why are thais never ashamed?

[Goong Ying]

Its a sweeping statement, but IMO the deeper cultural significance is the often lengthy (Christian like) guilt complex that westerners seem to suffer from even on trivial stuff and Thais generally do not.

For example, baring a grudge can happen for like 20 years, Thais are good at not carrying over petty squabbles,

Anyway, lets say I have carried over a 'heated discussion' from the night before, I seriously get told off for it, Thais do not like lengthy discussions, this I thank my wife for because she has taught me just to move on and not get stuck on repeating stuff (that no longer matters)

Thais are good at only living a day at a time, many westerners do not live in the 'now' they worry either the past or the future.

Thanks to ExoticMatter. From experience i agree with the highlight above, yet challenges rear their ugly head again and again.

Yes there is an admiration in your sound advice from your wife. Forgive and forget? Least said quickest mended? Move on from stuff that doesn't matter? Westerners living in the past or future.

You can learn much from TVN.

But I wouldn't like to be in the shoes of Dazz the guy with the scum brother in law.

Edited June 5, 2016 by Goong Ying

[jeab1980]

So many guys bang on about how great Thai women are.

"Slim", "good skin", never (or hardly ever) says no to a shag, deferential etc but, behind the facade, the dark shadows in the back of their minds tell the true story and that is, they're absolutely miserable.

These wives/girlfriends place family, friends and even acquaintances above their husbands in the pecking order.

The only time the poor sods are given the semblance of any respect is when the wife/girlfriend needs to soften them up for a handout or some form of generosity they want extended either to themselves or to family members.

These men know they're mugs but all too often, they're "all in". Kids, house, cars, scooters

Every time they're asked for money, or to allow a family member to camp out in the family home for the week that turns into a month or 3, or to lend a SIL/BIL the scooter that comes back with no gas or with scratches . . . their inner voice says, "She's taking the piss; the whole family's taking the piss" but they tell themselves, "I'm living the dream in Thailand with a hot wife".

Obviously, there are some kickass Thai women who wouldn't dream of carrying on this way but very few of them are married to foreign guys

Excellent post

Agree fully

A lot of men are being mugged off & their wives/extended family/Thai friends are laughing & talking about them not only in secret but while they're in the room behind they're backs on some slang given language they'll never understand




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/quote

sorry for you both obviously you have both been used by thai women only after money. But we are not all same one bad apple as saying goes. Next time be more carefully who you choose

[Fairynuff]

Hence why i would never deal with family..farang or thai in a business sense.

The actual job was so small and easy . 3000 \baht a few beers and some white whisky . The hard bit for me was getting the wire off and lifting the posts back out . The ground was very soft black earth from the lake so easy to dig , but not for her brother . He knew they all fell down but still came to my house without a blush or

care . But this motorbike thing left a bad taste in my mouth as i could have had 10,000 baht myself but gave it to him on my wifes advice then he lost the money playing cards .;

Still looking for the same advice , should i not be upset with and stop him first comign to my house every day secondly stealing food ?

You seem very upset over losing 10,000 baht. If tomorrow you lose 10,001 baht, are you going to go on a murderous rampage through the village?

Seriously, the quantity of money you are referring to is an insignificant amount. Move on with your life. Stopping living it as if it were you are a drama queen.

You really think it's just about the money?? And you call the guy s drama queen. I call you a complete fool

[Fairynuff]

On the bike topic, your wife is correct. You gave it to him, it was his possession to do with as he wishes. That's true everywhere in the world. Would it have made any difference if it was sold after 5 years? If you wanted to control it's destiny,you should have lent it to him.

I'm sure the OP was happy to give the bike as a gift. Sadly the brother unsurprisingly showed no morals. The OP had every right to be pissed off. His wife is definitely NOT correct and shows a horrible lack of respect for someone she is supposed to love

[mesterm]

Here's a question: Would he behave in the same way if you were a Thai man?

