Am I on the way to ruining my life?....... or am I on the way to bliss?

[zeichen]

The OP either forgot about his post or is just trolling. 5 pages without hearing back from him.

"I guess you're either a troll or have never been to Thailand. Yes, people do starve here. Many are practically destitute. Ever seen rice farmers work? Obviously not. Never break a sweat? You are a complete joke."

Hate to break it to you, but you are the one that isn't informed. Thailand has a very low unemployment rate and very few are malnourished. There are many extremely poor people but they are subsistance farmers and live off the land.

The person that you are arguing with is talking about the fact when you go into a store and see 30 employees standing around talking and only 4 customers in the store. There isn't a strong sense of work ethic amongst many people here. You are right that there are also many that work very hard but not all and not everyday. Rice farmers are most active for planting and harvest and they do bust hump, but they also have many days where they take it easy too.

[Kenny202]

I have to agree with this. I also live in a rural area and I immensely respect the hard working people on farms but in the cities....govt offices, large stores. I just don't get it.

[TimTang]

Make a cup of tea.

Sit down and relax.

Drink tea.

Laugh really hard at yourself.

Make the right decision, you already know what that is.

When ever you get the desire to hook up with this woman, go to a blow-job bar. If it happens again, go back to the blow-job bar.

You can't win in this situation. You're just getting sucked in. At least at the blow-job bar you know what's getting sucked in and how much it costs.

[Sheryl]

A very simple test to determine if she in fact has any genuine feelings for you:

Just say a definitive ":no" to the financial backing, and then see if she still wants to spend time with you....

[marcozola]

A lot of Westerners, during their honeymoon phase with Thailand and Thai women, end up with the misconception that because so many Thais appear to be so warmhearted they are also sincere. That's your first hurdle to clear.

Within a week of arriving here, the maid in a guesthouse where I was staying asked me to talk to this other farang who had become besotted with all things Thai, wanted to move here, marry a local woman, etc. She told me, "You say him. Thai people smile heart no smile."

I would agree with the other posters that this woman is leading you astray. Too many parts of her story don't add up. It's the usual Thai dream-cum-delusion, open a restaurant, open a beauty parlor, etc. Most of those projects fail, if they even

get up and running in the first place.

If she doesn't have the business acumen to come up with the financing, how is she going to run the restaurant later?

[mercman24]

i like the "sponsors" post i know a bar girl and some idiot from Sweden is sending her 40,000 baht a month to stay out of the bar, yeah right !!

[Anon999]

Consider the cost of health insurance as it escalates with age and you never know what's around the corner. Once you have sorted out the existing problems and situation and that will take more than 5 minutes, then consider finding a Thai gf. However, one that works in the public sector, preferably a civil servant will ensure you do not end up with need for a serious and very expensive operation that you are unable to afford. Heart surgery is very expensive even here. Think 20-25 years down the road!

[hiller]

i haven't read a single positive comment . Though I am happily? married to a Thai , school headteacher who continues to work ; Tailand is not Utopia , if you and your lady both spoke each other's language , there's little to talk about as Thais know little beyond the mundane of everyday local conversation . Others have commented on the proposed business and they are right . My wife had an early menopause and has no desire for sex and I think that is not uncommon in Thailand . " Better the devil you know than the one you don't , It takes two to tango ". My advice would be to talk to your wife , surely you were in love with her once . We can all grow stale , bored with our partners over time , you and your wife need to stir things up a bit , see if you can reignite the fire and love of youth .

Thai women are very pretty , but a snare and delusion ; they are only interested in foreign men for money , there are VERY FEW exceptions .

I have 20+ years in the Kingdom and the main concept of life I have learned here, No Thai person, especially the women, have a conscience

Should I ever meet one I would definitely marry her and move her far, far away from Thailand..

[hiller]

i haven't read a single positive comment . Though I am happily? married to a Thai , school headteacher who continues to work ; Tailand is not Utopia , if you and your lady both spoke each other's language , there's little to talk about as Thais know little beyond the mundane of everyday local conversation . Others have commented on the proposed business and they are right . My wife had an early menopause and has no desire for sex and I think that is not uncommon in Thailand . " Better the devil you know than the one you don't , It takes two to tango ". My advice would be to talk to your wife , surely you were in love with her once . We can all grow stale , bored with our partners over time , you and your wife need to stir things up a bit , see if you can reignite the fire and love of youth .

Thai women are very pretty , but a snare and delusion ; they are only interested in foreign men for money , there are VERY FEW exceptions .

