So, i came home today,to another unflushed turd from the 12 year old stepson,then walked out the back to an area i have paved,and planted with palms,only to find that her father who she moved in 6 months ago with no consultation and who creeps around like klaus kinski playing nosferatu,,has cut half of them down,removed a lovley bird nest palm, because they were in his way,he also deposited the contents of his bin,ear buds and all on the pavers,i have told my wife, "that's it', i did not sign up for this,and angrily told her it is over,now a few hours later the boiling anger has gone,just to be replaced by a sense of the inevitable,my question is ,for a starter of 5[a la university challenge],for you chaps,/Ladies

1 did i over react

2what would you have done

Ps; i am serious here; i am walking/driving away.

I would have slapped both the son and father and told the wife to send them away

Well often its not the one act its an accumalation of relatively small events that together create the issue.

You have hit the preverbial "straw that broke the Camels back" by the sound of it.

The answer: well only you can really know how you feel, if it is the end or not. That's your call and yours alone.

If you feel maybe its worth trying, sit the little Lady down and set the ground rules (again) or time to call it a day and walk away.

Take some time out to think what's really right for you, as only you can really know.

Best of luck.

PS: read my signature line......

Edited January 23, 201511 yr by CharlieH

i agree with charlie on this one,

but ide of been well pissed of if my wife had just said her father could come and stay without asking,

at the end of the day its a parnership and you should of been asked if it was ok,

and if they had distroyed my garden they would of been out,, im afraid it would be him or me,

but its each to there own, i dont work hard for others to come and take the p i ss,

my wife understands this, she knows i work hard and ive said this is how it is in the real world, in the uk you work for your money, not expect it from your children,

your call my freind,

good luck

Charlie,

Thanks for your input buddy,and also Eddy,slapping them i feel would not have done anything,much that i wanted too,we are talking back country peasants here,but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,it's probably too late for the old man,i guess i should be gratefull he did not have a dump out there,but i ask and ask,and still they seem happy to wallow in filth.

Well often its not the one act its an accumalation of relatively small events that together create the issue.

You have hit the preverbial "straw that broke the Camels back" by the sound of it.

The answer: well only you can really know how you feel, if it is the end or not. That's your call and yours alone.

If you feel maybe its worth trying, sit the little Lady down and set the ground rules (again) or time to call it a day and walk away.

Take some time out to think what's really right for you, as only you can really know.

Best of luck.

PS: read my signature line......

Excellent advise....

Never quite a job, task/commitment in anger, was good advice I received and have followed for decades. Your marriage may be considered a commitment, so I would encourge you to kiss the little lady goodnight, get a good nights sleep, wake up tomorrow have a good breakfast and look at the situation from all angles and chices. Then do what looks best for you and the family.

Pigeon ,

thanks buddy,but it's like flogging a dead horse,i am gonna walk/drive[drive sounds less dramatic].but i feel they only see me as a atm now.

thats your call, dont let what anyone else says influence you,

you could go and book in a hotel to cool down, and like charlie says,, then talk,

then make your choice,

its more often then not family are the trouble,,

Charlie,

Thanks for your input buddy,and also Eddy,slapping them i feel would not have done anything,much that i wanted too,we are talking back country peasants here,but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,it's probably too late for the old man,i guess i should be gratefull he did not have a dump out there,but i ask and ask,and still they seem happy to wallow in filth.

but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,

What you dont get is, you are thinking like a farang not a Thai.

Better future, what does that mean, upcountry hillbillies who live in the here and now, they cant think about next week never mind tomorrow.

Correct about wallowing in filth, have witnessed it with my own eyes, being poor is no excuse for living like pigs, front yard littered with empty lao kao and Leo bottles, never mind, its just an illussion.

My advice, get the first thing smoking out of the boonies and head to civilisation, I was in the same boat years ago in Buriram, never looked or went back.

If you feel maybe its worth trying, sit the little Lady down and set the ground rules (again) or time to call it a day and walk away.

Complete waste of time and energy, the family will come first, however you do raise a good point, how good it the OPs Thai, how well can his mrs communicate in English?

May well get more sense talking to the buffaloes.

Charlie,

Thanks for your input buddy,and also Eddy,slapping them i feel would not have done anything,much that i wanted too,we are talking back country peasants here,but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,it's probably too late for the old man,i guess i should be gratefull he did not have a dump out there,but i ask and ask,and still they seem happy to wallow in filth.

but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,

What you dont get is, you are thinking like a farang not a Thai.

Better future, what does that mean, upcountry hillbillies who live in the here and now, they cant think about next week never mind tomorrow.

Correct about wallowing in filth, have witnessed it with my own eyes, being poor is no excuse for living like pigs, front yard littered with empty lao kao and Leo bottles, never mind, its just an illussion.

My advice, get the first thing smoking out of the boonies and head to civilisation, I was in the same boat years ago in Buriram, never looked or went back.

