Do you think Thais are actully capable of Love, in the Western sense?

[Donutz]

I was mainly referring to your comment: "People with ginuine (sic) love for each other don't have those types of problems".

I believe true love between an older Farang and a young Thai female is going to be quite rare. My comments were made on the assumption that true love was found.

If this true love was found, then logical assessment of your situation is already over.

I've been in a situation a quite a few times where if I had not helped (paid) someone would have died. This was not in Thailand, but in Philippines. It's tough and it's impossible to reason yourself out of it. It's a horrible situation to be in. It's not even easy for me to say no in life and death situations if the person is unrelated, let alone in the family. We're assuming here that at least some money is available. If it's not, there's no decision to make, is there? If you have no money, you're in the clear.

Pride is not a consideration when someone's life is at stake. Let someone suffer or die because they're too proud to ask a sister's husband for money? If I was in need I'd be asking anyone for assistance.

Having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish. Bear in mind that a lot of members have already made their beds - married and had families, before the true reality sunk in. It's far too late to take your advice.

Why the assumption that there is a big age difference? It may (or may not) be a majority of TH-farang relations. But would the questions such as "is (s)he in it for the money, financial security etc." not be the same in farang-farang and thai-thai couples with a big age difference?

Personally I most Thai-farang couples I know have or had roughly the same age, My wife was a few years older then me, and when we first met (both in our 20's) she would teasingly say "(rak na) dek ngo" to me. Financially I had little to offer, I had a pis poor job, but she dind't mind. I couldn't me of much financial help to her, let alone her family, they didn't care.

As for true love between two people with a big age difference, I am inclined to agree that other factors become more dominant (financial security etc.) but I'm not going to say that real love will be impossible, And even if it's only a partial factor, if both people are happy and are honest with eachother and their relation, good on them! One Thai -farang couple I know has a big age difference (she's in her late 40's , he is in his 70's). She sees him more as a very good friend but they do "love" eachother. Their relationship is serious, they are happy, good on them. Not comparable to "true love" but still a perfectly fine relationship with mutual care and respect.

[Bender]

Thai Family comes first, husband comes 2nd, end of

actually i am sure this is a myth.

In a thai couple, you can be sure, a thai husband will never come 2nd.

In a thai-farang couple, you right, the farang husband will come 2nd last.

[Agent Sumo]

It should come as no surprise to anyone that there are so many guys on here saying that Thai women aren't capable of love in the Western sense.

So many on here are/were either complete losers who understand nothing of women or poor mopes who spent years nursing blue balls while trapped in loveless marriages.

Coming to Thailand in the twilight of your life expecting a fit young woman to genuinely love you because you hand over a monthly sweetener is a classic of example of setting yourself up to be let down.

Most of the time, the "Western love" you guys want these women to have for you is reserved for men their age who can speak their language.

Get it through your skulls; cash simply can't buy that.

Yes, of course it can get the legs spread and the quiet deferment to your will but there'll never be any of the butterflies in her stomach or the "truly, madly, deeply, gazing into each others' eyes, can't wait to get you home" going on.

If you're not willing to go for women closer to your own age and with whom you share a language, then you must accept that the time for that kind of love has well and truly passed you by

[dcnx]

Women are women. Some can, some can't.

[tropo]

I was mainly referring to your comment: "People with ginuine (sic) love for each other don't have those types of problems".

I believe true love between an older Farang and a young Thai female is going to be quite rare. My comments were made on the assumption that true love was found.

If this true love was found, then logical assessment of your situation is already over.

I've been in a situation a quite a few times where if I had not helped (paid) someone would have died. This was not in Thailand, but in Philippines. It's tough and it's impossible to reason yourself out of it. It's a horrible situation to be in. It's not even easy for me to say no in life and death situations if the person is unrelated, let alone in the family. We're assuming here that at least some money is available. If it's not, there's no decision to make, is there? If you have no money, you're in the clear.

Pride is not a consideration when someone's life is at stake. Let someone suffer or die because they're too proud to ask a sister's husband for money? If I was in need I'd be asking anyone for assistance.

Having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish. Bear in mind that a lot of members have already made their beds - married and had families, before the true reality sunk in. It's far too late to take your advice.

Why the assumption that there is a big age difference? It may (or may not) be a majority of TH-farang relations.

LOL. I think you made an assumption, not me. I was merely talking about the rarity of big age gap love. Big age gap relationships are not rare in Thailand.

Edited May 12, 2016 by tropo

[Agent Sumo]

Having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish. Bear in mind that a lot of members have already made their beds - married and had families, before the true reality sunk in. It's far too late to take your advice.

