Little bit of help about a Thai lady

[timendres]

I told her my feelings in as polite and respectful terms as possible, but kept my English simple enough that even a 5 year old could understand. She stared at me for a few minutes, then walked away silently. I stood there wondering what the heck happened

She "said" No.

She tried to do this as polite and respectful as possible, in a way that would easily be understood.

Precisely.

If you are going to engage women here in romantic relationships, you need to read up on the culture and how Thais interact socially. And expect complications with the language barrier.

[Morakot]

I have been informally dating her for months, all I asked was for some serious commitment on her part.

This is quite common —particularly in many Asian cultures— that a girl may offer some kind of “cover date”. This can give men confidence, emotional gratification and respectability in front of other people; it usually is not sexual or committing and is often done for various reasons, such as friendship, sympathy, or social obligations.

Regardless whether you are grateful for this or not: It tends to be more difficult to enter into a meaningful relationship without immediate dating experience — unless one is an emotional contortionist or an expert interpersonal relationship manager.

Edited July 29, 2015 by Morakot

[realenglish1]

Move on She is not interested in You

Body Language " no where to be seen "

[robertson468]

I told her my feelings in as polite and respectful terms as possible, but kept my English simple enough that even a 5 year old could understand. She stared at me for a few minutes, then walked away silently. I stood there wondering what the heck happened

She "said" No.

She tried to do this as polite and respectful as possible, in a way that would easily be understood.

If I'd take a guess, I'd say you are not British. Possibly American or more likely Continental European? The level of straight forwardness must have shocked this lady. It sounds very direct the way you approached her.

Please forgive me for generalizing, but my 10 years experience in Thailand is that Thai, male or female, do not like to say no either to be romantically attached, have a social evening, go in to business together et al. Normally the issue is avoided, which leaves you to come to your own conclusions. As has been said, would recommend you move on and at the same time learn a little more about Thai Culture, it might stand you in good stead in the future and leave you less confused.

[mango66]

you had a dinner with her 1

Didn't you have thai collegues - males - which you could ask if she is engaged ?

Maybee - like once happened to me-

my friend was the lover of the girl which i tried to date,

But they hided their relation on the workplace,

but nearly too late another firend gave me an update in time !!

Talk with more collegues,

don't just focus on one !!

[gemguy]

Her reaction is known as "Small Minded" and "Immature"

There so happens to be a whole lot of it going on in Thailand....here, there and everywhere you go in Thailand.

Seriously....move on and find a far more receptive Thai Female.....there are huge amounts of them around...millions actually....maybe you have noticed.

Even if you were to learn she is playing the typical "Shy" and "Demure" Thai female role, I can tell you for sure she is not worth pursuing if her initial reaction is one of fear and flight ......instead of a polite response to your friendly interest in her.

DO NOT waste your time any further...find another women and you will soon forget her...simple as that.

Cheers and good luck and try not to "Pine" for her..as they say.

[gemguy]

The little of the thai culture I have seen in my few years here does not make me an all knowing expert about what is acceptable and what is too forward or as some of you have so nicely put it..pervy way. I had already been out to coffee and even a dinner with her. So it was not coming from out of the blue and we were completely alone when I expressed my feelings towards her. In any case I did finally get a reply and it was just a lets be friends reply from her. While I know some of you are barflies and just riding the easy train...some of you actually are in normal(or as normal as relationship with thai women get.) relationships/married to non-bargirls. so just asking about thai behavior is not an odd thing to ask on this forum even for a first time post. I have read thai visa for awhile so its not a sudden discovery and a need to share or something. Just asking for genuine advice about something that struck me as odd and beyond my knowledge of thai culture. I have already seen pots about car insurance..tabs..ect so why would I post about that? I didn't see a post similar to this one on the boards so I went ahead and created a new one. That being said thanks to those who gave a real reply, to the rest of you negative nancies, jog on as you English are so fond of saying.

brewsterbudgen >Bargirls are a far safer bet.

If I wanted to throw my money away sure, if I wanted to have a clingy disease infested dog, I would simply pickup the nearest soi dog for free and bring it home. besides they have sticky fingers as a few of you on here know.

Over the many years that I was single I asked out many Thai women.

As I learned to speak Thai language more and more I was not shy to approach a Thai Women and try to befriend her and ask her out on a date ...circumstance taken into consideration of course while not being intrusive.

