How To Live Without Fear & Worry

[fang37]

This thread is submitted as a result from my several reads of a book with the same title. The book was written by the Venerable Dr Dhammananda (Buddhist Missionary Society, Malaysia)

I invite members to relate their experience, strength & hope as it relates to fear & worry.

The thread, although it is inserted in the Buddhist Forum, is intended to relate to life experiences - not a debate on Buddhist philosophy.

[fang37]

As a younger man, I was plagued by fear & worry - usual stuff - enough $$$, friends, lovers, acceptance, job.

Today, F & W - minimal. Why? Knowledge, understanding & application.

It feels great not having t lug that rubbish with me every day. TOO HEAVY!

For me, thinking is something I can only afford in moderation.

Being average is my preferred state.

[rockyysdt]

As a younger man, I was plagued by fear & worry - usual stuff - enough $$$, friends, lovers, acceptance, job.

Today, F & W - minimal. Why? Knowledge, understanding & application.

It feels great not having t lug that rubbish with me every day. TOO HEAVY!

For me, thinking is something I can only afford in moderation.

Being average is my preferred state.

My personal experience has been that fear and worry are automatic conditioned responses.

They often occur faster than my ability through mindfulness to intervene.

My strategy is to observe, attempt to short circuit and, over time, allow the fruits of practice (Awareness and Meditation) to break the cycle.

At a recent retreat I had great difficulty quietening the mind.

I had worrying/fearful thoughts revolving around two personal unresolved issues.

Without the power of practice, attempts to remain unattached can only be described as temporary.

My observation of others and myself leads me to conclude that we are all slaves to our conditioning (good & bad), both conscious and subconscious.

My thoughts are that the only way to properly overcome conditioning is through regular, diligent practice of Awareness, and Meditation along the lines of the Eightfold path.

I'm supportive of you overcoming your baggage.

The secret is in the application.

Application will take years, or full time.

Applying oneself is the most difficult part as this also entails overcoming conditioning.

I call it the key.

Instead of overcoming a myriad of conditioned issues, you only have to overcome one, that is the courage and willpower to practice.

It's still quite a task and is perhaps a significant reason for the low number of Awakened ones.

It's like the gym during mid winter.

Many stop going, their minds justifying their absence.

The mind is very clever and will find many excuses not to practice.

[rockyysdt]

I was plagued by fear & worry.

I thought it was worth noting that not all live with the same thoughts and feelings.

I find that many live with a belief that everyone feels and thinks as they do.

After quizzing individuals I found that many possessed personal attachments quite alien to those I find myself with.

There are those who live without fear and worry.

Their attachment may revolve around sloth and torpor or any combination of the hindrances.

Attachment greater to some than others.

Each of us will have our own sub set of attachments.

[fang37]

rockyysdt

Thank you for your share.

Although I have been delving into Buddhist teaching & practice for 30 years, I have discovered that Thai practical assistance from the monks to be USELESS/NON-EXISTENT.

I now live in Fang. A short distance from home there is a wat. They "market" a retreat specifically for farangs - USD700 - 1 month?

I have found that the literature from the Buddhist Educational Foundation, Taiwan very helpful. I got some for Buddhist monks (in Thai). They found it very helpful too.

Is there a message in that?

[rockyysdt]

rockyysdt

Thank you for your share.

Although I have been delving into Buddhist teaching & practice for 30 years, I have discovered that Thai practical assistance from the monks to be USELESS/NON-EXISTENT.

I now live in Fang. A short distance from home there is a wat. They "market" a retreat specifically for farangs - USD700 - 1 month?

I have found that the literature from the Buddhist Educational Foundation, Taiwan very helpful. I got some for Buddhist monks (in Thai). They found it very helpful too.

Is there a message in that?

1. Avoid the USD700 retreat.

2. Never measure anything by its appearance.

3. For a teachings essence go to its source.

[fang37]

Personal experience - doing it solo is a real challenge for me

I have read numerous books - many too theoretical

Meditation - a teacher has been helpful

Other - Dr Dhammananda's book has been extremely helpful

[rockyysdt]

Personal experience - doing it solo is a real challenge for me

I have read numerous books - many too theoretical

Meditation - a teacher has been helpful

Other - Dr Dhammananda's book has been extremely helpful

The support of the Sangha is important.

Not only encouragement through group practice & sharing of knowledge/experience but also access to teachers/guides.

Teachers can be good for initial guidance in practice of Mindfulness & Meditation.

After this its down to dedicated practice to develop regular deep Meditation states free from thought.

Once such sustained regular states are easily achieved then a teacher/guide is needed.

The 16 steps of Anapanasiti is a great guide/instruction.

Teaches one correct breathing/Meditation practice and then fleshes out the steps through which insights are gained ending with the last step of dissolving ego.

[Gumballl]

As a younger man, I was plagued by fear & worry - usual stuff - enough $$$, friends, lovers, acceptance, job.