I have 20+ years in the Kingdom and the main concept of life I have learned here, No Thai person, especially the women, have a conscience

Should I ever meet one I would definitely marry her and move her far, far away from Thailand..

[nitpicker]

My recommendation to you would be to

1) convince your gf to keep her job and postpone the idea of a cafe until you move to Thailand to stay with her.

2) In the meantime sort out your own life, divorce, separate whatever and make sure you protect your own assets whilst you go through this process.

3) have a look whether you can relocate to Thailand earlier than in 5 years time.

4) don't send her any money. You can promise her that you invest into a joint business when move to Thailand, however until then, no money. (with exception when you travel on your holidays)

5) and last point. When you move to Thailand, double check whether you really want a cafe as a business. As people mention, this business sector is over-supplied, a lot competition and little to no money unless you have a great/unique concept. Consider do some other business - just my view.

OP I've read 3 of the 5 pages of replies but haven't time to read any more. Hope you'll read this but never mind if not.

The above reply comes closest to my thinking except I would not recommend you make a promise to invest into a joint business only to promise to consider it when you retire. I think it would be better just to send a little money every month until you retire. My next point is to disagree with the advice "consider do some other business." My advice is consider not doing any business, just make cakes together for fun. Good luck. I hope it works out.

[TheFishman1]

Sounds like the older you get just Run

[lostoday]

OP is smarter than you think he's not been back since his first and only post on Thai Visa. Now that is a steep learning curve.

[HooHaa]

Okay I will say it then: its a troll ...

phew, thanks for that, i guess we can all just go home now that we have the definitive statement.

[steven100]

Okay I will say it then: its a troll ...

phew, thanks for that, i guess we can all just go home now that we have the definitive statement.

phew , i'm glad thats over ... i'm worn out just reading it

[outofbalance]

Thank you all for your opinions and advice.

I apologise for the delay in replying. There are several reasons for this, I want to post some meaningful response and when I draft a letter of reply then another post appears so then I consider that post. Also there were work / time constraints.

Many of you have obviously gone to a lot of trouble and taken a lot of time in your replies which is very decent and kind and I really appreciate that.

Optimistically I was hoping for many more encouraging opinions but your points are noted (realistically I knew them before I asked) and rationally I know “run” is the safest option.

Is rational thinking always the best way?

I know I must be careful (especially emotionally and financially)

I know I must sort out my life before contemplating time in Thailand.

I know this is midlife crises of massive proportions (and that the easy option is to go out and buy a Harley or a red sports car)

I am not worried that this lady will take the money and run (I have told her that I will not really be able to give her money until I have spent some time in Thailand and decided that I can live there/ work there)

I am pretty sure that what she says about waiting (for me) even for 5 years is truthful and honest. (Yes I have read about scams and Stephen Leathers “Private Dancer”) There are truthful and honest Thai’s. I have had more “love and affection and caring” show to me by her in the few spread- out weeks spent together with her over the past 2 years than I have had in many years during the latter part of my 23 years of marriage.

Ideally as someone pointed out it would be good to patch up our marriage and rekindle- I have tried this for well over ten years now. And yes my wife is aware of my “Thai affair”

I am very worried that the proposed restaurant / café venture will most likely fail, I have told her that several times but she believes she can make a small success of it. If it can work then the profit is not so important for me, I just do not want to make a huge loss. For me it is more “something to do”

A café style garden coffee shop serving homemade cakes, biscuits perhaps bread and perhaps pizza seems like it might be moderately successful. I have visited some such venues with her and seeing those compared to what she proposes- well it is possible that she is correct.

By the way this is in the Chiang Mai.

I am therefore very concerned (according to most opinions expressed here) that I will be unable to work. As I mentioned I do not want a salary. The grand idea was that it would be a nice retirement project something stimulating to occupy time. As the café would be located in her house/garden and I live in the house I wonder if that is still considered that “I am working illegally”. Especially as it is not paid work all I am doing is baking cakes, cleaning crockery, making coffee and so on.

Once again that you all for your valuable insight, and I would welcome more comments.

[MaeJoMTB]

There are truthful and honest Thai’s. I have had more “love and affection and caring” show to me by her in the few spread- out weeks spent together with her over the past 2 years than I have had in many years during the latter part of my 23 years of marriage.

Ideally as someone pointed out it would be good to patch up our marriage and rekindle- I have tried this for well over ten years now. And yes my wife is aware of my “Thai affair”

There are truthful and honest Thais, but as a tourist, you are unlikely to meet any of them.

The first Thai girl I encountered in Thailand showed me more love and affection than my English wife of nearly 30 years (Thai girls are very good at love and affection, English girls aren't) but then her American husband showed up (Yep I was a tourist, she was dishonest).

