Abuse of old British expat / urgent help

[RWA]

Hello, Good Day to everyone!

I'm in urgent need of some helpful info, idea, opinion, advise, please.

A very dear friend of mine, British expat is been abused by his Thai wife.

He is 89 years old, ex military pilot, intelligent, bright, sophisticated. clean and neat gentleman with a heart of gold, who's been married to Thai woman for over 30 years.

She passed away 2 years ago and he was lonely and confused, as he's suffering glaucoma, is almost blind.

Apart of this, he is in reasonable health, loved to walk down the beach to a nearby cafe, have a chat with other foreigners, learn the news, as he cannot read books and news anymore, watch TV, nor to use telephone, etc.,.

About one and half year ago he met Thai woman a "good Christian" in a Sunday Church, that was very kind to him, offered to drive him home, then clean his home, then get some necessary shopping done, cooking, holding his hand and staying over night to make sure "he will be okay" won't fall on the way to the toilet, or something like that.

She found some sleeping pills for him and haven't leave him since.

Within one week she became totally indispensable for him/ Driving him around in his rover (but it was too a big car for her, so she asked for something more handy and bought (from his money obviously) brand new Toyota Yarris,

never once complained to help with ATM withdrawals, for which he always needed an assistance, due to his sight. She fired and hired a new maid and when find out that he transferred several properties to some "charity people" who cheated him, she got so equitably indignant that she immediately, voluntarily and without slightest hesitation called her lawyer and so kindly undertook all legal actions necessary to "get him a justice"... He was a very happy man again! (regardless on her English vocabulary of around 5 0 basic words, at most)

After 2 month she left to run some errands and didn't make it back till next day. Poor guy was going nuts, walking around most of the night, asking people for e help to find her, worried, she might have an accident. His phone was with her, as he couldn't use it anyway and she didn't have any of her own.

She found him all exhausted next day in front of his home but sooo glad to see her okay. She was crying, apologizing, telling him that her relatives from another province met her yesterday and were very angry that she lives with an older foreign man in the same house and prevented her to go "home" to him. She must now go back to her home town with them, because, as she, as a good, God-obedient Christian woman cannot stay at the same house with a man who she's not married to.

So they officially (British Embassy) get married without any delays.

Right after that I just was not able to see him, talk to him, like we have been used to. When I came over, she answered the door and told me he doesn't feel well and sleeping. When I called, she either didn't pick up on my number, if I used other number, she didn't understand English, if used Thai people, she told them he is tired and doesn't wish to be disturbed.

Then I bumped into them in the department store. He was excited to see me as usual and complained that since he's re-married, I'm trying to avoid him, never come to visit, when his wife calls me, I have always phone off or don't answer at all. Nor do I ever call him no more !!!! So I told him it's not true and he got very angry with his wife, but she could not understand his English, but took him by the hand, kiss him, solly daalink and dragged him away. He asked me to tell her in Thai, that we will be seeing each other every day at 2pm to play the bridge. She was vely happy fol him, that he will have some fun and buh-buy see u tumolo.

Next day 2pm, the house was locked down and parking lot empty. Neighbor told me they left very early morning to visit her house in Sakhorn Nakorn. Of course she won't pick up on my calls, later on that evening she answered my Thai friend's number and when he asked to talk to "uncle", she said he is tired and they won't be back for couple of months as they want to travel to China and Vietnam for their honey moon. That "uncle" is old and fragile and must enjoy the life when he still can.

I was extremely concerned and tried hard to find out where to find her / them, worried she will keep him in the middle of nowhere under the lock, no communications, friends, no any farang around and possibly drugged down, dizzy, sleepy, confused.

It took me all this time (over a year) to track them down and my worst fears are fulfilled completely and worse ...

To cut this already long story short, the situation is that the small village where is her huge, expensive house, has no any place for him to go to, nobody to talk to. Nobody speaks any English, no any foreigners around, only people who are her relatives. No bus, no train, no main road. 3 meters high wall around and a heavy lock. Police station in the next village is manned by her relatives.

A friend of mine, a Thai who speaks passable English managed to befriend one of her relatives in this village and from her we have learned:

- poor "uncle" is crazy, he tried to climb up the wall and fall down, hurt himself badly, must be under the lock and sedatives. No body can understand him.

