Marriage and Courtship in Isan

[elliss]

I'd like to know the % of TV posters who live in Isaan or who have visited there. It IS still a very simple society and things ARE still very traditional. What most of you see in Soi Cowboy etc is really the exception.

Simple ,Who.??

Do you mean the stupid foreigners who think they have found true Love ,

at a high price in Issan.

I lucky , I not find . Maybe I go Pattaya , again

Edited October 4, 2015 by elliss

[Si Thea01]

I'd like to know the % of TV posters who live in Isaan or who have visited there. It IS still a very simple society and things ARE still very traditional. What most of you see in Soi Cowboy etc is really the exception.

I'd say a very small percentage given the twaddle many are coming out with.

I live and married an Isan lady. a school teacher and 51 years of age. She was first married at 28, a widow at 40. She raised her son alone and after passing his mechanical trade, joined the army, which has seen him develop in a fine and responsible young man. Her brother is a doctor whilst her father is a retired builder. No sin sod, no scam. Sure, many marry young, and some do go into the profession but I wish some would give us a break with their know all, know nothing drivel.

There is and always will be girls and involved in the world's oldest profession, not only here in Thailand but world wide so what is it with many on here, and you know who you are, perpetuating the continual rubbishing of Isan women. Maybe you should look in our own backyard first and tell us how you have become such experts, Frequent users I would say and given your obvious disdain are stuck in a situation of your own making. What a sad and miserable lot.

I reside in a large regional Isan city and find that things are changing slowly but remain very traditional in the villages. I love the way the TV experts come out in force and think what they get up to in Soi Cowboy is the norm. Ones own background normally indicates the type of lifestyle and people one associates with, so if the cap fits, stick with it and don't try and taint all with the same brush.

[thaiduncankk]

Seems like you have only met bargirls...you mean to say you have never met or seen a decent girl in Thailand? Not one?

No, I have met, and known, many decent girls in Thailand, including Isaan because I live here.

If you read the heading of the thread, it is about 'Marriage and courtship' not how decent they are !

[manxninja]

Si Thea, without being disrespectful. I doubt any man in any country would pay a dowry to marry a 51 year old.

It was probably her last chance saloon, over 25 and your washed up in the eyes of a Thai male.

From personal experience in a Thai village, I would say 95-100 percent of non educated decent looking girls will end up in the sex industry. That's a fact I see them grow up and leave all
the time, year in, year out.

[Ghostnigel]

Seems like you have only met bargirls...you mean to say you have never met or seen a decent girl in Thailand? Not one?

No, I have met, and known, many decent girls in Thailand, including Isaan because I live here.

If you read the heading of the thread, it is about 'Marriage and courtship' not how decent they are !

It was YOU who said they are all the same, you didn't say 'some' will tell us we are bad, so, if anyone on here says they have found a good Thai girl, you don't believe them? You just say "my arse".

I read your post like you think all Thais want to 'rip us off'....oh well, never mind.

I have got a good'n, so will you say "yeah, my arse"?

Edited October 5, 2015 by Ghostnigel

[thaiduncankk]

Seems like you have only met bargirls...you mean to say you have never met or seen a decent girl in Thailand? Not one?

No, I have met, and known, many decent girls in Thailand, including Isaan because I live here.

If you read the heading of the thread, it is about 'Marriage and courtship' not how decent they are !

It was YOU who said they are all the same.....so, anyone on here says they have found a good Thai girl, you don't believe them? You just say "my arse".

I have met a lot of Thais who have freely admitted to me that they 'like' their much older farang husband, but not love him.

Hey, it's a 2 way street, many of the farang just want someone to 'take care' of them, washing, cooking, things they cannot do by themselves. Oh as well as the sex bit.

I never heard any man back home saying 'I pay my wife x amount every month !'

[Joey J]

Look the fact of the matter is some of these things do hold true up country for Thais and falangs. As usual in Thailand it is all about face. It's not about getting scammed or any of that other shit that people who spend most of their time around hooker's harp on about. I did the traditional Thai wedding and don't believe in sin sot at all but for her and the family to gain face I threw a million baht and 5 baht gold on the table at the ceremony. Afterwards her family gave me back everything. They didn't keep one cracker nor did they ask for one. If you think face and tradition are ridiculous then don't marry a Thai. If you have no interest in helping support your wife and her family don't marry a Thai. Just do me a favour and drop off the boring rhetoric about how Thai women are all greedy lazy thieves who only want you for your money. Says a lot more about you than the women of Thailand also says a lot about the sort of Thai women you associate with. It's apples and oranges you can't compare average Thai women to the hooker's you knock around with in bars.

