Opt out of marriage, but retain a long-term relationship?

[Hal65]

I'd like to avoid formal marriage but carry out all the other obligations that come with having a child and long-term partner. A reasonable monthly payment to my girlfriend and her family is fine.

Has anyone else done this? if so, I imagine the Thai girl's reaction would be less than enthusiastic. Was it a major deal, most resulting in a breakup? Or did she understand your desire not to get formally married?

Edited December 14, 2015 by Hal65

[Gonsalviz]

In Isan it is normal.

[Singerman]

Why the fear of marriage ?

In the situation described I would think the Western womans reaction would also be less than "enthusiastic"

[uptheos]

Do whatever suits the two of you, it's nothing to do with anyone else.

Thai women want security in whatever form it takes and they are flexible.

[Supaluke]

Hal, has your partner been married before?

[Toknarok]

If the thought of a proper legal marriage daunts you, why not do what I did. Nearly 30 years ago I went through the local village 'marriage' ceremony. This was in Isaan. It gave 'face' to my wife and satisfaction to her family. It's not legally recognised in either Thailand or my home Country.

The one disadvantage to this is if you want to live in Thailand under a marriage visa the village marriage is not recognised and you would then have to get legally married.

[AlexRRR]

Ive had 2 TGF's that lived with there Thai bf's one for 7 ys the other 6 years....they will and do accept it and these girls weren't village high school drop outs either.

Don't just pay money, house keeping is fine, women in the west work bring up a family clean and look after you all at the same time, noticed Thai women can't do much more than work and keep you happy or clean and keep you happy....

[williamgeorgeallen]

I have done this. have 2 kids with an older ex bar girl. no way I would marry her. I made that mistake before in the west. thai girls seem to be good stay at home mums and mine looks after my kids better than I could have ever hoped for. I also can stay in Thailand on a non im O visa as I have a half thai kid. do you have a girl picked out? trick is to pick out one not too crazy, also try to get one who is clean and tidy. don't let them screw you down. I have seen quite a few guys really enjoying life in Thailand having their lives ruined by thai girls controlling them. remember if you are paying them a salary, you are boss. good luck.

[stoneyboy]

I have done this. have 2 kids with an older ex bar girl. no way I would marry her. I made that mistake before in the west. thai girls seem to be good stay at home mums and mine looks after my kids better than I could have ever hoped for. I also can stay in Thailand on a non im O visa as I have a half thai kid. do you have a girl picked out? trick is to pick out one not too crazy, also try to get one who is clean and tidy. don't let them screw you down. I have seen quite a few guys really enjoying life in Thailand having their lives ruined by thai girls controlling them. remember if you are paying them a salary, you are boss. good luck.

That reminds me I must watch season 5 of Game of Thrones tonight.

[jippytum]

Can't think why you would consider having children if you don't trust your partner enough to get married.Biological fathers have no parental rights in Thailand unless married to the mother at the time of birth.Parenthood unfortunately comes with responsibility if you are not ready don' t have children

[mankondang]

The Thais call an official marriage as Paper Marry, where it is recognised world wide as official. There are many Thai ladies who prefer a Traditional Buddhist marriage which is not recognised officially world wide. The later seem to suit your needs a maybe hers. Beware this can be as expensive as what traditional western wedding cost.

[Singerman]

The Thais call an official marriage as Paper Marry, where it is recognised world wide as official. There are many Thai ladies who prefer a Traditional Buddhist marriage which is not recognised officially world wide. The later seem to suit your needs a maybe hers. Beware this can be as expensive as what traditional western wedding cost.

A "Traditional Buddhist marriage" is not recognised as a Legal marriage within Thailand.

[NoshowJones]

Why would you want to pay a monthly amount to your girlfriend/wifes family? By all means help them out now and again, but???????

Edited December 23, 2015 by possum1931

[Toscano]

If you are over 50 and can have a retirement visa , I would recommend having a face saving Thai marriage , which is just a formality with no binding legality , either can walk away from it at any time .

The Thai marriage visa is really a pain , involving masses of documents , proof of income , photos of you and your wife together , letter from the head man . A retirement visa is far less trouble and if the marriage doesn't work out you can just walk away .

[senor123]

If you are over 50 and can have a retirement visa , I would recommend having a face saving Thai marriage , which is just a formality with no binding legality , either can walk away from it at any time .

The Thai marriage visa is really a pain , involving masses of documents , proof of income , photos of you and your wife together , letter from the head man . A retirement visa is far less trouble and if the marriage doesn't work out you can just walk away .

This works for me also. 4 years down the track and everyone is happy.

[dotpoom]

I would have thought that all ladies are individuals with a mind of their own....not all clones of each other?

[bazza40]

Why the fear of marriage ?

In the situation described I would think the Western womans reaction would also be less than "enthusiastic"

Speaking from previous experience, marriage is a bad idea in most countries for a male. The way family law works in most countries, all the power resides with the female in the event of a breakup. In Australia, the same power is accorded to even defacto relationships after one year. Ask the Americans on TV about "community property" and "palimony".

