Who has made it work?

[totally thaied up]

Ok, who has in Thailand made it work with their partner?

I have lived full time, for 6 years now with my Lady Boy partner in Chiang Mai. We have a beautiful house that we designed together, a profitable business an both sides of our families accept us together. My family (parents) from my home country comes to visit us every 6 months an love my partner dearly.

It has been hard work at times, especially when we first started the business but it has worked so far. We are both well known in the community an readily accepted. I have another 4 years till I can retire at the age of 50, so visa's till then are a problem.

I am very happy but I would like to know, how many have made it work with a same sex partner in Thailand. I have only met one other couple in 6 years (another gentleman with a Lady Boy) that has had a long term relationship.

[ProThaiExpat]

My spouse and I have been together for twelve years and were married in January of 2014 in California. It is my second marriage, the first one to a woman that lasted for ten years.

My current relationship couldn't be better and we are both more in love and committed today than ever. He is not a lady boy by any measure, however.

Yes, we designed and built our home here and he is more loved, it seems to me, by my grandchildren than I am. We visit my daughter's family in Australia for three months every year and she has built a "granny flat" on her property on the Northern Shore for our use.

I am retired and my spouse retired as well after we met so he would be free to be with me and travel when we are so inclined. Thus we did not have the stress of starting or running a business in our years together.

I am sure there are many others in Thailand that have similar happy stories to recount but rarely do so as they may value their privacy.

I would be happy to correspond with you by private message, if you have any questions or care to chat.

Edited January 14, 2015 by ProThaiExpat

[isanbirder]

There is no real reason why it shouldn't work!. Two reasonable people getting together, with a lot of give-and-take between the cultures; it seems to work here quite as often as straight marriages!

15 years and going strong, with supportive in-laws who want us to make it official. (Technically you can't in Thailand.) My previous partnership, with a Hong Kong Chinese, was a great success.... until he died of cancer after 19 years together.

[Scott]

22 years and counting.

[onthemoon]

We have been living together for about 11 years, got married (in Germany) just over a year ago.

We are known as a couple and get invited together to social gatherings and official receptions.

Not a ladyboy though.

[manarak]

I'm happy for you, OP !

Although, I have to say that I don't consider a Man+Ladyboy couple to be a homosexual couple.

Okay, I'm ready to take the narrow-minded flak...

[totally thaied up]

I'm happy for you, OP !

Although, I have to say that I don't consider a Man+Ladyboy couple to be a homosexual couple.

Okay, I'm ready to take the narrow-minded flak...

No narrow-minded flak

No, we are very happy but it is a yes/no issue about such a relationship being homosexual but well, it certainly isn't straight as well so the jury will always be out on that one. I class myself as a straight guy but then I cannot? It is just as much perplexing for me as well.

About the only issue we have in our relationship is my Visa. Until I am 50 (four years to go), I have to come back to Australia once a year and do Visa runs. During these times I miss my partner very much but I am hoping next trip (I am in Australia for a month now), she will be able to come for a short holiday with me. We have trained her sister to look after her business and we believe by then, she will be skilled enough to keep things running.

[KED]

It is always great to hear about successful LGBT relationships succeeding. I married my partner in NYC last April and we have been together since 2002 and have lived together in Thailand since 2006. Actually, among my friends - more than 75% are in longterm relationships (5 years or more) and most have also married in either Europe or U.S. Love is Love.

[geriatrickid]

Part of making it work, at least from my selfish perspective, is how you are treated. Is your spouse/partner a part of your care structure? By that, I mean, can your spouse/partner or you make/take the decisions necessary in a time of crisis? My question is specific to health care and whether or not your local health care provider will allow you or the spouse/partner to make a critical health decision.

I ask because I have read of cases where important decisions had to be made on behalf of someone and the hospital would not allow the partner to authorize a treatment. In one case, the Thai was in a coma, and the foreign partner wanted the patient transferred to another hospital for a different course of treatment. The hospital insisted that only the Thai family could make that decision.(The couple had been together 5+ years, and were just a regular couple unit. Making matters worse is that they just had each other, so who were they expected to call to get permission?)

I am not intending to go off on a tangent about rights and all that stuff, because it's a no brainer in that it is common sense that one's partner/spouse should be able to do that. Unfortunately, common sense often takes a back seat to "procedures" in the bureaucratic world of Thai healthcare. How do you make it work, and how do you make the health services people listen to you? In some regions, the health care providers are to put it politely, 25 years behind the times.

[ProThaiExpat]

Take a look at this: http://www.google.com.au/webhp?nord=1#nord=1&q=end+of+life+wishes+document

Prepare an end of life document and have it placed in your partners medical file at the hospital you usually go to. If your moving around, store one in your computer and keep a signed copy at hand for emergencies.

You certainly can get a Thai Lawyer involved if you wish and you can have it translated into Thai, but most medical professionals speak English in Thailand and certainly can read English.