- ambulance must come to see him twice a month and give him new medicine. "Uncle" always look like drunk

- Lawyer must come and do visa for uncle every 3 months.

- His wife emptied all his accounts in Thailand and UK (except for one with Barclays, where is no credit card and don't accept emails only phone calls from "uncle" and he refuses to call them to send all money to Thailand.

- all the properties has been sold or transferred to her name

- family said that her previous 2 foreign boyfriends were just like that, died soon but left her with their wealth, luckily.

- she has a very good heart and taking very good care of them and now "uncle" too.

- when my Thai friend at last managed to see him (my British friend) there, called him by name and spoken with him in English that no body around comprehend - telling him that I am very worried, he begged him to tell me to come to get him out and divorced. Then she angrily dragged him away again.

There's no way she would let anyone in or talk to him. She has all his documents and mails. He's not allowed near the gate. Police won't do anything, its either her family, or they ask in the village and see she is just taking perfect care about her husband, who is slightly crazed and cannot see much, walk and communicate.

Lawyer told me, the access must be granted by her, he must be fully aware and speak willingly and clearly, sign the divorce paper and then try to leave without her ...?!!!! (yes or not)

I tried to call the British embassy, they asked me whether I am a relative or his attorney. They won't investigate anything, it's far away from capital, she is his wife, he is old and quite possibly needs her care, if I have no legal power of attorney from him, I should not bother them. I shall contact his relatives back in UK if I wish and they can take some necessary actions, or he must deal with it via his lawyer. Obviously none of which can really do (btw, all his relatives are dead already)

I cannot accept there's no way to get in, take him away for a proper, official health check / evaluation (event. treatment if necessary) and when lucid again, have him to talk to an English speaking attorney, get the divorce and rid of her. Secure all his personal documents and correspondence from her house. Report her to the police, sue her, punish her.

But I am also short of any more ideas how to achieve this ?!!!! ..... anybody, PLEASE?!!!!! Time is of essence here!

Thank you.

Edited March 2, 2016 by RWA

[Sheryl]

Definitely get on to his relatives in the UK.

A complaint to the UK foreign office may also be in order and might result in the Embassy being given a bit of a shove.

[PattayaAl]

a good lawyer from BKK might be a good idea, along with high ranking officer to assist the lawyer.

Usually good lawyers, ie expansive would have high ranking police associates.

But i am just throwing some idea's around as have never come across situation like this

[RWA]

Definitely get on to his relatives in the UK.

A complaint to the UK foreign office may also be in order and might result in the Embassy being given a bit of a shove.

Thank you, however, like I mentioned above (lost in lengthy post) there is NO one relative of friend left alive back in England, or elsewhere !!! He is 89 years old, everybody around passed away long time ago already ...

[RWA]

a good lawyer from BKK might be a good idea, along with high ranking officer to assist the lawyer.

Usually good lawyers, ie expansive would have high ranking police associates.

But i am just throwing some idea's around as have never come across situation like this

I have already searched for a solid International law firms in BKK and contacted 4 of what seemed to be the best.

Result is similar to the one from the embassy.

- I must be a relative or his attorney - he is officially married to the woman and he is really old and perhaps "crazed"

- I must go to make a police report at the local police station and come up with this piece of paper, prior to any possible action

- I must come to consult with these Int. law office(s) in BKK in person and make a deposit, as it will be VERY difficult, time consuming and it looks like he will have no money to pay for himself, so it is obviously me to hire them and pay them by myself. Very rough estimation of price: 300-500.000THB (traveling afar, translations, UK banks phone calls, etc.,)

- they must study some documents and do their own due diligence and investigation before anything else can be even considered. Estimated time frame: 2-6 months

ALL COMPLETELY WRONG ... there is simply no time for any such a nonsense.

someone must get there, ring the bell, make her to open up and go to see him, if lucid, ask him if he wants to leave, collect his paperwork and get the hell outta there WITHOUT her.