Today, F & W - minimal. Why? Knowledge, understanding & application.

It feels great not having t lug that rubbish with me every day. TOO HEAVY!

For me, thinking is something I can only afford in moderation.

Being average is my preferred state.

You have not defined what you mean by 'average'.

I too live an average life... my interpretation: earning only $120K per year working with the most prestigious aerospace agency, having a good home for my daughters, and living in an area where they can attend the best schools. Because of the latter, I do have to fork out a large portion of my salary to afford a home in an affluent area, which sometime, I'll admit, causes strife in other financial areas of my livelihood. But in the end, it will be worth it.

I could never settle for less. Only a loser in society would think that living on a meager budget, or accepting a position in life that belittles their potential, is grandworthy.

A person only lives for a short period... they should strive to make their life, as well as those closest to them, better. Any compromise to lessen their potential, or to keep it status quo, is stupid... plain and simple.

I hope my response does not offend your religion.

[rockyysdt]

As a younger man, I was plagued by fear & worry - usual stuff - enough $$$, friends, lovers, acceptance, job.

Today, F & W - minimal. Why? Knowledge, understanding & application.

It feels great not having t lug that rubbish with me every day. TOO HEAVY!

For me, thinking is something I can only afford in moderation.

Being average is my preferred state.

You have not defined what you mean by 'average'.

I too live an average life... my interpretation: earning only $120K per year working with the most prestigious aerospace agency, having a good home for my daughters, and living in an area where they can attend the best schools. Because of the latter, I do have to fork out a large portion of my salary to afford a home in an affluent area, which sometime, I'll admit, causes strife in other financial areas of my livelihood. But in the end, it will be worth it.

I could never settle for less. Only a loser in society would think that living on a meager budget, or accepting a position in life that belittles their potential, is grandworthy.

A person only lives for a short period... they should strive to make their life, as well as those closest to them, better. Any compromise to lessen their potential, or to keep it status quo, is stupid... plain and simple.

I hope my response does not offend your religion.

With dependent children much of your life is already mapped out.

If you were single, & free of responsibilities, with only one short life to live, would this change your position?

[rockyysdt]

You mentioned potential.

You also mentioned a better life.

Rather than going for big bucks, is it acceptable to focus ones potential towards making this world a better place for all.

To focus on awareness of our impact on others and on fostering empathy towards our fellow man.

I'm not suggesting this characterises you, but it seems most people focus on wasteful self indulgence to the detriment of the planet and with little regard for others.

It seems most focus on consumerism with deliberate built in obsolescence which is designed to make profit, but with total disregard for the planet and the other 6.5 billion souls in existence.

This is what we teach our kids.

In fact the system teaches them to have such aspirations (all the acceptable brand names, nothing else is acceptable without the consequence of being marginalized).

In fact, I'm surprised you'd 120k is enough.

Fangs, quote "religion" allows him to grow awareness of the mess our world is in, and a chance to escape its absurdity.

I don't mean to totally check out, but to be aware of what actually is.

A chance to foster values.

[rockyysdt]

The pressure to conform is all consuming.

Try this experiment.

When meeting new people whilst travelling or in social situations, when asked what you do, choose a made up vocation from a short list of what you think are loser jobs.

Make note of how they react.

Basically we have lost our freedom and must strive to meet the expectations of others, or be written off.

Status.

This is what our children must face.

[fang37]

My experience

As you get older (I am now 67), I feel less confronted with the challenge to prove myself; to justify my actions.

Whatever, it is, the challenges seem to be smaller & less frequent.

[fang37]

I do not fear death. I fear PAIN!

[rockyysdt]

I do not fear death. I fear PAIN!

Both are not very palatable.

I suspect many don't fear death as they bury such thoughts into their subconscious.

We're all mortal, but we live our lives without such thoughts.

This is why many live their lives with behaviors guaranteed to shorten them.

As the impending expiry date is unknown, it's similar to never.

I think, if I was told I will die in exactly one week, fear of death would become very real and all encompassing.

[fang37]

I read this book on a daily basis.

Why?

I keep learning tips on how to live a higher quality of life.

To give - not take. To share.

Equals supreme happiness & contentment.

[fang37]

"Expect nothing & you cannot be disappointed."

"Forgive & forget."

[VincentRJ]

Recently in Chiang Mai, whilst walking around taking photos, I was accosted by a couple of young Christian men on a research mission, promoting their belief like Jehova Witnesses do, and asking a series of set questions, one of which was, "What do you think is the purpose of life?"

Because I'm interested in religions in general, and the apparent, very strong need that certain people have for a belief system, and the awful problems that often result from conflicts of different belief systems, I was quite willing to entertain these two young guys, and express my views on the purpose of life.

Following is a summary of what I said.

The defining characteristic of all life forms without exception, whether we're talking about noxious viruses and bacteria, weeds in the garden, or the most magnificent and complex life form that we know of, ie. Homo Sapiens, is its drive to reproduce.

