Where are all the gay guys gone?

[isanbirder]

Five new threads in the past month, and only one reply for the lot of them.

Why bother?

[cooked]

I asked a question about the need for gay marriages a year or two ago and was told to go away. I did.

[onthemoon]

Why were you told to go away? I believe that is an issue that needs to be discussed.

[isanbirder]

onthemoon, I'm happy to see there's at least one of us still out there!

[JohnC]

Are you the only gay in the village?

[oxo1947]

It can't be much fun being gay.

Your friends are always moaning behind your back......................................

[onthemoon]

Are you the only gay in the village?

I thought so too. And then my friend from Europe came and opened his grindr...

[onthemoon]

It can't be much fun being gay.

Your friends are always moaning behind your back......................................

[tominbkk]

Too many homophobes sneaking in and getting their nasty little thrills.

[White Christmas13]

They all gone to the European song festival just ask JT

[robertthebruce]

I am still around.....Just....

[onthemoon]

Too many homophobes sneaking in and getting their nasty little thrills.

Anybody over here is at least interested in things gay... even if they pretend to be homophobic. Remember, you can only be homophobic if homosexuality has something to do with you - the plain straight guy wouldn't care less whether anybody is gay or not.

And I have no problem playing with straight guys, many of them ended up in my bed. Well, not recently, but a few decades ago when I was younger.

[Bantex]

I'm straight but I don't care what religion, colour or sexuality anyone is as long as they don't try to force their opinions on me or try to make it compulsory.

[endure]

Maybe because we got tired of being demonised for having an opinion that goes against the orthodoxy and found new pastures where our contributions are valued rather than deleted?

[anotheruser]

Because this forum has been monopolized by basically a single member.

[onthemoon]

I'm straight but I don't care what religion, colour or sexuality anyone is as long as they don't try to force their opinions on me or try to make it compulsory.

I totally know what you mean - until recently, heterosexuality was compulsory and forced upon us. It still is, in most of Russia, parts of the US, several countries in Africa...

[onthemoon]

Because this forum has been monopolized by basically a single member.

If I look at this thread, whoever you mean must have multiple logins.

[Jingthing]

I reckon it's just lack of interest.

Actual dedicated gay Thailand forums for expats/tourists are very dead as well.

Thailand is passe.

Time to leave if you haven't gotten the hint already!

Edited May 26, 2016 by Jingthing

[cooked]

Why were you told to go away? I believe that is an issue that needs to be discussed

Dunno. By the tone of the mod's response I think that my unwelcome question was judged politically incorrect.

[oxo1947]

Of course homosexuality is a type of mental illness.

Why else would they have fought so hard for the right to get married?..............................

[geriatrickid]

Interesting topic. I offer that many of the old folks have died or otherwise been incapacitated. Older gays had unhealthy lifestyles. They drank and smoked heavily and used alot of drugs. The younger generation, both hetero and gay have much healthier lifestyles. They don't want to sit around in bars smoking. They are out being active, meeting people and using social media to stay active.

The world changed for the demographic of males who used to run to Thailand. People under the age of 40 especially those 30 and under have grown up under much better circumstances than those of the generation that came before them. They don't need to go to Thailand to meet people or to be happy. There's a 55 year old guy at one of my suppliers, and he's happily married with his partner in their downsized condo living well. They'll visit Asia, but wouldn't dream of leaving their western country now, and the old guy has told me of the troubles what he went through as a teenager.

Oh sure, there are still issues, but for the most part, being gay at 25 today is nothing. Most people don't care. Gay, or straight doesn't mean anything to them. I see it with my own family where family of the hipster designation are overly sensitive to being discriminatory etc. There is a trickle down effect. Gone is the need to lie and live a life of deceit. I don't expect emotional stability from alot of the older gay men because many didn't have it. There is a constant criticism of Thais for being liars, but boy oh boy, some of these old gay guys take the cake on that. 70 years old and still embellishing tales or playing the victim card. It's a rarity now for the person who's grown up in Leeds or Bruxelles or Brisbane etc. They don't have to, because no one really cares what they do.