If drugged, get him to the hospital - other than around (family) and talk to him whoever he would be able to ...

and it is true, he has no nothing or almost nothing left, so it will have to be me to cover the bills. I gladly would, but cannot afford any almost half million deposit and several weeks of time lapse passed

Edited March 2, 2016 by RWA

[RWA]

Definitely get on to his relatives in the UK.

A complaint to the UK foreign office may also be in order and might result in the Embassy being given a bit of a shove.

Sheryl,

how would you probably structure such a complaint to the (otherwise lazy and overloaded) UK foreign office?

In what "title"?

I am NOT a relative, SHE is (and taking good care of an old, fragile, ill, blind man), preventing him from get lost, hurt, ran over, etc.,.)

I am not a British national myself and it will take an ages to be dealt with anyway/anyhow.

They would perhaps advise me to (quite logically) contact the local authorities and good luck with it (all family or very, VERY well paid servants there)

Can't see this work out anyhow ...

[worgeordie]

"a good Christian", say no more

regards Worgeordie

[sunnyjim5]

Are you sure this couple are married ?

For certain they were not officially married at the British Embassy where marriages are not conducted.

If you do have proof of this gent being abused you should lodge a complaint with the police.

[Rhys]

Need to hire the privates forces...you know which one.. Pee Eyeess

[evadgib]

The place to start is here:

http://www.rblthailand.org

Advisable to keep it much shorter and to the point than your OP.

Re Embassy; They are hamstrung by strict data protection legislation that prevents them discussing details with 3rd parties without the necessary permission. There is however nothing to stop you emailing them using 'Vulnerable British Veteran, 89' or similar in the title to ensure it is acted upon quickly & outlining your concerns using bullet points. Contrary to popular belief they will set wheels in motion if you act as suggested.

HTH & thanks for flagging this up.

[sunnyjim5]

The place to start is here:

http://www.rblthailand.org

Advisable to keep it much shorter and to the point than your OP.

Re Embassy; They are hamstrung by strict data protection legislation that prevents them discussing details with 3rd parties without the necessary permission. There is however nothing to stop you emailing them using 'Vulnerable British Veteran, 89' or similar in the title to ensure it is acted upon quickly & outlining your concerns using bullet points. Contrary to popular belief they will set wheels in motion if you act as suggested.

HTH & thanks for flagging this up.

You may be right, however, despite popular belief/opinion, there is, in fact, very little that the British (or any) Embassy can do in these and many other circumstances.

As said earlier, if there is evidence of abuse, the matter should be the subject of a police report.

Edited March 2, 2016 by sunnyjim5

[Khunpan]

So , flame me if I'm wrong , your chasing 500,000 to help the old guy ?

[sunnyjim5]

So , flame me if I'm wrong , your chasing 500,000 to help the old guy ?

What a ridiculous and objectionable comment !

[evadgib]

The place to start is here:

http://www.rblthailand.org

Advisable to keep it much shorter and to the point than your OP.

Re Embassy; They are hamstrung by strict data protection legislation that prevents them discussing details with 3rd parties without the necessary permission. There is however nothing to stop you emailing them using 'Vulnerable British Veteran, 89' or similar in the title to ensure it is acted upon quickly & outlining your concerns using bullet points. Contrary to popular belief they will set wheels in motion if you act as suggested.

HTH & thanks for flagging this up.

You may be right, however, despite popular belief/opinion, there is, in fact, very little that the British (or any) Embassy can do in these and many other circumstances.

As said earlier, if there is evidence of abuse, the matter should be the subject of a police report.

Agreed. I concentrated on the veteran aspect without really looking at the remainder (lengthy post!). Now that I have read the entire post I cannot be certain we're not being trolled.

Edited March 2, 2016 by evadgib

[NancyL]

Sadly, this happens more often here than most people realize. And if this is a legal marriage and the man is being cared for in all physical senses, then there is very little that can be done.

If he were being abused to the point that he wasn't being fed properly, or was laying about in his own waste, then you could call in the local Thai welfare authorities to act. But as I read the OP, the man was in a marriage where the wife was exploiting him financially and this is much more difficult to prove, unfortunately.

I don't mean to be flip, but there are times when my own husband could make the same claims when he sees our monthly credit card bill. In other words, the authorities aren't likely to get involved in financial matters between a legally married husband and wife.

