Sexual Harassment In Thailand

[anna234cn]

As a woman/girl, if you met sexual harassment, what would you do?

My Thai friends think I should just keep quiet coz Thai gals are like that.

I have been here for two yrs and never heard this kinda case on media.

Isn't it a big deal that guys take advantge of girls? or Thai gals get used to it?

I have reported to Students Rights at school and maybe tmr I will report police. Does that make sense?

And I doubt whether they have this kinda law in Thailand.

[britmaveric]

Prob a waste of time - doubt harrassment will be taken seriously. It's a culture based - male dominated and lesser view of women which is completely wrong IMHO.

[anna234cn]

In my eyes, there are sexual harassments here. But the thing is some gals do NOT care.

So ppl dont care abt so-called sexual harassment.

But I do.

Right now I am afraid tomorrow whether the policemen will tell me: Calm down and keep quiet.

....

[GuestHouse]

I've assisted a Thai female collegue file a complaint of a serious sexual assault, albeit within and international corp.

Without knowing more details your own case it is difficult to give advice but genearally it depends where and when it is happening.

If at work or college then use the company/college procedures to report the abuse.

[anna234cn]

It didnt happen in school.

It happened in a boat.

I repected that guy as a parent and I was helping him on his son's admission processes.

For thank me, he invited me to have a lunch and take a cruise.

During lunch, everything was okay. But in the boat, he started to harass me. And the only witness was the boat driver, a woman. When I asked him to stop, he stopped. So I dont know how serious the case is. But its not too serious.

[GuestHouse]

I think then chalk it up to a bad experience to be learned from.

[anna234cn]

I think then chalk it up to a bad experience to be learned from.

Thanks. It is just another way to ask me to be quiet.

You will never know what a girl is thinking now as a girl.

[britmaveric]

Ahhh so he took it as a date and you thought it was a friendly gesture??

[anna234cn]

Ahhh so he took it as a date and you thought it was a friendly gesture??

At first, I thought his wife would come also. But she didnt.

And I helped other Chinese parents's children to come to school. Everything was fine.

It is a Chinese custom to have dinner together and some more entertainment just for thanking someone.

And he is 45 yrs old. Normal ppl wouldnt think its a date. Will you? He has two sons.

[GuestHouse]

Anna,

No it is certainly not another way of telling you to be quiet.

Let me tell you what happened to the Thai woman who I helped make a formal complaint of a serious sexual assault at work (actually during a business trip).

The first response from our Thai management was to call her a liar, followed by suggesting that she has 'issues' followed by suggesting that her 'reputation' was not what it seems.

Her complaint was belittled, she was belittled.

She was asked to withdraw the complaint, first politely, then with plain itimidation.

She was then made out to be inconsiderate of the guy's family and children for putting his employement at risk.

She eventually won through, because AND ONLY BECAUSE, she had the backing of our corporate procedures which are standardized across all our international offices.

Now ask yourself.

You make a complaint, what is going to happen? Who is going to back you up?

Not right I know, but these things seldom are.

Hence my advice, chalk it up to a bad experience that you can learn from.

I'd add don't go near the guy again.

[kayo]

I`d go with Brit there.

You accepted the invitation albeit with your honourable intentions.

Yet knowing how many thai men can be, you could be seen to be responsable.

Wait! Don`t take that the wrong way, but the guy would likely have seen your willingness to go out with him on his boat and lunch as a "willingness" to fool around.

Wrong of him, yes! Yet... Aren`t human`s (esp. us men) so often wrong.

[anna234cn]

I just hope school will help me.

One of my Thai friends taught me how to revenge. But I dont wanna do that.

[britmaveric]

I just hope school will help me.

One of my Thai friends taught me how to revenge. But I dont wanna do that.

Well apart from booting his lil ones out of the school, don't see much recourse. Unlikely since he's paying the school.In all honesty I think prob best to leave it alone. I'm sure he won't be bothering you again at any rate.

Edited September 27, 2006 by britmaveric

[anna234cn]

I`d go with Brit there.

You accepted the invitation albeit with your honourable intentions.

Yet knowing how many thai men can be, you could be seen to be responsable.

Wait! Don`t take that the wrong way, but the guy would likely have seen your willingness to go out with him on his boat and lunch as a "willingness" to fool around.

Wrong of him, yes! Yet... Aren`t human`s (esp. us men) so often wrong.

I thought it was a big cruise as I took in Shanghai. I had never took a cruise in Bangkok. I was a bit surprised when I saw that boat. Since he had paid, I thought its fine. Or I would have went into that boat.

Well, I trust others and help others. However, the return was like that.

He is also a dad and his son is the same old as me. If he had a daughter and another guy treated this way to his daughter this way, would he still do so?

[kat]

Anna, there's a lot to be said here. I don't have the time, because I should be home packing, so I'm going to make it short and sweet: listen to Guesthouse on this issue, he says it best.

