Life with an Isaan girl

[Kenny202]

Hi

Question for OP, does she buy you anything for your birthday and have a party, cake etc ? Does she give you a kiss in the morning and tell you she loves you. Does she ever leave you any notes with kisses or .... Basically does she truly love you ? That's the first question.

I was with a Thai girl 14 years and for a part of that lived up country. We never really had big fights but we spent very little time together. Her family and friends were her number one concern and I was a bit of an after thought. Towards the end sex was maybe twice a year as I was not interested and she didn't push the issue. During the summer months most farang in area were gone and I found myself alone most of the time or taking trips to Pattaya. After looking into the mirror for a few months in the morning talking to myself and asking why am I here, I left. She was heartbroken but I never felt better. Without going into detail, she held me back for 14 years. The reason I stayed so long was that she loved me but even love is not enough sometimes. She never really contributed to anything, it was her and me not us.

If you are not happy now I can't see it getting any better. I mean can you truly see the path ? If she really loves you I understand you sticking around and trying, as I did same, but even then I think a move or at lease break is needed to regroup. If kids were involved it would be perhaps a little different.

Buying cakes etc isn't a country Thai person thing. That is a silly thing to expect as well as many of your other comments no offense. That is having western expectations of a person from a 1000% different culture. A Bangkok younger girl might do it as she has been brought up in that world. Affection yes. She is much more giving in that respect than most Thais. Our relationship itself is generally warm, close. She's not aloof or brooding. Sex is genuine and plentiful It's mainly the anger outbursts and self centeredness. As hard as it is for another to understand...the good times are incredible and for most of the time. But the lows are even more intense. What I don't get with many village Thais is their attitude to life, money, others. For eg someone here....dirt poor may have some luck and get some money first time in their life. They throw an 80k party and it's all gone and they're broke again. A real cavalier easy come easy go attitude same as many Thai women have with their farang men. Obviously a hot 25 yo gogo girl knows there's another white buffalo around the corner but older ladies with no support or prospects? My mates with a 45 year old lady and she's nothing spesh. She's moody, angry, brooding and controlling much of the time. He gives her 30k a month allowance and pays for everything else. He's a super nice guy and treats her well. She tells him to fork off nearly every other day or she walks out. Where's the survival instinct? I think these people like living hard and hand to mouth Edited September 14, 2015 by Kenny202

[pgrahmm]

Push pull syndrome

[sipi]

In over 10 years I have only had one fight with my wife.

She came crawling to me on her hands and knees..

"Get out from under the bed Sipi and fight like a man".

[NickJ]

It will never ever change. So you either get used to it or ride off into the skyline. How do you feel about being in your sixties or seventies and being with the wrong women.

[ttthailand]

Hi

Question for OP, does she buy you anything for your birthday and have a party, cake etc ? Does she give you a kiss in the morning and tell you she loves you. Does she ever leave you any notes with kisses or .... Basically does she truly love you ? That's the first question.

I was with a Thai girl 14 years and for a part of that lived up country. We never really had big fights but we spent very little time together. Her family and friends were her number one concern and I was a bit of an after thought. Towards the end sex was maybe twice a year as I was not interested and she didn't push the issue. During the summer months most farang in area were gone and I found myself alone most of the time or taking trips to Pattaya. After looking into the mirror for a few months in the morning talking to myself and asking why am I here, I left. She was heartbroken but I never felt better. Without going into detail, she held me back for 14 years. The reason I stayed so long was that she loved me but even love is not enough sometimes. She never really contributed to anything, it was her and me not us.

If you are not happy now I can't see it getting any better. I mean can you truly see the path ? If she really loves you I understand you sticking around and trying, as I did same, but even then I think a move or at lease break is needed to regroup. If kids were involved it would be perhaps a little different.