[JHolmesJr]

Hope this does not end in tears

[RWA]

"a good Christian", say no more

regards Worgeordie

yes, right!!!! My point since the very beginning, ... unfortunately

[slipperylobster]

My 90 year old mom insisted on living alone, and we could only send nurses and social workers, daily to check on her. She would of been better off with a live-in caregiver, but she could tolerate no company. Her independence was worth more to her than comfort, but it was not the best thing. Neighbors complained that she was not able to care for herself, house became unkempt, she was not exercising or eating the right foods...etc. In spite of frequent visits...she deteriorated to the point when she needed to stay in a hospital (passed away there).

Financial abuse is common, everywhere. Mom gave power of attorney and trustee status to a "dishonest" older brother. He failed, miserably...and ran her funds, home upkeep...into the ground. However, his paper trail was well marked...and legal action would of resulted in no returns. Your friend, by marriage, gave financial ability to his wife...who took advantage as well. However...I bet her paper trail is well covered. A clean house, food, medical, and personal care can be proven.

Where do you put the elderly? He could not bear to be without her for even a day. She has not left him alone since marriage, which must be difficult for her...as well. If he left her...I think he would miss her more than he misses friends. It might help to set up a weekly visit with him (convince his wife). If they broke up...who would care for him? Perhaps nobody he knows.

Edited March 2, 2016 by slipperylobster

[RWA]

Are you sure this couple are married ?

For certain they were not officially married at the British Embassy where marriages are not conducted.

If you do have proof of this gent being abused you should lodge a complaint with the police.

Yes sunnyJim, I have a copy of their marriage certificate.

Mind you, this old darling gentleman, supporting and visiting the local Christian church every Sunday would not set for anything else, when the "lady of his heart" reputation was "in stake" (as she smartly put it).

I DO UNDERSTAND there needs to be a police report done and I would happily do that by myself on his behalf (even with an envelop in hand), if that would be really possible!

remember:

- they are legally married

- she's taking a "great" care about him, he is kept well fed and clean, she won't let him venture outside the house to get in a "harm way", he often appears confused and dizzy (medicated by her). She cares about all his affairs "responsibly", i.e. calling her lawyer and an ambulance to the house often and on a regular basis to "attend" all his needs, etc.,.

- The nearest police station is 15km away in another little town, where 3 of 5 officers are her cousins (one with a new house - paid by her, another one with a new car - paid for by her, the third one - well I don't know, maybe this one didn't need any "gratitude remainder")

- the police station in the first big city isn't interested in the "case" as there's none (rightly so) in their opinion. (Once again, they are husband and wife, he's lovingly cared for and it is perfectly logical and reasonable for her to be spending his money)

- the only thing they were able and willing to do was to call the "local" police station and ask some details - receiving the information as listed above. Nothing's wrong, no need for concern, I better stop to be putting my nose into their "private business"

He wants to get out of his "fine jail", make a police report himself - in his town (not hers), hire the lawyer to file for the divorce, and live like before. Have a maid to look after the house, walk to the cafe to have a chat in English, attend his Sunday churches, wait peacefully for his "day" with dignity and personal freedom.... that's it.

[RWA]

Need to hire the privates forces...you know which one.. Pee Eyeess

understood ... done this (not exactly via a "hired hand", for he would - as a complete stranger in this small village, full of her relatives and friends, happily enjoying his life time savings (a very substantial amount of money during last one year), caused a suspicions and get nowhere.

My good Thai friend (English speaking) under-took this "job" instead, patiently befriended some of the locals (within almost one year time period) and got all info that I have available, even managed a swift direct verbal exchange with my British friend in person. Like I said above, even this talk between the property gates was short, my friend now knows I have forgotten him, I am concerned about him (rightly so) and trying to manage some sort of "escort" to get him out of her house and her loving care for long enough so that he could meet up with independed, English speaking lawyer and get his affairs under the control and in order again, regain his personal freedom, preserve his mental and physical health.

[RWA]

The place to start is here:

http://www.rblthailand.org

Advisable to keep it much shorter and to the point than your OP.