[marko kok prong]

Op feel really sorry for you,i was in this kind of shit situation with my ex wife's family her Father who hated 'the falang' from the first time i met him,he used to take my tools break them, left my grinder out in the rain,cut down palms i had planted as they were in the way of his tractor ,threw rubbish all over the paved courtyard i laid,eventually things came to boiling point and he tried to kill me ,battering me with a lump of wood ,i left,as in your case wife took his side,now happily divorced with a new much prettier girlfriend from a much more respectable family,maybe you should think about doing the same.

[HappyDazed]

Here's a better question: Would the OP behave in the same way if he were a Thai man? ...seeing as we are talking about living in Thailand and being married into a Thai family.

Edited June 5, 2016 by HappyDazed

[FritsSikkink]

here is another one, why do you think you earn respect if you can't standup for yourself, need your wife to sort thinks out and let people walk alk over you. don't think you ever got respected in your home country too.

[Agent Sumo]

Your wife does not respect you. Who is supporting her? You.

Make it clear to your wife "mai bpen rai" won't cut it. Either she gets rid of the brother, or you will walk away and the money supply dries up.

Thais are like children. You have to set boundaries.

"Gets rid of her brother"??

The OP's wife might have chosen him over her brother if she actually loved him (and I don't mean that bullshit "love" so many silly, gullible farangs get for "take care me" and "take care mama, papa")

Your suggestion that he reassert authority over the situation by adjusting the flow of money is stupid.

As far as I'm concerned, any man resorting to controlling a woman with money is a complete loser

Even if the OP does manage to win some grudging and very temporary respect, he's always going to feel like a mug too

[ozyjon]

Stop talking about my family like that or at

least tell everyone about all the other things

that go on,,, only we know and only we know

the burden we carry.

[AZBill]

I put a very large ocean between my wife and her relatives. No issues.

[MyFrenU]

Your wife will call the Police on you for hitting your loser Brother-in-law for stealing?
Are you sure he is really her Brother and if so,how do you know?

[MyFrenU]

"Sister,why Farang ATM get angry?Why this idiot not know his place in this family,why you not tell him?"

[MyFrenU]

OP you've been told by a Thai woman married to a UK man to get out before something bad happens,it doesn't get any clearer than that I'm afraid!

[YeahSiam]

Op feel really sorry for you,i was in this kind of shit situation with my ex wife's family her Father who hated 'the falang' from the first time i met him,he used to take my tools break them, left my grinder out in the rain,cut down palms i had planted as they were in the way of his tractor ,threw rubbish all over the paved courtyard i laid,eventually things came to boiling point and he tried to kill me ,battering me with a lump of wood ,i left,as in your case wife took his side,now happily divorced with a new much prettier girlfriend from a much more respectable family,maybe you should think about doing the same.

555

Poor marko. Still cocking

life up like a good 'un, eh?

You gave her an ultimatum

- her father or you - and

she packed you a bag in

5 minutes flat.

I understand you've got a

Filipina now.

Good for you but do try to

remember that you don't

have to marry her, build

her a house or buy her a

car to be a real man,

won't you?

[YeahSiam]

So what has happened to Cypress hill and his pal yeah Siam,would be interested to hear their views on this.

Oh wow, I din't even

see this!

This OP's plight is

hardly unique. So

many needy, clueless

old men moving to

Thailand to burn their

money on poor quality

women then turn

around and insult all

Thai women just

because they chose

poorly

[dazzz]