After many years and many attempts and many experiences I came to the conclusion there were 3 basic types.

Those that would politely respond and accept my invitations or they would politely decline telling me they were already married or they already had a boy friend or the most common reason being, they still lived with their parents and did not date and did not go out with any men while they did not have time to date anyone as all their free time was spent with their parents and family members.

Then there were those that acted like bitches and spurned my polite advances saying things like: My Ow..or.... Bi My Die...or.... Chan My Chop... or.... Chan My Chop Falung.....and simply ignore you with a look of disdain on their snooty little faces.

Actually, all too many of them are like that if the truth be told.

Then there was the percent who reacted the same or similar way as you explained...like a female deer caught in the headlights and temporarily frozen in disbelieve...and then bolt for safe cover.

No need to waste your time with the second and third kind as there are plenty of the first kind to chase after...politely of course, while it is always prudent to first ask about the women and her status...when you can...and learn if the women is spoken for or is she a "single for ever women" while maybe she is not interested in men ( for what ever reasons while many actually are not interested in men ) or ask what is the best way to get her interested in you the way the Thais would go about doing it...that is, if they encourage you to pursue her.

Cheers

[marko kok prong]

Look on the bright side,i was nearly wiped out in the earthquake here in png,the other day,you don't want to be on a bench[cut in hillside],when this occurs,just got some r&r so in hotel where i can get web accsess.none at site.

[mikiea]

Sounds to me like someone who may already be in a relationship with someone else, or who is genuinely shocked to learn of your romantic interest.

Because you are co-workers, I would send word to her that you just want to be co-workers like before, and then pretend that the whole incident never occurred.

We've all been there at one point or another.

dude she has been chocking your roommates chicken for quite some time , was shocked you did not know that .........

[pgrahmm]

I have not read through all the replies but - Thai's do not like blunt approaches/handling of situations.....It drives them away....

Many successful courting are work - and done quietly/discreetly/romantically/diplomatically.....By bringing in a 3rd party you have probably done more harm than good in a small social circle causing embarrassment/loss of "public" face on top of it all - whether perceived or - now real.....

You've probably also poisoned the pool of other possible match ups within your work structure.....

Things/approaches are different here.....The good ones have to be won over (BEWARE OF THE ONES THAT DON'T HAVE TO BE or are pursuing you easily).....

I think you blew it with this one - but given time it may be OK if she is actually available - something you don't really know as you were not that far along .....

[greenchair]

It would depend if you are 65 years old, and she is 25 years old. Then she is right not to speak to you.

You know what they about dating work mates........

You might as well pack up and leave now.

[jerojero]

The little of the thai culture I have seen in my few years here does not make me an all knowing expert about what is acceptable and what is too forward or as some of you have so nicely put it..pervy way. I had already been out to coffee and even a dinner with her. So it was not coming from out of the blue and we were completely alone when I expressed my feelings towards her. In any case I did finally get a reply and it was just a lets be friends reply from her. While I know some of you are barflies and just riding the easy train...some of you actually are in normal(or as normal as relationship with thai women get.) relationships/married to non-bargirls. so just asking about thai behavior is not an odd thing to ask on this forum even for a first time post. I have read thai visa for awhile so its not a sudden discovery and a need to share or something. Just asking for genuine advice about something that struck me as odd and beyond my knowledge of thai culture. I have already seen pots about car insurance..tabs..ect so why would I post about that? I didn't see a post similar to this one on the boards so I went ahead and created a new one. That being said thanks to those who gave a real reply, to the rest of you negative nancies, jog on as you English are so fond of saying.

brewsterbudgen >Bargirls are a far safer bet.

If I wanted to throw my money away sure, if I wanted to have a clingy disease infested dog, I would simply pickup the nearest soi dog for free and bring it home. besides they have sticky fingers as a few of you on here know.

So to you bar girls are disease infested dogs? You my friend are a genuine holier-than-thou a*s hole. Your sh*t don't stink, right?

[happy Joe]

In my little experience of hardened bachelor I found it infinitely more difficult to change than friendly feelings to seduce first. This is as true here as in West.

Your colleague ranked yourself in the friendly professional relationships box. And you know like women like things tidy well.

