Reality Check (Family First)

[Konaboy1]

Extended family!! we all know the story.... been there done that and put the foot down....

it is a game of smoke and mirror as always in Asia, ju just have to play it so no-body loose face and you get to keep money....

looks like you got yourself too far down the "rabbit-hole" so i would say you should go into "save whatever you can mode" and run, run as fast as you can...

take a breather and discuss with your partner about reasonable sharing of the cost of bringing up your son...

good luck

A picture is worth a 1000 words. one observation. You need a few more whiskey bottles in the photos.!!

This gentleman has gone down the "Thai rabbit hole"

I will say hello when I see him down there. So will many other Farangs.

Climb out and make a deal on helping your son financially.

As long as you are still "providing" you should be left alone.and get visitation. However, he will most likely,slowly disappear into becoming a 100% Thai-

unless you really put forth a big effort to intervene with him over the years.Schools,holidays with you etc etc,

It''s tough. Good luck! All TV readers,please take note.and don't ever say you were not warned!

Good luck my friend. After all "She was different"!!

[Thongkorn]

You know the old saying about "A fool and his money....

Soon parted"

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

[smotherb]

You know the old saying about "A fool and his money....

Soon parted"

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

If any woman truly loved you, you would be the family and not the others. There is a closeness of relationship involved, when you think you are the husband, yet you fall behind the parents and siblings, you are not the husband--period.

[smotherb]

You know the old saying about "A fool and his money....

Soon parted"

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

Since I posted twice, I changed this response. I have seen too many relationships where the man thought he was the husband, but was no more than the long-term customer. His place in the family hierarchy is somewhere behind the trusted maid.

[BEVUP]

Yeah, the brother sounds like the real husband.

Is there anything stopping you from taking your son and walking out?

YES - Work in home land & come back every mth - Still have quite a few yrs before retirement

Son is doing very well in his new school & wife is excellent mother

[BEVUP]

You know the old saying about "A fool and his money....

Soon parted"

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

Wish i was a clairvoyant - Exactly right about the fool bit (as we know the divorce rate is high in the west as well )

Was planning to put house in sons name but you can not as there was a debt to the developer still owing

Will hang in for the moment as i am only there a week at a time every mth

[BEVUP]

Write it all off and get out, things will only get worse.

None of the property or debt is in your name.

Write it all off.......<deleted> a child is not a car or mbike...its a human being.....jeeezzzz some posters....

Im not sure about the debt not being mine as i always thought in divorce settlements it was a 50/50 episode or to extracted prior to settlement

Great comment - A child is not a material posession - Like i was thinking he could help me build a BBQ

[samuibeachcomber]

OP you may love your wife, but she has let all this happen. As you said she had all now she has nothing. She may have pressure from the family, but there comes a time where she must say enough is enough OR if not its time for you to move on.

I know it is easy to say (hard for you to do), but if it was me I would have already left, she went way past the limit.

In thai society the man rules,so pressure from the brother and she caved in.Sounds like the OP is not always in thailand but sending the money.It is sad but so many just grab the money without a thought for anyone else.To be safe(money wise) you really have to be on the scene 24/7 and have total control of the money, and know your adopted family.

[samuibeachcomber]

If you married into a middle class thai family that had money would this be happening?I dont know,just asking.Most of these stories on TV come from and are about poor thai families in rural Isaan

We fall into the trap of expecting love for love's sake,but deep down we know that's not how it works in thailand.The amount of love you receive is equal to the amount you take care(financially)..........and should the money run out so will the lady as she has no govt. assistance like we do in the west.

It's a sobering thought "buyer beware"...because that's what is happening,we are in some respects buying love.

I appreciate many posters here will say"that's not the case in my relationship",and my response would be "i am happy for you"...you are lucky!

