What's the etiquette here (dating a girl - first time doing so in Thailand)?

[Bangkokbaby]

I'm still fairly new to Thailand and have been enjoying partying and picking up girls on nights out, however, this is my first time actually dating a girl I like. We met recently, have been on a few dates and have now slept together for the first time. We are meeting in a mall tonight because she wants to buy a few items of clothing, then we are going for dinner. I have paid for everything on the dates (she has pulled out her purse to contribute but I declined), as I am happy to do so and to continue doing so, but I don't want to be a someone who pays for everything for her. Is the etiquette in Thailand that I offer to buy her the clothes? Is there a general expectation for men (Thai or foreigner) to do so? No matter what the etiquette is, I won't buying her the clothes. I'm just curious as I'm still learning the culture here.

She's just a normal girl from the south of Thailand and starts a call centre job next week. I'm a pretty normal guy teaching English here. Her English ok at best so she hasn't spent much time with farangs. What do you experienced fellas think?

[giddyup]

I wouldn't think that there's any kind of etiquette involved. If you want to pay for her clothes, do, if not, don't. I'd be paying for her meals though, it's hardly going to break the bank.

[MaeJoMTB]

1,000 bht on the bedside table in the morning.

Don't go shopping with her.

[brucegoniners]

Do what you think is right. Most of these girls don't have a lot of money. A couple cheap pieces of clothing will mean a lot to her and go a long way for you.

But also don't become a sucker that she leans on whenever she wants anything.

The fact she offered to help with the bill is a good sign about her intentions.

[mihalis]

No Etiquette but i doubt she would want you to, especially if shes genuine... food, as u states she has offered... Gold diggers tend to leave u to pay everything and get pissed when u dont...

[Deli]

It becoming expensive when meeting her family...

[darkian]

Sounds like you've already set the expectation that you're going to be the provider in the relationship...

[Roomuck]

Good sign she pulled out her wallet. Tonight just see if she tries to pay for her own clothes. If she does you are on a winner, if not, dump her.

If you earn more than her, you should pay for meals. A Thai would also. If you are f........her I would probably pay for her clothes also if she again pulls out her wallet to pay. She will consider it romantic and clothes are cheap anyway. If she asks you for cash for whatever reason, (unless she says it is only a loan) she is not a keeper.

[farcanell]

Are you familiar with the game " Russian roulette"?

[mikiea]

Sounds like you've already set the expectation that you're going to be the provider in the relationship...

huh do not forget,,,... extended family , aunts , uncles , sisters , cousins , pop's , mom;s and the husband she calls her brother ............oh and assorted babies that you will never know who they are ........

[jspill]

Putting aside the jokes for a sec, no, don't pay for the clothes. Normal etiquette is to pay for smaller essentials expenses like transport when you're together, meals together, etc. that dating couldn't exist without. Then occasionally more expensive things when it's your idea to do something or a planned gift.

The clothes shopping at the mall was her idea though, if you pay for that you'd be setting yourself up as the provider for non-essentials that were her idea and don't involve you.

Let her get their wallet out to contribute for minor things like when you don't have small change, or it's the 3rd time she offered, or the taxi meter is just 40 baht, etc. Don't decline 100%.

[csabo]

Let her start paying for things, something, anything. You are setting the rules for what could be a long relationship now. Once a girl is spoiled it's impossible to pull back the reigns. I am not saying be cheap but if you send a clear message that you are a walking ATM then expect to be treated as such. Imagine you were walking down the street and saw 1000 baht laying on the ground. Good day right? Now imagine it's the girl walking down the street and YOU are the money only not 1000 baht. More like 1 million baht. You can't be angry at her for scooping up a freebie. Good luck and remember what I said.

[abrahamzvi]

1,000 bht on the bedside table in the morning.

Don't go shopping with her.

That his an absolutely disgraceful suggestion. If you do this you would be treating her like a "bar girl", which she is not. MaeJoMTB - may be it is time that you realise that not all thai girls are "bar girls". Possibly it is you who looks and meets such girls, but the majority of Thai females are just girls like everywhere else!

[MaeJoMTB]

1,000 bht on the bedside table in the morning.