If you feel maybe its worth trying, sit the little Lady down and set the ground rules (again) or time to call it a day and walk away.

Complete waste of time and energy, the family will come first, however you do raise a good point, how good it the OPs Thai, how well can his mrs communicate in English?

May well get more sense talking to the buffaloes.

Mate,i think you have just about nailed it,i give up with them,they can have there filth,for me no more.

Know how you feel but my situation is a little different. Luckily we are a team and no matter which family member wants what, we decide together - usually on a basis that they are, or are not taking the piss, and she backs this up. First and foremost we don't live in the village, but in Jomtien, and there is no end of family who want to come and see us. She always asks me first;

Depending on who it is I will say "yes no problem", "no", or "yes if they contribute to things like food" and don't overstay...

And it works really well. No issues at all and I enjoy seeing most who come here.

Up to you, but as my post says, we ALWAYS discuss it first and lay down some rules and 99% of the time it's actually a good experience.

As someone else said it's a team thing. And also "showing them a glimpse " of what it "could" be like is unfortunately - in my experience - a total waste of time; "change" is not what they are looking for alas ...

Good luck, take your time, separate your girl from the family, explain in detail your issues, if she doesn't get it or sides with them then you are actually wasting your time - and money...

All the best...

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

You're probably thinking about how much time and money you've invested and whether or not to kiss it goodbye.

Well all I can say is if you are not happy, and you haven't been happy for a long time, just leave.

I know it's not easy and I think you are the type of guy that worries what will happen to them if you aren't around to provide support but what I did with one long term relationship I was in was tell her I had to work away and slowly made my exit.

I visited every other week then every month then every few months and I haven't seen her for two years now but I still send her money just so she leaves me alone.

to be honest i think this is what many dont do,

when you first get together you have to say its going to be like this,

its no good in the future saying i dont like the way things are,

when i first met my wife and said ok we,ll have a go at this,

i built an 8x5 condo,, and we stayed in that on the land that her grandma gave us,

then i built the rest of the house round that, its now our bedroom,

but my wife agreed with me when i said you have to work for money, she had a job when i met her and to this day works very hard on our farm and being a mother and wife,

but she understands, i go away 4 weeks at a time, and in the past ive done 10 weeks away working, she dosnt like me being away, but ive said thats what men do, they work, take care of there family, and i mean, you and our kids,

i said its your fathers job to take care of his family,

i dont mind giving mama a couple of thousand baht a month because shes at the end of the phone should my wife need her and she helps her out,

but as for keeping them, not my job,

my wife buys her g,g grandma some tablets once a month i dont have a problem at all with this shes a great old stick of over 100,

but i said right from the start i wont be working to keep all the family, and i dont,

sat the rules from the start about money,

love is great,

money is a recker

Know how you feel but my situation is a little different. Luckily we are a team and no matter which family member wants what, we decide together - usually on a basis that they are, or are not taking the piss, and she backs this up. First and foremost we don't live in the village, but in Jomtien, and there is no end of family who want to come and see us. She always asks me first;

Depending on who it is I will say "yes no problem", "no", or "yes if they contribute to things like food" and don't overstay...

And it works really well. No issues at all and I enjoy seeing most who come here.

Up to you, but as my post says, we ALWAYS discuss it first and lay down some rules and 99% of the time it's actually a good experience.

As someone else said it's a team thing. And also "showing them a glimpse " of what it "could" be like is unfortunately - in my experience - a total waste of time; "change" is not what they are looking for alas ...

Good luck, take your time, separate your girl from the family, explain in detail your issues, if she doesn't get it or sides with them then you are actually wasting your time - and money...

All the best...

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

Mate,thanks for a thoughtful post,really i don't want to split with my wife,but at present i see not other way,they are taking the pee,i think,and of course when push comes to shove,family kon thai number 1, Falang, number : nothing,only give money,well lets see how they go when i turn off the tap.

You're probably thinking about how much time and money you've invested and whether or not to kiss it goodbye.

Well all I can say is if you are not happy, and you haven't been happy for a long time, just leave.

I know it's not easy and I think you are the type of guy that worries what will happen to them if you aren't around to provide support but what I did with one long term relationship I was in was tell her I had to work away and slowly made my exit.

I visited every other week then every month then every few months and I haven't seen her for two years now but I still send her money just so she leaves me alone.

ATf,

mate thanks as always for your input,yeah i was thinking iwould leave some money,but she has rice farm loans worth 1 mil,in her name ,my money,so i reckon thats enough,it is not her mate but her damn family that is screwing it, understand immpossible for her,immpossible for me.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/787780-baggage/#entry8868215

Jesus H mate you deserve to be made a saint, enduring this crap.

Tell the mrs you are moving to Pattaya and she is free to join you, NO ONE else, just you and her.

Her reaction may well let you know where you fit into the grand scheme of things.

I was in Pattaya the other month, spoke to some farang in a similair situation as you, couldnt believe what he told me.

