.

So you had to retaliate with a nasty comment.

Suit yourself.

[Costas2008]

Costa's you should stick to topics you are an expert on such as milking mammals

Why?

Reality hurts?

[BritManToo]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Why troll topic?

This is my observation living in Thailand.

It's very good to bash the Thais for whatever bad or good they do but it's a taboo to mention the wrong things with the farangs.

But again, after reading my post may be you faced reality and you didn't like it.

So you had to retaliate with a nasty comment.

Suit yourself.

Not bashing Thais, just pointing out the men and women don't mix socially as much as western couples.

So a foreigner eating separately to his Thai wife would be entirely within Thai social norms.

[pgrahmm]

Actually my wife and I communicate well at all levels sharing humor, events, family as well as a little help around the house (very little but that's the way she likes it)....if one of us notice something that needs to be done it's done.....

Socially, if there are friends over and they are also farang/Thai the gals seem to go elsewhere and talk but after an introductory chat (not much different than in the US).....if it's a farang guy that's here to see me my wife makes sure we are comfortable (tea, drink, snack) before she goes to a different room....if it's a Thai gal here to see her they'll go to the garden or stay inside and I go to another part of the house.....if it's folks for karaoke everyone pretty much in the same area of the house......

It took me awhile to get use to the gals settling in somewhere else in mixed company but that's the norm here....if music is playing in a patio they might even dance by themselves......

If she's watching Thai TV - I might be close but on the keyboard.....if watching a DVD for both of us she'll bring out the thai triangle cushions and pat them and we cuddle and watch - - - sometimes we don't see the movie.....

[Costas2008]

Actually my wife and I communicate well at all levels sharing humor, events, family as well as a little help around the house (very little but that's the way she likes it)....if one of us notice something that needs to be done it's done.....

Socially, if there are friends over and they are also farang/Thai the gals seem to go elsewhere and talk but after an introductory chat (not much different than in the US).....if it's a farang guy that's here to see me my wife makes sure we are comfortable (tea, drink, snack) before she goes to a different room....if it's a Thai gal here to see her they'll go to the garden or stay inside and I go to another part of the house.....if it's folks for karaoke everyone pretty much in the same area of the house......

It took me awhile to get use to the gals settling in somewhere else in mixed company but that's the norm here....if music is playing in a patio they might even dance by themselves......

If she's watching Thai TV - I might be close but on the keyboard.....if watching a DVD for both of us she'll bring out the thai triangle cushions and pat them and we cuddle and watch - - - sometimes we don't see the movie.....

I like reading nice posts like yours and I believe we will be reading others with same experiences.

Also believe there are many happy couples living in Thailand.

I doubt that we will be hearing about similar situations as I described, except nasty remarks about the author.

One more thing I want to stress is, this thread is not as to who is eating with whom but how some farangs see marriage in Thailand.

[pigeonjake]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

[Costas2008]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

The same with me, Pigeonjake

I have found love understanding and tranquillity here and I wouldn't change that for anything in this world.

As about being an obedient servant, I serve and take care of my wife more than she does for me, as she is a working lady.

I just wrote about my observations with numerous farang/thai couples I've met in my 7 years living here.

[Crazy chef 1]

Actually my wife and I communicate well at all levels sharing humor, events, family as well as a little help around the house (very little but that's the way she likes it)....if one of us notice something that needs to be done it's done.....

Socially, if there are friends over and they are also farang/Thai the gals seem to go elsewhere and talk but after an introductory chat (not much different than in the US).....if it's a farang guy that's here to see me my wife makes sure we are comfortable (tea, drink, snack) before she goes to a different room....if it's a Thai gal here to see her they'll go to the garden or stay inside and I go to another part of the house.....if it's folks for karaoke everyone pretty much in the same area of the house......

It took me awhile to get use to the gals settling in somewhere else in mixed company but that's the norm here....if music is playing in a patio they might even dance by themselves......

If she's watching Thai TV - I might be close but on the keyboard.....if watching a DVD for both of us she'll bring out the thai triangle cushions and pat them and we cuddle and watch - - - sometimes we don't see the movie.....

I like reading nice posts like yours and I believe we will be reading others with same experiences.

Also believe there are many happy couples living in Thailand.

I doubt that we will be hearing about similar situations as I described, except nasty remarks about the author.

One more thing I want to stress is, this thread is not as to who is eating with whom but how some farangs see marriage in Thailand.

i see it the same way as in the west...just that my wife randomly is Thai....and i am ...you know.

we love each other,we respect each other,we help each other and somtimes we argue with each other- like yesterday...but this is another story(may i will open a thread about it)...or maybe not?

[pigeonjake]

ill often say,

right ill make a coffe,, and before ive got up shes off like a f u c k i n g whipit out the traps,

and i say i can make a coffee, she just says i like to do for you,

its hard for me to put down into words what i want to say because im not the brightest button,,

when some of you find the right one then youll think,, he was bloody right,

we just enjoy being together still after 8 years,

[Blackfox]

First I guess you are referring to Farang men and Thai wives.