Massive generalisation

Not everyone is scratching around with financially-illiterate oiks

All one has to do is avoid poor women.

I realise that will put 90% of the women available to the average farang out of contention but better that than a sponge with her hand out all the time

[tropo]

Having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish. Bear in mind that a lot of members have already made their beds - married and had families, before the true reality sunk in. It's far too late to take your advice.

Massive generalisation

Not everyone is scratching around with financially-illiterate oiks

All one has to do is avoid poor women.

I realise that will put 90% of the women available to the average farang out of contention but better that than a sponge with her hand out all the time

It's a generalisation, not a "massive generalisation". You're already counted out 90% indicating my generalisation is true 90% of the time.

[Agent Sumo]

Having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish. Bear in mind that a lot of members have already made their beds - married and had families, before the true reality sunk in. It's far too late to take your advice.

Massive generalisation

Not everyone is scratching around with financially-illiterate oiks

All one has to do is avoid poor women.

I realise that will put 90% of the women available to the average farang out of contention but better that than a sponge with her hand out all the time

It's a generalisation, not a "massive generalisation". You're already counted out 90% indicating my generalisation is true 90% of the time.

You said "having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish" and that IS a massive generalisation because it assumes that they expect a foreign man to spend freely and that's not true.

Not least because the overwhelming majority of Thai women won't have anything to do with us

A generalisation (not a massive one) would have been to say that "having a relationship with one of the small pool of Thai women willing to knock around with a farang would not be a good idea for teh financially-squeamish"

But that's not what you said.

[tropo]

Having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish. Bear in mind that a lot of members have already made their beds - married and had families, before the true reality sunk in. It's far too late to take your advice.

Massive generalisation

Not everyone is scratching around with financially-illiterate oiks

All one has to do is avoid poor women.

I realise that will put 90% of the women available to the average farang out of contention but better that than a sponge with her hand out all the time

It's a generalisation, not a "massive generalisation". You're already counted out 90% indicating my generalisation is true 90% of the time.

You said "having a relationship with a Thai will not be a good idea for the financially squeamish" and that IS a massive generalisation because it assumes that they expect a foreign man to spend freely and that's not true.

Not least because the overwhelming majority of Thai women won't have anything to do with us

A generalisation (not a massive one) would have been to say that "having a relationship with one of the small pool of Thai women willing to knock around with a farang would not be a good idea for teh financially-squeamish"

But that's not what you said.

Now you're just arguing for argument's sake. Get over it and move on.

[HooHaa]

It's sad really, questions like this just underline the alienation that punctuates this board.

Replace Thais with dogs, cats or animals of any sort and you get a pretty good picture of how ill-equipped folks here are to understand both their own needs and those of the inscrutable Asian.

Of course Thais are capable of love - in any sense, Western or otherwise - it is after all a basic human characteristic, to deny Thai women are capable of love is to refuse to recognize their basic humanity.

[RWA]

During a several decades of years in Thailand, I've been listening to all sorts of questions, answers, complains, praises, excitement or a sheer desperation and rage from my western friends re.: their Thai wife/girlfriend ...

Almost none of them actually expecting any answers or opinions, they just want to / need to talk, get it offloaded somehow ...

I, however, noticed that those who's talking the most, have in-fact, "buy themselves a pet" ... a young, playful, good looking, well groomed, cute - poodle ... a little dog - the best man's friend, a funny, cute company a man needs to provide for and care about, a creature you can talk with about just anything - that doesn't really discuss back with you but does barking sometime, yet sits, lays, stays by your side no matter what you do ... these guys are never alone, can entertain themselves by watching their little pet playing along or with others, always coming back home - giving them that admiring, loving, faithful look and a little lick to this caressing hand ...

well, there's nothing wrong with it - if that is what you really want.

You can get it and be perfectly happy. It is not too difficult to keep your poodle happy too.

Just don't expect that poor little dog to be your soul mate or anything more sophisticated. It's your company you've bought yourself ....

[i claudius]

Such a lot of negativity on here,women are women ,men are men ,people love ,people hate,people marry for money ,power,because they are told to , I love my wife,I am certain she loves me ,she work's and puts money into the household as I do ,we laugh a lot,we like many of the same things, she worries about me ,I worry about her ,we both love our son and I am certain he loves us ,its just life ,the same the world over

Edited May 12, 2016 by i claudius

[tropo]

Now you're just arguing for argument's sake. Get over it and move on.

In other words you were talking out of your ass.

No, in other words there's no point arguing about something so trivial. i.e. is it a "massive generalisation" or just a "generalisation".

