Social Anxiety, Thais Staring at Farang (Reality vs Fantasy)

[jdinasia]

Living in Bangkok, I can tell you, 10 yrs ago I would get stared at a lot by Thai girls. Today, no one will look me in the eye. Maybe my "handsome" looks have all but disappeared, or maybe Thai people have changed in that they take on western traits and no longer have the "land of smiles" personality. It's a sad shame, really.

Aging is a sad and painful reality

[Kitsune]

I have it everyday.

This morning again I was about to talk to a Thai acquaintance and noticed that someone was staring and listening to our conversation.

I stopped, starred back so I could get our privacy back.

This person then went asking my friend about me while pointing at me with her finger which is normal for a Thai towards a farang.

Then my friend said something to her and she looked apologetic and disappeared at last.

Not sure what he said but the basic line is yes, it's all the time and everywhere, but if you have friends covering your butt,it's bearable

[chubby]

"only one thing worse, than being stared at(esp. by ladies), .... not being stared at" Oscar Wilde..

[chubby]

could be naa nuu too, i don't know if i'll ever be able to hear a ngaa nguu and the start of a word

5.......

Nobody ever looks at me, in fact I feel invisible. I wear shorts or jeans only and dirty old t-shirts, on purpose, like a teenager. (I also make it a habit one day a week to not wear the white mans' clothes. Substituting a Thai farmers shirt, Japanese Jimbei, white temple garb, or Pajamas). Sporting a $35 Timex, when I can afford any stupid luxury timepiece I could desire. I only wear decent clothes for parties or events, or when visiting temples, banks and government offices.

I do admit I spend money on trainers, and if I am wearing new ones I am immediately noticed and all and sundry ask how much I paid. Quite curious indeed.

My wife complains I look like Farang-kee-nok...means something like bird sh*t Farang without money. But I guess I attract less bad guys with a 20-100K Baht in my pocket.

Than I also attract the last attention.

Beside that a lot Thais are doing it...Have a few very rich customer, come on the old motorbike in short trouser (thais), this specific one has 1000 staff and of course some brand new super expensive Mercedes but comes himself to buy something for a few hundred baht....

She probably means "farang kee ngok" which doesn't mean anything to do with shit. kee is a word meaning "a tendency to be" = like kee neeow = stingy(nothing to do with shit), kee giat - lazy, kee heuy - crazy about, kee leum - forgetful.

kee means "tendency to be" and ngok means 'thrifty' ขี้งก

[h90]

Nobody ever looks at me, in fact I feel invisible. I wear shorts or jeans only and dirty old t-shirts, on purpose, like a teenager. (I also make it a habit one day a week to not wear the white mans' clothes. Substituting a Thai farmers shirt, Japanese Jimbei, white temple garb, or Pajamas). Sporting a $35 Timex, when I can afford any stupid luxury timepiece I could desire. I only wear decent clothes for parties or events, or when visiting temples, banks and government offices.

I do admit I spend money on trainers, and if I am wearing new ones I am immediately noticed and all and sundry ask how much I paid. Quite curious indeed.

My wife complains I look like Farang-kee-nok...means something like bird sh*t Farang without money. But I guess I attract less bad guys with a 20-100K Baht in my pocket.

Than I also attract the last attention.

Beside that a lot Thais are doing it...Have a few very rich customer, come on the old motorbike in short trouser (thais), this specific one has 1000 staff and of course some brand new super expensive Mercedes but comes himself to buy something for a few hundred baht....

She probably means "farang kee ngok" which doesn't mean anything to do with shit. kee is a word meaning "a tendency to be" = like kee neeow = stingy(nothing to do with shit), kee giat - lazy, kee heuy - crazy about, kee leum - forgetful.

kee means "tendency to be" and ngok means 'thrifty' ขี้งก

No farang kee nok...sh*t of the bird is a very common bar slang that escaped the bars where it was used for stingy (spelling) customer and is not more used for low money "alternative type" mostly slim often close to narcotics farangs.....

But nothing that must be in someones vocabulary.... My wife uses it in the hope to shock me.....

Edited April 3, 2015 by h90

[h90]

I have it everyday.

