Thai wife entering menopause

[MisterTee]

My wife of almost 30 years is experiencing the symptoms of menopause.

The thing that I find most difficult to deal with is her chronic irritability. Have any members been faced with a similar problem, and if so, how did you handle the situation?

The obvious solution would be to leave her; but that's not an option in my case, for several reasons. First and foremost is that we have two grown children who have turned out very well and are pursuing successful careers on their own. Although they are no longer dependent on us, a breakup of our marriage would likely have a profound negative effect upon them.

In addition to that, we have our own home and five rental houses that provide us with a living.

An adult lifetime of shared experiences - good and bad - isn't something I can put an end to easily.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[willyumiii]

" We own our own home and five rental houses that provide us with a living"

​And legally, they all belong to her and not you.

Be honest, it would be too expensive to leave her.

Suck it up Dude and deal with it.

We all get older and go through changes.

If she was a good wife for all of those years,

you owe her some respect , consideration, and compassion.

It is all not really about just you.

P.S., Yes, my wife and I are going through the same thing.

We are dealing with it together.

Edited October 25, 2015 by willyumiii

[MisterTee]

" We own our own home and five rental houses that provide us with a living"

​And legally, they all belong to her and not you.

Be honest, it would be too expensive to leave her.

Suck it up Dude and deal with it.

We all get older and go through changes.

If she was a good wife for all of those years,

you owe her some respect , consideration, and compassion.

It is all not really about just you.

P.S., Yes, my wife and I are going through the same thing.

We are dealing with it together.

Yes, I'm trying to deal with it.

The real estate isn't the prime concern, but it certainly is one of them.

"...respect, consideration, and compassion." Good advice... thanks for the response.

[totally thaied up]

My sister is going through this and it has knocked her around no end. Grumpy, fights on a drop of a hat and just a real *&%h to deal with until she went and took medical advice and was given treatment (as in Western Treatment) and she really calmed down a lot.

Doctor told her for the next few years she was in for a rough patch but HRT and some other medications certainly made a change.

Go and find a good doctor and then fight it on all fronts together.

[CharlieH]

So your wife of 30 years has a problem, and your "obvious" solution is to leave her ???

I would have thought the "obvious" solution was to help, love and support her !

[rijit]

Firstly I'm sori to hear about your situation. But don't use the family as an excuse/reason not to leave this is called transferance. as you said they are adults, independent which i presume means they have their own lives. It will come as a shock , but trust me the will get over it.

However as leaving isnt an option

I take it you have looked at all the medical options? And that you are talking openly with your wife about the situation and if not then you should be looking at options to explore and make both happen.

[MaeJoMTB]

So your wife of 30 years has a problem, and your "obvious" solution is to leave her ???

I would have thought the "obvious" solution was to help, love and support her !

I would have thought that too,

Unfortunately some women have a complete and irreversible personality change, and the new person can hate her old husband.

Happened to me after 30 years of marriage, she would and did do everything in her power to make me suffer.

Ever tried loving and supporting someone who wants you dead or imprisoned?

That's usually called stalking.

Including false accusations to the police and anyone that would listen.

After being arrested, held and questioned by police in the UK several times, over a period of 6 months, I ran.

A year later, after I was living in Thailand, she was still telling the police I was stalking and trying to kill her.

As I wasn't in the country, they stopped acting on her accusations.

They still raided my parents house a few times, apparently at 70+ they were conspiring to murder her.

Nothing you can do, endure or leave, at least in Thailand you have some options, unlike the west.

Edited October 25, 2015 by CharlieH

[oncearugge]

Who "diagnosed" this alleged "menopause." ? The symptoms could well be the result of living with a -******** for 30 years.

Pay for your wife of 30 years to consult with a Consultant Gynecologist or Endocrinologist at the Bumrungrad hospital in Bangkok .

She can be helped but not by ignorant behavior.

Sorry for being blunt.

[Sheryl]

What you describe is more than menopause. Sounds like your wife had a full psychotic break.

The OP on the other hand is talking about menopause. Irritability, mood swings, maybe (though not mentioned) loss of interest in sex.

All of these can be treated. I find Thai women are very uninformed about hormone replacement therapy. So are many Thai doctors but there are exceptions. Where do you live?

Suggest you also read these past threads:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/829747-my-wife-is-really-badly-suffering-with-the-menopause-for-some-years-now/

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/688925-question-about-possible-hrt-therapy/

[chickenslegs]

Wait until she is in a good mood then talk to her about HRT.

HRT can help with her moods, can help improve her general health and can keep her skin and hair looking better for longer.

There are some downsides too, so read up on it and go to see a specialist.