Buying cakes etc isn't a country Thai person thing. That is a silly thing to expect as well as many of your other comments no offense. That is having western expectations of a person from a 1000% different culture. A Bangkok younger girl might do it as she has been brought up in that world. Affection yes. She is much more giving in that respect than most Thais. Our relationship itself is generally warm, close. She's not aloof or brooding. Sex is genuine and plentiful It's mainly the anger outbursts and self centeredness. As hard as it is for another to understand...the good times are incredible and for most of the time. But the lows are even more intense. What I don't get with many village Thais is their attitude to life, money, others. For eg someone here....dirt poor may have some luck and get some money first time in their life. They throw an 80k party and it's all gone and they're broke again. A real cavalier easy come easy go attitude same as many Thai women have with their farang men. Obviously a hot 25 yo gogo girl knows there's another white buffalo around the corner but older ladies with no support or prospects? My mates with a 45 year old lady and she's nothing spesh. She's moody, angry, brooding and controlling much of the time. He gives her 30k a month allowance and pays for everything else. He's a super nice guy and treats her well. She tells him to fork off nearly every other day or she walks out. Where's the survival instinct? I think these people like living hard and hand to mouth

Perhaps there are many problems one of which you picked a farm girl who don't even understand the simple things about farang, example: Birthday cake etc....

Do both of you a favor and go find someone who you have more in common with. You can't change them ......

[fang37]

You can change them every week if you wish.

BTW, 2 Isaan girls are better than one?

[YeahSiam]

It will never ever change. So you either get used to it or ride off into the skyline. How do you feel about being in your sixties or seventies and being with the wrong women.

Especially if part of

his plan was to have

a cheap care provider

in his dotage

[dotpoom]

In situations like this I usually ask myself...."What advice would I give to my best friend if he were in my position and asked me for it"....when you think that one through apply it to yourself.......because you too, should also be your own best friend.

[brucegoniners]

Get the hell out and come to civilization in Bangkok. Millions of them here.

[realenglish1]

I have been living with my girlfriend for 8 years now and she never asks me for money except one time about 2 years ago she fell behind on some payment so she asked me for 15.000 baht and she committed to paying me back

I just gave it to her and said no need to pay it back. That was the only time. I admit sometimes I give her a little money from time to time if I know she is short but she never asks and never expects money

She does have here moments of being angry with me for no reason but that is always near her period .

I know I love here or I would not have spend 8 years with her as I know there are 12 girls for every Farang out there waiting in line but ultimately there is trust in the relationship and I know if the chips are down and I am on my death bed she will be there for me

So I would say 90% of the time its good and 10 sucks but I realizes that is life and I don't feel I can expcet any more that that

[IMHO]

You certainly make it sound like she has the emotional maturity of a teenager... and on that I also question you: where's the love (on both sides)?

If you want a house maid, cook and masseuse, make it clear that's all you want and hire them on that (strict) premise.

If you want a soul mate, go find someone that operates on the same emotional and intellectual level as yourself.

[janpharma]

You are not the only one...If I were you I would leave Isaan. Wish you good luck...

[Minnehaha]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

That is some excellent advice.

I would add that it applies very well to Thais from upcountry, i.e. uneducated and poor backgrounds. I guess this goes without saying, but I think it should be added to clarify.

Furthermore, even if they are educated and "equal" in other ways, Asian women more than western women want men to be in control. Sometimes, I think it is subconscious, but in my opinion it is one fundamental dynamic that males need to understand if they are to have successful intimate relationships with Asian females.

[Baerboxer]

FB_IMG_1442188656587.jpg

Yeah....this sums up BB's logic within 1 percentile.....Luckily the rest of us don't have to live with his perceptions as it's definitly a perception problem over a "woman" problem reality.....Maybe his wife has given him one to many punches/conks to the head.....Even with the OP's dilemma nobodys piling on saying same same at a 99% rate.....Just the opposite....

Assuming your Avatar is you and your wife then good luck to you. I think from what you posted before there is a sizable age gap, plus culture, language etc.

