kat Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I live in a condo building that has "24-hour" security, with guards that sit at a desk in front of the building. These guys rotate quite a bit, with the last batch from a different company all fired for some non-transparent reason of which we can only guess. Before that, I heard it was a different batch. Now they've got these older guys, which is fine, but one of them is about middle-age and seems to think that he can stand around and openly stare at me when I return home late, while smiling this very self-satisfied smug smile. It is like he is passing judgement, or making some kind of commentary on my life, and assuming that he has the authority and the right over me to do it, even though he is a security guard in a building where I live. Quite frankly, this creeps me out, and I've started to lock my inner bedroom door at night, in fear of the security guard! I stay on line pretty late at an internet site, chatting on TV and to friends at all hours around the world. I always take a taxi home after midnight, even though it is only 35 baht. The older guards are always looking to see how much taxi money I spend, and the younger middle-aged guy just stands around and looks and smiles as if he has some right to comment. After 4 years here, I've yet to understand the value of these security guards to me as a foreign tenant. They are either asleep after 1 a.m., or they are watching everything I do and silently passing judgement or imposing themselves where they have no right. The last place I lived, the guards were very nice, but the older one had a very good and daily check-in relationship with the BIB. I'm glad he liked me What are your impressions of your security guards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 hmmmm Kat can read minds! ...... NOW I understand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donz Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Well I know why he would be looking at you Kat, even the younger guards would look at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CymruAmByth Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Sorry, I don't do impressions. I just tell stories and jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 hmmm, somehow I had the feeling this would turn into a bashing thread, but I even underestimated all of you. A lot quicker and more prolific than I thought. I only included his age because it is significant in Thailand. Middle-aged men rule the roost here. As such, he believes that he has authority over me, as he probably believes he does of most women. It is an attitude I've encountered here as a woman, one different than your own. And how am I reading minds? I'm talking about an action and an attitude. If you are not interested in stories or sharing your own experiences, why are you wasting time bashing me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jing jing Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 A single woman coming and going late at night may have different implications in this culture than it would back in New York. As a single foreign woman you will attract more attention than usual from the locals anyway. Agreed, it is a little creepy, but I really doubt you're in any physical danger. Yaa khit maak... don't think too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) Kat ... I didn't bash .... you said the guy smiled .... and appear to know exactly what is behind that smile! Makes you a mind reader! The security guards at my places in BKK would smile on occassion late at night too! Sometimes because I was obviously intoxicated and sometimes because they were a friendly lot! Edited September 12, 2006 by jdinasia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jing jing Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Kat ... I didn't bash .... you said the guy smiled .... and appear to know exactly what is behind that smile! Makes you a mind reader! The security guards at my places in BKK would smile on occassion late at night too! Sometimes because I was obviously intoxicated and sometimes because they were a friendly lot! Difficult to know what meaning may lie behind a smile here in the LOS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thohts Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Thai people are generally just very nosey. Lovely people, though. Just my humble opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Yeah, thanks for the honest response Jing Jing. It's something that has bothered me for more than a year, but I've never discussed. The loss of privacy here is a major issue and culture shock for me. I feel like people are always watching you, and the security and building maintenance people are a daily audience. And I know I'm not imagining it. At the last place I stayed, the friendly gas station attendants would have to comment and stare whenever I was in the presence of a male (well, make that Asian male). If at a local restaurant, the other locals have to turn around and openly stare at who is paying the bill. With the security guard and building people, it is a daily thing. When I have people stay over, they are all staring with their little intrusive smiles. When I come home late at night, there is this particular guard, not only staring, but making too many assumptions that I can't explain if you don't want to understand, but I think other women would have no problem understanding. I've encountered this attitude of open staring and assumption of authority over me from middle-aged men and up in Thailand. Anyway, it's not exactly that I am rationally scared. It just kind of makes me uncomfortable. Any other stories about security and discomfort? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donz Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 maybe your just alittle paranoid or maybe not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Kat ... I didn't bash .... you said the guy smiled .... and appear to know exactly what is behind that smile! Makes you a mind reader! The security guards at my places in BKK would smile on occassion late at night too! Sometimes because I was obviously intoxicated and sometimes because they were a friendly lot! Ok, fair enough. Yes, there are friendly smiles, of course, we live in LOS. I am also a friendly smiler, believe it or not (I can hear the snide comments flapping their wings now). What I mean is, it is more than a friendly smile, you know? Most security guards, and especially Thai men, would know that 2 a.m. is not the time to issue a "friendly" smile to a woman who lives in the building. I'm not saying that it is exactly a smile as a come on, but it is a sort of Lord-of-the-Manor smile, where he does not question the assumption to stare openly at me and subtly comment about my schedule. And to be honest, I don't really feel unsafe, but I have heard that security guards in this country are an oxymoron. I'm trying to explore if this is true or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nordlys Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 None of which I have experienced in my condo. Our condo security guards are friendly, polite, helpful and I haven't seen them asleep no matter how late I come home (rarely I come home before midnight though). If you find them to be too obnoxious and feel offended by their attitudes, you shouldn't hesitate to report this to the condominium management team or juristic person committee member, even though it may seem like trivial a matter. I am a committee member of my own condo and we welcome this kind of complaints. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 again Kat ... 'subtley comment" ... in the form of a smile? I just don't remember the "I am a Thai security guard and of a certain age and have authority over you" as one of the 13 "Thai Smiles" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 hmmm, you live in Thailand and you haven't yet decoded that which is unspoken? Well, all I can say is, I now understand why the majority of your posts seem completely out of touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 None of which I have experienced in my condo. Our condo security guards are friendly, polite, helpful and I haven't seen them asleep no matter how late I come home (rarely I come home before midnight though). If you find them to be too obnoxious and feel offended by their attitudes, you shouldn't hesitate to report this to the condominium management team or juristic person committee member, even though it may seem like trivial a matter. I am a committee member of my own condo and we welcome this kind of complaints. Nah, I don't think it's anything I can complain about. For example: the security and building people are always staring and way too interested in my comings and goings than they should be? Nah, wouldn't go over too well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) hmmm, you live in Thailand and you haven't yet decoded that which is unspoken? Well, all I can say is, I now understand why the majority of your posts seem completely out of touch. LOL ... now THAT's flaming But hey .... I guess I am just not a mind-reader of your magnitude! Really Kat ..... if you can't even find a legit complaint to lodge with the building management ...... << Could it be perhaps that even YOU understand that "I don't like the fact that he smiles at me! When he does this security guard has an attitude of ____insert possibly paranoid delusion here ___" just sounds way out of touch in itself?>> Edited September 12, 2006 by jdinasia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 I wasn't asking advice on how to complain to the building management. It wouldn't do any good anyway, even if it was serious. I was just trying to find out people's thoughts and experiences with their building security, and I get insulted instead. I mean really, you are trying to tell me that I'm delusional because I can't complain to the building management? In that case, you must think that most attitudes and non-verbal pretenses are delusional. Anyway, I didn't start this thread to defend myself, merely to discuss and try and find out other experiences. I guess the attitudes that I encounter on this thread and in this forum must be delusional as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) scroll back up to your first response to my first post Yeah! It is! <<could it be why you log in as anonymous?>> Edited September 12, 2006 by jdinasia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) JD: "scroll back up to your first response to my first post Yeah! It is! <<could it be why you log in as anonymous?>>" Oh you mean, after you made a glib comment about me reading minds? Right, I'm sure it is always every one else that is wrong JD. I log in as anonymous because I can. Anyway, my particular situation is obviously much different than the posters here, because I am a single FEMALE. There is only one poster so far who had the good sense to consider that. But anyway, I started this thread to hear thoughts and experiences about security guards. I have heard things through the years about set ups and even hostility from building people. As I said earlier, there have been occasions where our entire security staff was sacked. I was merely trying to find out more about other people's experiences. *edit: I know bebop. I am sick of a lot of other things as well. Edited September 12, 2006 by kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) Right ... and I gave you my reaction to the security guards