This girl is TOO OLD!

Find a younger one, just as good at love and affection, just as dishonest, and just as likely to cost you.

English wife,

Forget it, you have nothing more she wants.

Edited May 22, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[luk AJ]

Anyone that is contemplating absentee financial support should tread very cautiously. First off, very few Thai people do any market or location research when developing a business. There are failures all the time due to poor location, competition, offering a product few people want, no ability to advertise, etc. As stated, except in position as perhaps manager, you would not, by Thai law, be allowed to help or cook. If someone complains to immigration, they would be compelled to investigate, and if you seen cleaning an ashtray, you would be in trouble.

Also I would suggest questioning why she is seeking someone via internet. There are many farangs here she could talk to about her desires, and yes, limited Thai for you does not help.

I would agree with the first Ops comment....just run. There are many other women in Thailand, and although I have no experience in it, I have yet to hear of any Thai person leaving a company and getting a termination payout. You are being analytical by asking questions, but you have to separate heart from mind. Look at her proposal from any business perspective, and would you really want to invest? I think not.

termination pay out = provident fund

[slipperylobster]

Sometimes you have to look at what you already have....which may be a blessing or a curse. If there is no joy, nor loyalty, then perhaps you need to explore a new lifestyle. The road will get rough, and you may stand to lose a lot of material wealth. If you can tolerate the bumpy road, go for it.

Like the old saying "it is better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all. I will just warn you to leave a way back home... Stash 10,000 usd back in the homeland.

Some do just fine, even myself. Lost family, a small fortune, spent 15 years on a drunk and lived like a stray dog. Finally sorted things out and recovered greatly. Now I am quite happy, and have a good lady, and all the material things came back .

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[lostoday]

Success in a Thai restaurant. 1. Add the number of successful restaurants you have owned or managed and multiply that by 1. 2. Add the number partners you will have in the proposed venture and multiply that by negative 100. 3. Add he number of successful business ventures you have owned in Thailand legally and multiply that by one. 4. Add the number of partners you will have and be married to or have as your significant other and multiply that by negative 100.

Add up the numbers and the total is the percent of your chance of success.

Edited May 22, 2015 by lostoday

[outofbalance]

MaeJoMTB why do you say that she is too old?

slipperylobster you are correct - I just think I could stay the way I am and constantly think what might have happened if I had the "guts and determination" to at least try something else or.... I could try something else

[MaeJoMTB]

MaeJoMTB why do you say that she is too old?

slipperylobster you are correct - I just think I could stay the way I am and constantly think what might have happened if I had the "guts and determination" to at least try something else or.... I could try something else

If you don't know how womens' bodies work, it's too late for me to teach you.

[arunsakda]

Here are three general rules for you to follow as a minimum. Never fight a Thai. Never purchase a home to be registered in a woman name. Do not open a business. The idea of a garden cafe succeeding is ridiculous. Opened by novices, in Chiang Mai of all places overflowing with all types of cafes and bakeries already. If you want "something to do" get a hobby, Once over here you will have plenty of time on your hands anyway.

I would suggest renting a studio apartment for yourself so you can have a place to retreat for at least 1 year. You need get a feeling for what YOU really want from your new life, on your terms not hers, and if you really want to be here at all. In fact I would not cut all ties back home until you have experienced expat life for a while. Depending on your personal situation why bother divorcing? You certainly don't want rush into a new marriage.

Spend as much time as you want with your GF. Drive her around all you want enjoying your new life in retirement. Pay for all the weekend trips, entertainments and food, and feel free to buy her all the clothes/gifts you like. Let her continue to pay for her kid, her basic expenses, and most of all payoff her own house, and see how she feels about that. What you have described here appears to be a woman who wants to quit her job and latch on to a Farang so she can relax in her newly paid off home baking cookies at your expense.

You would become an absurd caricature of a cliche.

Dropping a bunch of money for a woman's' home particularly is one of the stupidest things you can do with your retirement funds realizing that if it goes south you would be out on your duff with nothing to show for your investment. If you want a new car buy it for yourself.

