wifes family

[steven100]

I live with kathoey, but I think there's no difference.

I don't like my wife's parents neither. I have visited them one time, 30 minutes.

I can't say they hurt me or something ... but when I see how they behave toward my wife and what

had they done to her when she was a child. Well, they are not nice and definitely not kind people.

They absolutely don't care about her, call only when they need something, money.

It also seems there's alcohol-related and gambling problems ...

My brother-in-law. I think he is crazy, walking naked, drinking ...

My sister-in-law and her family. I don't know, it's very hard to tell, because I don't speak Thai/Isaan, I can't talk with her. I only know she is extremely pragmatic, which I don't like so much. Her husband seems to be a nice guy. We visit each other every month.

Etiquette is another problem. No thank you, no hello, munching, using my TV with permission, noise, invited vs. arrived ... in one word disaster.

What I hate the most is this Jhonson & Jhonson baby powder obsession, every woman/girl who had ever came needed to 'powder her nose' with this crap. Whole bathroom was always covered with it. I had to forbid my wife to buy it.

ah .... typical thai family i see ...

[geronimo]

Been married for twenty years now and I think I must be real lucky re wife's family. MIL is a rice farmer, has never asked me for anything and only came to stay when we asked her to. The two younger brothers disappeared as soon as they were able leaving MIL on her own. She is fiercely independent, owes no one and we visit annually.

Hearing all these horror stories about wife's family makes me realise how fortunate I am. From my expat friends, the main problem seems to be the children their wives had before they got together. The mother supports them (they are now in their twenties) and this causes friction. One guy left his wife over this as he refused to let the son layabout in the house!

I think you have no choice but to grin and bear it.

Get drunk and enjoy!

[jacko45k]

It is obviously not 'your' house.

Personally my lady goes back to her mother's place and the family get together there.

If you have decided 'your' place to be the venue, well your choice.

[Donnie Brasco]

no

[PaulHamon]

your house? you live there with your wife... would it not be our house?

[NoshowJones]

Mrs Possums Mum, Dad, Aunt and one of her brothers live just up the road from us, I see them regularly, and it's a pleasure to do so.

[Rykbanlor]

TBH I have always endeavoured to avoid this kind of problem. I have had 2 serious girlfriends and one wife over the last 13 years and the families were all very well to do and urbane. The (ex) wifes family were rolling in it, made me feel like a poorper.

But in all seriousness this is important to me as well. There was no way I was ever gonna get involved with someone whose family would be like all the worst cases mentioned above. Sometimes it's better to consider the bigger picture to save oneself the hassle.

[spiritrace]

When you marry a woman (any nationality) you marry her family.......It's a matter of how you manage the situation.,

[Gecko123]

My hosting skills are non-existent, so the thought of 13 house guests gives me heart palpitations and sweaty palms.

OP: One question. Are all these family members coming to see your wife and you, or are they mainly there because you happen to live in an attractive vacation destination?

I don't think it's a smart move to pull a disappearing act, but in the future I think it would be perfectly understandable if you negotiated with your wife about having some people stay in hotels, eating out in restaurants, planning "out of the house" excursions for them to give you and your wife some "down" time, etc. Maybe your wife could stay with you at your friend's condo a night or two as well.

Good luck.

[villagefarang]

The mother in law, sister and niece live on the other side of the village in two houses and the MIL’s extended family live in a village 5 km away, so when people came recently they had plenty of places to stay without bothering us. My wife usually goes to visit them for a while during the day before returning to the quiet of our home.

The kids like to come play in our yard or catch fish in our pond but fortunately non of them feel comfortable in our house. I guess it is too different from what they are used to, and they don’t know how to act, so they feel uncomfortable. Our Bangkok friends love to come and stay with us but not the family.

It should be pointed out that there is no alcohol or karaoke at out house, so unless someone likes good old fashioned conversation in a quiet surrounding, boredom is likely to set in quickly. Again our Bangkok friends quite enjoy the peace and quiet along with the conversation and views.

[jacky54]

Ok so 13 of my wifes family invade my house for 5 days ...

They are now your family too and the house is also your wife's. Neither the house nor the wife is an exclusive possession of yours.

I don't see anyone saying otherwise, but that does not make a peasant invasion any more pleasant

[daveAustin]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

Yes, but you see, there is a big difference between pleasant Thai people that want to interact and disrespectful, xenophobic ones that don't, as in HeijoshinCool's case. And that goes for families in the West, or anywhere. Surely one does not have to put up with bad behaviour, to be part of the clan, just because one lives here and is married to a person?

I see this a lot with certain expats, they put up with it all and cannot bring themselves to question any aspect of the choice they made in life. In your case, it sounds like you have a decent extended family, and so do I to a degree (well, MIL is good and hardworking), but even so I could not put up with a big visit for long. That's just me, why do I have to bend over backwards and let my culture fly out the window because I live here?