[thaiduncankk]

Look the fact of the matter is some of these things do hold true up country for Thais and falangs. As usual in Thailand it is all about face. It's not about getting scammed or any of that other shit that people who spend most of their time around hooker's harp on about. I did the traditional Thai wedding and don't believe in sin sot at all but for her and the family to gain face I threw a million baht and 5 baht gold on the table at the ceremony. Afterwards her family gave me back everything. They didn't keep one cracker nor did they ask for one. If you think face and tradition are ridiculous then don't marry a Thai. If you have no interest in helping support your wife and her family don't marry a Thai. Just do me a favour and drop off the boring rhetoric about how Thai women are all greedy lazy thieves who only want you for your money. Says a lot more about you than the women of Thailand also says a lot about the sort of Thai women you associate with. It's apples and oranges you can't compare average Thai women to the hooker's you knock around with in bars.

Wrong person, I do not go to bars to see bar girls, if I go to a bar it is to socialize with friends.

I sussed the bar girls out in the mid 1990's.

[rocketboybkk]

How accurate is this?

Depends which bar you are in, and how new off the banana boat you are.

Agreed 100%

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[Ban Merry]

Have a joint bank account with the wife, she's good with money and only takes what she needs for the kids and house. The father takes care of himself with money sent from relatives in the USA. Wife helps with the cleaning etc. Really, the Father in law is no problem. My wife is the middle daughter, so not all the younyest take care of the family. It's up to whoever is the last girl to get married that will stay at home with the olds.

I like the traditional way, no harm done, all depends on the family you're married into though. Love Isaan girls

[fang37]

My personal experience - marriage destroys a perfectly good relationship.

[CharlieH]

Post removed and response to it.

7) You will respect fellow members and post in a civil manner. No personal attacks, hateful or insulting towards other members, (flaming) Stalking of members on either the forum or via PM will not be allowed.

[elliss]

If Rural Isaan is so conservative, why has every village an abundance of "Kareoke" type bars and (short time) motels ???

That is nothing to do with Farang involvement/degradation either.

Good point. These hourly 'resorts' are everywhere. Unlike the west, a man or woman can't take a partner back to their home for sex unless they are publicly a couple. Rural Isaan is outwardly conservative, but there are an awful lot of secrets. Call it 'Thainess'.

These short time resorts , in Issan are far better than the rip off bars , in Udon .

Whenever I have a issue with her indoors , I seek comfort and understanding from these resorts ,

and I return home , a weaker and better person.

Tolerance is a virtue , in any marriage.

[fang37]

When I proposed, I took 6 piglets & a water buffalo - all in pristine condition.

How could they refuse an offer like that?

[rocketboybkk]

Have a joint bank account with the wife, she's good with money and only takes what she needs for the kids and house. The father takes care of himself with money sent from relatives in the USA. Wife helps with the cleaning etc. Really, the Father in law is no problem. My wife is the middle daughter, so not all the younyest take care of the family. It's up to whoever is the last girl to get married that will stay at home with the olds.

I like the traditional way, no harm done, all depends on the family you're married into though. Love Isaan girls

Are you sure the father in law is not the secret husband whose always 'there'?!!!

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[willyumiii]

How accurate is this?

Depends which bar you are in, and how new off the banana boat you are.

Those farang bars and banana boats are not in Isan.

Once an Isan girls goes south and plays with tourists, she is no longer a real Isan girl.

They only live in Isan.

The Ops post is pretty accurate except for one point.

In recent decades, many Isan girls go on to get a university education and a reasonable job.

Taking their education and work very seriously, many do not date or get married until they are in their 30s.

I know this to be a fact.

I married one 14 years ago,

and have met many others she went to the university with, through her, who have done the same.

[Stevemercer]

Yes, probably about 50% of Isaan university girls will be virgins and will not have had a serious boyfriend when they graduate. Most will end up marrying their first boyfriend when they are 24 - 30. About half of those will be divorced within 15 years and will probably swear off Thai guys. I think many, if not most, Isaan professional woman are inexperienced and somewhat naive about men. Many will not believe me if I tell them that a man can happily have sex with a woman he does not love, and forget about her the next day. They insist that sex = love and that the man must love the 'other woman' if he has sex with her (which is why they have a low tolerance for infidelity).

[Toknarok]

The Thais may have a low tolerance for infidelity but they sure practise it a lot. Thailand is the most adulterous country in the World.....http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/the-10-most-adulterous-countries-in-the-world--l1krOVB53

[buji]

Usually wouldn't bother, but this post seems useless...why? Marco, you are a knob!

[huawei]

Give me an hour in Issan, and I promise you I will have a place to hide my sausage. You're getting played!

I can think of a place I would stuff it with an attitude like that no wonder Thais think all feranges are the same

And there is a reason why most farangs think most Thais are the same.

Most farangs come here now looking for a wife..it's that easy! Regardless where you find them.

Whether you meet them in a bar or on the Internet..still the same objective finding a women...issaan in particular has a very stereotypical attitude towards the farangs ( with a few exceptions of course)...