This morning again I was about to talk to a Thai acquaintance and noticed that someone was staring and listening to our conversation.

I stopped, starred back so I could get our privacy back.

This person then went asking my friend about me while pointing at me with her finger which is normal for a Thai towards a farang.

Then my friend said something to her and she looked apologetic and disappeared at last.

Not sure what he said but the basic line is yes, it's all the time and everywhere, but if you have friends covering your butt,it's bearable

Pointing with the finger is not polite......But people are just curious......If a Thai walks in my hometown everyone would look and ask questions as well.

I don't think it is meant bad.

I think that conversation was something like that:

Isn't that the Farang who was fat before?

Why is she so slim now?

She eats only vegetables and no white rice.

No white rice...Farang bah.....(leaving in shock)

[uptheos]

I'm not important enough to be stared at, therefore I've never really noticed.

[h90]

I'm not important enough to be stared at, therefore I've never really noticed.

I am so handsome that every woman stares at me. Just it stops when I wake up from my dreams

[rodknock]

i get stared at on the BTS by old ladies who think i should get up so they can sit down.

the other Thais and especially the school brats will not get up for any one.

[apetley]

I got stared at by a monk last week. I was waiting in a bank carpark for wifey who was inside and noticed a group of four monks sat on the kerb. Three were smoking and the fourth was counting out a large wad of notes from a briefcase. He happened to look up and saw me. He kept staring so I stared back. He kept staring so I kept staring. After a while he moved behind a pickup and I assume carried on his accounting.

Edited April 4, 2015 by apetley

[bkkjames]

I don't mind if if I get stared at - especially by females.

However, what I cannot put up with is when I go shopping and let's say go to a supermarket, I find many many people really like to look into my bags or cart to see what I have purchased.

It's becoming so much of an issue, I am thinking of giving up shopping and just order in from now on.....

[riorobc023]

Absolutely stare all the time. But when you are 97kg and all muscle it keeps the eyes locked on that. Some woman are scared of this here, but i've had success with a lot of them, a lot of gays and ladyboys try to hit on me with failed success, and a lot of people smile at me in joy and ask me all sorts of questions. I guess it doesn't help to be in shape year round and very good looking . Especially when i'm a giant in an ant's world, i love thailand though...

So bottom line, yes i get stared at everywhere i go, motorbike, gym, restaurants, bars, walking down the street.

[balo]

To calm down the OP , no, Thais do not stare more than what some people do in your home country. Actually I think Thais stare less here, even if farang is nearby, They do not care what their neighbors are up to and just live their own lifes , That's my experience but I never lived in a small village.

[bkkjames]

Absolutely stare all the time. But when you are 97kg and all muscle it keeps the eyes locked on that. Some woman are scared of this here, but i've had success with a lot of them, a lot of gays and ladyboys try to hit on me with failed success, and a lot of people smile at me in joy and ask me all sorts of questions. I guess it doesn't help to be in shape year round and very good looking . Especially when i'm a giant in an ant's world, i love thailand though...

So bottom line, yes i get stared at everywhere i go, motorbike, gym, restaurants, bars, walking down the street.

[Tomtomtom69]

Odd as I've never noticed it at all. On the contrary I find many other Asian countries I've been to, East Asia, SEA and Southern Asia much more stare intrusive than Thailand. One of the reasons I'm quite comfortable here. However, if you are in an area that has little experience with foreigners there is a greater propensity for it to happen but still pretty limited in my experience.

I agree. Staring at foreigners is nowadays fairly rare in Thailand, even in smaller cities or rural areas, which, you don't have to look very hard to find foreigners in.

I recently traveled from Mae Sot to Paklay in Laos via the new Phu Doo crossing with my own car. Stopping off at Tesco Lotus Uttaradit, which was my last stop before heading for the border 150km away, I spotted one African man I wasn't expecting to see and then an elderly westerner. Neither was stared at, surprisingly not even the African.