A woman can sit on her backside for 20 or 30 years of marriage while the man is supporting her out working. In a marriage or defacto breakdown, she can then claim 50% of all assets even when she has done nothing to earn them. Even more if children are involved.

I don't have a problem with supporting children you bring into the world. However, Australian family law is insane. One guy I knew was estranged from his wife and 2 children, 80% of his earnings were garnisheed by a a Family Court order. He would have been better off going on the dole.

Believe it or not, Thai law is far more sensible. Defacto relationships are not recognised. In a marriage, only those assets accumulated during the marriage are divided by the parties.

Perhaps you can explain to me why the OP should not fear marriage.

[sead]

As long as you take care of her family i don't think it will be any problem

[jacko45k]

I have a similar arrangement, and we have been together 11 years and known each other longer.

I was put under a bit of pressure but avoided it, and the worst was when we attended the wedding ceremony of her younger sister and a farang.

She still drops hints but the things that made me say no are numerous and personal. She tried to hit me with the 'loss of face for her mother', but I felt at 70+ years her mother should care less.

[IMA_FARANG]

Hal, has your partner been married before?

=================================

O.K. here is the whole story.

Yes my Thai partner was married before I met her.

When she was 18 she married a Thai-Australian guy.

By the time she was 23 she had 3 children with him.

He left her and went to Australia where he apparently drank himself to death.

he never divorced her.

Later I was the one who got a copy of his death certificate from Australia, so my Thai partner could legally end her marriage

with the Thai authorities.

I was also married before.

To a Vietnamese girl in 1971 in Saigon.

In April 1975 both she and our daughter apparently did not get out of Saigon when the communists took over.

I have never heard from them since then, even though I have tried for many years.

In 1980 I met my partner in Bangkok.

I always knew that while she did care for me, her real love was for her three children by her husband.

My Thai partner and I were together for 30 years.

In 2011,when we were both in our 60's, we parted.

By that time her children were all grown and living there own lives.

As a female she could never become a monk according to Thai Buddhist rules.

But she could become a Lay person in the Wat, and that is what she did.

She is still there, living in A Wat upcountry.

That is our story.....not every partnership ends in marriage and a "Happy ever after" ending.

But, to be clear, we did have over 30 happy years together.

[williamgeorgeallen]

Why would you want to pay a monthly amount to your girlfriend/wifes family? By all means help them out now and again, but???????

safest way to deal with a thai girlfriend/partner and the family is give your girl a set salary and leave it up to her how much she hands onto the family. then the family hounds her for money not you. I have seen it tried many ways and this is the only fail safe one. once you start making occasional payments to the family the requests will probably not stop.

[williamgeorgeallen]

Why the fear of marriage ?

In the situation described I would think the Western womans reaction would also be less than "enthusiastic"

Speaking from previous experience, marriage is a bad idea in most countries for a male. The way family law works in most countries, all the power resides with the female in the event of a breakup. In Australia, the same power is accorded to even defacto relationships after one year. Ask the Americans on TV about "community property" and "palimony".

A woman can sit on her backside for 20 or 30 years of marriage while the man is supporting her out working. In a marriage or defacto breakdown, she can then claim 50% of all assets even when she has done nothing to earn them. Even more if children are involved.

I don't have a problem with supporting children you bring into the world. However, Australian family law is insane. One guy I knew was estranged from his wife and 2 children, 80% of his earnings were garnisheed by a a Family Court order. He would have been better off going on the dole.

Believe it or not, Thai law is far more sensible. Defacto relationships are not recognised. In a marriage, only those assets accumulated during the marriage are divided by the parties.

Perhaps you can explain to me why the OP should not fear marriage.

some good points. in Thailand the man has the power as long as he does not give away his rights by getting married. again we hold the the power by having the money which is generally the case in western man thai woman relationships.

[NoshowJones]

Why would you want to pay a monthly amount to your girlfriend/wifes family? By all means help them out now and again, but???????

safest way to deal with a thai girlfriend/partner and the family is give your girl a set salary and leave it up to her how much she hands onto the family. then the family hounds her for money not you. I have seen it tried many ways and this is the only fail safe one. once you start making occasional payments to the family the requests will probably not stop.

If you are looking for a serious relationship or marriage in Thailand, better to find someone who is already working in a steady job so you are not financially responsible for her.

That's not to say you don't spend money on her.

But if you are a member of the rich, fat, tattooed brigade, you will have to pay for what you want, because she is not going to love you.

[williamgeorgeallen]

Why would you want to pay a monthly amount to your girlfriend/wifes family? By all means help them out now and again, but???????

safest way to deal with a thai girlfriend/partner and the family is give your girl a set salary and leave it up to her how much she hands onto the family. then the family hounds her for money not you. I have seen it tried many ways and this is the only fail safe one. once you start making occasional payments to the family the requests will probably not stop.

