Sexual Harassment In Thailand

[bkkmadness]

Everyone chooses his/her avatar according to his/her interests. I chose this avatar not coz I wanna flirt with guys here or find some fun.

To be fair, you can understand its an impression some people would get though. You have put up an picture of a women's lower half in a bikini. Makes me wonder what you was wearing on this boat trip and considered 'proper'.

I am not that stupid to flirt with a married, old and ugly man.

But you do take private boat trips with them.

I talked with his wife already. That's all. It's not a revenge. It was just a talk between a woman and a woman. We were talking about TRUST. His wife has much better education than that guy.

What did you tell her? You may end up with a lot of trouble because you ignored advice on here. I admire your principles but there is reality to deal with too.

I definitely know how to protect myself.

You definately do not know how to protect yourself if you are taking boat rides with older married men. You should have been well aware that he may have certain intentions for you beforehand. And if not beforehand, especially when you turned up and it was just you two (no wife/no kids) on the boat.

You were just trying to judge how bad this girl was. This is not what a girl who got hurt needs. Think about it!

No, perhaps you should think about it. Everybody has been very supportive of you on here so don't throw that back in their faces. You was extremely naive and still show traits of that in your postings now, and it's that naiveity that helped land you in this difficult situation.

People advised you against taking revenge, because despite what you may think you might not be quite tough enough to deal with your opponent if he decides to take further revenge back on you.

The guy is obviously the bastard in this situation, but you need to learn to protect yourself better in the future because he is not the last one you'll encounter.

[fruittbatt]

She has an avatar on a weboard, I don't expect she has this picture available for her 'harasser' to see. It's a sexy pic fair enough, that's a side of her personality she wishs to show here maybe. If she was getting lots of lude comments from posters here because of the avatar then I would agree the avatar would probably have to go if she were to complain about it and be taken seriously, but this webboard and her real life situation are two different things.

Madness, I have no problem with the avatar itself, just pointing out that when Anna chose to portray this isolated image of one body part it was an unfortunate choice, given that that part is exactly where the old perv was hoping to go....

[anna234cn]

I did wear properly on that day. But what I cant do is I cant hide my figure. I even didnt makeup at all that day.

I did take a private boat with him. I didnt expect that at all. I didnt know that until I saw the boat and I was hesitated. As I said, I thought it would be a big criuse. But at that time, I thought it would be okay.

I doubted his intentions when I was in boat. And he said he would like to find a bf for me and asked what kinda man I liked. Then I thought he considered me as a kid.

I didnt tell his wife much details. I asked whether she trust her husband and gave her some hints. That's it.

To be fair, you can understand its an impression some people would get though. You have put up an picture of a women's lower half in a bikini. Makes me wonder what you was wearing on this boat trip and considered 'proper'.

But you do take private boat trips with them.

What did you tell her? You may end up with a lot of trouble because you ignored advice on here. I admire your principles but there is reality to deal with too.

I definitely know how to protect myself.

You definately do not know how to protect yourself if you are taking boat rides with older married men. You should have been well aware that he may have certain intentions for you beforehand. And if not beforehand, especially when you turned up and it was just you two (no wife/no kids) on the boat.

You were just trying to judge how bad this girl was. This is not what a girl who got hurt needs. Think about it!

No, perhaps you should think about it. Everybody has been very supportive of you on here so don't throw that back in their faces. You was extremely naive and still show traits of that in your postings now, and it's that naiveity that helped land you in this difficult situation.

People advised you against taking revenge, because despite what you may think you might not be quite tough enough to deal with your opponent if he decides to take further revenge back on you.

The guy is obviously the bastard in this situation, but you need to learn to protect yourself better in the future because he is not the last one you'll encounter.

[anna234cn]

She has an avatar on a weboard, I don't expect she has this picture available for her 'harasser' to see. It's a sexy pic fair enough, that's a side of her personality she wishs to show here maybe. If she was getting lots of lude comments from posters here because of the avatar then I would agree the avatar would probably have to go if she were to complain about it and be taken seriously, but this webboard and her real life situation are two different things.

Whoo........

I should have been using a NAKED woman pic here. That's REAL me.

Clothing is a way to disguise humans.

I believe NATURE.

[bkkmadness]

I doubted his intentions when I was in boat. And he said he would like to find a bf for me and asked what kinda man I liked. Then I thought he considered me as a kid.

This is the kind of naiveity you need to watch out for, it may help you avoid some situations. Think about it, you are on a private boat trip with a guy, he starts asking you what kind of man you like, he does not consider you a kid, he considers you 'fair game'.