I cant really answer all these replies but do not understand the abusive ones . For what ? What i have done to recieve abuse ?
I came to live on my wifes land about 8 yrs ago on a very limited income . built new house but the old one was empty for about a year ,then her daughter cam back home with a baby and BF. THey the went to work in BKK and left the 8 month old baby with me . They came back to live 3 yrs later but the boy would not live with them but lives with me. He is now 7 and he is like my son .The BF works earns 8000,baht a month the girl never had a job . The bought a car for 6000baht a month leaving them with nothing to look after the boy. I love him so just paid 15,000baht for this terms school. If i do not pay he will have to move to the local crazy one.
They are not ashamed or embarrassed that they have a car but no money?My wifes son left his wife and 2 kids a year ago and is back home with his GF. He has nothing , not a fan , tv or even a bicycle .He is not ashamed that he has nothing but whisky everyday. He is 30 yrs old .
That was a bit off topic but this is the real nitty gritty .
I know about 12 rapists and murderers in my village . Only 2 of them were jailed . One for 3 months for raping a 6 yr old girl and one for 3 yrs for raping a 14 yr old.
This guy was sitting at my house drinking my beer when i came ,my wife said he was her cousin . When i asked why i never seen him before she told me he had just served 3 yrs in prison . When i asked what for she told me he raped a 14 yr old girl . I went crazy and threw him out of my house. My wife was then angry with me telling me i was rude and not polite .
The 45 yr old woman next door to me killed her 10 yr old nephew with a machette about 8 yrs ago .She was on drink and drugs . She went to hospital for a few months then came home and she is still living there . She comes to my house and watches tv . These people are treated like they never done anything.I hate the sight of her thinking always of the pain of that 10 yr old boy when i see her .

these evil people go to the noodle shops , walk around the village like they never done anything ?! They are not ashamed or embarrassed and nobody is rude or angry with them for thier horrible deeds.
If somebody murdered or raped a child in most countries they would go to jail then on release could not go back home and would have to live elsewhere sometimes under an assumed name and sometimes they get found out they have to move again .
How can anyone sit down and talk to a man they know has raped a 6 yr old girl. How can he show his face after doing so . I will never understand

[dazzz]

Sounds like a typical issan village, ghastly people, boring, violent and stupid. But you still are expected to be 'greeting them' and being polite and no get angry. Not all cultures are equal and in many respects Thailand's falls well short. looks like you are stuck with it mate, unless you want to move away from it you have to put up with it, you can NEVER change them, At least you can be a good influence on the boy.

Yes you are right. I used to count the violent deaths when i came her . Mostly murders and motorbike accidents . Lost count at 37 in about 4 yrs . They were just the people i knew. Probably over 60 now

I lived in a village in wales about the same size as this one .2 boys 19 yr old died on a morotbike when i first went there. No other vilent deaths ,fatal accidents . Not 1 rape or even sexual assualt , a couple of fights in the pub but nothing serious .

here rape , murder and accidents is a weekly occurrence with no prison sentences.

I have some good thai friends here, really good people but they still chat to the evil scum as if they did nothing . You are right i am expected to greet them and to be polite but i know the poor 6yr old that was raped and when i see the guy that did it up the shop i just want to kill him.

I would have left this place years ago if it was not my boy . Difficult to take him with meand i cannot leave him here . I am now looking for a cheap place in the city near his school and just come to my house on weekends

[CharlieH]

You wont understand because you are applying "your" standards and upbringing of your society and are expecting them to be the same. Clearly they are not.

Look at it this way, you were taught to play chess, they were taught to play tiddly-winks, you cant apply the rules of chess to tiddly-winks, it will never work.

The surroundings you find yourself in, and the people now in your environment, by your description, are obviously different to what you may be used to. Either adapt or move on.

If the female in this equation is important to you, take her with you, if not, just walk away, it seems you are way out of your depth and potentially in a dangerous position.

Leave Thai issues to Thai people. If you dont like it, or cant handle it, remove yourself from the problem.

[dazzz]

So what has happened to Cypress hill and his pal yeah Siam,would be interested to hear their views on this.

Oh wow, I din't even

see this!

This OP's plight is

hardly unique. So

many needy, clueless

old men moving to

Thailand to burn their

money on poor quality

women then turn

around and insult all

Thai women just

because they chose

poorly

Just for your information on your stupid post and info for the people who keep telling me to go and not give her any money. What is a poor quality thai woman . A poor one ? An uneducated one ?

My wife is educated . Spoke english from university . Is an assistant head teacher earning about 35,000 baht a month . When i met her she was heavily in debt due to her lazy kids fleecing her . Over the years we have got her debt down to just a little . I think the biggest reasons she does not stick up for me is her culture , The fact she now has a house , internet , sat tv 2 desktops and a notebook, no debt a paid for car and a paid for motorbike . Would not be a big thing for her if i left but it would for me as i could not afford to buy all these things again

[neeray]

So what has happened to Cypress hill and his pal yeah Siam,would be interested to hear their views on this.

