Anybody who never had kids regret it ? I'm still on time but is having kids in Thailand a good idea?

[scoutman360]

No regrets. Children are not for everyone. But for some, it makes them very happy. Good for them. Every time I see a screaming baby manipulating their parents, every time I see that helpless and sad look on the parents' faces, I thank God it never happened to me. I just got off a 7 hr. flight with 2 screaming kids in my section. The parents were nearly in tears trying to keep them quiet. If you want unconditional love, and someone to always love you back, buy a dog. Just wait until your kids are teenagers. A dog will still love you.

[Roadman]

They say that man has an instinctive drive to produce offspring, but I have never felt the urge to have my own children.

I have always felt a strong desire to be a parent however, to have a positive impact on the next generation.

I have been helping raise my 16 year old step-daughter since she was 5. I get a lot of satisfaction from it, and we have a good father-daughter bond.

To be honest, though, it's probably not the same as if she were my own flesh and blood, but that's OK, because if she was my own flesh and blood, we'd probably be fighting like cats and dogs, or having a typical dysfunctional parent child relationship, if you know what I mean.

Not having any kids at all (no kids, no step-kids) would be OK. You'd miss out on graduation, wedding, grand kids, maybe no one to help out when you're really old, but there are no guarantees in life, and no matter what you do there's always trade-offs.

Also agree with all those who pointed out that there are too many people on the planet already. People who don't have kids ought to be better appreciated than they are, and there ought to be more social safety nets to care for elderly people who don't have children to look after them.

Interesting topic, OP.[/quote

It is interesting especially your.....not the same as your own flesh and blood.

I have both two children from my first wife and two children (step) from my now wife. The closest and strongest bond both ways and feeling of naturally belonging to each other is with my oldest step. Flesh and blood has never been considered into the bonding mix of getting on with each other for us. Have also been in previous short term relationships where other children have been involved as well so fully understand the dynamics. Probably from my experiences it is not flesh and blood that deems the success of parent/child relationships but rather the overall relationship environment, the desire for a relationship from both parties and the work, love and caring that is put into it. Possibly for us what has made it easy for bonding has been their Thai father walked on them when they were little ones and they never knew what a Dad was until I came along. I would suggest that the whole flesh and blood concept is heavily over rated and to take the joking fighting like cats and dogs comment you made a step further, there are lots of failed non existent blood and bone relationships as there are strong step family relationships and in this day of family structure breakdowns and throw away and move on to the next relationships it would not surprise to see that swinging in favor of the steps.

From having experienced all aspects of parental mix I would suggest that your strong father (your words which by the way suggests blood and bone parentage more than the common used step relationship Dad) daughter bond is worth more than a possible blood and bone that you have never had. It a bit like shooting dice for either of the options. The winner for you is you have a strong relationship that is real, and here and now. What more could you want?

[thefactoryoutlet]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

ALL the people I know who have kids have them for selfish reasons or just because they were too stupid to prevent accident...

Why selfish ? Because if you really need a MINI-you in this life to exist or obey to you you are really selfish.

In my opinion people who do not want kids are just smarter and less selfish...

[thefactoryoutlet]

No regrets. Children are not for everyone. But for some, it makes them very happy. Good for them. Every time I see a screaming baby manipulating their parents, every time I see that helpless and sad look on the parents' faces, I thank God it never happened to me. I just got off a 7 hr. flight with 2 screaming kids in my section. The parents were nearly in tears trying to keep them quiet. If you want unconditional love, and someone to always love you back, buy a dog. Just wait until your kids are teenagers. A dog will still love you.

Thank you, I could have written your post !

Yes if I don't have kids I will get dogs in the future but now I really need nobody, not even a wife !!!

[Gecko123]

It is interesting especially your.....not the same as your own flesh and blood.

I have both two children from my first wife and two children (step) from my now wife. The closest and strongest bond both ways and feeling of naturally belonging to each other is with my oldest step. Flesh and blood has never been considered into the bonding mix of getting on with each other for us. Have also been in previous short term relationships where other children have been involved as well so fully understand the dynamics. Probably from my experiences it is not flesh and blood that deems the success of parent/child relationships but rather the overall relationship environment, the desire for a relationship from both parties and the work, love and caring that is put into it. Possibly for us what has made it easy for bonding has been their Thai father walked on them when they were little ones and they never knew what a Dad was until I came along. I would suggest that the whole flesh and blood concept is heavily over rated and to take the joking fighting like cats and dogs comment you made a step further, there are lots of failed non existent blood and bone relationships as there are strong step family relationships and in this day of family structure breakdowns and throw away and move on to the next relationships it would not surprise to see that swinging in favor of the steps.