I didnt tell his wife much details. I asked whether she trust her husband and gave her some hints. That's it.

Well I hope that not too much damage is done. If she finds out what took place there is a very good chance that the blame will be put on you and not him and then you may have both of them to deal with.

Anna, swallow your pride a little here and walk away.

Edited October 19, 2006 by bkkmadness

[fruittbatt]

Anna,

why do you keep on trying to draw attention to your body by comments like "I can't hide my figure" and "Naked is the real me" and "guys, do you think I'm bad?".

I am starting to think that you are enjoying teasing men and at the same time refusing to listen to the kind advice that so many people have taken the time to give you. I refuse to give you any more of my attention. Grow up.

Edited October 19, 2006 by fruittbatt

[anna234cn]

I doubted his intentions when I was in boat. And he said he would like to find a bf for me and asked what kinda man I liked. Then I thought he considered me as a kid.

This is the kind of niaveity you need to watch out for, it may help you avoid some situations. Thingk about it, you are on a private boat trip with a guy, he starts asking you what kind of man you like, he does not consider you a kid, he considers you 'fair game'.

I didnt tell his wife much details. I asked whether she trust her husband and gave her some hints. That's it.

Well I hope that not too much damage is done. If she finds out what took place there is a very good chance that the blame will be put on you and not him and then you may have both of them to deal with.

Anna, swallow your pride a little here and walk away.

Well, look at your name. Can I say you are mad just coz you are called bkkmadness here?

I dont think I would ruin his family. His wife is a very nice person. I asked my friend to talk to her just for a while. I even didnt tell her who was harassed by her husband. Her wife knows me in real.

I am proud of myself, not arrogant. Why should I walk away? Why not you walk away? Here is a public forum.

What was my intention here to share my personal experience here? I feel nobody cares about it in Thailand. When I walk out, I see that so many guys touching Thai girls as much as they want at any time. I dont know how those girls think about this. Maybe they just dont care....

[Unknown]

As a woman/girl, if you met sexual harassment, what would you do?

My Thai friends think I should just keep quiet coz Thai gals are like that.

I have been here for two yrs and never heard this kinda case on media.

Isn't it a big deal that guys take advantge of girls? or Thai gals get used to it?

I have reported to Students Rights at school and maybe tmr I will report police. Does that make sense?

And I doubt whether they have this kinda law in Thailand.

There is no obvious sexual harassment in between Thai men and Thai women that I have witnessed so far.

No Thai guy will ever touch a Thai girl in the office, they do not even usually do it in between husband and wife in public...

So what do you mean by harassment exactly?

[anna234cn]

Anna,

why do you keep on trying to draw attention to your body by comments like "I can't hide my figure" and "Naked is the real me" and "guys, do you think I'm bad?".

I am starting to think that you are enjoying teasing men and at the same time refusing to listen to the kind advice that so many people have taken the time to give you. I refuse to give you any more of my attention. Grow up.

I didnt mean to draw attention on my body. But I think my looking is the only reason why that guy harassed me.

What I mean naked is the real me is everybody was born naked. When you are dressed, you are changed coz ppl judge you based on your clothes. What is absolutely REAL? Being naked without any titles.

I think differently as you.

[sylvafern]

maybe they are their boyfriends and it is okay.

In the time I've lived in Thailand (more than 8 year) the only time I have ever come accross Thai men touching women inappropriately is during Songkran when it seems as if being drunk and disorderly is acceptable. After a few songkrans and having being groped each time, I now avoid the situation and don't go out in public places where there are lots of drunk people.

Other than this, I've never seen men here behaving in the way you seem to think they do. Are you sure you are not misreading situations, just like you misread the situation with the married man?

[Unknown]

I think differently as you.

As me or us, probably not.

But as Thais, sure...

[bkkmadness]

Well, look at your name. Can I say you are mad just coz you are called bkkmadness here?

But obviously the name and picture give of an impression. Because its a bit of a joke avatar I dont think anyone takes it too seriously, you on the other hand have a picture of yourself in your underwear, a little different I think.

I dont think I would ruin his family. His wife is a very nice person. I asked my friend to talk to her just for a while. I even didnt tell her who was harassed by her husband. Her wife knows me in real.

Even if she discoveres you was out on a boat with her husband and even if she finds out her husband tries it on you may still not ruin the family. In fact I would very much doubt in this country that the wife would tell him to leave the house and file divorce proceedings. If she does however suspect that her husband has feelings for you and still lusts after you then a simple and logical solution is to remove you from her husbands grasp. Don't think she's going to be on your side just because her husbands tried to get you, it often works the other way. Horribly unfair I know, but then that is life.