Oh wow, I din't even

see this!

This OP's plight is

hardly unique. So

many needy, clueless

old men moving to

Thailand to burn their

money on poor quality

women then turn

around and insult all

Thai women just

because they chose

poorly

Just for your information on your stupid post and info for the people who keep telling me to go and not give her any money. What is a poor quality thai woman . A poor one ? An uneducated one ?

My wife is educated . Spoke english from university . Is an assistant head teacher earning about 35,000 baht a month . When i met her she was heavily in debt due to her lazy kids fleecing her . Over the years we have got her debt down to just a little . I think the biggest reasons she does not stick up for me is her culture , The fact she now has a house , internet , sat tv 2 desktops and a notebook, no debt a paid for car and a paid for motorbike . Would not be a big thing for her if i left but it would for me as i could not afford to buy all these things again

You are definitely "caught between a rock and a hard place". I have not read all your posts relative to this thread but I don't recall seeing the word love show up in any. I believe that you have just made it clear that it is the accumulated, tangible assets that are holding you there. You speak of her education and English capability. While I realize Thai culture is deeply rooted, surely such an educated woman is good for a calm face to face in an effort to try and resolve your differences. Best of luck to you.

[marko kok prong]

Op feel really sorry for you,i was in this kind of shit situation with my ex wife's family her Father who hated 'the falang' from the first time i met him,he used to take my tools break them, left my grinder out in the rain,cut down palms i had planted as they were in the way of his tractor ,threw rubbish all over the paved courtyard i laid,eventually things came to boiling point and he tried to kill me ,battering me with a lump of wood ,i left,as in your case wife took his side,now happily divorced with a new much prettier girlfriend from a much more respectable family,maybe you should think about doing the same.

555

Poor marko. Still cocking

life up like a good 'un, eh?

You gave her an ultimatum

- her father or you - and

she packed you a bag in

5 minutes flat.

I understand you've got a

Filipina now.

Good for you but do try to

remember that you don't

have to marry her, build

her a house or buy her a

car to be a real man,

won't you?

As usual you are wrong,i was in the Philippines and yes i did have a filipina there,now i am back here and have a Thai girlfriend,btw, regarding the ex never built her a house i did some modest extensions,and i never brought her a car either,the car is on finance in her name,i paid a modest deposit yes,i lost some money yes,luckily for me i could afford to lose it as i have a good bank balance.

[marko kok prong]

So what has happened to Cypress hill and his pal yeah Siam,would be interested to hear their views on this.

Oh wow, I din't even

see this!

This OP's plight is

hardly unique. So

many needy, clueless

old men moving to

Thailand to burn their

money on poor quality

women then turn

around and insult all

Thai women just

because they chose

poorly

Just for your information on your stupid post and info for the people who keep telling me to go and not give her any money. What is a poor quality thai woman . A poor one ? An uneducated one ?

My wife is educated . Spoke english from university . Is an assistant head teacher earning about 35,000 baht a month . When i met her she was heavily in debt due to her lazy kids fleecing her . Over the years we have got her debt down to just a little . I think the biggest reasons she does not stick up for me is her culture , The fact she now has a house , internet , sat tv 2 desktops and a notebook, no debt a paid for car and a paid for motorbike . Would not be a big thing for her if i left but it would for me as i could not afford to buy all these things again

Dazz,you have to realise Yeah Siam has never made a mistake or bad choice in his life,or so he tell everyone on here.

[dazzz]

but as no answer to the question obviously nobody knows why thais have developed this evil streak . Cannot be culture to rape a child , not get punished and walk aroung the village letting the poor girl see you without any comeback . I think they are just pure evil or genetically inferior same as an animal has no sympathy for another animals plight . Which is why they joke and laugh at dead people at an accident .
There are evil people everywhere but the good people everywhere are not the same as south east asians . My boy is 7 now ,big after lots of good food , intelligent . speaks good english and reads and write some that i teach him . Soon they will not be able to force him to stay with them and i can leave

[YeahSiam]

So what has happened to Cypress hill and his pal yeah Siam,would be interested to hear their views on this.