If she won't listen to you, could your grown up children back you up? They must also be concerned about their mother's health.

[MisterTee]

Wait until she is in a good mood then talk to her about HRT.

HRT can help with her moods, can help improve her general health and can keep her skin and hair looking better for longer.

There are some downsides too, so read up on it and go to see a specialist.

If she won't listen to you, could your grown up children back you up? They must also be concerned about their mother's health.

Thanks for that helpful reply.

Certainly HRT is something worth considering.

[Sheryl]

Makes a world of differnce

Suggest you read these past threads:

http://www.thaivisa....some-years-now/

http://www.thaivisa....le-hrt-therapy/

[n210mp]

So your wife of 30 years has a problem, and your "obvious" solution is to leave her ???

I would have thought the "obvious" solution was to help, love and support her !

Your sentiment was the first thing that to came to my mind when I read the OP but it's in the word "Chronic" that gives away why the OP is talking about bailing more out and maybe therefore deserving of some empathy and understanding

He is looking for answers to his problem and by telling us about his thoughts of leaving is trying to show us how desperate he really is.

I think that maybe only someone who has gone through the misery of this kind of problem can fully understand how it can stretch and break all love, loyalty and devotion.

The way that I have managed my own "chronic" problem is by telling myself that my beloved wife and partner of only ten years or so is suffering from a disease of the mind, now if it was cancer or something similar or God forbid Alzheimer's what would i do and more important how would I cope

As a coping strategy I distance myself away from any situation that looks as though it is going to end up in a confrontation, this is really hard for me personally but it does work.

I try to rise above the small minded, nasty and sometime downright malice of someone whom I love acting like the very devil incarnate.

I have chosen the above words with consideration and care and I have not exaggerated. One minute a she devil, the next the loving girl that I fell in love with and therein is the problem, you do not know from one minute to the next when and where you are going to be emotionally.

If the OP is experiencing thoughts of separation or divorce because of a similar situation to what I have gone through then divorce or separation is actually one of the course of action that would be considered by any sane and normal person, he obviously feels at the end of his tether and maybe just maybe Charlie he is also damaged by years of chronic fatigue!

The fact he is considering these things means that He can see no end to his suffering, I too felt the same way and empathise with him most sincerely

My Mrs has had HRT, tried evening primrose oil to no avail and it has made no difference at all, would not consider going to a Doctor for counselling ETC, she is a very strong minded Thai lady of the old style and acquaints any going to see an ologist with being labeled a looney.

This last few months though it has been a lot better with the Mrs Hyde side of her character not appearing too much (Thank God)

I am hoping that in time it will disappear but Have heard that sometimes it stays for good.

The last bit is all the advice that I can give the OP

1 Try to be above the verbal action, rise above any call to argue and dont antagonise her or the situation with your version of whats right or logic.

2 Give her the respect and love that you would give her if she was suffering from cancer or worse Alzheimer's disease

4 From within yourself look for the coping strategies to cope , I actually found a Forest Monk whom I befriended who gave me terrific support through the worst period and even talked to my wife in a very helpful way

At the end of the day the OP will have to do what he will have to do and i wish him and his wife all the good luck in the world to resolve this situation

[Sheryl]

P.S. If lack of interest in/avoidance of sex is an issue, it may be because of pain or discomfort - with menopause the vaginal mucosa dries and is easily irritated. Premarin cream available at any pharmacy and applied locally (per instructions in the packageinsert) will relieve it.

[rocketboybkk]

Get a younger bird to hang out with etc.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MaeJoMTB]

This last few months though it has been a lot better with the Mrs Hyde side of her character not appearing too much (Thank God)

I am hoping that in time it will disappear but Have heard that sometimes it stays for good.

Good post, sounds promising,

I hope the two of you get through it OK.

@Sheryl

You may well be right, and I'll go through the rest of my life wondering what really happened.

Edited October 25, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[oncearugge]

It is not common for young women to experience "menopause" in the West .(I cannot speak about Asian ladies)

Early symptoms of "menopause" should be investigated.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/perimenopause/basics/definition/con-20029473

Help is available.

Women can and should be assisted not vilified for something outside their control

[n210mp]

This last few months though it has been a lot better with the Mrs Hyde side of her character not appearing too much (Thank God)

I am hoping that in time it will disappear but Have heard that sometimes it stays for good.

Good post, sounds promising,

I hope the two of you get through it OK.

@Sheryl

You may well be right, and I'll go through the rest of my life wondering what really happened.

