One step forward, two steps back.

[neverdie]

One step forward, two steps back.

Having one of those days again ?

Feel like sharing a funny story ?

I was having one of those days today and at one point I wondered if I stopped walking forwards I wonder if I'd be sucked backwards into a vortex.

?

[Brit_Doggie]

Well seems like you finally got used to the thai way 1 step forward 2 steps back gratz.

[Costas2008]

Seems to me you were trying to dance.

One step forward, 2 steps back, 1 to the right, 2 to the left.............and repeat.........

Next time don't forget to wear your tutu.......it will make you look gorgeous.

[sipi]

So what happened Uncle ND?

[Costas2008]

So what happened Uncle ND?

You are not a spring chicken yourself, mate, to call him uncle.

But, sorry, you have delusions of being young.......I know your sort

[ExPratt]

What impossible task were you attempting ?

[neverdie]

I never typed the word 'intoxicated' in the OP.....bit surprised to see that.

It should of read being sucked backwards into a vortex.

Anyway, I got myself into one of those catch 22 situations today, <deleted> thing and trying to deal with Bureaucratic whohaa.....and I said to this fellow, in my day young man we use to do everything in triplicate and different copies would get filed in different places and people could always get their hands on a copy in a reasonable time, but these days the young folk vet everything into a computer and it gets sucked into a big, dirty big black hole.....never to be seen again.

anyway, so we danced to and fro for an hour and he requested I pay the fee, which I agreed to but I indicated I would issue and invoice to the department for my lost time and my time for teaching these young people how best to do their jobs.

Anyway, I am hoping that they're all realising the error of their ways tonight and Monday the telephone will ring and they'll apologise.

So then I take myself out for lunch and I ordered a crocodile burger and a pitchapetchwari juice. A little while later, out comes a satay chicken burger and a fishkharty Peshawar juice. So I call the lass back to my table, I said, I ordered a pitchapetchwari juice not this and she replied that they're out of mango so they couldn't make the pitchapetchwari juice so they substituted and gave me the fishkharty Peshawar instead. I paused for a minute and said, what about my crocodile burger, to which she said, that is crocodile, I said no, that's chicken, so we danced around for a while and the manag came out, most apologetic and noted that so done else got my crocodile burger. Anyway, 25 minutes later I got my feed and I head back over to the car to find two inco die rate nincompoops have parked me in.....there's only one inch in the front and one inch in the rear. So I sit for half an hour but can't wait any longer.

Feeling a bit agitated, I engage low range on my transmission and then put my vehicle into reverse and I move backwards pushing the Honda accord Heinz me rewards. I moved it about a meter with little ado......then I drive out not the roadway only to realise the bloody Honda is stuck in my tow bar, so now I've pulled it somehow out into,the traffic lane, worse still It won't budge. So I figure I will drag it down the road a little way and I to a clearing where I will try to unhook it....but all this heave ho and just it won't come away and worse still the sirens going off. Jack of that, I just got in and nailed the throttle and off she popped and away I went, anyhow I get down the road and a woman calls me....sir, you have,something stuck on the back of your,car, so I get out and low and behold, I have an entire cooling radiator stuck to my tow bar.....

Anyway, I get to my doctors appointment, got to have this tooth yanked out......it's old and sore and well beyond it's used by date....so I get the injections and then there's a tug of war with the dentist and. He yanks my tooth out. A little while later he exclaims loudly ..... Ohhh no, I've removed e wrong tooth. What the hell? Anyway, he wants to make good and tells me he won't charge me for removing that tooth but insists I must still pay for the other tooth to be removed and no amount of discussion is going to convince him any different.

Okay, so I arrive back home to find a big dog shitting on my front step, so I grab him by the back legs and he lets this aweful smelling fart rip at which time he squirted liquid feaces all over my new trousers and my Julia marlow alligator boots.

