Do We Lose Touch as an Expat Living in Thailand? by The Pattaya Sleuth

[Inspire]

Lifestyle

Do We Lose Touch as an Expat Living in Thailand? by The Pattaya Sleuth

Anyone who has lived in Thailand for any length of time will have probably changed from being the person they were when they arrived here to the person that they are now.

It is hardly surprising really when you consider the stark differences in the way that we now live our lives. One of the things that tends to happen very gradually is the way that we lose touch we our friends and more distant family back ‘home’. When we do speak to them you have nothing really in common and in reality life has moved on.

I go back to the UK once a year now and always try and catch up with my friends who I have known since school days. They always ask me about life in Thailand and when I tell them they either don’t believe me or their eyes glaze over so I don’t bother telling them anymore and that again drives us further apart and perhaps further out of touch.

When we come to Thailand we perhaps leave behind some of our identity. I class myself as a northerner and I would normally be very proud of that but in Thailand I have a mix of friends and associates from all over the World not just the UK so to the majority of them I am English – perhaps worse than that, I am an expat with no real identity to anywhere anymore, certainly in their eyes anyway. It is not something that bothers me to any great extent but I am interested in how we are perceived. If we went back ‘home’ could we really fit in again or have our lives moved on changed too much? To be honest I know that I would struggle.

We now fit in with our close knit group of expat friends. Our habits have changed completely. Saturday afternoon used to be spent watching the football all around the country and then a Saturday night out around the town. Now they are either spent working or in the local bar again with my circle of close knit expat friends and a Saturday night out – I can’t say that appeals to me anymore. Maybe it is my age or maybe it is because I am now a bona fide expat and I have lost touch with my old life and perfectly happy with my new one here in Thailand.

Source: http://www.inspirepattaya.com/lifestyle/lose-touch-expat-living-thailand/

-- Inspire Pattaya 2016-02-20

[ChristianBlessing]

I imagine that a sizable portion of expats are retirees, a status which itself could well lead to significant lifestyle changes, whether staying on in one's own country or moving abroad. But you're certainly right that relationships with those no longer in close proximity will change, and the things that provided pleasure and comfort at home may no longer be available.

Edited February 20, 2016 by ChristianBlessing

[JHolmesJr]

We saw this phenomenon first with colonel kurtz who sailed so far upriver, he couldnt return.

[i claudius]

Apart from the fact I don't work at all now ,I did very little in the UK the last 10 years ,my life is still much the same,just enjoying doing stuff with the wife,and the occasional drink with friends

[SoiBiker]

I got as far as the first sentence. Anyone who's spent a length of time anywhere has changed from the person they were before. Anyone that doesn't realise this is not somebody I want to read an article by.

[JHolmesJr]

Apart from the fact I don't work at all now ,I did very little in the UK the last 10 years ,my life is still much the same....

Ohhh i thought you were tv casting analyst.

[ignis]

I still hear from the UK, Germany, France, Portugal, Canada from time to time, but every year is getting less, mostly the reason is friends and family both older and younger some many years younger have died. All my friends for over 40 years from the USA have now died, even here Thai friends that I have known for 20 - 30 years are no longer around, 4 x + many days Temple trips in the past 12 months of close friends here + countless others not close, just one evening Temple visit out of respect

Guess 60% or more of friends and family are no longer here, that is 60% less contacts.

Came here to live in 2003, happy here and have no thought of ever going back to UK, or to re visit Canada... my Mother [died aged 41] was from Canada, one of 6 children, there is one Uncle still alive just aged 92, all the rest died before they were 50. the only others are there grand children which i have never met, in UK I have 1 cousin left alive we do keep in contact every month.. so there is nothing to go back to, most of my friends in Portugal and Germany are no longer on this earth.

Also perfectly happy with my life here

[uthaithanirules]

Seems to be an over 40 thing, male relatives especially seem to start dropping like flies. A lot of my older male relatives are gone. I can count at least 1/2 high school buddies that are already gone, motorcycles are dangerous back home as well

But what really did it, about 7 years ago was the first time I brought my now wife back home, she's 16 years younger and smoking hot. Off to Barbeques with my male friends and their 'sheilas' the same age and size as them...well didnt go down to well...and strangely those friends seem to disappear after that

[ozyjon]

I am an expat with no real identity to anywhere or anyone

you nailed it for me, i relate to no one.