Good luck, and be careful out there. Our signals and judgements are completely different *(than here), because they are formed in a context where women are not responsible for every bad judgement of men. Also *(over here), we are usually only seen in the context of our gender and sex, so it is quite easy for us to misunderstand that a seemingly innocent, friendly gesture is anything but.

Just be careful out there.

*edit: "He is also a dad and his son is the same old as me. If he had a daughter and another guy treated this way to his daughter this way, would he still do so?"

Yes, he would, because quite simply, you are someone else's charge, who happened to be alone and at a disadvantage on the boat. Just be thankful that he stopped.

Edited September 27, 2006 by kat

[anna234cn]

I just hope school will help me.

One of my Thai friends taught me how to revenge. But I dont wanna do that.

Well apart from booting his lil ones out of the school, don't see much recourse. Unlikely since he's paying the school.In all honesty I think prob best to leave it alone. I'm sure he won't be bothering you again at any rate.

His son is not in our school yet coz his son doesnt want to come to Thailand.

And he is calling everyday, around 8 times by using 4 or 5 different numbers.

So I am pretty sure he has bothered many gals. If other gals are all quiet, I wont.

I will teach him. Its not the right way to be a man, a father or a husband.

[gpt]

How can the school help you?

Did it happen on school premises?

Were you on official school business at the time?

You accepted the invitation, he made advances and you told him to stop. He stopped. Inappropriate behaviour on his part but not harassment.

[jdinasia]

How can the school help you?

Did it happen on school premises?

Were you on official school business at the time?

You accepted the invitation, he made advances and you told him to stop. He stopped. Inappropriate behaviour on his part but not harassment.

I concur .... I also concur with Kat <rare but it happens!>

[anna234cn]

How can the school help you?

Did it happen on school premises?

Were you on official school business at the time?

You accepted the invitation, he made advances and you told him to stop. He stopped. Inappropriate behaviour on his part but not harassment.

But he tried many times. And sometimes I couldnt escape.

[britmaveric]

I just hope school will help me.

One of my Thai friends taught me how to revenge. But I dont wanna do that.

Well apart from booting his lil ones out of the school, don't see much recourse. Unlikely since he's paying the school.In all honesty I think prob best to leave it alone. I'm sure he won't be bothering you again at any rate.

His son is not in our school yet coz his son doesnt want to come to Thailand.

And he is calling everyday, around 8 times by using 4 or 5 different numbers.

So I am pretty sure he has bothered many gals. If other gals are all quiet, I wont.

I will teach him. Its not the right way to be a man, a father or a husband.

Time to get a new sim card or start putting those numbers on silent so it doesnt bother you.

[jdinasia]

How can the school help you?

Did it happen on school premises?

Were you on official school business at the time?

You accepted the invitation, he made advances and you told him to stop. He stopped. Inappropriate behaviour on his part but not harassment.

But he tried many times. And sometimes I couldnt escape.

If that is indeed the truth then I am really sorry! However that does not match with

During lunch, everything was okay. But in the boat, he started to harass me. And the only witness was the boat driver, a woman. When I asked him to stop, he stopped. So I dont know how serious the case is. But its not too serious.

Edited September 27, 2006 by jdinasia

[kat]

How can the school help you?

Did it happen on school premises?

Were you on official school business at the time?

You accepted the invitation, he made advances and you told him to stop. He stopped. Inappropriate behaviour on his part but not harassment.

But he tried many times. And sometimes I couldnt escape.

What did he do? Did he violate your personal rights, such as groping or touching inappropriately? Did he threaten you, or make lewd comments? Did he come on to you, but then stopped?

These are all different things, and require different reactions or judgements. In this case, I'd say judgements, because there is no way any of us is going to change a thing. Don't make that mistake and think that this is the West, where you have rights and can change him or seek revenge. We have no rights here, especially as women. Any revenge you take, he can take greater. Just be glad you're out of it, and don't get near him again. If he continues to harass you on the phone, just keep hanging up, and don't feed anything into it. He will give up, eventually.

[anna234cn]

Another thing I wanna say is I guess his wife doesnt know at all.

And his wife gave me her number the first time when we met.

Anyway, I will give him a lesson.

Of course, I got a lesson also.

I wont change my number right now. I will see what the policemen will say tomorrow.

[anna234cn]

If that is indeed the truth then I am really sorry! However that does not match with

During lunch, everything was okay. But in the boat, he started to harass me. And the only witness was the boat driver, a woman. When I asked him to stop, he stopped. So I dont know how serious the case is. But its not too serious.

sorry I didnt say clearly. He stopped once. And then he tried to touch me many more times.

I said it was not too serious coz he didnt touch the most important parts of me.

[anna234cn]

What did he do? Did he violate your personal rights, such as groping or touching inappropriately? Did he threaten you, or make lewd comments? Did he come on to you, but then stopped?