From having experienced all aspects of parental mix I would suggest that your strong father (your words which by the way suggests blood and bone parentage more than the common used step relationship Dad) daughter bond is worth more than a possible blood and bone that you have never had. It a bit like shooting dice for either of the options. The winner for you is you have a strong relationship that is real, and here and now. What more could you want?

Roadman:

I agree with everything you wrote.

I have no children of my own so I can not compare my relationship with my step-daughter to them. Two of my brothers have only children so this is the closest comparison I can make. I definitely think I have a closer relationship with my step-daughter than either of my brothers have with their child.

My step-daughter is in the middle of her teen years and I am giving her plenty of space as she develops her identity. Maybe when I wrote that "not the same as your own flesh and blood" comment I was feeling sorry for myself because recently the subject of "what would happen if Daddy had a stroke" came up and the "don't worry Daddy, I'll take care of you" response I was looking for just wasn't there. But deep down in my heart, I do feel that my daughter, while she may not be able to express it fully, loves me like her true father.

Just to complete the note comparing process, my step-daughter doesn't remember her birth Dad either. I too have previously been in relationships with single moms. There I was in more of a "stand-in" parenting role or behind the scenes sounding board for my girlfriend when she was having parenting difficulties.

I treasure my relationship with my step-daughter, but your comments have helped me value our relationship all the more. Thanks.

Edited January 31, 2015 by Gecko123

[richard_smith237]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

ALL the people I know who have kids have them for selfish reasons or just because they were too stupid to prevent accident...

Why selfish ? Because if you really need a MINI-you in this life to exist or obey to you you are really selfish.

In my opinion people who do not want kids are just smarter and less selfish...

Suggesting that the reason not to have children is because those who do are either stupid or selfish, wish for someone to obey them or want a 'mini-them' lacks a degree of intelligence of darwinian proportions.

Perhaps is better that some have deliberately avoided the natural urge to pass on their genes..

Please continue to exercise caution when enjoying your carnal interludes...

[Bangkokhatter]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

ALL the people I know who have kids have them for selfish reasons or just because they were too stupid to prevent accident...

Why selfish ? Because if you really need a MINI-you in this life to exist or obey to you you are really selfish.

In my opinion people who do not want kids are just smarter and less selfish...

Your original OP was quite thought provoking and intelligent, what happened ?

[richard_smith237]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

ALL the people I know who have kids have them for selfish reasons or just because they were too stupid to prevent accident...

Why selfish ? Because if you really need a MINI-you in this life to exist or obey to you you are really selfish.

In my opinion people who do not want kids are just smarter and less selfish...

Your original OP was quite thought provoking and intelligent, what happened ?

He thinks that either his parents are stupid and he was an was accident or his parents were selfish and needed someone to obey them....

[kannot]

Its wonderful to see some people ending their gene pool for the betterment of human kind.

if everyone was a rocket scientist who would clear up your garbage?

[hellohello123]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

Yes i agree.

don't tell me you are one of those people that think having kids is doing a favor to the world?

having kids is just as selfish.

[AZBill]

Never regretted it for a second. I'm blessed to have my daughter and would feel the same if I had another.

[sean in udon]

No regrets. Children are not for everyone. But for some, it makes them very happy. Good for them. Every time I see a screaming baby manipulating their parents, every time I see that helpless and sad look on the parents' faces, I thank God it never happened to me. I just got off a 7 hr. flight with 2 screaming kids in my section. The parents were nearly in tears trying to keep them quiet. If you want unconditional love, and someone to always love you back, buy a dog. Just wait until your kids are teenagers. A dog will still love you.

Gave you a 'like' for this post, but would have preferred to give a 'like this a lot!'

51 years old, no kids and, like some others, I was a pretty good kid until my balls dropped. Then it went a bit tits up.

No regrets about not continuing the bloodline.