I am proud of myself, not arrogant. Why should I walk away? Why not you walk away? Here is a public forum.

We are talking about walking away from the real life situation you are in, not the forum.

Why should you walk away? Because the husbands revenge on you for interfering with his family might not be something you want to deal with. In fact the wives revenge on you might be something you don't want to deal with. Remember you can tell her your side of the story, and he'll certainly be telling his if confronted. Are you sure she's going to believe your side?

[unforgiven]

Ahhh so he took it as a date and you thought it was a friendly gesture??

At first, I thought his wife would come also. But she didnt.

And I helped other Chinese parents's children to come to school. Everything was fine.

It is a Chinese custom to have dinner together and some more entertainment just for thanking someone.

And he is 45 yrs old. Normal ppl wouldnt think its a date. Will you? He has two sons.

if this is the worst thing to happen to you in Thai,,, your very lucky.....grow up or go home! your not in Kansas anymore Dorathy!!!

[anna234cn]

My friend didnt tell his wife what exactly happened. She just asked if she trust her husband. The talk was all about trust, not about sexual harassment. I didnt expect at all she would believe. I just wanna remind her. Anyway, for me, CHEATING is bad. He is cheating on her. I cant change the situation. What I can do is only to remind her. I dont expect they divorce or something else. If I really wanna make them divorce, I would have found more evidences. I could have even pretended to go out with him again and recorded everything. But I didnt. I think forming a family is not easy and I dont wanna brake it.

btw, you make a joke on ur avatar. ME TOO! I dont take it seriously either. The pic is not me. I dont have dark skin. I just make fun of it, ok? Why you always MISUNDERSTAND?

Well, look at your name. Can I say you are mad just coz you are called bkkmadness here?

But obviously the name and picture give of an impression. Because its a bit of a joke avatar I dont think anyone takes it too seriously, you on the other hand have a picture of yourself in your underwear, a little different I think.

I dont think I would ruin his family. His wife is a very nice person. I asked my friend to talk to her just for a while. I even didnt tell her who was harassed by her husband. Her wife knows me in real.

Even if she discoveres you was out on a boat with her husband and even if she finds out her husband tries it on you may still not ruin the family. In fact I would very much doubt in this country that the wife would tell him to leave the house and file divorce proceedings. If she does however suspect that her husband has feelings for you and still lusts after you then a simple and logical solution is to remove you from her husbands grasp. Don't think she's going to be on your side just because her husbands tried to get you, it often works the other way. Horribly unfair I know, but then that is life.

I am proud of myself, not arrogant. Why should I walk away? Why not you walk away? Here is a public forum.

We are talking about walking away from the real life situation you are in, not the forum.

Why should you walk away? Because the husbands revenge on you for interfering with his family might not be something you want to deal with. In fact the wives revenge on you might be something you don't want to deal with. Remember you can tell her your side of the story, and he'll certainly be telling his if confronted. Are you sure she's going to believe your side?

[Unknown]

Anyway, for me, CHEATING is bad. He is cheating on her. I cant change the situation.

No, you can't.

[bkkmadness]

My friend didnt tell his wife what exactly happened. She just asked if she trust her husband. The talk was all about trust, not about sexual harassment. I didnt expect at all she would believe. I just wanna remind her. Anyway, for me, CHEATING is bad. He is cheating on her. I cant change the situation. What I can do is only to remind her. I dont expect they divorce or something else. If I really wanna make them divorce, I would have found more evidences. I could have even pretended to go out with him again and recorded everything. But I didnt. I think forming a family is not easy and I dont wanna brake it.

Yeah yeah, so what he might be cheating on her. She might not care one bit about that. She might care that a young girl took a private boat trip with her husband though. She might even get the impression from him that you was leading him on. She might even hear that he had to explain to you he was married and turned down your propositions. He might end up smelling or roses and you might become enemy number one to this woman and her family.

And you might be better leaving the situation alone since you might not understand it as well as you think you do.

btw, you make a joke on ur avatar. ME TOO! I dont take it seriously either. The pic is not me. I dont have dark skin. I just make fun of it, ok? Why you always MISUNDERSTAND?

Surprisingly easy to do isn't it. You put your name above a picture of a girl in a bikini and someone assumes that the person in the pic might be the person behind the name, what a crazy conclusion to jump to.

[Unknown]

And you might be better leaving the situation alone since you might not understand it as well as you think you do.

Right.

