How do Thai's project sincerity?

[mongoose11]

This is a difficult question - understandably - whatever culture you reside from.

To kick off I'm from England, to understand sincerity south of London; well I've been racking my brains and I believe it's through eye contact, perhaps a firm handshake or just a twinkle in the eye (again eye contact) that suggests whatever the oncoming agreement or feeling - is sincere, touch wood.

10 yrs on, I do meddle with this. Take for example my landlady, I've helped her let a few of her apartments and in return she's kindly given me a wee financial return, plus today she gave me some fruit - which she gave to each tenant I believe - which is very very kind, due to her blossoming garden.

But there's something I feel not being Thai I can't touch on, it all seems a little at face value.

I understand all the food sharing, gift giving part - but I still feel I'm missing a "sign" which non-Thai's don't get.

I've had relationships here and I know if say your partner buys you flowers - there's something in that, sincerity, I hope.

But I guess what gets me are the smiles which don't meet eye contact. The ones which kind of whimper away (and I know firm handshakes aren't culturally part of the scene) but there's still that cosmetic/plastic element which may sound harsh/racist - which I fully don't intend to sound - but I do believe the eyes are the window to the soul and the constant shying away may well best be explained by a Thai here - not a foreigner.

So a firm palm of the hand on the shoulder in some western countries might contribute to "I got it mate - I'll get it sorted".

What's the equivalent in Thai?

(A wildly open question I admit).

[tgeezer]

I believe that Buddhism preaches non attachment. If sincerity is honesty in relationships then Thai people are honest, brutally honest. The fruit from the garden is a gift to promote good relations with her tenants. The smile is universal, the equivalent of a handshake, necessarily I think that the eyes are focused on the mouth. I tend not to smile enough and I have a friend who has schooled himself to smile and to me, he looks very strange, almost sinister, I don't know whether his smile works with Thais. I know that Thais who don't know me find me unsettling. I have been visiting for thirty years and don't seem to return smiles. I was walking through Chatuchak the other day and a chap sitting alone on a bench wasn't sure whether to greet me or not and began to smile; an embarrassed half-smile. Afterwards I realised that my face had probably remained frozen in what I perceive as friendly but lacked any hint of a smile.

Thais are pragmatic in their sincerity I think. A friend of mine who paid/lent a student his school fees on one occasion when the student's mother was strapped for cash due to a divorce, explained that it was ซื้อใจ, buying loyalty. Is that loyalty sincere? In as much as sincerity matters I think that it is.

Don't expect a Thai to explain it, ask your partner if they 'love you' they will probably avoid the question with "I am here aren't I?". Good enough I think.

Everything is face value but that doesn't mean that it isn't sincere.

My brother in his sixties was visiting from England, I took him to my local barber and after the haircut the barber clasped his shoulders to administer a neck massage, he sprung form the chair like a 'Jack in the box'. The barber was quite sincere, he wanted a tip, my brother felt that he was a little too sincere!

[CaptHaddock]

I think Thai culture is one where direct eye contact is impolite in some contexts rather than a claim of sincerity or equality as in Anglo-Saxon culture. Of course, we are going to misinterpret gestures and behavior because our own culture has taught us what is natural and universal even though our culture is neither.

It would be naive in the extreme to attempt to understand Thai behavior as an expression of Buddhism. Thais are as fond of sin as Christians.