[thaiduncankk]

Yes, probably about 50% of Isaan university girls will be virgins and will not have had a serious boyfriend when they graduate. Most will end up marrying their first boyfriend when they are 24 - 30. About half of those will be divorced within 15 years and will probably swear off Thai guys. I think many, if not most, Isaan professional woman are inexperienced and somewhat naive about men. Many will not believe me if I tell them that a man can happily have sex with a woman he does not love, and forget about her the next day. They insist that sex = love and that the man must love the 'other woman' if he has sex with her (which is why they have a low tolerance for infidelity).

50% of Isaan university girls will be virgins ?

Bullshit.

[maprao]

Maybe 50k too 100k for Mrs Trans. As for Stevem's idea of Issan girls he is way off target I think he meant 5%

Edited October 24, 2015 by maprao

[buji]

With direct response to the OP, the dowry isn't really a set amount, the price is also calculated on how ugly or fat the Farang is in comparison to the age of said to be wife. An attractive Farang with a proven good heart can pay no dowry, do no wedding ceremony but is expected to provide Thai/Farang children.

[thaiduncankk]

With direct response to the OP, the dowry isn't really a set amount, the price is also calculated on how ugly or fat the Farang is in comparison to the age of said to be wife. An attractive Farang with a proven good heart can pay no dowry, do no wedding ceremony but is expected to provide Thai/Farang children.

So, in effect, as we all know, you are buying a product. Yes, agreed.

So if you are the purchaser and have substantial funds, you ain't gonna buy the second hand version at a street market.

One thing for sure, most things you buy in life have 'shelf life' or 'best before' date,

I don't think the heart has much to do with it at all, whether attractive or not. It is ALL about the dollar.

[macksview]

ok, i will wear this, but here is a little bit of my world.

married a 26 year old virgin, as did two farangs who married her first cousins of similar age, plus two thai men who married cousins in the same period.

chaperones etc, it was easier for the thai men, younger,known families etc, the farangs did ok, did their homework, learnt the custom and what was expected.

cane me all farang who reckon you can not still find traditional girls from the north east, all three farang and two thai men, still in very good relationships with their wives.

[macksview]

over ten years for some in our little marriage bubble, almost ten for the others, middle class marrying middle class, minus disparity in dollars vs local currency.

police and military men, marrying daughters of police and military men.

it works, traditional families, seeing their daughters marrying, good solid men, cane me if you want bar hangers etc

[maprao]

:blink::lol:

To the above posts. 26 year old Virgin

[macksview]

no worries, knew i would get the disbelief etc

a lady with a good sense of self worth, good upbringing, strict parents, hard to believe i know.

[kuma]

These traditions are still very much alive and very much the reason why many girls end up in the bars of Pattaya, because the poorer families still follow traditions such as if a girl is seen alone with a boy in a house, or caught getting Teenage Kicks, so to speak , then they should be engaged and married to save face.

By 19 years old the girl ends up separated with 1 or 2 kids to support. Tradition dictates that it falls upon her to take care of her aging parents, so she leaves the kids with grandma and goes off to find work. Most settle in factory jobs on the outskirts of Bangkok, where accommodation is provided and a meagre wage that essentially enslaves them for the next 20 years and robs them of seeing their kids grow up.

Others might be offered the other option by a friend or cousin; an inroad to meet rich old foreigners in Pattaya or on one of the islands. Of course, this leads to prostitution.

And what of the father of her kids? Well he shirks his responsibilities and mates with another young girl, and so the cycle continues.

The girl is unable to return home until she has a respectable amount of money to give her family, and enough assets to show the neighbours that she made it in the big city.

The reality is, these Isaan women who work as prostitutes and continually degraded and berated by western men, come from very sexually conservative backgrounds where a prostitute would be viewed on the same level as a dog, probably lower than that. But being poor and uneducated, probably also having come from a dysfunctional family where at least one member of the family is a gambler, abuser or alcoholic, or all of these, and being a single mother, life often offers little other choice but to sell ones soul and go against everything your culture bought you up to respect.

These antiquated conservative traditions are alive and well, and very much part of the problem holding back poorer communities. In many cases they ruin lives.

In terms of Sin Sod, 40-50k would be for a very poor family. A Sin Sod for a comfortable family with a daughter whod been university educated would be around the 1MB range. And for a rich family a lot more.

So this implies that being "dysfunctional family where at least one member of the family is a gambler, abuser or alcoholic, or all of these," is ok, but be sure you don't stoop to the bar girl life to support yourself...?

Sounds as perverted as at home, or maybe this is just a "from home" interpretation of the reality?

But indeed there is a tendency for the loveliest to get with child very young, and then to be left to her own devices...quite the hunt that goes on there.

I don't know, but interesting topic.

[fang37]

Courtship is encouraged in Isaan.

Marriage is permitted only when 8 months pregnant.

Debauchery in all forms - excellent.

Sin-sod - 50% discount in such cases.