[damian5000]

So a guy hit on you. You told him to stop. He stopped. Most of the people here are advising you to let it go but you still can't. Sounds like you have some deep seated issues you might want to take a look at before you go around ruining this guys life.

Damian

[sam518cn]

divorcing? It is A DAY DREAM!!! i trust you would send some special message to him. any way, he would not do that without reason!

Guys, do you think some one will do something without reason !

if you trust it, please ......

in fact, the question is why you did it. and why you got this situation.

take care!

[bkkmadness]

So a guy hit on you. You told him to stop. He stopped.

Well the guy did continue on touching her, she was out there basically alone on a boat with him, a bit of a scary position and at his age he should have known better than to put her in that position, he is to blame.

[damian5000]

...

Edited October 19, 2006 by damian5000

[damian5000]

So a guy hit on you. You told him to stop. He stopped.

Well the guy did continue on touching her, she was out there basically alone on a boat with him, a bit of a scary position and at his age he should have known better than to put her in that position, he is to blame.

"During lunch, everything was okay. But in the boat, he started to harass me. And the only witness was the boat driver, a woman. When I asked him to stop, he stopped. So I dont know how serious the case is. But its not too serious."

She admits herself he stopped after she asked him to and that it wasn't too serious.

Nothing more to say on this one.

[bkkmadness]

divorcing? It is A DAY DREAM!!! i trust you would send some special message to him. any way, he would not do that without reason!

Guys, do you think some one will do something without reason !

if you trust it, please ......

in fact, the question is why you did it. and why you got this situation.

take care!

Divorce is a daydream. If she sent a special message to him she apparently wasn't aware of it and you have to give the benefit of the doubt. Finally, guys have been known to read signals wrong.

Do I think a guy would do that without a reason though? Yes absolutely, some men are complete bastards.

Let's not forget that the guy is of an age to have known better, he was not an 18 yr old on his first date. If a girl walks down a dark alley in a short skirt and gets raped it's still the rapists fault, as stupid as it is for a girl to put herself in that situation.

Funnily enough I just popped over the road to my local restaurant to pick up some takeaway, there was a beautiful looking tiger beer girl there. I watched this old farang guy (perhaps I should not bring age or race into it but giving you the picture) call her over, pull out his camera, tell her to pose, stand and smile like and took her picture.

I saw the girl had a bit of a chuckle at this, customer relations and all that, but then the guy studied the photo, wasn't happy with it and called her back again.

So he takes another pic, she walks off a bit quicker this time and he studies the photo. Still not happy, he calls her back again. All in all he called her back and took her photo 5-6 times!

She was at the end of this just a bit freaked out, she must've only been 20 yrs old and here she was getting called back to this table in the middle of a busy restaurant several times so this old guy could tell her to stand still and photograph her.

And you kinda know he wasn't just taking the pic for pure artistic purposes, the guy was adding this to his home computer collection for later use if you follow my meaning and that made it worse because I think if you asked anybody in that restaurant they would have known what the pics were for too.

It was a little horrible to see this girl get degraded this way and you could see she was getting a bit embarassed/upset(?) and to be honest if I was sitting on the next table I might've said something.

Now the reason she got this 'harrassment' was partly because she was prancing around in a Tiger beer costume smiling at all the customers. And OK, maybe you can understand this guy taking one photo, a few drinks, on holiday maybe, pretty girl, all a bit of fun right?

But he pushed it too far and did not give ######. He felt he had the power to call this girl back as often as he wanted despite her feelings. That's a power some customers feel they have over staff, and it's a power that some men feel they have over women. The power/right to harass.

It's the same kind of power that this guy felt he had over the OP so lets not be too hard on her, for her mistakes she had a shitty time.

LOL, ok got that rant off my chest!

[bkkmadness]

So a guy hit on you. You told him to stop. He stopped.

Well the guy did continue on touching her, she was out there basically alone on a boat with him, a bit of a scary position and at his age he should have known better than to put her in that position, he is to blame.

"During lunch, everything was okay. But in the boat, he started to harass me. And the only witness was the boat driver, a woman. When I asked him to stop, he stopped. So I dont know how serious the case is. But its not too serious."

She admits herself he stopped after she asked him to and that it wasn't too serious.

Nothing more to say on this one.

If that is indeed the truth then I am really sorry! However that does not match with

During lunch, everything was okay. But in the boat, he started to harass me. And the only witness was the boat driver, a woman. When I asked him to stop, he stopped. So I dont know how serious the case is. But its not too serious.

sorry I didnt say clearly. He stopped once. And then he tried to touch me many more times.

I said it was not too serious coz he didnt touch the most important parts of me.

How can the school help you?