Look at the argument that's going on in the USA today: It's all about access to the loo. 25 years ago, you couldn't even say you were gay without getting a beating and now they want to designate gender neutral loos. Yes, I know there is a fight in some places over it, but the fact is, there is a discussion. My point is that gay people under the age of 40 or even 50 don't need old style forums anymore. They have their grindr, instagram, tinder, facebook programs and they know how to use them. They move fast too. There is much more acceptance of different people today than there was 25 years ago for the simple reason that the west is so much more diverse. Kids grew up with different ethnic groups, with mentally and physically challenged kids in their classes and have lived through divorces and even their parents announcing they were gay etc. The end result is that the need to identify and associate exclusively with gays is becoming unnecessary. It's going one before your eyes. Gay clubs are becoming passe for the under 30's and they will go wherever there is a good vibe. It follows then that gay forums will have slow deaths as the demographics skew more to the older demographic. Ask your younger friends: They use Line, Facebook etc. old school forums are of no interest. They write 10 words or less usually along the lines of Oh snap you iz cheezy fail #douchefail.

[isanbirder]

Fair comment, geriatrickid, but this is a general forum, and the gay section is only a small bit of it. I suspect many of us, like myself, keep in touch with only a few of the subforums which interest us. Obviously this one no longer holds any interest for most..... as the issues are relatively superficial, and no longer threaten our lifestyle. (transgenders apart)

Thailand is an odd mixture...... no legal protection for gays, but a generally tolerant attitude (though many Thais are still reluctant to come out because they feel it would threaten their careers).

Maybe the answer to my question, as JT suggests but does not say, is that all forums are declining as the older members die off, and fewer younger ones join.

[onthemoon]

Judging from my personae experience of the last more than 25 years, being gay in Thailand has always been less of a problem than being a foreigner - and this is not just any gay forum, this is "the" expat forum. So I wonder why not many people are interested in posting here, but maybe GK is right: I belong to the "old guys". I even believe that social networking takes place in bars.

However, I don't think it has anything to do with Western countries being more tolerant and even accepting of gay people. They have always been accepting of straight people, but still, there are many many straight expats in Thailand. I also didn't come to Thailand to flee any anti-gay discrimination in Europe, but because I wanted to come to Thailand. Big difference in motivation.

And yes, fighting about bathroom regulations is a typical "first-world problem"[tm]. I just read an update about the situation for homosexual people in Ghana. 'Nuff said.

[isanbirder]

25 years and what do you get? Same as me, onthemoon.

I actually came out in Hong Kong, where gay activities were at that time technically illegal. On the whole, nobody could have cared less. Why, my married English boss even introduced his Chinese boyfriend to me. A few years later, an English police officer committed suicide by shooting himself five times in the head (yes, you may wonder) because he was about to be outed. Chinese people, as ever, were discreet about their activities, whatever those activities might have been. If anybody, it was the expatriates who cared.

The same here. Generally, live and let live. And only a few Neanderthaloid farangs on forums seem to care.

But as you imply, onthemoon, we're pretty lucky. Thank God I'm not in Africa.

[onthemoon]

25 years and what do you get? Same as me, onthemoon.

I actually came out in Hong Kong, where gay activities were at that time technically illegal. On the whole, nobody could have cared less. Why, my married English boss even introduced his Chinese boyfriend to me. A few years later, an English police officer committed suicide by shooting himself five times in the head (yes, you may wonder) because he was about to be outed. Chinese people, as ever, were discreet about their activities, whatever those activities might have been. If anybody, it was the expatriates who cared.

The same here. Generally, live and let live. And only a few Neanderthaloid farangs on forums seem to care.

But as you imply, onthemoon, we're pretty lucky. Thank God I'm not in Africa.

There is a difference in culture between Thai and Chinese, but back then in HK, it must have been worse than here at that time. I taught English in a village in Pathum Thani when I first came to Thailand, and that was roughly 30 years ago (just a couple of years before I moved here permanently), and I shared a bedroom with my then boyfriend - in the school, which was a small family business. Nobody ever gave us any problems or weird looks, we were invited to dinners and to parties in the village.

These Neanderthaloid farangs you mention: Well, I never had a problem in my home town when I grew up either. And that's even longer ago. My friends at high school tried to hook me up with girls because I "didn't know what was real fun" in their opinion but I never experienced any bullying or the like. I was never in the closet. I was confused about what was going on with me, like any teenager starting to realise he is gay, but I talked about it with my friends, it was never a secret.

In fact, the whole idea of bullying in Europe is an import from the US which only started after I had left school - but still, bullying is about stupid kids trying to get acceptance from their peers by hurting younger, weaker kids in general. I believe the Neanderthaloid farangs you mention grew up in that culture.

[isanbirder]

I think the basic answer to my original question is that we have become complacent.

