Marriage and Courtship in Isan

[eldragon]

How accurate is this?

"Marriage and courtship in Isan still mainly follows strict tradition, especially in rural areas, and most young women are married by the time they are 20 years old. Many girls, in spite of the legal requirement, marry as young as 14 to escape poverty, as usually marriage is associated with a dowry paid by the husband to the bride's family. A dowry will not normally be less than 40,000 baht, and according to the status of the bride and/or her family, can often greatly exceed 300,000 baht.

Isan women rarely have boyfriends until they meet the man whom they will eventually marry, and tradition requires that the betrothal is then announced. Younger fiancées will be chaperoned, usually by a female friend, brother or sister while in the company of their future husband. The wedding ceremony usually takes place in the bride's home and is normally officiated by one or several monks or a respected village elder who has been a monk. Young couples are increasingly registering their marriages at the city hall, which they can do if they are over 17. The extended family system is still very much the traditional social structure in Isan, with newlywed couples often living with in-laws or building a home on the family compound or farmland.

It is not unusual however, for many women to remain single until much later. Tradition demands that the youngest or only daughter continues to live at home to take care of her parents. They are then only free to marry when both parents are deceased. There is also the tradition that a woman should "marry up" in status. If the woman is tied to an occupation in a rural area as a farm or business owner, teacher, or similar profession, finding a suitable husband who is prepared to relocate is often not easy."

[rgs2001uk]

How accurate is this?

Depends which bar you are in, and how new off the banana boat you are.

[bermondburi]

elements of truth in all of that, but then again, there are always exceptions.

The money for the dowry sounded about right, as did women marrying young and not having a BF before, but then again, just looking at what's happened to my wife's nieces and nephews etc, some have done this, and others have run off with the BF/GF, or had a baby before marriage etc.

There's no hard and fast rule for how things are done.

[bermondburi]

How accurate is this?

Depends which bar you are in, and how new off the banana boat you are.

Why do you say that, I think for rural areas a lot of that holds true.

[Tai777]

this was true maybe 20 years ago. Now Thailand is very much modern. You'd be better off looking in laos for this.

[rgs2001uk]

How accurate is this?

Depends which bar you are in, and how new off the banana boat you are.

Why do you say that, I think for rural areas a lot of that holds true.

I agree, depends on whether you are a farang or a Thai.

Spoke to a taxi driver from issan not so long back, he paid 50k baht and 3 baht of gold for his 15 year old hottie.

Best of luck to a farang trying to get the same deal in soi Cowboy, nana etc.

[bermondburi]

Agreed but the article was talking about Thais ( predominantly rural) in Isaan, not hookers from Isaan working in Cowboy.

[rgs2001uk]

Agreed but the article was talking about Thais ( predominantly rural) in Isaan, not hookers from Isaan working in Cowboy.

Really, LOL, I see no source for the article, perhaps you could expand.

[KMartinHandyman]

I only wonder why people put up these type of questions.

No pots to stir at home I figure.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[maprao]

<deleted>?

:blink::lol:

I'm speechless at the ops naivety

[CharlieH]

Whilst that may (or may not) apply to "some" very rural agricultural areas, it is by no means the "norm" any more.

Not in my experience anyway., elements of it are still present but a lot of what was described I suggest is "old traditions" no longer followed by modern Thais.

[thaiduncankk]

Courtship is not in the Thai dictionary.

It is 'can I scam you' or not.

The Thai (no capitals intended) phrase to you is 'som nam nar'.

But they will all say 'but she is different !

My AR+E.

[nev]

How accurate is this?

Depends which bar you are in, and how new off the banana boat you are.

Why do you say that, I think for rural areas a lot of that holds true.

Spot on, the question was about in the village and nothing to do with the girls who go work in the bar areas.

Most of the OP's post is spot on, and I would say 50,000baht is about right for sinsod for the poorer families.

[starky]

Look the fact of the matter is some of these things do hold true up country for Thais and falangs. As usual in Thailand it is all about face. It's not about getting scammed or any of that other shit that people who spend most of their time around hooker's harp on about. I did the traditional Thai wedding and don't believe in sin sot at all but for her and the family to gain face I threw a million baht and 5 baht gold on the table at the ceremony. Afterwards her family gave me back everything. They didn't keep one cracker nor did they ask for one. If you think face and tradition are ridiculous then don't marry a Thai. If you have no interest in helping support your wife and her family don't marry a Thai. Just do me a favour and drop off the boring rhetoric about how Thai women are all greedy lazy thieves who only want you for your money. Says a lot more about you than the women of Thailand also says a lot about the sort of Thai women you associate with. It's apples and oranges you can't compare average Thai women to the hooker's you knock around with in bars.

[danmarnj]

With the advent of internet and social media, the world has opened up to rural issan. Kids see what goes on in the world and are rejecting the social norms of the past

[NOC]

Give me an hour in Issan, and I promise you I will have a place to hide my sausage. You're getting played!

[starky]

Give me an hour in Issan, and I promise you I will have a place to hide my sausage. You're getting played!

I think the OP is talking about marriage not getting his end away

[buji]

Is this made up? Maybe an excuse for people to marry or go with young women? (2-3 times their age) Issan, like Thailand is not a poor 3rd world country. Isaan has a more filling culture, great food (not to mention, more healthily & fresh) than the middle & south.