Re Embassy; They are hamstrung by strict data protection legislation that prevents them discussing details with 3rd parties without the necessary permission. There is however nothing to stop you emailing them using 'Vulnerable British Veteran, 89' or similar in the title to ensure it is acted upon quickly & outlining your concerns using bullet points. Contrary to popular belief they will set wheels in motion if you act as suggested.

HTH & thanks for flagging this up.

WOW, this is GREAT evadgib !!!! Thank you SO MUCH! I haven't found this one, didn't know about its existence.

I already send a contact request to them, hoping for a meeting soon. This really may work out. At least, it will be "reported" (sort of officially) somewhere, perhaps help in some future, similar cases, as I do believe (now) they are happening. (It is in-fact so easy ...)

My hopes now getting higher. I believe they can help me to take some further steps. I have all necessary documents needed to give the old gentleman some escort of out this terrifying situation.

And I know for certain, he will mightily trust and enjoy this "kind of new friends", a fellow country-military men.

This is the best news I have had so far, I am already excited and extremely grateful to you!

Thank you again!

[RWA]

So , flame me if I'm wrong , your chasing 500,000 to help the old guy ?

oh, just bugger off Khunpan, would you?!

I don't flame your poor little mind, just feel sorry for you

wish you a good, happy life

[RWA]

The place to start is here:

http://www.rblthailand.org

Advisable to keep it much shorter and to the point than your OP.

Re Embassy; They are hamstrung by strict data protection legislation that prevents them discussing details with 3rd parties without the necessary permission. There is however nothing to stop you emailing them using 'Vulnerable British Veteran, 89' or similar in the title to ensure it is acted upon quickly & outlining your concerns using bullet points. Contrary to popular belief they will set wheels in motion if you act as suggested.

HTH & thanks for flagging this up.

You may be right, however, despite popular belief/opinion, there is, in fact, very little that the British (or any) Embassy can do in these and many other circumstances.

As said earlier, if there is evidence of abuse, the matter should be the subject of a police report.

Agreed. I concentrated on the veteran aspect without really looking at the remainder (lengthy post!). Now that I have read the entire post I cannot be certain we're not being trolled.

and I do thank you again, as I have been kinda overlooking that "veteran aspect", our of my serious concern for his life and undamaged mind.!!!!

and yes, I am fully aware how weird this all sounds and how miserably long-looong the whole post is ... but I am just full of it and for very long time, being in-fact feeling desperately alone in this "mission", knowing that all odds are against me (him) whilst the clocks are ticking fast against his favor,

I don't mean to give up but whichever way I look at, always ending by a big wall of the legality and shear insanity in what is really going on in there.

It is a truly evil, simple and ingenious plan this woman has designed and successfully practiced twice before !!!

You have directed me in a quite promising direction and I am on my way already.

Can't think of proper words to thank you enough for pulling me out of almost despair I felt ...

[RWA]

Sadly, this happens more often here than most people realize. And if this is a legal marriage and the man is being cared for in all physical senses, then there is very little that can be done.

If he were being abused to the point that he wasn't being fed properly, or was laying about in his own waste, then you could call in the local Thai welfare authorities to act. But as I read the OP, the man was in a marriage where the wife was exploiting him financially and this is much more difficult to prove, unfortunately.

I don't mean to be flip, but there are times when my own husband could make the same claims when he sees our monthly credit card bill. In other words, the authorities aren't likely to get involved in financial matters between a legally married husband and wife.

you've nailed it Nancy!

This is precisely what is it

chances for a "rescue" are very small (if any ... till this very morning, thanks to Eva)

and yes, you are right, this or similar may be happening around us more often than one would or could think of.

thank you!

[RWA]

Hope this does not end in tears

tears are running already

the old man suffers

for his generous, good heart and pure soul

after the long hard life full of help and care about others,

a man who always maintained his little freedom and dignity is being abused by the most disgusting, cruel manner - beyond any straightforward and effective way of help

thank you for your concern!

[RWA]

My 90 year old mom insisted on living alone, and we could only send nurses and social workers, daily to check on her. She would of been better off with a live-in caregiver, but she could tolerate no company. Her independence was worth more to her than comfort, but it was not the best thing. Neighbors complained that she was not able to care for herself, house became unkempt, she was not exercising or eating the right foods...etc. In spite of frequent visits...she deteriorated to the point when she needed to stay in a hospital (passed away there).