If you are looking for a serious relationship or marriage in Thailand, better to find someone who is already working in a steady job so you are not financially responsible for her.

That's not to say you don't spend money on her.

But if you are a member of the rich, fat, tattooed brigade, you will have to pay for what you want, because she is not going to love you.

love, well that is a hard thing to find anywhere, let alone with someone you have almost nothing in common with. I don't see the point of getting into a relationship anywhere unless you are going to have kids, especially here in Thailand it is far simpler and far more fun being single. but lets say you found a girl with a decent job who supports her family, it is possible but difficult to say the least. when you have kids you will have to take over supporting her, the kids (probably kids she has from before) plus the parents, unemployed family members and so on. comes back to my original post where a set salary is the safest way. I pay my girl a set salary to raise our 2 kids, what she gives her parents is up to her.

[NoshowJones]

Why would you want to pay a monthly amount to your girlfriend/wifes family? By all means help them out now and again, but???????

safest way to deal with a thai girlfriend/partner and the family is give your girl a set salary and leave it up to her how much she hands onto the family. then the family hounds her for money not you. I have seen it tried many ways and this is the only fail safe one. once you start making occasional payments to the family the requests will probably not stop.

If you are looking for a serious relationship or marriage in Thailand, better to find someone who is already working in a steady job so you are not financially responsible for her.

That's not to say you don't spend money on her.

But if you are a member of the rich, fat, tattooed brigade, you will have to pay for what you want, because she is not going to love you.

love, well that is a hard thing to find anywhere, let alone with someone you have almost nothing in common with. I don't see the point of getting into a relationship anywhere unless you are going to have kids, especially here in Thailand it is far simpler and far more fun being single. but lets say you found a girl with a decent job who supports her family, it is possible but difficult to say the least. when you have kids you will have to take over supporting her, the kids (probably kids she has from before) plus the parents, unemployed family members and so on. comes back to my original post where a set salary is the safest way. I pay my girl a set salary to raise our 2 kids, what she gives her parents is up to her.

My wife works, she has her money and I have mine, "I don't see the point of getting into a relationship anywhere unless you are going to have kids". I certainly do not agree with that.

Most expats who come to live in Thailand have already brought up kids back in their home countries, the ones who start families again here in Thailand are really off their heads, but everyone to his own.

If people come over here and are younger and have jobs start bringing up kids, then good on them, that is different.

But most expats that I know about, come here for the cheap sex because they are losers in their own countries, and end up paying for wifes and their parents, but again each to his own.

[williamgeorgeallen]

My wife works, she has her money and I have mine, "I don't see the point of getting into a relationship anywhere unless you are going to have kids". I certainly do not agree with that.

Most expats who come to live in Thailand have already brought up kids back in their home countries, the ones who start families again here in Thailand are really off their heads, but everyone to his own.

If people come over here and are younger and have jobs start bringing up kids, then good on them, that is different.

But most expats that I know about, come here for the cheap sex because they are losers in their own countries, and end up paying for wifes and their parents, but again each to his own.

I am 41. I had my kids at 37 and 40. I would not like to be having kids in my 50s or 60s but some do and enjoy retirement spending more time with their kids the second time around. I am lucky to have lots of time to spend with my kids first time round.

I have a great crowd of friends in thailand who no one would class as losers, they just prefer not to go through all te bulls#it required in the west to get laid. the irony is most of them are single and many would like to have kids but they cant find a thai girl that keeps them interest for very long.

[NoshowJones]

My wife works, she has her money and I have mine, "I don't see the point of getting into a relationship anywhere unless you are going to have kids". I certainly do not agree with that.

Most expats who come to live in Thailand have already brought up kids back in their home countries, the ones who start families again here in Thailand are really off their heads, but everyone to his own.

If people come over here and are younger and have jobs start bringing up kids, then good on them, that is different.

But most expats that I know about, come here for the cheap sex because they are losers in their own countries, and end up paying for wifes and their parents, but again each to his own.

I am 41. I had my kids at 37 and 40. I would not like to be having kids in my 50s or 60s but some do and enjoy retirement spending more time with their kids the second time around. I am lucky to have lots of time to spend with my kids first time round.

I have a great crowd of friends in thailand who no one would class as losers, they just prefer not to go through all te bulls#it required in the west to get laid. the irony is most of them are single and many would like to have kids but they cant find a thai girl that keeps them interest for very long.

You say most of your friends are single, I would assume they are under fifty, unless they are working, it must be very hard for them to stay here in Thailand long time, I have been saying in support of them, that if they are not working, the Thai government is making it very hard for them to stay here unless they are financially very well off. I'm referring to the Elite Visa.

"they cant find a thai girl that keeps them interest for very long". I don't have an answer to that, I can just assume all they want to do is get laid, and are probably paying for it, please don't take that as a critisism, I have nothing against prostitutes or those who use them as long as no one is getting hurt.