[gemguy]

Good thing you got out of there because more than likely you would have paid for everything.

[AYJAYDEE]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

Yes, but you see, there is a big difference between pleasant Thai people that want to interact and disrespectful, xenophobic ones that don't, as in HeijoshinCool's case. And that goes for families in the West, or anywhere. Surely one does not have to put up with bad behaviour, to be part of the clan, just because one lives here and is married to a person?

I see this a lot with certain expats, they put up with it all and cannot bring themselves to question any aspect of the choice they made in life. In your case, it sounds like you have a decent extended family, and so do I to a degree (well, MIL is good and hardworking), but even so I could not put up with a big visit for long. That's just me, why do I have to bend over backwards and let my culture fly out the window because I live here?

many do it for their wife's sake.

[dotpoom]

People only "invade" other person's homes.......if they are allowed to..... sometimes we have to stand up and be counted.

[AYJAYDEE]

People only "invade" other person's homes.......if they are allowed to..... sometimes we have to stand up and be counted.

many homes have a couple living in them. maybe the other one did the allowing

[catman20]

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your mad why should anyone put up with that. My wifes family ask permission and no way would my wife or I put up with that sort of crap and she comes from a very poor family.

Another stupid forang IMO and no i dont give them anything and never have except if they need hospital treatment or are hungry and no stupid sick buffalo or rest but then 30 + years ago things were very different and forang were not considered ATM machines.

You put your foot down and if they dont like it leave its not worth it

You do know they think your a complete fool

And no my wife has all our assets and has down for years.

Beggers belief but it never ceases to amaze me either total bustards to their wives or seem to be prepared to be the door mat

Pathetic

WOW !!!!!!!!!!!! now here's a man with the bit between his teeth............................cha cha dai yen yen

[wgdanson]

your mad why should anyone put up with that. My wifes family ask permission and no way would my wife or I put up with that sort of crap and she comes from a very poor family.

Another stupid forang IMO and no i dont give them anything and never have except if they need hospital treatment or are hungry and no stupid sick buffalo or rest but then 30 + years ago things were very different and forang were not considered ATM machines.

You put your foot down and if they dont like it leave its not worth it

You do know they think your a complete fool

And no my wife has all our assets and has down for years.

Beggers belief but it never ceases to amaze me either total bustards to their wives or seem to be prepared to be the door mat

Pathetic

[Reallush]

this old issue again.. just try and learn the language, then you'll get out of the lonely world where they think you're the stupid ATM and you think they're retarded.
and if its still too much, just make sure you got your private panic room ready PC-tv, Audio +mini fridge with beer..

[ronthai]

I am fortunate that my wifes family live local. I dont have the problem with visiters invading the place.

I have lived here 4 years in this home, family have been invited for meals several times. Never been recipricated until yesterday, we were invited over to pa pas home for a Thai bbq. !!What!!

I am waiting to be asked for something, it will happen soon.

Now that i am confined to my bed (paralysed) i need constant help.

My wife phoned me about 3 weeks ago, darling tonight i will be home late, no problem i have phoned my sister, she will come give you dinner,open light, close windows. Wife arrived home 9 pm, me in the dark no food no water eaten alive with mosquitoes. Why my sister not come?

How should i know.Wife calls sister why not not take care?Not my husband was the reply, also he farang!!

Thai family ............. i am lost for words.

That is the Thai definition of being a family member. Next time let the sister know she will get paid for helping you.

After all you are just a farang in Thai eyes.

I hope for you your wife is better then her sister and rest of the family.

[wgdanson]

I thought that posts on TV had to be in English. Your should be You're, It is FARANG not forang, has DOWN ???? Bustards??? be prepared to the door mat ???

And yet such an English phrase...BEGGARS BELIEF with I before E correctly.

[RBOP]

A similar situation happened to me. Out of the blue a dozen of my wife's family showed up practically out of the blue and used our small 68 sq.m two bedroom condo with one shower as a base while they toured Bangkok and area. They stayed 5 nights before moving on. It drove me absolutely bonkers and nearly ended our marriage. In the start I even offered to put them all up in hotel but my wife wouldn't have that. I made sure I stayed out as long as possible and got up earlier for work before they all woke up to take a shower. After they left, I told my wife if her family ever does that again she I would kick them and her out on the spot. Its never happened again since and every time I go to her village its a big festival for which I foot the bill. I have learned to live with it.

[benalibina]

I thought that posts on TV had to be in English. Your should be You're, It is FARANG not forang, has DOWN ???? Bustards??? be prepared to the door mat ???

And yet such an English phrase...BEGGARS BELIEF with I before E correctly.