His mrs gave him shyt for not wai ing her ex husband, the same husband that used to beat her up etc etc, Thai man no good blah blah blah.

To compound matters the girls mother backed her up.

The same farang now looks about 10 years younger and now has a smile on his face.

His ex is now back on Suk Rd Bkk looking for another mug.

Never hitch up with a woman with a son from a previous marriage - 99% of the time it's a nightmare.

I hope you are only renting the house as your wife obviousy has absolutely no respect for you. Run.

What a bloody nerve, cutting down your trees. Kick him out immediately. I bet the boy doesn't wai you - this shows total disrespect.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/787780-baggage/#entry8868215

Jesus H mate you deserve to be made a saint, enduring this crap.

Tell the mrs you are moving to Pattaya and she is free to join you, NO ONE else, just you and her.

Her reaction may well let you know where you fit into the grand scheme of things.

I was in Pattaya the other month, spoke to some farang in a similair situation as you, couldnt believe what he told me.

His mrs gave him shyt for not wai ing her ex husband, the same husband that used to beat her up etc etc, Thai man no good blah blah blah.

To compound matters the girls mother backed her up.

The same farang now looks about 10 years younger and now has a smile on his face.

His ex is now back on Suk Rd Bkk looking for another mug.

Thanks mate,it is with a heavy heart i am doing this,i love my wife,but as the op said enough is enough,and she cannot change,and cannot see that her father,who can not even cook an egg or make a coffee for himself is a leech and is sucking her dry,but what can she do,it is a conumdrum terrible,as the french say.

To be concise - and blunt - you are not in control of your family.

Man-up and don't let them treat you like a doormat.

Never hitch up with a woman with a son from a previous marriage - 99% of the time it's a nightmare.

I hope you are only renting the house as your wife obviousy has absolutely no respect for you. Run.

What a bloody nerve, cutting down your trees. Kick him out immediately. I bet the boy doesn't wai you - this shows total disrespect.

Neernam,

Thanks for your input mate,the house is the wife's i have spent some $ on extensions,but nothing i cannot absorb, ,really disapointed how it's all tuned out,but "ce la vie' should have known it would end up like this,not all her fault,but when you realise you are just bankrolling the entire extended family,for the occasional hand job,it's time to go.

Pigeon ,

thanks buddy,but it's like flogging a dead horse,i am gonna walk/drive[drive sounds less dramatic].but i feel they only see me as a atm now.

Sadly i think the truth is that she only saw you as an ATM from day one. By allowing her father and son to behave in the way you describe she clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. For your own self respect you are making the right decision, get out and try and put it behind you. You are not the first and you certainly won't be the last. Good luck.

To be concise - and blunt - you are not in control of your family.

Man-up and don't let them treat you like a doormat.

So,you are ,Adolf.

read these two threads,

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/789347-teenage-thai-son-by-marrage-causing-many-problems/

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/727288-problems-with-son-of-thai-girlfriend/

The Dutchman got it right.

As has been pointed out, NEVER get involved with a Thai woman with baggage in tow, especially boys or Little Emperors, F F S even the much maligned on these forums Thai man can tell you that.

Do not believe all this crap about Thai men no good, listen to some of the tales of woe the Thai men can tell you.

Thanks clawed warrior,

I think Luke cannot do what a lot of us can,also he is bereft of a sniff of wit or intelligence could that, would that help,no ,but i am sure he is to busy with his latest ladyboy 'conquest' to give us another thought.

Thanks clawed warrior,

I think Luke cannot do what a lot of us can,also he is bereft of a sniff of wit or intelligence could that, would that help,no ,but i am sure he is to busy with his latest ladyboy 'conquest' to give us another thought.

You are out of your depth and what you have to do you are not capable of doing. Do yourself a favour and go join the Isaan bus stop brigade.

what would you have done

Probably not got myself in the situation in the first place.

With a mere 45 posts as well,welcome,to the den ,and abandon all hope.

what would you have done

Probably not got myself in the situation in the first place.

Ah,soi,unfortunatley,we don't all have the gift of hindsight,like you in your perfect no mistake,world,and stop showing that bulge in the lycra,you will be on the news section soon,and god help you there.

OK before there's too much outpouring of sympathy and
solidarity for the OP, bear in mind that this is not the
poor, downtrodden comrade fallen in the never-ending

struggle for wedded bliss in this country.
Not so long ago the guy made two very disturbing,

very distasteful posts about his stepdaughter's body.

He's since said they were completely innocent and

denies any impropriety or inappropriate feelings/desires

for his stepdaughter but I remember the mods felt

strongly enough to remove one of those posts as well

as responses to it from some understandably disgusted

members.

Sorry but what kind of man disrespects his wife by
sexualising her daughter?? I don't care if she's of legal
age; you just don't do it out of basic respect for your wife,

4FS.

Sorry but this OP is from anything but quality stock.

Frankly, my sympathies lie with his wife.