You think English is easy?

[ravip]

Heteronyms...

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.

A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

You think English is easy?

Read all the way to the end...

This took a lot of work to put together!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes..

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible..

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special..

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP..

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,

for now my time is UP,

so.......it is time to shut UP!

Now it's UP to you what you do with this email.

[green job]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

[TP1]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

I take it you are neither AN English native speaker.......so I fogive forgive you.

[green job]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

I take it you are neither AN English native speaker.......so I fogive forgive you.

No as it happens I am not, I take it you are another humourless Mid European? that belong to my nation, If not you should be ashamed Txxx

[AyG]

#6 is meaningless

"6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert."

And in English #9 should be

"9) When shot at, the dove dived into the bushes.."

[Stan42]

I had no problem. I think the way two identically spelled words are pronounced differently boils down to whether you understand the context or not. Neat exercise to share with your students if you're an English teacher, otherwise not much of a joke, sorry.

[JAS21]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

I take it you are neither AN English native speaker.......so I fogive forgive you.

Not and engineer either else you would have include ... Wow that a complete fu_k up ....

[wayned]

You think English is hard, try saying "New wood doesn't burn, does it?" in Thai. Five mai's with varying tines!

[Daffy D]

Interesting

Tried a few sentences on the wife and kids.

The wife who is Thai and speaks good English could not differentiate between the sound of some of the words, "produce and produce" in the example sounded the same to her, but my 10 year old who spoke both Thai and English from the start did hear the difference.

Long time ago I read somewhere that different nationalities grow up recognizing their own language tones and find it almost impossible to recognize other national subtle tones in later life.

[IMA_FARANG]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

---------------------------------

Actually, he (or maybe she) must be a native English speaker.

Try this one, from a news report I once heard on the BBC:

An articulated Lorry, and a goods wagon have collided with a Caravan at a Lay-by on (road number).

I know what they meant, but would a English speaker not from England know what they were talking about?

As an American, it took me a minute or two to decode that.

Edited June 28, 2015 by IMA_FARANG

[wayned]

I'm American also, roughly translated it says:

A large open truck connect by a "joint" a a four wheel vehicle pulled by animals collided with a a group of people or animals travelling together on a long journey at an area next to a road where vehicles can stop.

Makes sense to me!

[BB1950]

It sounds like a bar come-on to me.

A drawback lorry colliding with a caravan at a lay-by on (road number) would make more sense. I can't imagine a goods wagon being at a lay-by.

[ldiablo]

Yawning

[ravip]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

I take it you are neither AN English native speaker.......so I fogive forgive you.

Not and engineer either else you would have include ... Wow that a complete fu_k up ....

"Not and engineer either..."

English variations are hilarious indeed!

[ravip]

I take it,you are not a English native speaker? If so I fogive you.

I take it you are neither AN English native speaker.......so I fogive forgive you.

Not and engineer either else you would have include ... Wow that a complete fu_k up ....

"Not and engineer either..."

English variations are hilarious indeed!

"either else you would have..."

English variations are hilarious indeed! - the possibilities & variations are endless too!