[offset]

Why is all this happening ? Wife that has been pressured to help family (with out my knowledge )

Owned first house, out right .Brother ( has wife & kids) mortgaged signing Chanute over to man (house now gone ), He wasnt paying

Bought second house 50 % Dep. & sent rest in cash over 6 mths (most went to brother), again not know till to late , Brother wasnt paying- but can maybe save OR RUN AS SUGGESTED

Car hocked (not know where) in hands of brother - He pays but some times late - still have in the drive way

Not know where bikes are hocked but still have

Not know which shop the gold is in

As for divorce that is out of the question as i do not want to end up with half the debt

Oh Yes i know it all isnt mine but a marriage is togetherness - maybe if it was the other way round a few of you may lose some dangling bits

Yes i do love my son & wanted some security for him & us when we get old just like everyday normal people but as suggested RUN BORIS RUN as im just pouring good money after bad

Just dont want son to end up a buffaloe boy riding motor bikes all day

Now wife says want listen to family again (not know who was calling the shots as mother is old)

After she told me all this i told her you had it all & now have nothing

I am sorry to say but I have been where you are now the wife is using your son to get money from you it cost me 3 million baht till I could sort myself out to run with my child and put the land that I brought into my child's name but when she said she owed another 4 million that is when I left with my child and I am now dealing with the family court to get 100% parental rights over my child

All i can tell you is to run she will not change

[BKResort]

The situation remembers a friend of mine...married with a Thai for few years, wanted to divorce now but saying...." too much of my money already in her name...and she will get some of what I have in my country too"

Looks like so many "farangs" living in Thailand have a lot in common....and Thai wives too....The competition to who will get more from their foreign husbands..... and the critics about other women that will not get any or so much....

I feel sorry for all them. Sincerely.

[benalibina]

Write it all off and get out, things will only get worse.

None of the property or debt is in your name.

Write it all off.......<deleted> a child is not a car or mbike...its a human being.....jeeezzzz some posters....

Im not sure about the debt not being mine as i always thought in divorce settlements it was a 50/50 episode or to extracted prior to settlement

Great comment - A child is not a material posession - Like i was thinking he could help me build a BBQ[/

quote]

But....for THEM the child is......thats the sad part of people like THEM....

[HooHaa]

deleted, simply not worthy of comment

[tassieman]

omg...all the questions I had have now been answered...thank you and sorry to say for the initiator of this thread sounds like best to go asap...my "pathetic" questions were just about the niggling doubts I have had about my Isaan fiancée's credibility...the may doubts and flaws in her story...the balance of the replies to this poor fellow's story tell me enough..cheers, thanks, good luck....feel like I have dodged a bullet. Matthew

[thaibeachlovers]

OP you may love your wife, but she has let all this happen. As you said she had all now she has nothing. She may have pressure from the family, but there comes a time where she must say enough is enough OR if not its time for you to move on.

I know it is easy to say (hard for you to do), but if it was me I would have already left, she went way past the limit.

Correct. I believe my wife does love me, but she has allowed her sister to use money I gave my wife for her own ends, and now I realise that I am probably last in the pecking order. Luckily I never gave the family any money, though it has caused much problems between my wife and them. I am unwilling to force her to choose between them and me, so nothing will change in my life, one way or another.

[thaibeachlovers]

The situation remembers a friend of mine...married with a Thai for few years, wanted to divorce now but saying...." too much of my money already in her name...and she will get some of what I have in my country too"

Looks like so many "farangs" living in Thailand have a lot in common....and Thai wives too....The competition to who will get more from their foreign husbands..... and the critics about other women that will not get any or so much....

I feel sorry for all them. Sincerely.

How can she get anything from your country? Unless you are legally married in both countries.

[benalibina]

OP you may love your wife, but she has let all this happen. As you said she had all now she has nothing. She may have pressure from the family, but there comes a time where she must say enough is enough OR if not its time for you to move on.

I know it is easy to say (hard for you to do), but if it was me I would have already left, she went way past the limit.

Correct. I believe my wife does love me, but she has allowed her sister to use money I gave my wife for her own ends, and now I realise that I am probably last in the pecking order. Luckily I never gave the family any money, though it has caused much problems between my wife and them. I am unwilling to force her to choose between them and me, so nothing will change in my life, one way or another.

Why not ?

[thaibeachlovers]

OP you may love your wife, but she has let all this happen. As you said she had all now she has nothing. She may have pressure from the family, but there comes a time where she must say enough is enough OR if not its time for you to move on.

I know it is easy to say (hard for you to do), but if it was me I would have already left, she went way past the limit.

Correct. I believe my wife does love me, but she has allowed her sister to use money I gave my wife for her own ends, and now I realise that I am probably last in the pecking order. Luckily I never gave the family any money, though it has caused much problems between my wife and them. I am unwilling to force her to choose between them and me, so nothing will change in my life, one way or another.

Why not ?

Why would I cause my wife to dump her family when I'm going to die in not so many years and she is still only middle aged? That would be a nasty thing to do.