We share that drive to reproduce with all life forms, without exception. It's the reason why we exist, and it's the cause of all the problems in the world.

If insects try to eat the food we grow, we spray the food with pesticides. We kill them because our own drive to reproduce takes precedence over their's.

What is perhaps less well-known is that most plants can protect themselves from insect attack by generating their own poisonous chemicals, or alkaloids. The production of such chemicals is stimulated by insect attack. In other words, the plants are able to sense that they are under attack, and respond by producing slightly poisonous chemicals, but not as effective as our pesticides of course, because we're much smarter.

All life is under a constant struggle to reproduce, which involves suffering. True Buddhists understands this. They don't want to reproduce. They want to escape from the cycle of rebirth. Is this not correct? What are your thoughts?

[fang37]

They didn't have white shirts & black ties by any chance & a religion starting with "M" also known as the Church of Latter Day Saints.

If so, there is a bounty on their heads.

[camerata]

I think we define our own "purpose of life." My purpose is to be happy - in the Buddhist sense. Reproduction is just genetic programming. I have never wanted to reproduce.

[huawei]

We all want to be decent human beings but life gets in the way..

[fang37]

We all want to be decent human beings but life gets in the way..

That my friend is totally up to you.

No need to pray to JC.

Quality decisions & application thereof & all is rosy.

[fang37]

How many rich people have you seen without fear & worry. Fear of losing it; worry that people associate with them because of their wealth only.

[nidieunimaitre]

The great philosopher Michael Palin said:

What is the meaning of life?

Try to enjoy your life while it lasts, and don't mess it up for others.

I would add: And sometimes go out of your way to make life more pleasant for others.

What could saints, gods, books, philosophers, TVForum members possibly add to this?

[nidieunimaitre]

Of course it helps to be born in a western country:

Good education (school and other), job, social security, multicultural upbringing.

Unfortunately, this is the privilege of few, and ultimately - AS IN NOW - it will haunt us.

[puukao]

I like some fear, and I like some worry. On a scale of 100, maybe at times 50-60......

zero fear, zero worry.....maybe when i'm over 70 years old, not sure.... ask me in decades...

there is almost always something to worry about.....or just make friends, they will give you stuff to worry about

[nidieunimaitre]

I like some fear, and I like some worry. On a scale of 100, maybe at times 50-60......

zero fear, zero worry.....maybe when i'm over 70 years old, not sure.... ask me in decades...

there is almost always something to worry about.....or just make friends, they will give you stuff to worry about

There WILL BE fear and worry.

It is the fundamental flaw in buddhism, from the original buddhism all the way down to Thai buddhism.

And it is the fundamental flaw in western philosophies, from Adam Smith to Karl Marx.

Buddhists believe that the victory over fear is in yourself.

Western thinking believes that the victory over fear is in organizing society better.

The best we can do is to borrow from both.

Fear is inevitable.

But why would you LIKE it Puukao?

If you need challenges, why not climb mountains?

[arjunadawn]

My wife and best friend suffers from issues of fear and worry. I have found in her case this stems from dad, and her sister also has such anxiety. I cannot conclude though that it is cultural. She seeks my council often on how to address it and I am always keen on trying to manage her self perceptions as not to nurture or feed the beast. How have I distilled the simplest best tools for her to consider?

I advise her that she will die one day. She will die and everyone who has ever loved her may die first and she will watch them vanish. Over the years they will exist in her mind but this too will slowly fade, until it is a dying light in her memory. She will be erased. One day and not far off there will be zero evidence she was ever on earth; no clothes, tombstone, great books, and if no children not even them. She will be erased and what she believes is now her (Insert name) will cease to be. She will not survive in a way that identifies herself as ______ just someplace else. Like a blank chalkboard she will cease to exist for all eternity. She will be gone forever. All her love, me, our love, these days, whats important, what seems to matter, fears, concerns, stress... all, will be forever gone and the time she had here will soon, each day, go faster and faster. How then can you possibly have anything to worry about when in context you are on a rock, in space, in the middle of a lonely universe, born in matter, alive for a flash, then gone to mix with the elements? What could possibly be fear in relation to this? What could really cause stress?

Perhaps it is a risky approach for someone with fear but it is my approach, and it works for me.

[rockyysdt]

It doesn't matter how one conceptualises it, your friends anxiety is habitual.

Although one can escape their conditioning the reality is that most will live and die colored by their deeply engrained habits.

Also, there is clinical evidence that some physical abnormalities/illnesses are linked to anxiety.

Upon clearing up the illness anxiety subsided.

Others will never understand.

Many afflictions must be personally experienced to fully understand.

This is also the case with Awakening. Unless Awakened there is no comprehension.

[jacky54]

Beer Chang, ear plugs and avoiding arguments with the mrs is my way of avoiding stress. All religions are a prop against the reality of the misery of life,