something to make you laugh, feel free to add yours

[dirtycash]

just going through some of my facebook pictures, here is one to start you off , please feel free to add yours, dont be too serious, not a poke or a joke at thai bar girls or thai people or farangs down on their luck, its just a bit of humour

by the way, i used to have a picture of 2 bar girls sitting in the bar with a thai man , one girl said to the other 2 " he said wait for me in the village, dont go back to the bar " 555

does anyone have that one ?

[CharlieH]

MOVED to the Pub

[Costas2008]

"by the way, i used to have a picture of 2 bar girls sitting in the bar with a thai man , one girl said to the other 2 " he said wait for me in the village, dont go back to the bar " 555"

I must be thick......for the life of me can't get that

[canuckamuck]

I don't understand, if she only needs 42,000 why is she asking for 100,000? Or is that the joke, that Thai girls are bad at math?

[chickenslegs]

"by the way, i used to have a picture of 2 bar girls sitting in the bar with a thai man , one girl said to the other 2 " he said wait for me in the village, dont go back to the bar " 555"

I must be thick......for the life of me can't get that

Thai girl #1 has a new falang boyfriend.

He has has asked her not to carry on working in the bar, but wait for him in the village.

She has told him that she will wait for him in the village.

She is not waiting for him in the village - she is back in the bar.

Thai girl #2 and Thai man are both in on the joke.

It's not funny really. It's just an everyday tale of Thai beer bar folk.

(Apologies to The Archers for that last paraphrasing).

[dirtycash]

1. Between December and March many farang walking ATM machines will come to your bar. Choose carefully! Everyone have money, but some have more than others. If his skin is very white, check that he is not dead. If not so, this is your lucky day since he must be a Japanese. Every bar girl know they will give you heaven and earth just for a kiss.

2. No matter how young and handsome he is, no matter how fun he is, make sure he understand you only go for money. Don’t sit close to him before he has paid the bar fine. As soon he has paid, you can let go and run your hands over his body, arousing him. Maybe he will not pay you, but your boss will not complain. Have fun this night for tomorrow only man you will get is a fat, ugly and smelly man.

3. Start collecting email addresses from all of your boyfriends. Since it will be
your family’s source to a life in luxury. Once you have a good collection of addresses,
a visit to your local internet cafe is in order. All of those email addresses
should be sent an email. Tell them that you want out of the bar scene and will
wait for them to come back to Thailand on their annual four weeks holiday. But
you will need financial support since you don’t work in the bar anymore. It will
not take long time before all of your five boyfriends will transfer money to your
bank account every month. And if you should party too much and need some more
money, just tell them you have been sick and have to pay hospital 5.000 baht.
If that doesn’t help never use the story about you being pregnant and the baby
is his as it will soon or later backfire on you.

4. Practice crying on queue. Whenever something sad or bad happens – or even something that you just don’t like, it is essential that you can produce tears immediately. This will have the effect of helping the walking ATM machine to see things your way!

5. When you get a customer for more than a week, make sure he takes you shopping at the nearest gold shop. Tell him that all your friends have so much gold but you have nothing. Make sure he buy enough gold so your friends will envy you. Later when one of your boyfriends forget to send the monthly money, a pawn shop is never far away.

6. To keep our trade secrets for ourselves do not speak Thai with your friends when locally based farangs are inside the bars. But rather use Lao, Khmer or any other local dialects that you may know. It’s bad enough that some of them can speak, and God forbid, some can even read Thai too, but Laos and Khmer should be kept as sacrosanct. Under no circumstances should the farang be taught our regional dialects.

7. Always see him off at the airport. Thai baht cannot be used in his country, so it is highly likely that he will give you all of his leftover as he leaves and says good-bye. Say no to the money, tell him you like him very much and don’t need it.

8. Search for Asian customers. They understand that we like to gamble, and they understand that we have lots of unemployed brothers and sisters who need to eat. Therefore, they pay a lot better than the farangs. And, their dicks are often smaller, and they finish a lot quicker too. Bonus! If you find that the Japanese men like you, go out and dye your hair as this is what they like best.

9. Remember, when you get paid, you must always ask for money to Tuk-Tuk and give him the excuse that Tuk-Tuk drivers cannot give change on big notes. Do not let him know that you live only a few hundred meters from his hotel. Instead tell him that you live in Karon. That should earn you another 300 baht. If Tuk-Tuk money isn’t forthcoming, see rule #4.

10. If you are no longer making money in Bangkok, move down to Phuket where you will be able to start making money again. There are many elderly men in Phuket who will appreciate your long experience with men. Even if you are approaching 50, it is no problem as the elderly walking ATM machines appreciate inner beauty and more experienced women.

[canman]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had justed passed away, Katie went straight over to comfort her 95 year old grandmother. When she asked how her grandfather had died her grandmother replied "He had a heart attack while we were making love Sunday morning"

Horrified, Katy told her grandmother that 2 people near 100 years old having sex was surely a recipe for disaster.

"oh no my dear" replied granny " Many years ago we realised that Sunday morning when the church bells were ringing was the perfect time to do it. It was just the right rythym, nice and slow and even. Simply in on the ding and out on the dong"

She paused to wipe away a tear and continued "He would still be alive today if that ice cream truck hadn't come along"