Anything else, while you are at it ?

[nithisa78]

I would be gracious and grateful host. Welcome them to the home with open arms.

If you can be magnanimous and sincere and big, even for 15 minutes. You could then politely excuse yourself for less than self-indulgent reasons.

If you're unable to do that, I would get some long term spiritual counseling. Be solitary and look at yourself.

I'm suggesting this to you as a spiritual brother. Love them. They are your wife family and loved ones. ASk God to help.

Auld lang syne

[AYJAYDEE]

A similar situation happened to me. Out of the blue a dozen of my wife's family showed up practically out of the blue and used our small 68 sq.m two bedroom condo with one shower as a base while they toured Bangkok and area. They stayed 5 nights before moving on. It drove me absolutely bonkers and nearly ended our marriage. In the start I even offered to put them all up in hotel but my wife wouldn't have that. I made sure I stayed out as long as possible and got up earlier for work before they all woke up to take a shower. After they left, I told my wife if her family ever does that again she I would kick them and her out on the spot. Its never happened again since and every time I go to her village its a big festival for which I foot the bill. I have learned to live with it.

why didnt YOU go to a hotel if it bothered you so much?

[nickcar]

Well i am very sad to hear about all the unhappy experiences some people have. I guess i am very lucky. I have always enjoyed my various wives families and their visits. They to me and me to them. I even enjoy when a truckfull of them arrive, and yes some have to sleep on the floor. They stay only a few days and i thoroughly enjoy the change and chatting to them all.. Fortunatley they all speak thai well hahaha. I have very often met expats who have been here for years and have never bothered to learn to speak thai and i have no sympathy form. How can you really enjoy thailand without speaking thai?

[ronthai]

Little different but same Thai style.

I lived in Udon Thani (city) once for 11 months. The family lived just 5 minutes walk away.

Everyday the whole family would hangout at my/our place.

No rest, quiet or peace. Fridge always plundered (until I stopped filling it).

After about one month I had enough and made myself very clear.

GET THE HELL OUT AND DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT.

A miracle happened, they never came to "visit" again.

After that I never got invited at their filthy, chicken and dogs shack, but I could live with that.

[RBOP]

A similar situation happened to me. Out of the blue a dozen of my wife's family showed up practically out of the blue and used our small 68 sq.m two bedroom condo with one shower as a base while they toured Bangkok and area. They stayed 5 nights before moving on. It drove me absolutely bonkers and nearly ended our marriage. In the start I even offered to put them all up in hotel but my wife wouldn't have that. I made sure I stayed out as long as possible and got up earlier for work before they all woke up to take a shower. After they left, I told my wife if her family ever does that again she I would kick them and her out on the spot. Its never happened again since and every time I go to her village its a big festival for which I foot the bill. I have learned to live with it.

why didnt YOU go to a hotel if it bothered you so much?

That's was the part that almost ended our marriage. Also it would have caused great embarrassment and loss of face to my wife and her family and loss of face for myself. Why should I leave have to leave my castle. I didn't kick them out either as that would have ended our marriage and cause massive loss of face to everyone. Face is more important than anything in Asian society.

[Gecko123]

The kids like to come play in our yard or catch fish in our pond but fortunately non of them feel comfortable in our house. I guess it is too different from what they are used to, and they don’t know how to act, so they feel uncomfortable.

My wife's family is the same way. But for the occasional pit stop, they hardly ever come over to our house, and I'm not sure why either.

Tough to put a finger on exactly what is causing them to keep their distance in my case.

Maybe the 10' electric perimeter fence, the coiled razor wire, the CCTV security cameras, the doberman pinschers, and the "No Trespassing" signs are sending the wrong signals. ​

[AYJAYDEE]

A similar situation happened to me. Out of the blue a dozen of my wife's family showed up practically out of the blue and used our small 68 sq.m two bedroom condo with one shower as a base while they toured Bangkok and area. They stayed 5 nights before moving on. It drove me absolutely bonkers and nearly ended our marriage. In the start I even offered to put them all up in hotel but my wife wouldn't have that. I made sure I stayed out as long as possible and got up earlier for work before they all woke up to take a shower. After they left, I told my wife if her family ever does that again she I would kick them and her out on the spot. Its never happened again since and every time I go to her village its a big festival for which I foot the bill. I have learned to live with it.

why didnt YOU go to a hotel if it bothered you so much?

That's was the part that almost ended our marriage. Also it would have caused great embarrassment and loss of face to my wife and her family and loss of face for myself. Why should I leave have to leave my castle. I didn't kick them out either as that would have ended our marriage and cause massive loss of face to everyone. Face is more important than anything in Asian society.

its not just your castle, it belongs to her as well. and if I couldnt come up with a story about why I had to take off for a few days, I'd be embarrassed.