[EyesWideOpen]

I lived the wild single life until I was 56. Never planned on having a child, and since

I clearly did not know what life would be like with a child, never had a burning

desire to have one. But one thing led to another, and I now have a 4 year old

half Thai daughter here. Which has been hands down the most interesting

experience of my life. Some days after a screaming meltdown because I did

not wait for her to open the door first, I questioned my sanity in having a child.

Other days , when she jumps in my arms, gives me a big hug, and tells me she

loves me, is one of the best moments of life. There is humor as well. When the

sun was peeking behind some clouds, she gets a serious look on her face

and asks me why the sun is broken....

So if you have never had a child, easy to sort of look down on those with children

as some sort of losers who no longer enjoy the good single life. But you will meet

very few if any parents with grown children, who would say they regretted having a

child. For older fathers, I call it the last great experiment in life... :-)

[ScarpoFongness4U]

The world is not over populated

Cities are over populated

Every human being on earth could each be housed inside the land mass of Florida and Texas, each with a one acre parcel

The problem is,

The wrong people have kids

[gerryBScot]

First child, a boy, came when I was aged 50, number two a wee girl came at 53. Both born here. I think not having the experience of being their father would have been the greatest regret in my life had I died childless. Mum is a great woman, a great wife and a great mother - helps enormously. I am a much more sorted guy these days so it was a good age for me. I cleaned up my act before I had kids and by virtue of this I am able to enjoy the experience of wing a dad much more. It's a much harder deal however for my wife - the kids make huge demands of her in a way they just don't with me. But it's a joy to watch their interaction and I think dads become more important as children grow and become more independent. WHatever I still feel very close and important to my kids.

[zierf1]

Kids are a waste of money. Most of them are unwanted anyways.

I mean think of it. You just wanted to get some lovin' and 9 months later you're going nuts with a screaming child. Who wants that?

Edited February 1, 2015 by zierf1

[bkkjames]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

ALL the people I know who have kids have them for selfish reasons or just because they were too stupid to prevent accident...

Why selfish ? Because if you really need a MINI-you in this life to exist or obey to you you are really selfish.

In my opinion people who do not want kids are just smarter and less selfish...

good for you your parents were stupid?

[Ace of Pop]

Kids are a waste of money. Most of them are unwanted anyways.

I mean think of it. You just wanted to get some lovin' and 9 months later you're going nuts with a screaming child. Who wants that?

What a Sad Person You are, But then its your choice.

[jacky54]

Funny thread, the question was if you NEVER had kids do you regret it (no) but almost all the replies are from old blokes who HAVE had them.

[bkkjames]

Funny thread, the question was if you NEVER had kids do you regret it (no) but almost all the replies are from old blokes who HAVE had them.

Can't miss what you never had?

[overherebc]

What is sad to see over here is the 60 plus brigade who for some reason seem to think they have proved something by knocking up some 25 year old. Many of them living on minimal income/pension status and have to ride around on a 2nd hand 50cc, can't call it a bike, thing because they can't afford a decent car.

No thought given to how the kid is going to get a good education etc, no thought given to medical expenses in their short future.

I've never had any kids and never really thought about it. Was always too busy doing something else.

[Rhys]

Uncle hood is fine.

[EyesWideOpen]

Funny thread, the question was if you NEVER had kids do you regret it (no) but almost all the replies are from old blokes who HAVE had them.

The question is completely illogical . It is impossible to regret what

you have never done. The far more logical thread title would in fact

have been do you regret having kids. Then from the responses,

men who have never had kids could make a valid decision as to

the validity of doing it. As to the anti kid posters, as one poster

noted, you must think your parents are really stupid...

Edited February 1, 2015 by EyesWideOpen

[pigeonjake]

What is sad to see over here is the 60 plus brigade who for some reason seem to think they have proved something by knocking up some 25 year old. Many of them living on minimal income/pension status and have to ride around on a 2nd hand 50cc, can't call it a bike, thing because they can't afford a decent car.

No thought given to how the kid is going to get a good education etc, no thought given to medical expenses in their short future.

I've never had any kids and never really thought about it. Was always too busy doing something else.

so whats your age limit to stop having kids???