Oh wow, I din't even

see this!

This OP's plight is

hardly unique. So

many needy, clueless

old men moving to

Thailand to burn their

money on poor quality

women then turn

around and insult all

Thai women just

because they chose

poorly

Just for your information on your stupid post and info for the people who keep telling me to go and not give her any money. What is a poor quality thai woman . A poor one ? An uneducated one ?

My wife is educated . Spoke english from university . Is an assistant head teacher earning about 35,000 baht a month . When i met her she was heavily in debt due to her lazy kids fleecing her . Over the years we have got her debt down to just a little . I think the biggest reasons she does not stick up for me is her culture , The fact she now has a house , internet , sat tv 2 desktops and a notebook, no debt a paid for car and a paid for motorbike . Would not be a big thing for her if i left but it would for me as i could not afford to buy all these things again

Actually, you're right; just

because she doesn't love

or respect you doesn't

mean she's a poor quality

woman.

Her culture has no bearing

on whether she loves/

respects/supports you or

not. She sees you as a

fool - you've transferred

your wealth to her and now

she doesn't need you any

more. You've been tucked

in like a kipper and you

know it. Be thankful she's

generous enough to allow

you to remain but if you

rock the boat too much,

you'll be out on your ass

[Agent Sumo]

I cant really answer all these replies but do not understand the abusive ones . For what ? What i have done to recieve abuse ?

I came to live on my wifes land about 8 yrs ago on a very limited income . built new house but the old one was empty for about a year ,then her daughter cam back home with a baby and BF. THey the went to work in BKK and left the 8 month old baby with me . They came back to live 3 yrs later but the boy would not live with them but lives with me. He is now 7 and he is like my son .The BF works earns 8000,baht a month the girl never had a job . The bought a car for 6000baht a month leaving them with nothing to look after the boy. I love him so just paid 15,000baht for this terms school. If i do not pay he will have to move to the local crazy one.

They are not ashamed or embarrassed that they have a car but no money?My wifes son left his wife and 2 kids a year ago and is back home with his GF. He has nothing , not a fan , tv or even a bicycle .He is not ashamed that he has nothing but whisky everyday. He is 30 yrs old .

That was a bit off topic but this is the real nitty gritty .

I know about 12 rapists and murderers in my village . Only 2 of them were jailed . One for 3 months for raping a 6 yr old girl and one for 3 yrs for raping a 14 yr old.

This guy was sitting at my house drinking my beer when i came ,my wife said he was her cousin . When i asked why i never seen him before she told me he had just served 3 yrs in prison . When i asked what for she told me he raped a 14 yr old girl . I went crazy and threw him out of my house. My wife was then angry with me telling me i was rude and not polite .

The 45 yr old woman next door to me killed her 10 yr old nephew with a machette about 8 yrs ago .She was on drink and drugs . She went to hospital for a few months then came home and she is still living there . She comes to my house and watches tv . These people are treated like they never done anything.I hate the sight of her thinking always of the pain of that 10 yr old boy when i see her .

these evil people go to the noodle shops , walk around the village like they never done anything ?! They are not ashamed or embarrassed and nobody is rude or angry with them for thier horrible deeds.

If somebody murdered or raped a child in most countries they would go to jail then on release could not go back home and would have to live elsewhere sometimes under an assumed name and sometimes they get found out they have to move again .

How can anyone sit down and talk to a man they know has raped a 6 yr old girl. How can he show his face after doing so . I will never understand

Surrounded by rapists, murderers, psychos in the remote Isaan village

I can see your Facebook status message ....."Living the dream, fellas, living the dream!"

You built a house on her land, she has zero respect for you and she's bringing all sorts of people to relax on your couch.

How on earth did you get into this ridiculous situation?

[balhamred]

I cant really answer all these replies but do not understand the abusive ones . For what ? What i have done to recieve abuse ?