If anything, Thais probably stare more at Africans because they are so rare in Thailand (outside of Bangkok at least) but on my way back from Laos through Mahasarakham I again spotted two Africans on the outskirts of that city. I was concentrating on my driving of course and it was getting dark, but I can imagine they would be stared at wherever they go, although probably fairly briefly. I wonder if they were English teachers as it would be an odd place to find tourists from that part of the world.

Long, curious and annoying stares like one experiences in parts of China, India, Bangladesh and some other countries are however NOT common in Thailand. As for other Asian countries, I find Laos, Myanmar and Cambodia much the same as Thailand - not many stares, not even in previously closed off parts of Myanmar where few foreigners venture. In fact, even in the Chinese border town of Mu-se, a place few foreigners have been to given it's turbulent past and the fact many foreigners are led to believe it's closed without a permit (apparently that's true only if you want to cross the border) I was barely stared at by anyone. Only one group of people expressed any interest: a couple of visiting Chinese on a day pass. None of the Burmese, not even the Chinese speaking ones did.

However in Thailand, with the tourism industry bringing in millions of foreigners a year and having done so for decades, and with many foreigners residing in or travelling through rural parts of Thailand, I think it's highly unlikely that any Thai could state they've never seen a foreigner before. Maybe 15-20 years ago, but not anymore. Besides, there's probably a Scott or Paul or Tom or whatever retired and living nearby anyway, even if they don't know him personally. I went to Sobprab, a small amphoe in Lampang once some years back thinking I was the only foreigner there when in fact a then 85-year old Brit was living there during the winter months with his younger Thai wife. I met him, nice chap.

I've also noticed how the reception towards foreigners by say children, the only group of Thais sometimes actually surprised to see them has changed over the years. When I was a high school exchange student in like 1999-2000 in northern Thailand, I was the subject of curious attention throughout my two months there where kids would say hello, engage me in conversation or just pass out things to eat or want to play basketball or something with me - staring didn't occur though, it was at most friendly smiles. At the end of my stay, dozens of students, mostly girls came to the train station to bid me farewell as I was heading back to Bangkok in preparation for my flight home. Even some elderly French travellers on the train made some remarks about this! It was fascinating and made me feel like a superhero, but these days going to the same school, which has now had regular foreign teachers (mainly for English teaching, Japanese and possibly French) for years (I think at least around 10 years) means I am no longer treated with any curiosity anymore. Then again, I wouldn't want to be...being a novelty as part of a high school exchange program in a strange foreign country that I wasn't necessarily expecting to return to again anytime soon was a fascinating insight back then, but on an everyday level living here it would get boring, annoying and even make oneself aware of how it is kind of a subtle form of racism and that it's actually very much unwanted.

Fortunately, it's not something one has to worry about much. Stares are just as likely to be pointing towards someone or something else that is more unusual than the presence of a foreigner in a particular part of Thailand. Or it could be more the strange way in which one dresses or acts. For example, a couple of months back my fiancee remarked how an African man was spotted driving a tractor to our local Tesco Lotus with his child (not sure if he/she was a luuk kreung or not). It certainly brought out some curious stares, but more at the man's choice of transport. Even a Thai driving a tractor would have been stared at, but this was not even a westerner but an African! Now that's unusual!

Similarly, a westerner driving a motorcycle with a sidecar containing a lot of chickens a number of years ago in Lampang, might have been around 2011. I found that curious too, but the locals not so much.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Tomtomtom69

[Tomtomtom69]

I live where there are no more than about 4 westerners in a 15km radius. I run and cycle on a 20km loop from our house, 3-4 times a week. You would think that after 3 years of this the staring would have stopped but nope, still get the "it's an alien" look from at least 3 people per training session

I think it's funny....

If you read my post, I think you'll find that people are more curious about others dressing or acting in an "unusual" fashion than the mere presence of you as a foreigner. Therefore, I think it's the fact you're a foreigner that's chosen to go running and cycling, which are not everyday activities amongst the Thais. The running part in particular, because very few Thais go running, except maybe those in the military so the curiosity stems from the fact you are running and lo and behold, it happens to be a foreigner who's running. Something like that. While I sometimes get self-conscious in areas with few foreigners, wearing normal clothing and shopping at your local Tesco Lotus or Big C, even if you only have like 4 westerners in a 15km radius is NOT likely to get you any attention.