That's got to be one of the dumbest argument points I've seen in a while and I want no part of it.

Edited May 12, 2016 by tropo

[tropo]

I have been in a relationship with many a Thai woman and have yet to have one ask me for monetary help for her or her family. So to tell someone to prepare for that if they get involved with a Thai woman is total bs.

The woman I am currently seeing now went back home to Surin a couple of weeks ago because her father fell ill and was in the hospital. She paid the bill of 115,000 baht. She asked me for absolutely 0 baht. When I first met this woman and she came over to stay with me I honestly thought she was a hooker. The next day I took her home and handed her 1000 baht. She looked at me confused and asked what the money was for. I felt like a total jackass.

Posting bills to prove how much your girlfriend spent at the hospital and saying she's never asked you for anything proves nothing other than you're lucky.

Just savour your good fortune.

She could well be a hooker too. Many hookers make so much money they can entertain a toy boy or two on the side. Most of them are Thai, but that doesn't preclude the occasional handsome Farang. How old are you?

Edited May 12, 2016 by tropo

[fvw53]

After a previous divorce in Europe I got married in Thailand in 1988 and at that time I was 44 and my Thai wife 26 and we are still a happy couple

To be more precise we are both satisfied and from time to time happy : indeed nobody can be permanently happy or unhappy because of the force of "getting used" or "routine"

After our marriage we started a process of several years ....first with mutual respect...followed quickly by mutual trust..and soon by mutual friendship...and finally sweet Love

Friendship and not sex or money are the basis of a long lasting marriage : how many people come home after a working day and are bored to be again at home because initially they were focused in their marriage only on sex and/or money?

Love with capital L means one partner is focused on the well being of the other partner and vice versa.

Love with small "l" is focused on what is the benefit for me

In a long lasting relationship there is a balance between "love" and "Love" which is different for every relationship.

Edited May 12, 2016 by fvw53

[Hammock]

Yes, Thais are capable to love exactly the same way as your Western high horse uber alles way.

[tropo]

Yes, Thais are capable to love exactly the same way as your Western high horse uber alles way.

There's really no need for you to apologize for Thai people. They don't need your help...

Don't think for a minute Thais don't think highly of themselves. Many ride a higher horse than Westerners. When conflict arises it becomes quite evident who is higher.

[simonuk]

I get so bored of hearing how thai women only care about money.

This is a country without a welfare system.

Money has more importance in countries that have been very poor in recent decades.

No money equals no home, no food, no education , no medicine for you or your loved ones. You starve and you die.

Any woman without financial security, that has physical value and knows it , regardless of nationality will be attracted to a man with the resources to improve her situation.

That is as clear and established as men liking to <deleted> beautiful young women.

This is not unique to women born in thailand. It biological and part of being a woman because at some point they will need to be provided for whilst they care for children.

It matters less in wealthy countries because the state will always take care of you. Not because somehow humans in the western hemisphere are better with more morals and feel emotions like love that those born on the other side of the planet dont possess .

[SoiBiker]

Selling your sexuality is 'part of being a woman?'

Good god.

[fey]

i have found that thais won't express love the way im used to being from the usa.

specifically, thais dont often say i love you or express affection verbally. in daily interactions they can come across as cold and aloof.

this opens the door to doubts about what they are feeling if your used to talking about things in depth.

the void can cause a rift and jealousy, paranoia and insecurities creep in because in a western relationship if you say nothing your usually hiding something or are angry.

add in some communication and language barriers and it just makes things that much worse.

this aloofness and reluctance to verbalize feelings is a primary reason why i dont envision a cross cultural marriage.

[Agent Sumo]

Now you're just arguing for argument's sake. Get over it and move on.

In other words you were talking out of your ass.

No, in other words there's no point arguing about something so trivial. i.e. is it a "massive generalisation" or just a "generalisation".

That's got to be one of the dumbest argument points I've seen in a while and I want no part of it.

Says the party that raised the difference in the first place

Amazing

[tropo]

Now you're just arguing for argument's sake. Get over it and move on.

In other words you were talking out of your ass.

No, in other words there's no point arguing about something so trivial. i.e. is it a "massive generalisation" or just a "generalisation".

That's got to be one of the dumbest argument points I've seen in a while and I want no part of it.

Says the party that raised the difference in the first place

Amazing

The only amazing thing is your short memory. You brought up that inane term in post #96, however apart from the stupidity of the argument, you chose to flame, making it quite clear you had no interest in meaningful dialogue.