I have no idea how long you've been married or how long in the relationship with her, before that. Nor do I want to know. If you are happy, and it's all working for you then that's wonderful for you.

At no time did I express the view that men are perfect either. It takes to to Tango. But I know 3 highly educated professionals who all behaved nicely with their Thai wives. None of the wives were former sex workers and 2 have Masters degrees. All are now divorced. Primarily because of a combination of the sort of behavior I explained. One because his much younger wife can't keep her hands off young boyfriends. All have children and all gone through a similar process of relationship development.

This may be the result of different cultures, expectations, language construction, thought and logic processes etc etc.

Long may it continue to work for you and 473geo and as long as your're happy and aren't just kidding yourselves, then all power to your elbow.

[MaeJoMTB]

as long as your're happy and aren't just kidding yourselves, then all power to your elbow.

I know loads of TV members in CM, I also know their wives.

They all appear to be kidding themselves.

Every one of them (I have met) seems to be married to a dark skinned Issan lady who left school at age 12.

And every one of them on this forum claims light skinned university educated ....... blah, blah.

It's unbelievable!

(Lies, delusion or insanity, I don't really know)

[Bulldozer Dawn]

You can change them every week if you wish.

BTW, 2 Isaan girls are better than one?

If I had two isaan girls like my current partner I would be 32kgs, dehydrated and near death.

After a year I am still barely keeping up with her in bed (and in the kitchen, and in the bathroom, and on the sofa, and outdoors, and at the beach, and at the lake) despite my regular doses of testosterone.

[remaxtony]

Kenny, here is the one note that I can add from your story.

These girls don't respond well to you going quiet and ignoring the problem. I've tried that too and it never worked. In my mind, and I am guessing yours too, I felt that by getting into a big argument, would only make it worse, and I felt going quiet would let it blow over until cooler heads prevailed.

They hate that. My wife has explained to me, that she gets more mad when I do that because they feel we don't care. In their Issan culture, they want the man to pursue them when the lady is mad and say sorry and calm her down because you love her so much. When she gets mad and yelling, they expect their lover to show their love to either fight her, or say sorry and hold her and show her you care.

As others have mentioned, they respect and "expect" you to be strong and fight back to an extent. By always being nice to her, you are too weak at times.

You need to argue, be strong, and run out the door, and as others have said, leave for a while. She will message you to come back soon.

OR......go to her and say sorry and calm her down. Those ways work. Going quiet never works as it means you are both weak and don't care.

Thai men, which they have seen all of their lives in Issan from their own family or themselves in earlier relationships, are violent, run the show, show no mercy, and will instantly leave and go <deleted> their other girlfriends for a few days. The ladies think that is the normal way. They don't like it, but they understand it and think it is normal.

[Colabamumbai]

Only one girl, come on now?? I have been here 6 years and have gone thru a dozen or more in Kalasin Isaan.

[Tatsujin]

If it's got to the point where you are asking advice here, it's far too late to implement any meaningful changes that might be suggested.

Start off a relationship as you mean to go on. But decide what that means for you BEFORE getting into a relationship.

Good luck.

[al007]

Kenny you are I believe 52 yrs old, you can get many answers from TV and choose the one you want

But grow up man you and only you know the honest answer

Look in the mirror have a meeting with yourself and go and get on with life

Known as tough love

[nev]

My advice, live each day as it comes don't make to many plans.

Plead poor, hide your money and just bring into Thailand what you are willing to walk away from.

Any excessive demands for money knock back, and never ever loan any money out you will never get back, might as well count it as a donation.

And never sign a will or anything that will lead to you being worth more dead than alive, sadly my friend signed his will to his wife and ended up dead.

You are here to have fun and enjoy the position you are in not having to work anymore, so keep a tight reign on the purse strings, or one day you might find yourself back home having to go back to work.