Don't go shopping with her.

That his an absolutely disgraceful suggestion. If you do this you would be treating her like a "bar girl", which she is not. MaeJoMTB - may be it is time that you realise that not all thai girls are "bar girls". Possibly it is you who looks and meets such girls, but the majority of Thai females are just girls like everywhere else!

Yeah, but they still like 1,000bht on the bedside table in the morning.

A newb once asked me, "What do you do if they don't take it?"

I replied, "I don't know, I've never met a girl that didn't take it."

[BngkkB]

I have paid for everything on the dates (she has pulled out her purse to contribute but I declined), as I am happy to do so and to continue doing so, but I don't want to be a someone who pays for everything for her.

I have paid for everything on dates.

She pulled out her purse to pay I declined.

I am happy to do so and continue to do so.

I don't want to be someone who pays for everything for her.

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If she takes you to Paragon tell her it's to expensive. Take her to platinum get her an outfit for 500 Baht then 30 Baht street food.

No shopping then take her to a restaurant. Basically let her know your on a budget and so much per date. Her choice how she wants to spend it. Clothes and cheap food or real food no clothes whatever works within the budget. Be clear be strong. Don't send mix messages like you said above.

[bazza40]

1,000 bht on the bedside table in the morning.

Don't go shopping with her.

Cheap Charlie. I would have thought at least 2000 baht.

[paul77]

My first question is where did you meet her ? Secondly you said she will be starting to work next week in a call center..... So you have a girlfriend who doesn't have a job and who you say isn't a "working girl" but she has already slept with you..... Buyer beware !!

[Nomyai]

My first question is where did you meet her ? Secondly you said she will be starting to work next week in a call center..... So you have a girlfriend who doesn't have a job and who you say isn't a "working girl" but she has already slept with you..... Buyer beware !!

This is highly disgusting. She isnt that kind of girl. @ least op doesnt think so........

[chilli42]

You should do what you are comfortable with, let things fall where they may. What she expects, what all Thai girls expect, is that you will pay for food, clothing and freinds if they join for drinks and/or dinner - this is the SOP. This is irrespective of social status ... though it's more the norm among those with high social status and the price tag gets higher with the social status. I maintain a no shopping policy ... refuse to go shopping with girls I date. It works for me as it is a quick way to weed out the ones that are just there for the money. Once they establish that they are there for more than a quick dollar then you need to be more generous.

[farcanell]

My first question is where did you meet her ? Secondly you said she will be starting to work next week in a call center..... So you have a girlfriend who doesn't have a job and who you say isn't a "working girl" but she has already slept with you..... Buyer beware !!

This is highly disgusting. She isnt that kind of girl. @ least op doesnt think so........

Lol... Maybe she is a plain Jane falling head over heels in a magic fairy tale romance with John Doe.... Maybe.... After all... This is amazing Thailand

But unfortunately, like it or not, we have all seen this scenario before.... Someone's heart will be broken, and I hate to be a naysayer, but how the hell would the OP "know" what kind of girl she is... In such a short time, when these girls know how to play the long game quite well.... Because this is amazing Thailand.

[rogeroc]

Ask the question would your new gf prefer a nice Italian meal with wine costing 2000 baht or a 200 baht meal at the local Thai eatery and 1000 baht in her pocket. Be very wary of the ones who reach for their purse, could be playing the long term gain.

[rogeroc]

That his an absolutely disgraceful suggestion. If you do this you would be treating her like a "bar girl", which she is not. MaeJoMTB - may be it is time that you realise that not all thai girls are "bar girls". Possibly it is you who looks and meets such girls, but the majority of Thai females are just girls like everywhere else!

I guess they would quite like 20 pound or US$30 left on the bedside table as well

[arminbkk]

From the OP: "(she has pulled out her purse to contribute but I declined)"

This actually means nothing. I've done that myself where I've been invited and

know the persons inviting me would likely pay. I just do it to show willingness, while

knowing I will not have to pay. It's like smiling when the 7-11 cashier messes up

scanning your purchases, while you are thinking "jeez, you dumb schm@ck".