Second, I think the company you keep and people you meet are a good indicator of the vast percentage of Farang men that know bugger all of what a real relationship means.

Meaning, since near all were never desirable to women at their home, they came over here with there inept manliness and lack of any great articulation, and you get what you so astutely observed.

I doubt you are a rung higher.

In a previous post, and I reiterate, I look forward to the day when I see more astute, handsome, well to do farangs partnered with same in Thai girls.

I'm beginning to see it a little in BKK but not near the Farang enclaves.

Marriages of well do to Farangs with Thai wives are exactly as what I see in the west but, these are people of the same socio-economic background, appearance and are driven people.

The rest are...well....extremely average.

Think I'm full of shit?

Have a quick glance of the Thai people observing you and your wife and then tell me honestly where your marriage fits.

Ok, I'll tell you;

If you're "Joe Average" with his Thai sweetheart wife, then it doesn't matter how good you think your marriage is, Thai people will look down on you.

Must be a shame, when deep down, the people in the country you call home really, honestly, and truly think your marriage is a farce....and I bet you know it.

Edited December 3, 2014 by Blackfox

[pigeonjake]

First I guess you are referring to Farang men and Thai wives.

Second, I think the company you keep and people you meet are a good indicator of the vast percentage of Farang men that know bugger all of what a real relationship means.

Meaning, since near all were never desirable to women at their home, they came over here with there inept manliness and lack of any great articulation, and you get what you so astutely observed.

I doubt you are a rung higher.

In a previous post, and I reiterate, I look forward to the day when I see more astute, handsome, well to do farangs partnered with same in Thai girls.

I'm beginning to see it a little in BKK but not near the Farang enclaves.

Marriages of well do to Farangs with Thai wives are exactly as what I see in the west but, these are people of the same socio-economic background, appearance and are driven people.

The rest are...well....extremely average.

Think I'm full of shit?

Have a quick glance of the Thai people observing you and your wife and then tell me honestly where your marriage fits.

Ok, I'll tell you;

If you're "Joe Average" with his Thai sweetheart wife, then it doesn't matter how good you think your marriage is, Thai people will look down on you.

Must be a shame, when deep down, the people in the country you call home really, honestly, and truly think your marriage is a farce....and I bet you know it.

im from a place called gainsborough in lincolnshire,

if your ever there, go in any pub,,any,, and ask how jake did with the ladys,,

i was good at it,,

and your other point,

do you really think it bothers me what others think of me, when im out and about with my wife,?

i dont care what you think and i dont care what thais think,

if no bodys got the balls to knock on my door and say it to my face, do you really think im botherd what they think of say?

your one of the ones on here who cant bare to think that some can be happy without having to buy a wife,

back to your bridge,, run along

[Been there done that]

First I guess you are referring to Farang men and Thai wives.

Second, I think the company you keep and people you meet are a good indicator of the vast percentage of Farang men that know bugger all of what a real relationship means.

Meaning, since near all were never desirable to women at their home, they came over here with there inept manliness and lack of any great articulation, and you get what you so astutely observed.

I doubt you are a rung higher.

In a previous post, and I reiterate, I look forward to the day when I see more astute, handsome, well to do farangs partnered with same in Thai girls.

I'm beginning to see it a little in BKK but not near the Farang enclaves.

Marriages of well do to Farangs with Thai wives are exactly as what I see in the west but, these are people of the same socio-economic background, appearance and are driven people.

The rest are...well....extremely average.

Think I'm full of shit?

Have a quick glance of the Thai people observing you and your wife and then tell me honestly where your marriage fits.

Ok, I'll tell you;

If you're "Joe Average" with his Thai sweetheart wife, then it doesn't matter how good you think your marriage is, Thai people will look down on you.

Must be a shame, when deep down, the people in the country you call home really, honestly, and truly think your marriage is a farce....and I bet you know it.

im from a place called gainsborough in lincolnshire,

if your ever there, go in any pub,,any,, and ask how jake did with the ladys,,

i was good at it,,

and your other point,

do you really think it bothers me what others think of me, when im out and about with my wife,?

i dont care what you think and i dont care what thais think,

if no bodys got the balls to knock on my door and say it to my face, do you really think im botherd what they think of say?

your one of the ones on here who cant bare to think that some can be happy without having to buy a wife,

back to your bridge,, run along

An arrogant post followed by a very naive post. 1 thing they have in common is lack of respect.

Pigeonjake, what you write as a response to Blackfox is understandable but it seems that you totally do not care or understand of how your Thai wife must sometimes feel what others talk, behind her back probably, about you two. You must know that it happens and to say i do not care shows in my view a lack of respect, and understanding of, to, your wife her feelings. Or do you want to tell us that she is immune for that ?