[Johnnie99]

8 years of success.

[isanbirder]

Part of making it work, at least from my selfish perspective, is how you are treated. Is your spouse/partner a part of your care structure? By that, I mean, can your spouse/partner or you make/take the decisions necessary in a time of crisis? My question is specific to health care and whether or not your local health care provider will allow you or the spouse/partner to make a critical health decision.

I ask because I have read of cases where important decisions had to be made on behalf of someone and the hospital would not allow the partner to authorize a treatment. In one case, the Thai was in a coma, and the foreign partner wanted the patient transferred to another hospital for a different course of treatment. The hospital insisted that only the Thai family could make that decision.(The couple had been together 5+ years, and were just a regular couple unit. Making matters worse is that they just had each other, so who were they expected to call to get permission?)

I am not intending to go off on a tangent about rights and all that stuff, because it's a no brainer in that it is common sense that one's partner/spouse should be able to do that. Unfortunately, common sense often takes a back seat to "procedures" in the bureaucratic world of Thai healthcare. How do you make it work, and how do you make the health services people listen to you? In some regions, the health care providers are to put it politely, 25 years behind the times.

An important question too, and one of the reasons why gays want rights equivalent to those granted by a straight marriage.

[YeaBiGgiEs]

Part of making it work, at least from my selfish perspective, is how you are treated. Is your spouse/partner a part of your care structure? By that, I mean, can your spouse/partner or you make/take the decisions necessary in a time of crisis? My question is specific to health care and whether or not your local health care provider will allow you or the spouse/partner to make a critical health decision.

I ask because I have read of cases where important decisions had to be made on behalf of someone and the hospital would not allow the partner to authorize a treatment. In one case, the Thai was in a coma, and the foreign partner wanted the patient transferred to another hospital for a different course of treatment. The hospital insisted that only the Thai family could make that decision.(The couple had been together 5+ years, and were just a regular couple unit. Making matters worse is that they just had each other, so who were they expected to call to get permission?)

I am not intending to go off on a tangent about rights and all that stuff, because it's a no brainer in that it is common sense that one's partner/spouse should be able to do that. Unfortunately, common sense often takes a back seat to "procedures" in the bureaucratic world of Thai healthcare. How do you make it work, and how do you make the health services people listen to you? In some regions, the health care providers are to put it politely, 25 years behind the times.

I've always managed to make people listen to me with a gun. However, I suppose there are other milder ways. Regardless of marriage/rights or legally observing such in whatever country you happen to be in, there are "contracts" that have always existed that can legally bind people together for certain purposes. A "DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY" can be specifically written to your needs and intentions and/or "LIVING WILL". You don't need to be married or a family member to have either of those documents in legal effect.

[Suradit69]

My spouse and I have been together for twelve years and were married in January of 2014 in California. It is my second marriage, the first one to a woman that lasted for ten years.

My current relationship couldn't be better and we are both more in love and committed today than ever. He is not a lady boy by any measure, however.

Yes, we designed and built our home here and he is more loved, it seems to me, by my grandchildren than I am. We visit my daughter's family in Australia for three months every year and she has built a "granny flat" on her property on the Northern Shore for our use.

I am retired and my spouse retired as well after we met so he would be free to be with me and travel when we are so inclined. Thus we did not have the stress of starting or running a business in our years together.

I am sure there are many others in Thailand that have similar happy stories to recount but rarely do so as they may value their privacy.

I would be happy to correspond with you by private message, if you have any questions or care to chat.

"I am sure there are many others in Thailand that have similar happy stories to recount..."

Yes there are.

"...but rarely do so as they may value their privacy."

Yes they do. Going public about personal circumstances remains a bridge too far for some of us.

I sometimes marvel at the number of people in the str8 community who so willingly "bare their souls" to all and sundry in other forums (fora?) on TV. And more often than not the revelations have to do with betrayal, exploitation, infidelity ... I guess it's the Facebook & Twitter effect, but the need to share sometimes is as disturbing as the stories themselves.

Not knocking those above, or anyone else, who have found happiness and have related their experiences here or elsewhere. It's encouraging to hear such stories rather than all the drama & intrigue commonly reported by and about those in the breeder-oriented population. As long as what you've got is working for you, may it always be true.

[Gentmartin]

Great posts, great reading, happy people....thank you :-)

[hdkane]

I have a friend who is gay, and he has a difficult time meeting another gay man in Thailand. The same complaints that hetero men have...the fellows are only interested in money...not devoted in any meaningful way...so...just curious...does anyone have any ideas that may help him meet a gentleman that would be good for his future? He's 50 years old, healthy, attractive. Financially, he's stable, but not secure. He is farang, and speaks passable Thai. Currently, he divides his time between his home country and Thailand, but if he met the right person, he would relocate here permanently. I'd like to help him, as he is a good guy and ready to settle down. I'll pass along your ideas. Thanks.