[quandow]

I've seen this time and time again - you're asking perfect strangers to settle your dilemma. You want out, that's pretty clear. Gather your belongings, get your butt gone and cherish the good memories.

Or don't.

Up to YOU!

[JLCrab]

Just to remind those joining late that -- according to his post 2 weeks ago -- the OP's wife is now 8 weeks pregnant.

[nithisa78]

The mere fact you had to put your loved one in a box , Life with an Isan girl.

It indicates you're the one with the problems and bring out the worse in her.

See a Chaplain. You need to change your ways. Not having the courage or maleness to keep your mouth shut and pointing fingers at her to excuse your wrong behavior. Again your failire to take responsibility. She wants to dramitize her lack of adolecent expression and like another child you want to challenge her with your childishness. Grow up Mr. Today you have publically embarassed yourself.

I'm stronger because I had to be. I'm smarter because of my mistakes. I'm happier because of the sadness I've known. NOW I’m wiser because I learned.

PS: You are the girl.

Edited September 14, 2015 by nithisa78

[Stray]

Hi

Question for OP, does she buy you anything for your birthday and have a party, cake etc ? Does she give you a kiss in the morning and tell you she loves you. Does she ever leave you any notes with kisses or .... Basically does she truly love you ? That's the first question.

I was with a Thai girl 14 years and for a part of that lived up country. We never really had big fights but we spent very little time together. Her family and friends were her number one concern and I was a bit of an after thought. Towards the end sex was maybe twice a year as I was not interested and she didn't push the issue. During the summer months most farang in area were gone and I found myself alone most of the time or taking trips to Pattaya. After looking into the mirror for a few months in the morning talking to myself and asking why am I here, I left. She was heartbroken but I never felt better. Without going into detail, she held me back for 14 years. The reason I stayed so long was that she loved me but even love is not enough sometimes. She never really contributed to anything, it was her and me not us.

If you are not happy now I can't see it getting any better. I mean can you truly see the path ? If she really loves you I understand you sticking around and trying, as I did same, but even then I think a move or at lease break is needed to regroup. If kids were involved it would be perhaps a little different.

Buying cakes etc isn't a country Thai person thing. That is a silly thing to expect as well as many of your other comments no offense. That is having western expectations of a person from a 1000% different culture. A Bangkok younger girl might do it as she has been brought up in that world. Affection yes. She is much more giving in that respect than most Thais. Our relationship itself is generally warm, close. She's not aloof or brooding. Sex is genuine and plentiful It's mainly the anger outbursts and self centeredness. As hard as it is for another to understand...the good times are incredible and for most of the time. But the lows are even more intense. What I don't get with many village Thais is their attitude to life, money, others. For eg someone here....dirt poor may have some luck and get some money first time in their life. They throw an 80k party and it's all gone and they're broke again. A real cavalier easy come easy go attitude same as many Thai women have with their farang men. Obviously a hot 25 yo gogo girl knows there's another white buffalo around the corner but older ladies with no support or prospects? My mates with a 45 year old lady and she's nothing spesh. She's moody, angry, brooding and controlling much of the time. He gives her 30k a month allowance and pays for everything else. He's a super nice guy and treats her well. She tells him to fork off nearly every other day or she walks out. Where's the survival instinct? I think these people like living hard and hand to mouth

Buying cakes etc isn't a country Thai person thing???

So, why do they have festive cake shops in country villages? Why do they have cake at the birthday parties, I've been to, at the neighbouring homesteads along the local highway? They even know enough to take some of the cake and smear it on the face of the person having the birthday before taking photos.

According to you, this has been a 3 year relationship. I don't think the problems are with your girlfriend/wife.

Please stop generalising about the saving/spending habits and mood swings of Isaan women. That says more about you and the people/places you hang out.

Edited September 14, 2015 by Stray

[12DrinkMore]

> Im 52, shes 32.

Bingo. There's your problem right there.