I came to live on my wifes land about 8 yrs ago on a very limited income . built new house but the old one was empty for about a year ,then her daughter cam back home with a baby and BF. THey the went to work in BKK and left the 8 month old baby with me . They came back to live 3 yrs later but the boy would not live with them but lives with me. He is now 7 and he is like my son .The BF works earns 8000,baht a month the girl never had a job . The bought a car for 6000baht a month leaving them with nothing to look after the boy. I love him so just paid 15,000baht for this terms school. If i do not pay he will have to move to the local crazy one.

They are not ashamed or embarrassed that they have a car but no money?My wifes son left his wife and 2 kids a year ago and is back home with his GF. He has nothing , not a fan , tv or even a bicycle .He is not ashamed that he has nothing but whisky everyday. He is 30 yrs old .

That was a bit off topic but this is the real nitty gritty .

I know about 12 rapists and murderers in my village . Only 2 of them were jailed . One for 3 months for raping a 6 yr old girl and one for 3 yrs for raping a 14 yr old.

This guy was sitting at my house drinking my beer when i came ,my wife said he was her cousin . When i asked why i never seen him before she told me he had just served 3 yrs in prison . When i asked what for she told me he raped a 14 yr old girl . I went crazy and threw him out of my house. My wife was then angry with me telling me i was rude and not polite .

The 45 yr old woman next door to me killed her 10 yr old nephew with a machette about 8 yrs ago .She was on drink and drugs . She went to hospital for a few months then came home and she is still living there . She comes to my house and watches tv . These people are treated like they never done anything.I hate the sight of her thinking always of the pain of that 10 yr old boy when i see her .

these evil people go to the noodle shops , walk around the village like they never done anything ?! They are not ashamed or embarrassed and nobody is rude or angry with them for thier horrible deeds.

If somebody murdered or raped a child in most countries they would go to jail then on release could not go back home and would have to live elsewhere sometimes under an assumed name and sometimes they get found out they have to move again .

How can anyone sit down and talk to a man they know has raped a 6 yr old girl. How can he show his face after doing so . I will never understand

Ignore peoples bitterness, they don't know your life or circumstance.

[FritsSikkink]

but as no answer to the question obviously nobody knows why thais have developed this evil streak . Cannot be culture to rape a child , not get punished and walk aroung the village letting the poor girl see you without any comeback . I think they are just pure evil or genetically inferior same as an animal has no sympathy for another animals plight . Which is why they joke and laugh at dead people at an accident .

There are evil people everywhere but the good people everywhere are not the same as south east asians . My boy is 7 now ,big after lots of good food , intelligent . speaks good english and reads and write some that i teach him . Soon they will not be able to force him to stay with them and i can leave

the fact that you choose to live with a bunch of idiots has nothing to do with Thai in general. would you do the same back home where are rapist and drop outs too?

[Berkshire]

I think the biggest reasons she does not stick up for me is her culture , The fact she now has a house , internet , sat tv 2 desktops and a notebook, no debt a paid for car and a paid for motorbike . Would not be a big thing for her if i left but it would for me as i could not afford to buy all these things again

Your wife doesn't stick up for you because she doesn't love you. It's as simple as that. This has nothing to do with the Thai culture. From everything that you've said, the only thing you've been to her is an ATM. Deal with it.

[Berkshire]

but as no answer to the question obviously nobody knows why thais have developed this evil streak . Cannot be culture to rape a child , not get punished and walk aroung the village letting the poor girl see you without any comeback . I think they are just pure evil or genetically inferior same as an animal has no sympathy for another animals plight . Which is why they joke and laugh at dead people at an accident .

There are evil people everywhere but the good people everywhere are not the same as south east asians . My boy is 7 now ,big after lots of good food , intelligent . speaks good english and reads and write some that i teach him . Soon they will not be able to force him to stay with them and i can leave

the fact that you choose to live with a bunch of idiots has nothing to do with Thai in general. would you do the same back home where are rapist and drop outs too?

Agree. Why are there so many farangs in Thailand that make stupid decisions and then try to blame the culture? Can't they ever take any responsibility for their choices? Ever?