[onthemoon]

Firstly, Geriatrickid: When I read your first sentence, I though you meant how you are being treated by your partner, and I was going to say that it is mutual: You have to respect each other. But then I saw that you made a case for gay marriage. The constitution-in-drafting currently has some good ideas.

Next, about going public: My husband accompanies me whenever I am invited "with spouse". One embassy invitation invited "Mr & Mrs" (follows by the correct names), and I objected and advised that my spouse is a "Mr" - so they reissued the invitation.

As for "how to find a good guy in Thailand": Sorry, no idea. I consider myself extremely lucky, as I would have no idea how to search and find. It just happened that we met, and a relationship developed.

[Scott]

I have a friend who is gay, and he has a difficult time meeting another gay man in Thailand. The same complaints that hetero men have...the fellows are only interested in money...not devoted in any meaningful way...so...just curious...does anyone have any ideas that may help him meet a gentleman that would be good for his future? He's 50 years old, healthy, attractive. Financially, he's stable, but not secure. He is farang, and speaks passable Thai. Currently, he divides his time between his home country and Thailand, but if he met the right person, he would relocate here permanently. I'd like to help him, as he is a good guy and ready to settle down. I'll pass along your ideas. Thanks.

It's difficult to give advice. He needs to just keep looking. For a lot of people the looking can be the really fun part, but if you are feeling quite lonely then desperation sets in.

Best of luck to him.

[geriatrickid]

Firstly, Geriatrickid: When I read your first sentence, I though you meant how you are being treated by your partner, and I was going to say that it is mutual: You have to respect each other. But then I saw that you made a case for gay marriage. The constitution-in-drafting currently has some good ideas.

Sorry if I went off on a tangent. Issue for me wasn't gay marriage, because many couples, whether same sex or other, are not married. Everyone deals with the system created obstacles. However, the successful couples seem to have mastered or at least, adapted to the system. I wish Khaosod had interviewed them for today's article.

http://www.khaosodenglish.com/detail.php?newsid=1421901413&section=14&typecate=06

[Cats4ever]

David Thompson of Nahm restaurant and his Thai partner.

[isanbirder]

I sometimes marvel at the number of people in the str8 community who so willingly "bare their souls" to all and sundry in other forums (fora?) on TV. And more often than not the revelations have to do with betrayal, exploitation, infidelity ... I guess it's the Facebook & Twitter effect, but the need to share sometimes is as disturbing as the stories themselves.[/size]

/quote]

Some wise words, Suradit. Why indeed do the other lot moan and groan about their failed relationships? When we have failures, we just pull ourselves together, and look for the next one (and I have heard some pretty grim stories).

[Scott]

Until recently there wasn't a lot of sympathy for gays and so baring your soul wasn't something that got much traction. Also, before the legalization of reunions, the weren't too many legal entanglements like home ownership, splitting of assets etc.. What entanglements there were, had fewer legal obstacles, since the dissolution of the relationship wasn't a legal issue.

[KED]

I have a friend who is gay, and he has a difficult time meeting another gay man in Thailand. The same complaints that hetero men have...the fellows are only interested in money...not devoted in any meaningful way...so...just curious...does anyone have any ideas that may help him meet a gentleman that would be good for his future? He's 50 years old, healthy, attractive. Financially, he's stable, but not secure. He is farang, and speaks passable Thai. Currently, he divides his time between his home country and Thailand, but if he met the right person, he would relocate here permanently. I'd like to help him, as he is a good guy and ready to settle down. I'll pass along your ideas. Thanks.

It's difficult to give advice. He needs to just keep looking. For a lot of people the looking can be the really fun part, but if you are feeling quite lonely then desperation sets in.

Best of luck to him.

This is not unique to Thai relationships, but I think one of the most important things is to learn from past relationships. No two people are similar, but I do find that if in a past relationship - language was an issue or money or age - then it is important to think about these issues when entering a new relationship. No relationship is easy in any culture, but in Thailand sometimes relationships can be even more complicated by each partner not being able to communicate as easily and by a difference in fiances and culture - but working it out with the other half is what makes a relationship stronger.

[onthemoon]

Firstly, Geriatrickid: When I read your first sentence, I though you meant how you are being treated by your partner, and I was going to say that it is mutual: You have to respect each other. But then I saw that you made a case for gay marriage. The constitution-in-drafting currently has some good ideas.

Sorry if I went off on a tangent. Issue for me wasn't gay marriage, because many couples, whether same sex or other, are not married. Everyone deals with the system created obstacles. However, the successful couples seem to have mastered or at least, adapted to the system. I wish Khaosod had interviewed them for today's article.

http://www.khaosodenglish.com/detail.php?newsid=1421901413&section=14&typecate=06

Thanks for the Khao Sod article. The subject is worth a thread by itself.