Why can they not look after things.

[laobali]

To be honest ,i am really thinking of getting out,3 years now,and not real happy,fine before Nosferatu moved in.i have offered to put him up in another house,near the temple,but,my wife is worried as he cannot cook or clean,how he can live there,i have to resolve this somehow,but of course it will be against all logic,that i have to leave,her father stays,and they have no money apart from the meagre income from the shop,and then blame it all on the Falang jai dam,i give up.

You're only 3 years down the line? I managed 15 (7 TH, 8 LA) before accepting I could never really adapt and be happy to integrate with the social system i.e. partner's family - and got out. Best move I ever made.

26 years, recently retired and getting a bit narked with constant requests to help the family. Couple of thousand baht now and again is ok. Hundred thousand is taking the pi*s.

But are you happy?

[nidieunimaitre]

Marko, IF you have second thoughts about the break up (I am NOT saying you should have second thoughts).

Handle it the Thai way.

Give your wife some time. Next act as if nothing ever was said between the 2 of you. If she has any sense ( I am NOT saying she has) she will dispose of her father in the way that you suggested (giving him a small house down the road).

Situations like this are always very complex, I would not ever dream of telling you what to do, I am only giving you food for thought.

Edited March 26, 2015 by nidieunimaitre

[alanrchase]

To be honest ,i am really thinking of getting out,3 years now,and not real happy,fine before Nosferatu moved in.i have offered to put him up in another house,near the temple,but,my wife is worried as he cannot cook or clean,how he can live there,i have to resolve this somehow,but of course it will be against all logic,that i have to leave,her father stays,and they have no money apart from the meagre income from the shop,and then blame it all on the Falang jai dam,i give up.

You're only 3 years down the line? I managed 15 (7 TH, 8 LA) before accepting I could never really adapt and be happy to integrate with the social system i.e. partner's family - and got out. Best move I ever made.

26 years, recently retired and getting a bit narked with constant requests to help the family. Couple of thousand baht now and again is ok. Hundred thousand is taking the pi*s.

But are you happy?

Suppose if I use the term "taking the pis*" the answer is no. Prepared to give a bit of time for her to adjust to my retirement. Less disposable income. Divorce if necessary, choose the moment.

[Cypress Hill]

26 years, recently retired and getting a bit narked with constant requests to help the family. Couple of thousand baht now and again is ok. Hundred thousand is taking the pi*s.

You've been dishing out cash gifts for 26 years??

Due diligence on choosing a wife is a bit hit and miss. Over time various influences can change attitudes and lead to conflict. If I had my life over again and was cynical I would only marry an orphan with no siblings

Well of course there are always unforeseen circumstances but making sure there are no "unfunded liabilities" in her background like the ones which have laid the OP flat out on his back can help reduce conflict

The thing is, these women aren't necessarily being dishonest or economical with the truth.

They're probably just as stunned that Western men really DO believe they can take priority over family as Western men are that the women don't declare the relatives in the background who'll need financial support.

Both parties are equally guilty of making stupid and reckless assumptions which, typically, arise out of . . . altogether now . . . the inability to COMMUNICATE.

Edited March 26, 2015 by Cypress Hill

[avander]

I have told my wife that if something belongs to me no one else can use it unless they ask me and the answer will be no. I have learnt my lesson as I see what they do themselves, anything that is borrowed is either lost, never returned, left lying around in the weather or simply returned in pieces/broken. For some reason some thais seem to think it doesnt matter what they do to other peoples things.

Have had the same experience with my brother-in-law. "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" is the theme here.

If I lend stuff and don't seriously hassle to get it back, it never comes back. If I lend stuff and ask them to look after it; it may be, but usually isn't.

I lent a ladder and it came back covered in paint (no big deal but it was clean when it went) and the rivets had started to corrode so it was being left outside in the weather. Yes, not an expensive ladder but that's not the point here is it?

I lent a large heavy duty cooling fan about 12-14 months ago while the bro-in-law was workign out of town on a building site. Have never seen it again.