So I go I side and clean myself up, on,y to realise this acidic poo is eating into the alligator hide......so I put them in the car and drive down to the mall and take them to the shoe man for his expert opinion. So he smiles and asks me to leave the shoes and he will treat them for me, so I do that but when I get back to the car, you won't believe it but another nincompoop has parked me in again, only this time I push him forward, not wanting a repeat episode of the days earlier occurrence. Anyway, I get home and get out of my car and to my shock and horror, utter dismay I realise that this isn't my car, I mean it looks like my car but it's not my car, this ones a red one, mines silver. A bit confused I wonder how my car keys started another car only to realise that my keys were still In my pocket.....ohhhh dear, w t h. I've stolen someone else car. So I bet to take myself back to the mall pronto and return this car and get my one back.

So, I'm driving back to the mall and I see a police car come up behind with his lights flashing, so I pull over and the officer approaches me to tell me that my registration has expired , so I try to tell hi. That this isn't my car but rather one that I accidently took fro. The mall, thinking it was mine. Anyway, while I'm trying to explain he received a call on his radio about this stolen red car and you won't believe it a description of me. So anyway, I explained what occurred and the officer laughed a bit and offered to drive me back to the mall to try and sort the situation out.

So in the way to the mall the officer receives a phone call from his wife and I hear him discussing something with her and he gets off the phone most upset, apparently his wife went shopping g and when she returned to her car, somebody had crashed I to her car and dragged it down the road, removing the entire cooling system from the car. Ohhh boy, I thought, what are the odds?

Anyway, so I ask the offic, you don't have a Honda accord do you and surprised he asked me, yes, how do you know. So I told him the story about how I drove out of the car park this morning in my car, not the stolen one and I had a Honda accord stuck to the back of my car. Well, all these bloody people, I told the policeman he should really speak to his wife about a safe distance for parking.

Anyway, I missed my afternoon appointment.

So it was an interesting day.

[lust]

I don't even...

[CharlieH]

If that had been written by anyone else it would have been closed as a Troll ! But ND, with you, nothing surprises me anymore.

Please consider not going out in Public unattended, the world will be a safer place

Very reminiscent of Frank Spencer some mothers do 'av em

[neverdie]

If that had been written by anyone else it would have been closed as a Troll ! But ND, with you, nothing surprises me anymore.

Please consider not going out in Public unattended, the world will be a safer place

Very reminiscent of Frank Spencer some mothers do 'av em

Well, I'm a bit offended. It wasn't my fault.

And I can hardly be blamed for so done else leaving their car keys in their car and it looked just like mine....except for the colour, but ever since my eye surgery, I just see shades of colours, what are the odds, two identical cars just a row apart, and with my tooth aching so much.

Mrs neverdie normally ride with me but she had a day off today.

[neverdie]

I'd like to add, that's what I like about V8 Toyota diesel power, plenty of get up and go.....nothing can keep with me and it's comfy too.

I find parking it a little bhit challenging at times.

Edited March 27, 2015 by neverdie

[CharlieH]

"I find parking it a little bit challenging at times."

and finding it again even more so

as for you being "offended", probably as bothered as a tank would be by a pea shooter.

[neverdie]

"I find parking it a little bit challenging at times."

and finding it again even more so

as for you being "offended", probably as bothered as a tank would be by a pea shooter.

Well, that's only happened once young CharlieH.

Bad man. ?

[neverdie]

"I find parking it a little bit challenging at times."

and finding it again even more so

as for you being "offended", probably as bothered as a tank would be by a pea shooter.

That's what I like about Landcruiser 200.....big tank, big turbos, 2 of them and when I race the other cars I get a big fuel bill 5555555

So you are right mr Charlie, it's a big tank......I'm the king of the road. I wonder why people like parking so close ?

?

[sipi]

So what happened Uncle ND?

You are not a spring chicken yourself, mate, to call him uncle.

But, sorry, you have delusions of being young.......I know your sort

I thought I look ok for a 93 year old.

[sipi]

So what happened Uncle ND?

Glad I asked......

[neverdie]

So what happened Uncle ND?

Glad I asked......

Well it was just oneif those days I guess.

Surely icantbetneinly one to have a day like this, one step forward, two steps back?