[Jessi]

Thais are loosing their culture & traditions.

They will use Culture as an excuse to win an argument if its with a foreigner.

[DILLIGAD]

With the advent of internet and social media, the world has opened up to rural issan. Kids see what goes on in the world and are rejecting the social norms of the past

This is very true. In most villages there are more places to play Internet than to eat (OK, I exaggerate slightly).

There are a " certain type" trolling dating sites in most villages looking for that "certain one" to marry(scam). I am NOT saying everyone, but some.

[maoro2013]

I am married in Isaan, and what you say is certainly the traditional way, but things are changing.

In my family, while the younger sister should look after the parents (mother in this case), her husband won't allow this.

The 'dowry', in my case basically came back to my wife. The mother receives the money, pays for the wedding party and buys gold for the wife. I suppose this would vary a bit depending on the family, parents.

I don't think there is any hard and fast rule but what you say covers it pretty well from what I have seen and done.

[TEFLKrabi]

I'd like to know the % of TV posters who live in Isaan or who have visited there. It IS still a very simple society and things ARE still very traditional. What most of you see in Soi Cowboy etc is really the exception.

[puchooay]

The last 3 weddings here in the village have been because the girl , and boy obviously, have had a relationship. Yep 3 girls aged 18, 17 and 15 married with a kid. The eldest one is already a single mum.

[fang37]

I'd like to know the % of TV posters who live in Isaan or who have visited there. It IS still a very simple society and things ARE still very traditional. What most of you see in Soi Cowboy etc is really the exception.

I do not actually live in Isaan but very similar.

A very natural environment - the citizens care for it too.

The ladies tend to marry very young eg 15-17yo. Soon, there is a young one on the way.

Hubby bolts. Parents take care of the child.

Wifey relocates to Pattaya - $$$ - goes into the appliance renting business.

SAD indeed!

[faraday]

I get so pished off with the people on here, who turn almost every topic about Thai Ladies, into comparing them with Bargirls.

If your bitterness or lack of Cerebral Neurons compel you to be negative so much, then I have pity for you.

[Jessi]

I get so pished off with the people on here, who turn almost every topic about Thai Ladies, into comparing them with Bargirls.

If your bitterness or lack of Cerebral Neurons compel you to be negative so much, then I have pity for you.

You must try & forgive them faraday!!! You see the ones you are talking about have the I Q of a wellington gumboot.

As you can see there is no I Q test to be a member of this forum.

[eldragon]

I only wonder why people put up these type of questions.

No pots to stir at home I figure.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Some of us are curious about local culture and traditions. Anyway, that middle part explains why 9/10 women here won't admit to having a bf, doesn't it?

[eldragon]

Is this made up? Maybe an excuse for people to marry or go with young women? (2-3 times their age) Issan, like Thailand is not a poor 3rd world country. Isaan has a more filling culture, great food (not to mention, more healthily & fresh) than the middle & south.

I got it off Wikipedia. And I don't think it's made up. I dated a 20 yo Isan girl for a bit. Eventually I told her I was too old for her (36), but she said her last bf was older than me (48) and she'd "dated" him for 6 years. Do the math on that one.

[fang37]

My lady - 24yo when we met. Only child.

Now, she is 36yo & I am 67.

We have a 5 star life - never quarrel (sometimes disagree) - never separated.

Quality of life - # 1. I am a satisfied customer.

[kennypowers]

These traditions are still very much alive and very much the reason why many girls end up in the bars of Pattaya, because the poorer families still follow traditions such as if a girl is seen alone with a boy in a house, or caught getting Teenage Kicks, so to speak , then they should be engaged and married to save face.

By 19 years old the girl ends up separated with 1 or 2 kids to support. Tradition dictates that it falls upon her to take care of her aging parents, so she leaves the kids with grandma and goes off to find work. Most settle in factory jobs on the outskirts of Bangkok, where accommodation is provided and a meagre wage that essentially enslaves them for the next 20 years and robs them of seeing their kids grow up.

Others might be offered the other option by a “friend” or “cousin”; an inroad to meet rich old foreigners in Pattaya or on one of the islands. Of course, this leads to prostitution.

And what of the father of her kids? Well he shirks his responsibilities and mates with another young girl, and so the cycle continues.

The girl is unable to return home until she has a respectable amount of money to give her family, and enough assets to show the neighbours that she “made it” in the big city.

The reality is, these Isaan women who work as prostitutes and continually degraded and berated by western men, come from very sexually conservative backgrounds where a prostitute would be viewed on the same level as a dog, probably lower than that. But being poor and uneducated, probably also having come from a dysfunctional family where at least one member of the family is a gambler, abuser or alcoholic, or all of these, and being a single mother, life often offers little other choice but to sell one’s soul and go against everything your culture bought you up to respect.

These antiquated conservative traditions are alive and well, and very much part of the problem holding back poorer communities. In many cases they ruin lives.

In terms of Sin Sod, 40-50k would be for a very poor family. A Sin Sod for a comfortable family with a daughter who’d been university educated would be around the 1MB range. And for a rich family a lot more.