Financial abuse is common, everywhere. Mom gave power of attorney and trustee status to a "dishonest" older brother. He failed, miserably...and ran her funds, home upkeep...into the ground. However, his paper trail was well marked...and legal action would of resulted in no returns. Your friend, by marriage, gave financial ability to his wife...who took advantage as well. However...I bet her paper trail is well covered. A clean house, food, medical, and personal care can be proven.

Where do you put the elderly? He could not bear to be without her for even a day. She has not left him alone since marriage, which must be difficult for her...as well. If he left her...I think he would miss her more than he misses friends. It might help to set up a weekly visit with him (convince his wife). If they broke up...who would care for him? Perhaps nobody he knows.

Slippery,

you said it all!

oh my bloody goodness how very right you are in all accounts, points!!!

the first, utmost important thing is to escort him from her house, influence (unlimited, undisturbed control) and province,

to safe his very life and sanity (I can't image the terror this free-spirited, soul must be going trough)

second step must be to put him under unbiased medical supervision, till the shit (sedatives for certain) she's feeding him with, wears off ... to enable his, otherwise bright brains to kick in again and decide for himself what next steps to be taken.

third step will be to sort the bitch (and no need to forgive my french) out legally and practically

alike your mother, he needs to preserve and maintain his freedom, habits, independence and dignity.

so he needs a daily care / assistance with house, chores and errands

and without the DOUBT, he will be badly missing her (holding his hand 24/7) close, physical presence (even though they cannot managed even a very basic communication, due to a language barrier).

He has never had that much of "attention" in his life and truly has been longing, starving for such ...

but he is not a fool and he's fully aware he's been taking an advantage of, deprived of his personal will and freedom

He DOES want to get out of this and he knows he needs help, so he knows the "mission impossible", unless a miracle happens or will be freed by a God taking him off the "surface" at last

It is only his still remaining UK Life Insurance benefit, that keeps him still alive, as this greedy woman won't let him die, till she becomes a beneficiary ... and she already learned it is not an automatic process/ As soon as she finds the way to sort this last issue, he is done.

She has more than 60 millions of his wealth to find a way.

He is not concerned about his money, he was a generous donor to various charities regularly during his entire life.

I am not concerned about his money either, no need, but missing his warm, bright, witty, intelligent company / friendship.

I can easily take him over (more, MORE than enough room and comfort here) and provide all necessary care and company - APART of that personal warm contact, obviously.

And so I know, this will be troubling him big time.

(However, somewhere out there should be one sincere, a bit English speaking lady who would not mind to supply just that, when reasonably paid for ?

thank you for understanding and input, Slippery!

[jacky54]

Horrifying story which does not look like it will end well for him unfortunately. No doubt she will give him a good send off, with his money, and everyone will think what a good hearted woman she is. Short of getting in and forcibly removing him there does not seem much else you can do.

[RWA]

Horrifying story which does not look like it will end well for him unfortunately. No doubt she will give him a good send off, with his money, and everyone will think what a good hearted woman she is. Short of getting in and forcibly removing him there does not seem much else you can do.

true !!!

precisely right on!

she is sacrificing her young self for his comfort, safety and wellbeing

damned, I won't have any bloody problem to force my way in and carry him out of the hell .... if .... I only COULD!!!

all houses in this small village in the middle of nowhere are occupied by her grateful relatives, am just another farang intruder (perhaps only after his money) and the only police station manned by her cousins too.

I would not make it anywhere even close to the house gates, believe me.

Intel has been carefully and patiently gathered ... all is perfectly legal, logical, reasonable and well "sealed" off

only that one old soul is dying, drugged, abused, disgraced ...

so what?

who cares?

he's old anyway ... can be gone any time, right?! why bother ... ?!!!

Edited March 3, 2016 by RWA

[whiterussian]

what are the names of the previous deceased husbands?

[loppylugs1]

If he is ex military I would contact British Legion here in Thailand, they have welfare dept. and possibly squirrel him away back 'ome