Although I don't live in a rural area (I happen to live in a semi-rural area still in Bangkok but on the outskirts of town where there's quite a few foreigners) I travel a lot throughout Thailand and have not noticed any major curiosity towards me anywhere, not anymore anyway. Most people tend to be more smiling and curious about my Thai language skills than anything else.

[samsensam]

dont be paranoid, thais just like a good stare at whatever is going on. just watch them walking in the street or riding motorcycles they are often far more interested in other peoples business than taking care about what they're doing.

and if you think its bad here try spending some time in china.

[lust]

When I came to bkk in 2006, I noticed that people would stare and smile a lot. I moved here in 2012, and I can tell the novelty of a white face has worn off, especially in the shopping/tourist areas. However, when I walk in areas that are not catered to rich people, they are curious as not many white faces are around.

[Heng]

Maybe a quick glance if it looks like they might not make it through the crosswalk.

[samuibeachcomber]

I live in Bangkok. Nobody seems very interested in me.

S sorry to hear of your plight

[SoiBiker]

It's ok. I'm quite happy this way.

[casindonet]

Could be the hansum man syndrome

[Kitsune]

I have it everyday.

This morning again I was about to talk to a Thai acquaintance and noticed that someone was staring and listening to our conversation.

I stopped, starred back so I could get our privacy back.

This person then went asking my friend about me while pointing at me with her finger which is normal for a Thai towards a farang.

Then my friend said something to her and she looked apologetic and disappeared at last.

Not sure what he said but the basic line is yes, it's all the time and everywhere, but if you have friends covering your butt,it's bearable

Pointing with the finger is not polite......But people are just curious......If a Thai walks in my hometown everyone would look and ask questions as well.

I don't think it is meant bad.

I think that conversation was something like that:

Isn't that the Farang who was fat before?

Why is she so slim now?

She eats only vegetables and no white rice.

No white rice...Farang bah.....(leaving in shock)

It was not just finger pointing, it was staring, eave dropping, and intruding which is never impolite when done to a Farang.

[gerryBScot]

My wife ( a filipino ) and I plus our two, drop-dead gorgeous kids with beautiful curly hair periodically attract stares out here in the provinces. I watch eyes moving from me to my wife to the kids and I can often be heard to say out loud to my wife something like: "Mixed race sex, it's f****** outrageous and disgusting. How could she let him near her" which usually makes my wife feel a little embarrassed and she tells me to shut up and take no notice. I often stare back at people and indeed stare them out and sometimes I am amazed at how long it can take people to avert their gaze. I find it very rude and should probably deal with it more appropriately.

As a consequence of their hair my children constantly have their heads touched as people want to feel the texture of their beautiful curls. My five year old son can get quite angry and starts to growl a bit. He asks: why do people always touch my hair. I explain to him that it is because he is very beautiful and that few people in Thailand have curly hair. He usually tells me: I'm not beautiful, I am handsome! Personally I find the touching more understandable than the staring and it usually leads to a short chat about where we are from and utterances of shock and amazement that my wife is not actually Thai!

[PHP87]

Social Anxiety sounds like a bullshit term to me. Look at it for what it is - fear - fear of what is the question. Low self-esteem is my bet.

There is word of help out there on the net. One thing I particularly recommend is Paul McKenna App for smartphone. For 3 different things - losing weight, gaining confidence and sleeping well.

Rational or irrational?

People stare at me often as I am tall and 'handsome'. Actually these days they stare more at my teenage daughter, who is half Thai. Now I have the challenge of determining whether they are leering or looking and what a rational response from me is.

I think if you feel confident with yourself, you don't care i others stare. I agree with Tywais, other countries they stare much more, especially India. I remember eating porridge one morning in a restaurant where 50 people were staring at me non stop for 15 minutes but smiling. Now, I might not be so smiley back. I wonder why that is? Different attitude, I suppose.

Social Anxiety is not "Bullshit" nor does it affect those only with low self-esteem.

The only "Bullshit" on this thread is being flung by you, "Dr. Neeranam"