Why you blokes chase birds young enough to be your daughter is beyond me.

Blimey, that question will take lot of deliberation to answer.

Just gimme a few days to think it over.

[kovaltech]

OP, hormones and education.... get her on the pil again and start educate her...

Both is not her fault.

+ get her into a part time job where she can adjust herself socially with others...

give both off you sufficient space...

[Kenny202]

Hi

Question for OP, does she buy you anything for your birthday and have a party, cake etc ? Does she give you a kiss in the morning and tell you she loves you. Does she ever leave you any notes with kisses or .... Basically does she truly love you ? That's the first question.

I was with a Thai girl 14 years and for a part of that lived up country. We never really had big fights but we spent very little time together. Her family and friends were her number one concern and I was a bit of an after thought. Towards the end sex was maybe twice a year as I was not interested and she didn't push the issue. During the summer months most farang in area were gone and I found myself alone most of the time or taking trips to Pattaya. After looking into the mirror for a few months in the morning talking to myself and asking why am I here, I left. She was heartbroken but I never felt better. Without going into detail, she held me back for 14 years. The reason I stayed so long was that she loved me but even love is not enough sometimes. She never really contributed to anything, it was her and me not us.

If you are not happy now I can't see it getting any better. I mean can you truly see the path ? If she really loves you I understand you sticking around and trying, as I did same, but even then I think a move or at lease break is needed to regroup. If kids were involved it would be perhaps a little different.

Buying cakes etc isn't a country Thai person thing. That is a silly thing to expect as well as many of your other comments no offense. That is having western expectations of a person from a 1000% different culture. A Bangkok younger girl might do it as she has been brought up in that world. Affection yes. She is much more giving in that respect than most Thais. Our relationship itself is generally warm, close. She's not aloof or brooding. Sex is genuine and plentiful It's mainly the anger outbursts and self centeredness. As hard as it is for another to understand...the good times are incredible and for most of the time. But the lows are even more intense. What I don't get with many village Thais is their attitude to life, money, others. For eg someone here....dirt poor may have some luck and get some money first time in their life. They throw an 80k party and it's all gone and they're broke again. A real cavalier easy come easy go attitude same as many Thai women have with their farang men. Obviously a hot 25 yo gogo girl knows there's another white buffalo around the corner but older ladies with no support or prospects? My mates with a 45 year old lady and she's nothing spesh. She's moody, angry, brooding and controlling much of the time. He gives her 30k a month allowance and pays for everything else. He's a super nice guy and treats her well. She tells him to fork off nearly every other day or she walks out. Where's the survival instinct? I think these people like living hard and hand to mouth

Buying cakes etc isn't a country Thai person thing???

So, why do they have festive cake shops in country villages? Why do they have cake at the birthday parties, I've been to, at the neighbouring homesteads along the local highway? They even know enough to take some of the cake and smear it on the face of the person having the birthday before taking photos.

According to you, this has been a 3 year relationship. I don't think the problems are with your girlfriend.

It ain't a country thing here that's for sure. I wish we did have some cake shops around. And I've yet to see a birthday party. So a long diatribe justifying Ur cake comment and the problem is with me? It's a cake thing isn't it

[12DrinkMore]

OP, hormones and education.... get her on the pil again and start educate her...

Both is not her fault.

+ get her into a part time job where she can adjust herself socially with others...

give both off you sufficient space...

Read the thread.

She's pregnant.

The OP has to man up and sort out their lives.

[catman20]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

I agree 100% being weak is not the answer. Stand firm.

I was married to a crazy Issan woman before . When she started her tantrums , i left home for 4/5 days at a time.

Then returned home as if i had only been out for a beer.

In the end it went tits up, so maybe my strategy was not the correct.

Never be a doormat to her , plenty of other good Thai ladies around.

I never went back. Now i have 1 of the best Thai ladies in Issan.

good for you mate, I'm happy for you as I am a wear of your situation