Lessons learnt.

I lend the ladder to him a few weeks ago with clear instruction similar to what I used to have to say to my son "it comes back in the same condition" and "if it gets broken or doesn't come back you need to buy me a new one". Test case? He has the ladder again now...... waiting...... Good-bye ladder? TiT

[slapout]

i observed the general treatment afforded to wives, girl friends, family, etc when first arriving in the los, have seldome been dissappointed nor surprised as the copy cat behavior is quite strong here, in most aspects of personal interaction.

consider writting a cartoon seies

[kannot]

As i speak ,he has a fire the fil] going out the back of the shop, a large pot on top,boiling his holed underpants,i walked up behind him,the temptation to boil his head by forcing it in the frothing,boiling pot was almost overwhelming,a lack of wooden stakes,forced my hand,i retreated,plenty of time i muttered to myself,will get them tomorrow.

Must be through the heart although just give multiple stabs .....it makes it more enjoyable...................ermmmmmmm so a "friend" told me

[kannot]

I think you just summed up what Thailand is all about.

Another Thai Basher! There are lots of people all over the World who fail to respect the property of others.............take off your blinkers!

But as usual its the "quantity" that do it here.......take your blinkers of blinky

[slipperylobster]

So,okay,i went to use the whipper snipper today,i store it in the wife's shop,with some other tools,it had been knocked over,and all the petrol had drained out,went to find my safety glasses,no where to be found,yet i know exactly where i left them,foot pump for pumping up bike tyre's fil had used and ripped the tube off the pump,making no effort to fix it,i find my grinder,under the carport left out in the rain,[fil again]thankfully it still works,what is wrong with these people,you use some one's tools you give them back in good working order,but here they don't seem to care,or do they thing the falang can buy another,i went ballistic,now the Mrs not talking to me,but all my fault as i left these things within reach of her family,so it's all fair game unless i lock it away,unbeleiveble.

You think it dose not happen back home and you are in thailand so your wife is wright it is your fault sorry to say I lock my things away and not lend them here or back home .

Wherever you go in life, and whomever you meet...you should be aware that not many people care how you feel about your personal belongings. They may sympathize, but as soon as your car, tools, bicycle, money, or even your wife, are out of your hands...not many people will rush back to return them. (Perhaps only the wife). They will usually not repair any damage they have done, either.

Do lock your things, and take a photo of the item (have the prospective "borrower" hold the item up to the camera). Date stamp the photo and store it. Now, because you are a generous person, feel the pain. Many times, it became my burden to track down things that went missing from their designated storage place (or items that were borrowed). Westerners are trained to store, trace, and account for their belongings. Our dads, and grand dads probably were pretty sticky with what they owned. Quite unlike here.

[marko kok prong]

Went to the local market day at the town near me today,a lot of my local,expat friends,go,my pal Hans,has recently been to Koh Panagan,and told me there are many houses for rent,around 8-10,000 baht a month,he had many photo's on his phone they looked nice places,so in fact i will probably spend less as i will not be paying my probably now ex wife,her monthly money,so i cheered up abit,spoke to her when i got back,she is upset,and i understand she is an immpossible position,but so am i,Nosferatu was sitting there sucking on fish bones looking very happy with himself. I am not leaving her destitue,she has the rice farms that i leant money too,about 200,000,per annum income,i could ask for half of this but that would be churlish,and undignified,so she can have that,shame it turned out this way,but i fear if i stay i may well loose it and actually kill the father in law,although i am by no means a violent person,so,that's it guy's,i thank every single poster who has contributed to this thread,which has evolved since i posted it,i have valued all contributions,yes even yours CH,never thought it would run to 6 pages,hope i have not upset my good friend Costas with that. In a way i feel a certain relief,but also sad i could have made it work,but for the fil,so once again he has wrecked her life,apprantley,he did it to her german partner she had the 2 sons with,long before me,any way that's the way it goes,still hoping a cane truck get's him.

[CharlieH]

And on that note I think this thread can close.

CLOSED