[kurtramsbottom]

My carer took me out today to a remote park somewhere in the northwest of England .He told me we where going to the beach so he dressed me in my favourite matching Hulk shorts & t-shirt ,but it was bloody freezing as he pushed me through the dog shit laden path's of the park ,the beach isn't far now he keeps telling me . We get to a sand pit near a stagn

[neverdie]

My carer took me out today to a remote park somewhere in the northwest of England .He told me we where going to the beach so he dressed me in my favourite matching Hulk shorts & t-shirt ,but it was bloody freezing as he pushed me through the dog shit laden path's of the park ,the beach isn't far now he keeps telling me . We get to a sand pit near a stagn

So what happened next mr bottom ?

[kurtramsbottom]

My carer took me out today to a remote park somewhere in the northwest of England .He told me we where going to the beach so he dressed me in my favourite matching Hulk shorts & t-shirt ,but it was bloody freezing as he pushed me through the dog shit laden path's of the park ,the beach isn't far now he keeps telling me . We get to a sand pit near a stagn

So what happened next mr bottom ?

stagnant pond ...He pushes me into the sandpit ,we have a flask of hot chocolate & an eccles cake .

[neverdie]

My carer took me out today to a remote park somewhere in the northwest of England .He told me we where going to the beach so he dressed me in my favourite matching Hulk shorts & t-shirt ,but it was bloody freezing as he pushed me through the dog shit laden path's of the park ,the beach isn't far now he keeps telling me . We get to a sand pit near a stagn

So what happened next mr bottom ?

stagnant pond ...He pushes me into the sandpit ,we have a flask of hot chocolate & an eccles cake .

So it was all forwards then.....no backwards stuff ?

[kurtramsbottom]

My carer told me cos I'm so fat my wheelchair had grounded in the sandpit ,so he'd have to go into the nearest town to find a winch ,he left me .

My battery is running low now on my phone & my bag is full. I hope my carer returns soon.

[neverdie]

My carer told me cos I'm so fat my wheelchair had grounded in the sandpit ,so he'd have to go into the nearest town to find a winch ,he left me .

My battery is running low now on my phone & my bag is full. I hope my carer returns soon.

Ohhh dear.

I hope he left you a supply of cakes to ease your emoticons stress with.

Would you mind opening your pm box to me, I have something for you, that I am not allowed to post on the open forum ?

[neverdie]

^ that should read " emotional stress"

[neverdie]

Things are looking very dire for you indeed mr bottom.

At least you can will masturbate

[StreetCowboy]

My carer told me cos I'm so fat my wheelchair had grounded in the sandpit ,so he'd have to go into the nearest town to find a winch ,he left me .

My battery is running low now on my phone & my bag is full. I hope my carer returns soon.

Winch, or wench?

He may be some time...

[sipi]

My carer told me cos I'm so fat my wheelchair had grounded in the sandpit ,so he'd have to go into the nearest town to find a winch ,he left me .

My battery is running low now on my phone & my bag is full. I hope my carer returns soon.

Thanks Kurt.

I just pissed myself laughing on a public bus.

2 stops forward, not sure how many back..

[NoshowJones]

Seems to me you were trying to dance.

One step forward, 2 steps back, 1 to the right, 2 to the left.............and repeat.........

Next time don't forget to wear your tutu.......it will make you look gorgeous.

Here a song about your post Costas.

[kurtramsbottom]

My carer told me cos I'm so fat my wheelchair had grounded in the sandpit ,so he'd have to go into the nearest town to find a winch ,he left me .

My battery is running low now on my phone & my bag is full. I hope my carer returns soon.

Winch, or wench?

He may be some time...

I don't know!

My carer left me with a stale loaf of bread to feed the ducks ,I didn't see any ducks but I did get covered in seagull sh1t.

When my carer returned with some some lady, he was in tears & very apologetic between glugs from his half empty gin bottle. His new friend was old & her mini skirt didn't match her bra. They told me they had to go into the woods to find some logs to lever me out of the sandpit ,when they returned 40 mins later my carer un-locked the chain off my wheel & pushed me back to the car. My carer has promised to take me back on tuesday.