Did it happen on school premises?

Were you on official school business at the time?

You accepted the invitation, he made advances and you told him to stop. He stopped. Inappropriate behaviour on his part but not harassment.

But he tried many times. And sometimes I couldnt escape.

I'm not sure if that means escape the invitation or off the boat though.

Edited October 19, 2006 by bkkmadness

[damian5000]

LOL. I don't even know what I'm doing in here. Sorry ladies.

Edited October 19, 2006 by damian5000

[chatette]

Anna, Wow, what you've described is HARDLY sexual harrassment, nor is it Thailand specific. You went on a date with an man and he made a pass at you. That sort of thing has been happening forever everywhere. So don't follow along in a situation in which you feel uncomfortable, and you said you weren't when the wife wasn't at the lunch.

You say the guy backed off and that suggests he, at least, thought you were ok with him. Nor did he persist when you made it clear you weren't.

As for the difference in age, what bearing does that have?

Rod Stewart's wife is 26 yrs younger than him. Soon-Yi Previn's husband is 35 yrs older than her. Vili Faulaau was 13 when he began an affair with a woman 20 yrs his senior who's now his wife....

[sam518cn]

Let's not forget that the guy is of an age to have known better, he was not an 18 yr old on his first date. If a girl walks down a dark alley in a short skirt and gets raped it's still the rapists fault, as stupid as it is for a girl to put herself in that situation.

That sort of thing has been happening forever everywhere. So don't follow along in a situation in which you feel uncomfortable, and you said you weren't when the wife wasn't at the lunch.

You say the guy backed off and that suggests he, at least, thought you were ok with him. Nor did he persist when you made it clear you weren't.

the question is why she wanna do that! probably,her behavior must show something to that "young" guy!

maybe, what he did just what she wanna?

who knows that!

to ask yourself who you are !

heihei

[dgoz]

Bina, Hublet and Kat, it's refreshing to hear from wise and intelligent women. Your comments, albeit different, are spot on.

As for the O/P. What a joke.

"Ooh a man tried to touch me!".

Aah, you're not in the ridiculously political correct, anally retentive, leftist-feminist controlled west now sweetheart. Welcome to the real world.

If a man (thats a person who looks a bit different to you.This person might have different contours on his face and maybe facial hair, more muscular and taller than you and has "private bits" different to yours that we'll tell you about later when you grow up) shows an interest in you it's because he probably likes you.(in the way a man should like a woman, not as in the west where ,for some reason, girls think men want to "just be friends )

As for a farang girl taking revenge on a 45 year old, I pressume not poor, Thai guy, please, entertain us by trying it. When you're no longer with us I would personally put it down to Darwinism.

[Little Black Duck]

Bina, Hublet and Kat, it's refreshing to hear from wise and intelligent women. Your comments, albeit different, are spot on.

As for the O/P. What a joke.

"Ooh a man tried to touch me!".

Aah, you're not in the ridiculously political correct, anally retentive, leftist-feminist controlled west now sweetheart. Welcome to the real world.

If a man (thats a person who looks a bit different to you.This person might have different contours on his face and maybe facial hair, more muscular and taller than you and has "private bits" different to yours that we'll tell you about later when you grow up) shows an interest in you it's because he probably likes you.(in the way a man should like a woman, not as in the west where ,for some reason, girls think men want to "just be friends )

As for a farang girl taking revenge on a 45 year old, I pressume not poor, Thai guy, please, entertain us by trying it. When you're no longer with us I would personally put it down to Darwinism.

DGOZ..Thinks I, you got it right... Seems this poor little rich girl made a boo boo, called sexual harrasment..Many forum members to their credit, gave her in my humble opinion some very good advise..BUT you didnt tell her what she wanted to hear, so she started being the silly little girl she really is...You had my sympathy at first sweetie,but hooray, you eventually showed your true colors..

[fruittbatt]

dgoz and littleblackduck,

Anna WAS sexually harassed by this man. He repeatedly tried to touch her intimately against her wishes. That is harassment, and she has every right to be angry about it.

Anna, you are determined young woman and one day I hope you will be able to focus your strength in a worthwhile career and a happy life.

My problem with your post is that you asked for help and yet rejected the wise suggestions which many posters made to you. Why did you ask for advice if you already thought you knew better than the rest of us?

I have also noted that in other forums you have indulged in sexual banter. In this forum you have continually pointed out that you think you are beautiful. Yet you claim not to enjoy male attention and to be very "cold" towards men. There are some contradictions in your behaviour that you need to consider carefully in order to understand the mixed signals you give to other people.