While I was growing up, being gay was rarely mentioned.... and if so, in the same tones as we now refer to paedophilia. I took a long while to sort myself out.... and it was those attractive Chinese who brought me out. I missed some good years!

[onthemoon]

I think the basic answer to my original question is that we have become complacent.

While I was growing up, being gay was rarely mentioned.... and if so, in the same tones as we now refer to paedophilia. I took a long while to sort myself out.... and it was those attractive Chinese who brought me out. I missed some good years!

In Europe, at least in those times (I wouldn't know about now), it certainly made a difference whether you lived in a metropolis or in small town. I was lucky that way.

I was already out and proud when I first came to Asia, but it must have been quite a good feeling for you when you finally did it in HKG!

[oxo1947]

Anybody over here is at least interested in things gay... even if they pretend to be homophobic. Remember, you can only be homophobic if homosexuality has something to do with you - the plain straight guy wouldn't care less whether anybody is gay or not.

And I have no problem playing with straight guys, many of them ended up in my bed. Well, not recently, but a few decades ago when I was younger.

I have to agree onthemoon----They say if you are afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down, you are a homosexual yourself.

.

Which I guess explains why my 1st wife had a fear of cows.....................

[onthemoon]

Anybody over here is at least interested in things gay... even if they pretend to be homophobic. Remember, you can only be homophobic if homosexuality has something to do with you - the plain straight guy wouldn't care less whether anybody is gay or not.

And I have no problem playing with straight guys, many of them ended up in my bed. Well, not recently, but a few decades ago when I was younger.

I have to agree onthemoon----They say if you are afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down, you are a homosexual yourself.

.

Which I guess explains why my 1st wife had a fear of cows.....................

It doesn't mean that you are a homosexual. When are you gay? When you say that a guy looks attractive? Or when you have sex with one? I think everybody can define this for oneself, there is no need to label.

Well, there is a need to label, that's why we have the term MSM now: Men having sex with men. Many don't identify as gay.

[taiwanatoa]

Interesting topic. I offer that many of the old folks have died or otherwise been incapacitated. Older gays had unhealthy lifestyles. They drank and smoked heavily and used alot of drugs. The younger generation, both hetero and gay have much healthier lifestyles. They don't want to sit around in bars smoking. They are out being active, meeting people and using social media to stay active.

The world changed for the demographic of males who used to run to Thailand. People under the age of 40 especially those 30 and under have grown up under much better circumstances than those of the generation that came before them. They don't need to go to Thailand to meet people or to be happy. There's a 55 year old guy at one of my suppliers, and he's happily married with his partner in their downsized condo living well. They'll visit Asia, but wouldn't dream of leaving their western country now, and the old guy has told me of the troubles what he went through as a teenager.

Oh sure, there are still issues, but for the most part, being gay at 25 today is nothing. Most people don't care. Gay, or straight doesn't mean anything to them. I see it with my own family where family of the hipster designation are overly sensitive to being discriminatory etc. There is a trickle down effect. Gone is the need to lie and live a life of deceit. I don't expect emotional stability from alot of the older gay men because many didn't have it. There is a constant criticism of Thais for being liars, but boy oh boy, some of these old gay guys take the cake on that. 70 years old and still embellishing tales or playing the victim card. It's a rarity now for the person who's grown up in Leeds or Bruxelles or Brisbane etc. They don't have to, because no one really cares what they do.

Look at the argument that's going on in the USA today: It's all about access to the loo. 25 years ago, you couldn't even say you were gay without getting a beating and now they want to designate gender neutral loos. Yes, I know there is a fight in some places over it, but the fact is, there is a discussion. My point is that gay people under the age of 40 or even 50 don't need old style forums anymore. They have their grindr, instagram, tinder, facebook programs and they know how to use them. They move fast too. There is much more acceptance of different people today than there was 25 years ago for the simple reason that the west is so much more diverse. Kids grew up with different ethnic groups, with mentally and physically challenged kids in their classes and have lived through divorces and even their parents announcing they were gay etc. The end result is that the need to identify and associate exclusively with gays is becoming unnecessary. It's going one before your eyes. Gay clubs are becoming passe for the under 30's and they will go wherever there is a good vibe. It follows then that gay forums will have slow deaths as the demographics skew more to the older demographic. Ask your younger friends: They use Line, Facebook etc. old school forums are of no interest. They write 10 words or less usually along the lines of Oh snap you iz cheezy fail #douchefail.

What the hell are you talking about, junior ? What a bunch of meaningless, mindless nonsense, unless you're talking specifically about very stupid people.