[gk10002000]

I could have gone either way and I fully expected to marry and have kids. But the military and my contract jobs and some horrible financial times put the kibosh on that. There is a good chance that had I had kids, I would have done things differently, but I really don't see how I could have made the money I have made and helped the people I have helped if I had settled down. the idea of the same house, in the same place, with my hobby space and garage for my project car sounds nice. Playing catch with the kids, taking them to the pool etc. All stuff I grew up with. But I don't think I regret it. I don't mind kids. I have several nephews and nieces and godchildren too. 57 now so no plans to start any family even though I could. I don't see enough plusses in knocking myself and I will admit to being a bit selfish and wanting to avoid the turmoil, heartbreak, struggles of a divorce, custody battles, god forbid severely handicapped or congenital illness children, etc. I don't have the energy or resources to pour into that

[gk10002000]

Most people who do not have kids don;t have them for selfish reasons

They prefer the freedom and the ability to do what they want when they want

Being a parent is not for everyone

I suggest you keep wearing a helmet

ALL the people I know who have kids have them for selfish reasons or just because they were too stupid to prevent accident...

Why selfish ? Because if you really need a MINI-you in this life to exist or obey to you you are really selfish.

In my opinion people who do not want kids are just smarter and less selfish...

I agree that many people have kids for the wrong reasons. Accidents are one thing, but as I have grown and traveled to different countries, seen different types of families, religions etc. I really object to the selfish reasons the most. Why should you expect your children to obey your religion? Why not let them learn and choose what they want? Sadly I watched a show on TV today about a Palestine exile living in the USA. He had some suspicious terrorism links and his home and shop were secretly bugged by the FBI. He and his wife were disgusted with his youngest daughter who was dating a black man, and she was working at a fast food restaurant. The father and his wife bowed to cultural pressures and murdered their daughter! The wife held her down while the little man stabbed her. Audio taped by accident. Just an extreme example of selfishness and parent's expectations

[Loptr]

Its wonderful to see some people ending their gene pool for the betterment of human kind.

Spoken by a guy that glorifies Satan... Well done...

[overherebc]

What is sad to see over here is the 60 plus brigade who for some reason seem to think they have proved something by knocking up some 25 year old. Many of them living on minimal income/pension status and have to ride around on a 2nd hand 50cc, can't call it a bike, thing because they can't afford a decent car.

No thought given to how the kid is going to get a good education etc, no thought given to medical expenses in their short future.

I've never had any kids and never really thought about it. Was always too busy doing something else.

so whats your age limit to stop having kids???

That age would be different for many people, would also depend on financial and other circumstances, if you're fifty and loaded then it wouldn't be a problem.

The only fly in the ointment would be the danger of fathering a child with Downes syndrome, becomes more likely as you age.

My own thoughts are that by 45 you should not be thinking about having kids, just when you are thinking about retiral you would end up with university bills,etc etc.

Only my thoughts,what about you Jake ?

[claffey]

i do have regrets , but as many other people , ive lived a life to the full, that has had no time for kids...when i moved to Thailand , i started to chill out a bit and decided maybe time to settle down , start a family... a couple of years ago i did start seeing a girl in Phuket, and she did have a child, but after many arguements and many bad things said to each other , and a greedy demand for some crazy amount of money, she disappeared with the child...ive seen him one time in the 1 year and 2 months since he was born...the kid is mine, but it feels like i dont have any kids...

The fact that you refer to your child as 'the kid' highlights why some people should not have children in the first place.

Don't you want to fight for your 'son' or 'daughter'??? You met your child's Mom in Phuket and she wanted loads of money! Didn't you think it would be irresponsible to have a child with this sort of woman??? The only way you can put this right is to find your 'son' or 'daughter' and ensure that they are being looked after. My guess is that she's sent them to stay with 'Yai' and she's back 'working' the Phuket. Your child will be raised a Thai but will be a second class citizen due to their foreign parentage. That's why you need to check that they are been raised in a safe environment...It's time to be brave and live up to your responsibilities....

[SiSePuede419]

My plan is:

1. to have twins at Age 62.

2. Work my ass off in Colorado setting up a fully-automated (100% Legal) cannabis farm, making hash oil and chocolate medibles from legacy Panama Red & Vietnamese Black strains.

3. Retire at Age 67 to Thailand.

4. And then HOMESCHOOL my age 5+ kids to save money (I'm in the top 1% of IQs, so better education than even private BKK schools).

SCHWING!