Edited May 13, 2016 by tropo

[Agent Sumo]

No, in other words there's no point arguing about something so trivial. i.e. is it a "massive generalisation" or just a "generalisation".

That's got to be one of the dumbest argument points I've seen in a while and I want no part of it.

Says the party that raised the difference in the first place

Amazing

The only amazing thing is your short memory. You brought up that inane term in post #96, however apart from the stupidity of the argument, you chose to flame, making it quite clear you had no interest in meaningful dialogue.

Work on your reading comprehension

You raised the distinction between the two when you wrote

It's a generalisation, not a "massive generalisation". You're already counted out 90% indicating my generalisation is true 90% of the time.

in post 97.

I'm sure you'll deny it but I'm done nitpicking

[tropo]

I'm sure you'll deny it but I'm done nitpicking

You done now?

(typical response to someone who doesn't agree - they have problems with reading comprehension LOL... never blame your writing ability)

Edited May 13, 2016 by tropo

[kingalfred]

No - for sure!!!

Even the ones that have been and still are in a long term relationship would think nothing of 'moving onto the next one' immediately if things went south, seen it happen......very strange.

It's all to do with being kept / supported / taken care of, as soon as that stops - game over, 20 year relationship forgotten about in a couple of days.

absolutely, Thais will use the situation to be "taken care of"and "not work" and when that ends or another more lucrative opportunity come along its bye bye farang!

[kingalfred]

I get so bored of hearing how thai women only care about money.

This is a country without a welfare system.

Money has more importance in countries that have been very poor in recent decades.

No money equals no home, no food, no education , no medicine for you or your loved ones. You starve and you die.

Any woman without financial security, that has physical value and knows it , regardless of nationality will be attracted to a man with the resources to improve her situation.

That is as clear and established as men liking to <deleted> beautiful young women.

This is not unique to women born in thailand. It biological and part of being a woman because at some point they will need to be provided for whilst they care for children.

It matters less in wealthy countries because the state will always take care of you. Not because somehow humans in the western hemisphere are better with more morals and feel emotions like love that those born on the other side of the planet dont possess .

not completely true. When there is a choice of a woman between work to live or use someone to support them. 9 out of 10 Thais will choose the latter. Not true of western women, even if there is the state to help!

[stevenl]

I get so bored of hearing how thai women only care about money.

This is a country without a welfare system.

Money has more importance in countries that have been very poor in recent decades.

No money equals no home, no food, no education , no medicine for you or your loved ones. You starve and you die.

Any woman without financial security, that has physical value and knows it , regardless of nationality will be attracted to a man with the resources to improve her situation.

That is as clear and established as men liking to <deleted> beautiful young women.

This is not unique to women born in thailand. It biological and part of being a woman because at some point they will need to be provided for whilst they care for children.

It matters less in wealthy countries because the state will always take care of you. Not because somehow humans in the western hemisphere are better with more morals and feel emotions like love that those born on the other side of the planet dont possess .

not completely true. When there is a choice of a woman between work to live or use someone to support them. 9 out of 10 Thais will choose the latter. Not true of western women, even if there is the state to help!

Totally disagree.

[fey]

No - for sure!!!

Even the ones that have been and still are in a long term relationship would think nothing of 'moving onto the next one' immediately if things went south, seen it happen......very strange.

It's all to do with being kept / supported / taken care of, as soon as that stops - game over, 20 year relationship forgotten about in a couple of days.

absolutely, Thais will use the situation to be "taken care of"and "not work" and when that ends or another more lucrative opportunity come along its bye bye farang!

you can see this early on if you look for it while your dating.

have known several that were extremely good at just just cutting everything off in a forget it attitude when in a bad mood or at a perceived slight. much worse then i would get with a western woman.

i dont know if its some sort of deep seated anger at losing face, or some sort pf personality defect.

this type of response is unlikely to change down the road, esp if it happens at the beginning when the puppy love stuff is still going on.

[impartialobserver]

There's a test (the movie - ' A Bronx's Tale'):

"Listens...when you gooz ta pik her up.

Unlock and open the car door for her,

then walks around the back,

and see if she bends over to unlock your door"

"If she does: she's-ah-keeper!,

and if she doesn't: fore-getta-ah-bout-ter!!"

Best test for true love. Really!, 'un-selfishness' is the 'one and only standard' needed for lasting relationships.

Note: "...said all in fun and with experience...all 'haters' don't needs to replies"

I used to do this in America--I don't have a car here so I use a different test.

On dates I notice some women will offer food, put your straw in your drink, refill your glass--little things like that. I never once had a western woman do any of that to me.

[cdnvic]

Enough personal bickering please.