[inzman]

This story had played out countless times in Thailand and we all know the end result. Sorry but just another victim .

[benalibina]

OP you may love your wife, but she has let all this happen. As you said she had all now she has nothing. She may have pressure from the family, but there comes a time where she must say enough is enough OR if not its time for you to move on.

I know it is easy to say (hard for you to do), but if it was me I would have already left, she went way past the limit.

Correct. I believe my wife does love me, but she has allowed her sister to use money I gave my wife for her own ends, and now I realise that I am probably last in the pecking order. Luckily I never gave the family any money, though it has caused much problems between my wife and them. I am unwilling to force her to choose between them and me, so nothing will change in my life, one way or another.

Why not ?

Why would I cause my wife to dump her family when I'm going to die in not so many years and she is still only middle aged? That would be a nasty thing to do.

Pity you married somebody who does not own herself.

[thaibeachlovers]

You know the old saying about "A fool and his money....

Soon parted"

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

If any woman truly loved you, you would be the family and not the others. There is a closeness of relationship involved, when you think you are the husband, yet you fall behind the parents and siblings, you are not the husband--period.

Sadly, I have to agree with Prince Charles when he replied about a question concerning love "Whatever 'in love' means".

In my experience, love doesn't last ( shortest marriage of a couple of my friends was 6 days and almost all of them have divorced ), and if you're not a friend of your partner your marriage is doomed.

[smotherb]

You know the old saying about "A fool and his money....

Soon parted"

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

If any woman truly loved you, you would be the family and not the others. There is a closeness of relationship involved, when you think you are the husband, yet you fall behind the parents and siblings, you are not the husband--period.

Sadly, I have to agree with Prince Charles when he replied about a question concerning love "Whatever 'in love' means".

In my experience, love doesn't last ( shortest marriage of a couple of my friends was 6 days and almost all of them have divorced ), and if you're not a friend of your partner your marriage is doomed.

I have to agree that many, maybe even most, cohabitational relationships do not last. Like any partnership, to last, they have to be constantly nurtured and show good ROI for both parties all during the relationship.

Sorry about your experience, but there are some of us who have managed long-term loving relationships. Mine has lasted almost 40 years, and we are still happy together. At least she makes me believe that--comment for the naysayers.

I think a simple yet effective message may help cull the candidates. Simply tell your prospective partner that you will give her family exactly the amount of money and assets they give your family.

[thaibeachlovers]

I find this statement wrong , maybe he should have been a clairvoyant., what's fool got to do with 8 years of marriage, , its called thinking your a in a loving relationship with your wife, But as many have found Thais always put their Family first, it does not matter if its a week or twenty years, It's just in them, also they dont care, you cannot beat a person who does not care, you will never win the mind games, again they dont care, Sadly its down to the person involved, you can just leave which she will not care, just think of number one and dont look back live your life. Sad but true.

If any woman truly loved you, you would be the family and not the others. There is a closeness of relationship involved, when you think you are the husband, yet you fall behind the parents and siblings, you are not the husband--period.

Sadly, I have to agree with Prince Charles when he replied about a question concerning love "Whatever 'in love' means".

In my experience, love doesn't last ( shortest marriage of a couple of my friends was 6 days and almost all of them have divorced ), and if you're not a friend of your partner your marriage is doomed.

I have to agree that many, maybe even most, cohabitational relationships do not last. Like any partnership, to last, they have to be constantly nurtured and show good ROI for both parties all during the relationship.

Sorry about your experience, but there are some of us who have managed long-term loving relationships. Mine has lasted almost 40 years, and we are still happy together. At least she makes me believe that--comment for the naysayers.

I think a simple yet effective message may help cull the candidates. Simply tell your prospective partner that you will give her family exactly the amount of money and assets they give your family.

In a long life and seeing many, many marriages fail, IMO many people marry for the wrong reason, or certainly marry the wrong person.

Many women seem to want to get married more for the ceremony than for the relationship, especially in the US where marriage ceremonies seem to have become some sort of out of control monster, devouring vast sums of money and more concerned with lists of presents that they want people to buy them than having a good time.

Many seem never to consider whether they are actually compatible, so that when "love" leaves there is something to remain together for.

I'm not sure if men marry for more than sex, but the message has surely got out by now that after year one, sex will be rare, especially after the arrival of the wife's guarantee of money for the next 20 or so years ( the child ).

I do like your last sentence- wish I'd thought of that a few years ago.

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