at my place. Places change security companies often ... sometimes when they get a better deal ... sometimes when they have a problem. You do remember this post right? Ok, fair enough. Yes, there are friendly smiles, of course, we live in LOS. I am also a friendly smiler, believe it or not (I can hear the snide comments flapping their wings now).What I mean is, it is more than a friendly smile, you know? Most security guards, and especially Thai men, would know that 2 a.m. is not the time to issue a "friendly" smile to a woman who lives in the building. I'm not saying that it is exactly a smile as a come on, but it is a sort of Lord-of-the-Manor smile, where he does not question the assumption to stare openly at me and subtly comment about my schedule. And to be honest, I don't really feel unsafe, but I have heard that security guards in this country are an oxymoron. I'm trying to explore if this is true or not. But t least I didn't question the 'majority of your posts' Edited September 12, 2006 by jdinasia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Kat ... Do you know any other single women in your complex? If so have you spoken to any of them? Strangely I KNOW that had i ever had ANY problem with a security guard at the condos in BKK all I would have to have done is have a word with the manager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) Yeah, and unfortunately, it is something that cannot be explained to people who do not want to hear it. So, for those who do, here is breaking news: manners and attitudes are very often communicated non-verbally, especially in Asia. Most adults can tell the difference between an ordinary friendly smile, and a come on smile; most women in Asia can tell the difference between an ordinary friendly attitude, and a proprietary one; I was talking about the latter. Here in Thailand, I have often encountered this attitude from older Thai men, especially when I am out late and coming home alone. It is an attitude that crosses the anonymous sphere and assumes much in the way they glance at you openly. It is quite obvious in an otherwise polite society. As a female here, I think I am well versed in this attitude, as it has occured a few times, or enough for me to notice a pattern. What are other patterns or experiences other people have with security guards or building people overstepping their bounds? Edited September 12, 2006 by kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vespa Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 He has been reading the visa thread and is very concerned about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 (edited) Well its obvious the security lads are probably bored and looking for some sort of entertainment. Hence the interest in you - give them something to goss about would be my best guess. I think ignoring them is the best bet or go on the offensive and do something surprising have a word with the lad. Perhaps once the curiousity is gone the issues will go away. Edited September 12, 2006 by britmaveric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OZONE Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Why not just approach the guy and politley ask him if he has a reason to stare at you. I think if you approach him nicely, I am sure he'll back off. Ohh i forgot, make sure you have a can of mase in the other hand and if he get out of line just spray him in his eyes, kick him in the groin and run for the bedroom door and call me for help . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 There was one other single foreign woman, and she moved out a long time ago, and it was different security back then. Let's see, my encounter with young, single, local women from the building: about 3 months ago, two of them came to check out my condo, because the owner is selling. They then attempted to scam me with a ridiculously simplistic notice that they were now the new owners and I should send the rest of my rent checks to them. Why they thought this would work, is beyond me. And oh yeah - they were outside sitting with the security guards (different ones though). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jing jing Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 What are other patterns or experiences other people have with security guards or building people overstepping their bounds? Once I was living in a serviced apartment in BKK with a girlfriend. We'd been there together about 6 months. One of the young doormen was always very friendly and as is typical of Thais always asked how we were feeling, where we were going and where we'd been. One day I was on my way out by myself, and at some point during the pleasantries he asked me if I had a wife back home... I thought that was a bit odd. BTW Kat, never mind the flamers. Your OP was bound to attract some of those types of responses. I know exactly what you mean about being watched... I notice the same thing happening but I'm a man and might not get quite the same feeling about it as you do. At this point I've just learned to ignore it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 I know Jing Jing. I've been trying to ignore it all this time since I've been in LOS, and for more than 1 year at this building I haven't talked about it. Then I come on here and get flamed for no reason other than I am me. Meanwhile, people come on here and get honest responses on threads like what kind of cereal the eat in the morning. It is just total burnout. Thanks so much for listening honestly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Kat - On a side note I have noticed the same thing with hotel security. Nosey bastards with smirks on their faces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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