There is a Thai culture lesson in the above too (i.e. conceal your true thoughts with a smile).

OP, you have to consider if you want to pay for everything all the time in the future, including clothes,

taking into account your teacher's salary and her future income from call center job.

As others have said, you will be setting the ground rules and creating expectations if you now start paying for everything.

As for the question: no it is not etiquette that you offer to buy her clothes.

If any, the etiquette is that you always say that it looks nice on her whatever it is she wants to buy.

[Bangkokbaby]

Thank you for all of your responses. Just to update you, we went for food first then shopping. The spicy food we ate went right through me so I was on the toilet when she bought her first item lol. She bought two more items after I was done with my business and I sensed absolutely no expectation for me to pull out my wallet. On the way home she bought some fruit and snacks for us. Good signs so far but it's early days.

[farcanell]

Thank you for all of your responses. Just to update you, we went for food first then shopping. The spicy food we ate went right through me so I was on the toilet when she bought her first item lol. She bought two more items after I was done with my business and I sensed absolutely no expectation for me to pull out my wallet. On the way home she bought some fruit and snacks for us. Good signs so far but it's early days.

Good one... And good luck... Try not to be put off by those of us, that may be more jaded... Baby steps, and I wish you the best of success. ?

[atyclb]

before you buy her any clothes you should know if she wears her trousers on the right or left side.

[asdecas]

It is time to consider what kind of house she might like.

[elgordo38]

just drinks at the bar ... back to the hotel for a good f*** .... then 1,000 on the pillow and sneak out ....

A 1,000? The good ones are either free or a good deal more.

Reminds me of one that I met took her to dinner and after dinner she said "lets go back to your place" I usually let them set the rules and the pace. She was good looking and tall. When I opened my apartment door she marched into the bedroom and checked the closet and then the bathroom and counted the toothbrushes. After she was satisfied that no female lived there she pulled out the mobile and called her sister and told her that she would not be coming home that night. She wore me out literally and after 10 days of continuous you know what we parted ways. We exchange some bahts and tears and away she went. I sometimes regret doing what I did but if I didn't I probably would not be alive today. Edited February 10, 2016 by elgordo38

[khunPer]

OP Bangkokbaby, a very good way to learn something about Thai etiquette, is to read the book “Thailand Fever”, see more at thailandfever.com – you can buy it Bookazine and similar bookstores selling foreign language books.

Normally dating a “good” Thai girl/lady is a long process – often she will bring a friend with her on the first few dates – and it can take months (or years) before she will sleep with a boyfriend; as she won’t like to be labeled “easy girl” or “worn out”. However things may change slightly within the younger generation, especially in Bangkok, but may still become very old-fashioned Thai tradition, when it gets serious like engagement and marriage.

It’s custom that Thai men pay – even she may show that she wish to share – and it’s custom the man gives the lady gifts, especially after sleeping together. In general, Thai ladies like old-fashioned gallant “gentlemen”.

Over the years I’ve been living in Thailand, I’ve learned that Thai men often gives more to the ladies than Westerners – and what I thought was ripping off us stupid foreigners, is just a part of the tradition. When a man become serious boy friend – considered engaged or even husband, after sleeping together – he will deposit his whole monthly salary with the lady, who then will hand him small allowances; and if it’s a “good girl” that may be even before the couple has slept together.

Dating a Thai means bending for traditions, and hopefully the girl will also adjust a little for your Western traditions. Especially the money-side in a relationship is difficult, as we Western men don’t like to pay, and the Thai girl and her family expects the opposite; but try to compare with our weird Western tradition, where the brides father/family pays a dowry, and also pays the wedding party.

Therefore the book I quoted is a good investment, as it’s written in both English and Thai, so your date or girlfriend can read together with you; and it covers both Thai traditions and Western, so your Thai friend better can understand your farang-way-of-thinking.

Wish you good luck...

[jacko45k]

Yes, you pay for all the clothes, this is normal, plus a new phone if she dawdles at the Samsung shop, then off to the gold shop.

She will be binging her family and you will be expected to buy them dinner, also a few friends may arrive.

Enjoy....

(Despite the fact I think I have been baited I had to do this!)