[Blackfox]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

[Petchou]

Costas has put his finger on where it hurts. Truth do all the time to people in denial.

It would be nice to hear those who marry Thai women, what are honest reason that motivated their decision to marry Thai women?

They may be some exceptions, but in general they marry for the wrong reasons... It is obvious

[Blackfox]

Let me say first that the foundation of a marriage is built on commitment, integrity, honesty, and COMMUNICATION.

If you think that most of the Farang men married to a Thai, living in a Farang enclave or anywhere else, really knows how to communicate with his loved one, then you're having a laugh.

I haven't met one in 12 years.

Edited December 3, 2014 by Blackfox

[Blackfox]

Costas has put his finger on where it hurts. Truth do all the time to people in denial.

It would be nice to hear those who marry Thai women, what are honest reason that motivated their decision to marry Thai women?

They may be some exceptions, but in general they marry for the wrong reasons... It is obvious

In answer to your question;

I was always attracted to Asian women, then after traveling throughout Asia (and most of the world), I was most attracted to Thai women.

The moment I met the girl I fell madly in love with, I knew we would marry, and spend the rest of our days together.

We both speak English and Thai, are career and family orientated and she, six years younger was, and is the most genuine and lovely girl.

It eats the Farang men I know up because they are as jealous as all hell.

As a result, none of us are friends.

Why, their marriages/relationships are not genuine, so I don't want my family to associate with them.

Call it arrogant but when I walk down the street far from any of you, Farang and Thai's do look with envy.

The Thai's know it is genuine and I'll be honest, it does make me happy.

I love my wife more than anything else in this world.

[neverdie]

Costas

I've just read this thread. It obviously has something to do with the company you keep. I've never really seen what you are describing. I accept that there may be cases like this, but I've never seen it although I have seen some funny communications between farang Thai couples in the street and I am sure it's probably frustrating for them.

I have no trouble communicating with mrs ND. Unfortunately I hear every word in both languages.....lol.....and if anything I do more of the housework, perhaps I'm the servant ?

I've only been to one event where (Thai) men and women were sitting apart......I sat with the women

Anyway, you keep keeping on with these people, I'll keep avoiding them.....hopefully.

[markeewan]

Costas,

I have never come across this at all, I don't say it doesn't exist, but it is not representative of Thai mixed marriages. Suggest you get out more and get yourself a more balanced perspective.

[SOTIRIOS]

.....on one side there is delusion.....

..in the middle is illusion.....

...and often on the other side.....deception.....

...sprinkled with a heavy cover of......insincerity......

....all blamed on 'cultural differences'......

..blameless circumstances ....????..........or do we really have to look at 'intent' or motive'.......

....unbelievable to many......many foreign men are seeking love......

....as for Thai women.....answer that for yourselves.....

[Saan]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Regardless of who is eating with whom, let the Greek man speak and respect his discursive effort.

He is just in a hurry to get to his 4001 post. Maybe he gets a prize.

As to his discursive efforts he, for a Greek, is no Plato.

[Morakot]

Let him be heard; he's got a story to tell.

[davethailand]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Another pointless troll topic.

PS
Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.
Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Don't think he's trolling too be honest.

I think he has a point on some issues, I know farangs that live like this with their wifes but on the flip side I know couples that are very happy.

I've been married 11 years this weekend and and I'd like to think we are happy, I for one won't tolerate the leave the wife with the other women thing (unless she wants to of course.)

I've been to a few houses and the girls all sit in a room (eating) as mentioned, the men all sat in a room watching Football talking about their Thai wives, Not for me, I normally go and sit with the wives also and get pissed and have a laugh. (And for me she's welcome to come and join the Guys also.)

Edited December 4, 2014 by davethailand

[Costas2008]

Costas

I've just read this thread. It obviously has something to do with the company you keep. I've never really seen what you are describing. I accept that there may be cases like this, but I've never seen it although I have seen some funny communications between farang Thai couples in the street and I am sure it's probably frustrating for them.

I have no trouble communicating with mrs ND. Unfortunately I hear every word in both languages.....lol.....and if anything I do more of the housework, perhaps I'm the servant ?

I've only been to one event where (Thai) men and women were sitting apart......I sat with the women

Anyway, you keep keeping on with these people, I'll keep avoiding them.....hopefully.

ND, you are very right to say it has to do with the company I keep.

First, I have to tell you that never in my life looked at the background or social standing of people I meet or keep company with.

Second, where I live, is not a cosmopolitan city, just a rural area of Issan where the average age of farangs here is about 65.

Most of them married to much younger wives, build a nice house and pretend to have a wonderful life while being drunk most of the day.

I rarely meet young couples, so I can't have an opinion about them.

Amongst the over 65's there are couples that they have been married to a Thai lady for many years and I can see that they are happy together.

But they are not the majority of the people I met.

Third, I wouldn't avoid anybody, as long as they don't hurt me.

Their marital status is their business and not mine.

Everybody has the right to choose the way they want to live.