Edited May 23, 2015 by arunsakda

[Kenny202]

It really depends on how much he is considering investing. If it's 5 or 10k and he can afford to walk away from it why not. I wudnt be doing in the first 6 months though until u really get to know her. At some point you have to trust a little though whilst keeping ur eyes open and at some stage you need to stop looking for negative horror stories ie Private Dancer. Most of the stories u read here relate to bargirl romances. Ur in a bit of a different situation albeit most Thais seem obsessed with money to some degree. You have to remember shes human with normal feelings and its just unfair to have a relationship where u r continually doubting her. Your situation is so simliar to what mine was. I doubted everything she told me for the first year. Surprised she stuck with me! Id never present her with an opportunity or give her the pin to my bank account but the moment i learnt to trust her relax and treat het like any other woman i was repaid in spades. Shes never given me one reason to doubt her. The cold reallity is she's an older Thai lady and won't have too many options. She'll be well aware you would only have 2 walk 100m up Ur soi to find a replacement. If she's a good decent woman and you spell it all out for her she'll be prepared to wait. If she starts pressuring u immediately and her favorite topic is always drifting back to money then you have Ur answer. Run

Edited May 23, 2015 by Kenny202

[green job]

As I said in my original post. Run Run Run. But there is a big diference between Isaan and Thai women. Remember Isaan are not really Thai.Keep that in mind.

[Kenny202]

How true that is! In good ways and bad ways but 100% different. And I'm guessing this lady is Chiang Mai born and I believe they're a different Kettle of fish again

Edited May 23, 2015 by Kenny202

[Guest]

i like the "sponsors" post i know a bar girl and some idiot from Sweden is sending her 40,000 baht a month to stay out of the bar, yeah right !!

I believe you. I personally know one who receives 100,000 THB Per month from a guy in France ... who visits (with advanced notice) about 4 weeks per year. It has been 4 years , and the money just keeps coming !!!

Now add that to what she is making daily ..

She is (obviously) beautiful, sexy , bright and fun.

How bright? She has a financial adviser as a "friend" .. and he has taken ALL that money and more than doubled all of it.

"Stupid Bar Girl" ... NOT.

[Kenny202]

100000 baht a month! U have his number I'll sub contract the missus out! :-)

[DLock]

Here are three general rules for you to follow as a minimum. Never fight a Thai. Never purchase a home to be registered in a woman name. Do not open a business. The idea of a garden cafe succeeding is ridiculous. Opened by novices, in Chiang Mai of all places overflowing with all types of cafes and bakeries already. If you want "something to do" get a hobby, Once over here you will have plenty of time on your hands anyway.

I would suggest renting a studio apartment for yourself so you can have a place to retreat for at least 1 year. You need get a feeling for what YOU really want from your new life, on your terms not hers, and if you really want to be here at all. In fact I would not cut all ties back home until you have experienced expat life for a while. Depending on your personal situation why bother divorcing? You certainly don't want rush into a new marriage.

Spend as much time as you want with your GF. Drive her around all you want enjoying your new life in retirement. Pay for all the weekend trips, entertainments and food, and feel free to buy her all the clothes/gifts you like. Let her continue to pay for her kid, her basic expenses, and most of all payoff her own house, and see how she feels about that. What you have described here appears to be a woman who wants to quit her job and latch on to a Farang so she can relax in her newly paid off home baking cookies at your expense.

You would become an absurd caricature of a cliche.

Dropping a bunch of money for a woman's' home particularly is one of the stupidest things you can do with your retirement funds realizing that if it goes south you would be out on your duff with nothing to show for your investment. If you want a new car buy it for yourself.

Pretty well said.

Come to Thailand to relax, enjoy, learn and explore...not give someone else your hard earned money and all the stress that will give you.

If it does not work out with her...there are plenty more...everything happens for a reason.

[marko kok prong]

If the op goes ahead with this,no doubt we will be reading the outcome at some future date on that tale of woe,that is Stickmans readers submissions.

[steven100]

outofbalance ..... please read

OP ... first thing is to sort out your western setup / relationship.

Then I would come to Thailand and stay here for some time myself and see first hand what things are really like and what the new lady is really like, not find out of a TV forum as they don't 100% know here. She may be geniune, she may be not.

So what if she was on a pen-pal site ... you were on there also, as are 100's of others. People have met good partners in all situations, a bar, a disco, internet chat, supermarket checkout, cinema, or wherever .. what's it matter where you met her, life goes on and we just move forward and try things, but we tread with caution.

Also, how much money are you talking about putting in ? is it big money ? because if it's only say 300k-500k even 600k or thereabouts it's not like millions. But try to budget or manage that if it goes bad then you can absorb that loss and it's not going to ruin you.

You have two choices here :

you can stay where you are continue as you have for the past 10 years & wonder what you missed out on by not trying.

or you can give it a go and enjoy life more ... but tread with ease and caution ...

Who knows ... you may end up happy for the rest of your life.

It appears alot of farang talk themselves into failure before they even start. You know whats worse than failure .. ? never trying something so you never know how it may have been ....