Thanks for your imput but in all fairness to my Mrs I think that its me who may need the counseling, she knows what the problem is and gets on with it like all good old fashioned Thai ladies and implore me not to make her angry by arguing with her

It took me long time to understand that what she was meaning was different than i was hearing, it's all in the words and this is what she really means

" Dont argue with me even when I am wrong, I know i am wrong but it doesnt matter, in my menopausal unbalanced state i am not a nice person so don't argue or tangle with me because the last thing on my mind is your version of logic when all I want to do is vent my feelings of frustration and anger on anybody, anybody but you will do"

Now I understand a bit more so I comply with her

[kiniyow]

My X Wife was lashing out over Menopause---Hot Flashes-Cold Flashes and just being a Rotten person to anyone around her...She finally left with her Boyfriend 20 Yrs younger then her and I moved to Pattaya...Worked out great for me!

[Eddy B]

I remember years ago my father, myself and my brother having to deal with my mother going through the change. It was like walking on egg-shells around the house, we had to be on our best behaviour all the time or she would flip. One day I caught her just crying like hell for no reason, so we talked. In the end she went to see her doctor who put her in contact with a specialist for the menopause. She was given hormonal medicine to counter the effects and it worked. A few years later she did not need to use them anymore and she pretty much returned to normal. I would suggest the same thing. Suggest she see's a doctor, it will put you both back on the right path.

[phazey]

http://i.imgur.com/SeHM7.jpg

[Saan]

Wait until she is in a good mood then talk to her about HRT.

HRT can help with her moods, can help improve her general health and can keep her skin and hair looking better for longer.

There are some downsides too, so read up on it and go to see a specialist.

If she won't listen to you, could your grown up children back you up? They must also be concerned about their mother's health.

Thanks for that helpful reply.

Certainly HRT is something worth considering.

From my experience with a woman who used and stopped using HRT it is her best course of action. On HRT, same loving woman I had known in the past. Off it, a bloody bitch.

It was nothing intrusive, just a patch to be worn on the buttock. May have changed now, I'm talking awhile ago.

[BKResort]

Ask your wife if she knows about Kwao Krua.

Edited October 26, 2015 by BKResort

[godden]

What's the difference between PMT and BSE, one is mad cow disease the other is an agricultural disease.

[jomcondo]

When I suggested to my wife she was in the menopause, she lost the plot and started shouting that she wasn't.

so I left her......peace at last.

[maderaroja]

You have four choices: 1. Hormone Replacement Therapy; 2. Hormone Replacement Therapy; 3. Hormone Replacement Therapy; 4. Do nothing.

[n210mp]

You have four choices: 1. Hormone Replacement Therapy; 2. Hormone Replacement Therapy; 3. Hormone Replacement Therapy; 4. Do nothing.

With respect I really dont think it is as simple and black and white as you state but I hear what you are saying and of course it make sense if you havnt tried anything to given HRT a try

With my lady HRT didn't work at all and the Doctor agreed that it doesn't suit everyone, this problem has been with us for the last three years I hope that her hormones will eventually give her and me some peace but because I know the real person behind the anger, the upset and the drama I resign myself to maybe longish wait.

In any event although I admit to occasional thoughts of escape (Pure selfishness on my part) I remember all the things that she does even when she is ill with this problem, her care for me never wains just like when I badly broke my leg in a recent accident she was there lovingly concerned never failing in doing whatever she could in making my life at the time tolerable

Back on topic.

so sometimes to answer your post there is number 4 Do nothing but it really isn't doing nothing is it if you really do love and care for your partner, its

1 not getting drawn into a row which you know is coming from her state of mind

2 Its counting to 20 and not responding in your own self righteous anger

3 Its remembering all the good things within your life together

4 Its about havingpatience and repect for what you wife is goingthrough

[Farang99]

My sister is going through this and it has knocked her around no end. Grumpy, fights on a drop of a hat and just a real *&%h to deal with until she went and took medical advice and was given treatment (as in Western Treatment) and she really calmed down a lot.

Doctor told her for the next few years she was in for a rough patch but HRT and some other medications certainly made a change.

Go and find a good doctor and then fight it on all fronts together.

HRT may help in some cases, but the possible benefits have to be weighed against the increased risk of cancer. KIndness, consideration and tolerance are the things to aim for.

[johnno2]

time to trade her in for a new model

suck it up sunshine and deal with it. dry your eyes and toughen up. take her on a holiday of a lifetime and new wardrobe and jewellery. if she has put up with you for 30 years, she deserves it

[likeke]

Just deal with it and support her. It's not like you just met her at a Pattaya bar. You both have considerable investments in the relationship which is laudable. In fact, your marriage is one of the nicest success stories I have heard in Thailand. You have worked hard for this success. You are a lucky man indeed. There must be some medicinal options for her to help relieve the symptoms.