These are all different things, and require different reactions or judgements. In this case, I'd say judgements, because there is no way any of us is going to change a thing. Don't make that mistake and think that this is the West, where you have rights and can change him or seek revenge. We have no rights here, especially as women. Any revenge you take, he can take greater. Just be glad you're out of it, and don't get near him again. If he continues to harass you on the phone, just keep hanging up, and don't feed anything into it. He will give up, eventually.

I never give up in my life. I will try my best this time as I do other things.

He did touch inappropriately. He didnt threaten me coz he didnt know me well either. And as my friend analyzed, he might want me to be his long-term lover. btw, he gave me lost of hints of being his lover. I told him go back to his wife.

And Kat, I dont think negatively as you. Do not think others can do better than you always. Without knowing me well, I dont think he will revenge back if I revenge.

[Boo]

Anna, from the sounds of it, it was a misunderstanding of interest. In your mind it was a polite thank you for your assistance with his sons school application but to him, it was a date & by accepting his boat trip, he obviously saw that as a green light to hit on you.

If he is cotinuing to harrass you, then as in the west, you will need to prove beyond a doubt that he is harrasing you. Even in my own country you can't just accuse someone of sexual harrassment without proof, so save all messages he leaves on your phone, try to tape him propositioning you etc.

[bina]

i have to agree w/most of the posts:

1. u went in a boat alone with a man ... has a son doesnt have a son, has a wife or not, never stopped any man before

2. i work in tourism and get offers all the time as a 'thank u for my son's birthday, lets do lunch' or similar stuff.... never never never go to an invite unless its at a big restaraunt and he comes with wife and kids and u can always say, ok, i'll bring my partner/best friend etc...

its seems that men the world over (sorry guys, i live in the middle east and have spent much time dealing with men who know i am divorced) when they invite u to lunch as a thank u, its gonna be more.... maybe not in america but here (israel) it happens all the time...

i jgive someone my phone number to complete an animal buying deal and the next thing i know, i get the 'you must be a lonely divorced woman wouldnt u like to come for dinner i'm just in the area' type stuff....

dont be naive; and u cant fight city hall unless u have heavy backups (like corporate rules etc)...and make sure u are never alone with any of your men coworkers and the door is closed either because once someone decides on your reputation, thats it....life is not fair, and just cause there are rules doesnt mean that people abide by them.... the only other way is to start counterrumours (tell friends 'in secret' knowing they can spread the rumour etc...) a small town way of dealing...

the police will probably nod their heads, write up a piece of paper, and that is that... after all what did he do? just took u out for a meal and some sites, and 'u know how men are' and 'boys will be boys' , and that will be that because they have more pressing things to deal with....

[anna234cn]

i have to agree w/most of the posts:

1. u went in a boat alone with a man ... has a son doesnt have a son, has a wife or not, never stopped any man before

2. i work in tourism and get offers all the time as a 'thank u for my son's birthday, lets do lunch' or similar stuff.... never never never go to an invite unless its at a big restaraunt and he comes with wife and kids and u can always say, ok, i'll bring my partner/best friend etc...

its seems that men the world over (sorry guys, i live in the middle east and have spent much time dealing with men who know i am divorced) when they invite u to lunch as a thank u, its gonna be more.... maybe not in america but here (israel) it happens all the time...

i jgive someone my phone number to complete an animal buying deal and the next thing i know, i get the 'you must be a lonely divorced woman wouldnt u like to come for dinner i'm just in the area' type stuff....

dont be naive; and u cant fight city hall unless u have heavy backups (like corporate rules etc)...and make sure u are never alone with any of your men coworkers and the door is closed either because once someone decides on your reputation, thats it....life is not fair, and just cause there are rules doesnt mean that people abide by them.... the only other way is to start counterrumours (tell friends 'in secret' knowing they can spread the rumour etc...) a small town way of dealing...

the police will probably nod their heads, write up a piece of paper, and that is that... after all what did he do? just took u out for a meal and some sites, and 'u know how men are' and 'boys will be boys' , and that will be that because they have more pressing things to deal with....

Thanks Bina. I dont have that much experiences as you. I will remember this lesson.

Usually I dont doubt other people much. From now on, I will be careful.

[GuestHouse]

Anna,

I've advised that you chalk it up to experience.

You have since said you are going to take revenge.

"Revenge" is also referred to as "escalation".

Are you ready to 'Escalate'?

--

As things are now you can walk away from the problem.

Think about that.

And something else to consider, when considering the advice you receive don't classify good advice as being the advice that sounds good or that seems to agree with you.

The advice I'm giving you is, unless you are aware of and willing to accept the consequences of escalating this issue, let it rest.

All the cards all the rules and all the weapons are in his hands.

Look at it another way.

What have you got to gain?

What have you got to loose?

[kayo]

if it gets worse, tell his wife.. that would shut him up smartly...

though be careful. On second thoughts, I`m not sure thats a good idea.

I hope you manage to control the situation. It semms the ladies on here have igven you invaluable advise.