[tomyumchai]

Seems to be an over 40 thing, male relatives especially seem to start dropping like flies. A lot of my older male relatives are gone. I can count at least 1/2 high school buddies that are already gone, motorcycles are dangerous back home as well

But what really did it, about 7 years ago was the first time I brought my now wife back home, she's 16 years younger and smoking hot. Off to Barbeques with my male friends and their 'sheilas' the same age and size as them...well didnt go down to well...and strangely those friends seem to disappear after that

i can 2nd most of that. i also took a gf back in 2006 who was 38kg. soon after i was no longer invited to barbeques and left off of party invites even tho the spinner was long gone by then. 2 years later after a death and a will that didnt go the way some else expected has left me a stranger when i return to what used to be my country.

and i dont mind that at all.

[flyingdoc]

Lovely to see a few positive posts here for a change !

[SoiBiker]

Seems to be an over 40 thing, male relatives especially seem to start dropping like flies. A lot of my older male relatives are gone. I can count at least 1/2 high school buddies that are already gone, motorcycles are dangerous back home as well

But what really did it, about 7 years ago was the first time I brought my now wife back home, she's 16 years younger and smoking hot. Off to Barbeques with my male friends and their 'sheilas' the same age and size as them...well didnt go down to well...and strangely those friends seem to disappear after that

i can 2nd most of that. i also took a gf back in 2006 who was 38kg. soon after i was no longer invited to barbeques and left off of party invites even tho the spinner was long gone by then. 2 years later after a death and a will that didnt go the way some else expected has left me a stranger when i return to what used to be my country.

and i dont mind that at all.

Are you sure it was your wife's weight that was the problem?

[Taffyfromflint]

Seems to be an over 40 thing, male relatives especially seem to start dropping like flies. A lot of my older male relatives are gone. I can count at least 1/2 high school buddies that are already gone, motorcycles are dangerous back home as well

But what really did it, about 7 years ago was the first time I brought my now wife back home, she's 16 years younger and smoking hot. Off to Barbeques with my male friends and their 'sheilas' the same age and size as them...well didnt go down to well...and strangely those friends seem to disappear after that

What really bugged me was that after working closely with a friend in Oz for a number of years, when I retired he went to great pains to insist we keep in touch and visit each other maybe every one or two years. Not a word for more than 18 months despite Facebook and emails from my end. Some people have short memories.

[Stevemercer]

I am an expat with no real identity to anywhere or anyone

you nailed it for me, i relate to no one.

Maybe it is more of a retirement thing than Thailand. But I agree many of us struggle with making new friends or keeping up with old friends when we retire and change our lifestyles. It's much harder living thousands of miles away in Thailand.

Some people say expats are failures who cannot make it in their own country. I think most are pretty brave, or at least confident in themselves, to leave the safety net of family and their home country to start a new life in a foreign place.

Why live in the one place all your life? If the opportunity arises to experience something different go for it.

[rsokolowski]

Isn't being out of touch at least part of why most expats live in Thailand?

[wow64]

I have totally lost touch.... Dont own a jumper or heater anymore.... Cant relate to anyone back home when I talk to them about this.. For gods sake my car doesnt even have a heater..

Sent from my c64

[smotherb]

I do not feel I have ever lost touch with anything or anyone, if I wanted to stay in contact. There are always communication and transportation media available. So I am fine with being an expat.

I have lived over half my life outside the US. I suffer culture shock when I return. The last time I went back was almost ten years ago, but that is not the longest, I have a prior 14 year separation. Although I have cousins, school friends, and business associates left in the states, I had no siblings and both parents are long gone. My wife, son, daughter-in-law, and grandson are here.

I have never felt homesick, but then I was a military brat as a youth and we moved around every few years; so I have never had a "home" only houses in which I live. I have many friends, or perhaps they would be better-termed acquaintances, and a few good friends. Some I have known for many years, some met only recently. I am not shackled to any place, including Thailand, and could leave at any time. My home is where my ass resides.

[bazza40]

I for one am not prepared to sit around in some dreary retirement village in Australia counting my cents, being fleeced by rapacious proprietors, and awaiting the end of life. The choice is between that and living as a rich man here.

I stay in touch with friends and acquaintances in Australia. I suspect some are envious of my lifestyle, but can't summon up the courage to emulate it. That's understandable, because it is a big step to immerse yourself in a completely foreign culture.

I have a small circle of falang and Thai friends here, and that's enough.

Don't think I've lost touch; however, my perspectives of both Australia and Thailand have changed significantly in my 7 years here.

[MaeJoMTB]

Maybe it is more of a retirement thing than Thailand. But I agree many of us struggle with making new friends or keeping up with old friends when we retire and change our lifestyles. It's much harder living thousands of miles away in Thailand.

I have to prune my friends list every year.

Too many things to do (none of them in a bar), too many people to do them with.

I can only maintain about 4 running/hiking/cycling friends, any more and I'm too tired.