Also since I live in this country it is the women who showed me a desire to go further, not the reverse. At you to show you joyful, playful, elegant, seductive and above good heart

Hmm ... maybe too hard for someone who speaks of bar girls as disease infested dogs.

Edited July 30, 2015 by happy Joe

[brewsterbudgen]

The little of the thai culture I have seen in my few years here does not make me an all knowing expert about what is acceptable and what is too forward or as some of you have so nicely put it..pervy way. I had already been out to coffee and even a dinner with her. So it was not coming from out of the blue and we were completely alone when I expressed my feelings towards her. In any case I did finally get a reply and it was just a lets be friends reply from her. While I know some of you are barflies and just riding the easy train...some of you actually are in normal(or as normal as relationship with thai women get.) relationships/married to non-bargirls. so just asking about thai behavior is not an odd thing to ask on this forum even for a first time post. I have read thai visa for awhile so its not a sudden discovery and a need to share or something. Just asking for genuine advice about something that struck me as odd and beyond my knowledge of thai culture. I have already seen pots about car insurance..tabs..ect so why would I post about that? I didn't see a post similar to this one on the boards so I went ahead and created a new one. That being said thanks to those who gave a real reply, to the rest of you negative nancies, jog on as you English are so fond of saying.

brewsterbudgen >Bargirls are a far safer bet.

If I wanted to throw my money away sure, if I wanted to have a clingy disease infested dog, I would simply pickup the nearest soi dog for free and bring it home. besides they have sticky fingers as a few of you on here know.

So to you bar girls are disease infested dogs? You my friend are a genuine holier-than-thou a*s hole. Your sh*t don't stink, right?

I just took it to be a troll-like wind-up comment from someone with a personal axe to grind.

[petermik]

Tell her a relative in the UK has just died and left you a lot of money...................

[smotherb]

Any ideas what the heck I did wrong??

I've said it before ...... And I'll say it again mate.....

1, who knows what goes on in a woman's head.... And she's Asian!

Good luck with that.

PS: I'm a realist not a sexist.

Please check Male/female flow chart below for best explanation.

Best of luck my friend.

0c71c786fad0a7a474f6fd91cd42cad4.jpg

Where is the flowchart?

[a10ams]

Maybe she has higher goals in life than ending up with an expat schoolteacher?

[pgrahmm]

Maybe she has higher goals in life than ending up with an expat schoolteacher?

Interesting take.....But Thais like to watch and learn about Farangs.....By in large they are innocently curious about people and different cultures (unfortunately many farangs here let them down -lousy ambassadors of/for any sort).....

While the OP saw a beautiful lady sitting with him that he thought was attracted to him ---- What she saw was a friendly farang that was interesting in a studying/curiousity way which might or not lead in a different direction....

Now that the OP has jumped the gun any curiousity has been lost along with any chance for anything else....

Some guys report it took them a year or years to court/date/get their wives.....

OP wanted to wade in after 1-1/2 dates.....Never even got to the friendship stage 1st.....

Small work environment date started friendly little ripples with promise ended up making waves - as you can bet there were curious conversations on what he was like going on around him.....Now it's working against him.....Best thing he can do now is be quiet, respectful, and do his job....Which he could lose along with his work permit if this goes sideways now that he's introduced 3rd parties and more ripples/waves into a formerly placid pond/work place.....Superiors might not take kindly to using/disrupting the work force for a dating pool....

Best to date outside that pond.....

Edited July 30, 2015 by pgrahmm

[Cypress Hill]

Maybe she has higher goals in life than ending up with an expat schoolteacher?

Yeah she's holding out for a fat, retired postal worker with chronic gout in the hope she'll hit the the jackpot with his goat-cheese pension when he croaks

[rocketboybkk]

Did you tell her you wanted to screw her?

How do we know what you said to her?

Spill the beans pal

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rocketboybkk]

Maybe she has higher goals in life than ending up with an expat schoolteacher?

What you mean an unqualified person pretending to be a teacher isn't a good catch?

Well I say.!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[GOLDBUGGY]

Well, did you consider that she does not feel the same way about you as you do about her?

Thai Culture does not prevent her from hurting your feelings but in many cases it does. She is avoiding you because she doesn't want to have to tell you this. Someone being friendly to you does not mean they are coming on to you. The more you pursue this the more you are pushing her away. Just say to her good morning and move on your merry way. You already Blew It!