As for the family I left behind in the Uk ....... who cares about them.

Edited February 21, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[Gandtee]

I still hear from the UK, Germany, France, Portugal, Canada from time to time, but every year is getting less, mostly the reason is friends and family both older and younger some many years younger have died. All my friends for over 40 years from the USA have now died, even here Thai friends that I have known for 20 - 30 years are no longer around, 4 x + many days Temple trips in the past 12 months of close friends here + countless others not close, just one evening Temple visit out of respect

Guess 60% or more of friends and family are no longer here, that is 60% less contacts.

Came here to live in 2003, happy here and have no thought of ever going back to UK, or to re visit Canada... my Mother [died aged 41] was from Canada, one of 6 children, there is one Uncle still alive just aged 92, all the rest died before they were 50. the only others are there grand children which i have never met, in UK I have 1 cousin left alive we do keep in contact every month.. so there is nothing to go back to, most of my friends in Portugal and Germany are no longer on this earth.

Also perfectly happy with my life here

I'm 82 and I think I will steer well away from you. It seems most of the people whom you were near to have popped their clogs!

[Dave12345678910]

Uhmm,

Last time I went back to where I came from... I'd left a box of things, sealed due to luggage restrictions. Family had opened it up and stole most. Apparently upper class family by the way...

[bazza40]

Maybe it is more of a retirement thing than Thailand. But I agree many of us struggle with making new friends or keeping up with old friends when we retire and change our lifestyles. It's much harder living thousands of miles away in Thailand.

I have to prune my friends list every year.

Too many things to do (none of them in a bar), too many people to do them with.

I can only maintain about 4 running/hiking/cycling friends, any more and I'm too tired.

As for the family I left behind in the Uk ....... who cares about them.

Think I know what you mean. More than half a dozen friends strains the attention span, and who needs it?

[rotorbreeze]

Lovely to see a few positive posts here for a change !

Positive..hum...++++++++++++++++++ enough? Enjoy your positive day...

Mr. Ron

Edited February 21, 2016 by rotorbreeze

[Liquorice]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I still have the same Family and friends back in the UK, whom I maintain contact with.

What has changed is my habits.

Retired life and activities in the UK would be restricted to the weather and the cost.

In Thailand the weather is in my favour and the cost enables me to do most things I feel like doing, when I feel like doing them.

I used to do lots of DIY jobs for friends in the UK, that hasn't changed, except I do them for my new expat friends here now. lol.

[12DrinkMore]

Yeah, I no longer push peas onto the back of my fork.

[MaeJoMTB]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I never considered using a prostitute or buying a wife in the UK.

Not to mention bribing a police officer or government official.

Let's not get on to ladyboys and massage.

Guess I have changed.

PS

I don't take drugs in Thailand, so it hasn't all been downhill!

Edited February 21, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[bazza40]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I never considered using a prostitute or buying a wife in the UK.

Not to mention bribing a police officer or government official.

Let's not get on to ladyboys and massage.

Guess I have changed.

PS

I don't take drugs in Thailand, so it hasn't all been downhill!

Changed or liberated?

It depends on your point of view. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of Thai bar girls don't regard themselves as prostitutes. They are just doing what they can to support their families.

It's a double standard when we males shag everything we can cajole into bed, but use pejorative terms to describe females who do the same for money.

The real prostitutes are those women who avail themselves of unfair laws to rip off men after they've contributed SFA to a relationship.

[SoiBiker]

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/prostitute?s=ts

You can try and bend the language to fit your opinion, but the dictionary doesn't lie.

[Jonathon]

Of course we have changed, but so has our own country, maybe beyond what we remember in some aspects.

[Roomuck]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I never considered using a prostitute or buying a wife in the UK.

Not to mention bribing a police officer or government official.

Let's not get on to ladyboys and massage.

Guess I have changed.

PS

I don't take drugs in Thailand, so it hasn't all been downhill!

Changed or liberated?

It depends on your point of view. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of Thai bar girls don't regard themselves as prostitutes. They are just doing what they can to support their families.

It's a double standard when we males shag everything we can cajole into bed, but use pejorative terms to describe females who do the same for money.

The real prostitutes are those women who avail themselves of unfair laws to rip off men after they've contributed SFA to a relationship.

Even though prositutes are often are not the cleverest, I think they all realize that they are prositutes,

if they didn't realize you would not have to pay them and they therefore wouldn't be prostitutes.

It is not a double standard, if you are a male who gets paid for sex then you are a male prostitute.

The real prostitutes as you refer to them are not prostitutes at all, they are goldiggers.

A gold digger is like a prostitute, but smarter.