Duck Joke

[John_Betong]

Three teenaged boys (Jason, Brian, Carl), were walking along one night on the town. They turned down a dark alley and after a few feet the boys heard a loud "squish" and a painful "quack".

The boys looked around and finally Carl looked under his feet and saw he had stepped on a duck. Then out from behind a trash can, an old elderly voodoo lady came out and yelled a voodoo chant that they could not understand. The boys looked at each other in confusement and asked the lady what she said. She just said she had placed a cursed on them.

The boys then ran off in fright.

A week later, Carl and Jason were walking along and turned a corner seeing Brian kissing the most ugly, disgusting girl they had ever seen.

The two of them shouted "What are you doing Brian?!?!?!?" He turned his head and replied, "I stepped on a duck!". The two didn't say anything and walked off to leave his friend and his newly found love alone.

Another week later, Carl and Brian were walking and turned a corner and saw Jason, kissing the most ugly and disgusting girl they had ever seen.

The both of them shouted, "Hey, what are you doin Jason?!!?!?!".

Jason turned his head and replied, "I stepped on a duck!". Carl then began to catch to what this "curse" was all about.

A month went bye and nothing happened. Then one day, Jason and Brian were walking along and turned a corner and saw

Carl kissing the most beautiful girl they had ever laid their eyes on.

They started shouting, "Yeah Carl! Way to go you stud!". Then the girl turned her head and said, "I stepped on a duck!"

[Pink Mist]

keep at you'll get there

[farangsay]

[guardian]

[Pink Mist]

what about the one where the duck goes into a bar and asks for a beer

barman says "we dont serve ducks beer, piss off"

asks again "can I have a beer"

barman "we dont serve beer to ducks, ask me one more time and I'll nail your beak to the bar"

duck says, "got any nails?"

barman "no"

duck " I want a beer"

[Little Black Duck]

what about the one where the duck goes into a bar and asks for a beer

barman says "we dont serve ducks beer, piss off"

asks again "can I have a beer"

barman "we dont serve beer to ducks, ask me one more time and I'll nail your beak to the bar"

duck says, "got any nails?"

barman "no"

duck " I want a beer"

I represent that remark..

[Jai Dee]

Three little ducks go into a bar...

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."

[peter991]

Why do ducks have big feet? To stamp out forest fires!

Why do elephants have big feet? To stamp out burning ducks!

* * * * * * * *

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice physician, a paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the paediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity.

"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.

"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

* * * * * * * *

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. Barman says, 'Hey, you're a duck'

'Nothing wrong with your eyesight,' observes the duck.

'Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK' says the barman.

'Guess your ears are fine, too,' answers the duck.

'Now, can I have a beer please.'

Barman serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area.

'Oh,' says the duck. 'I work on the building site over there. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll be in each lunchtime for a pint.'

And each day the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunchtime lager. Next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round.

Circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck. 'You should get it into your circus,' he says. 'Make a lot of bucks out of a talking duck. I'll speak to him about it.'

Following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime. Barman says: 'You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner. He's very interested in you.'

'Really?' says the duck. 'Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily.' 'Hang on,' said the duck. 'You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?' 'That's right.' 'That's one of those tent

things, isn't it? With a big pole in the middle?' 'Yeah!' 'That's canvas, isn't it?' said the duck. 'Of course,' replied the barman, 'I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen.' The duck looked very puzzled. 'What the #### would he want with a plasterer?'

* * * * * * * *

A guy was visiting his country local pub and he was the only person there, so he started chatting to the landlord about the lack of trade. He said to the barman that for $50 he would fill up his bar with customers and the landlord agreed. The guy went away and came back 30 minutes later with a dancing duck. The duck was on top of a round flat biscuit tin and his little feet were tapping away constantly. Sure enough, all the word spread around the village and by Saturday evening the bar was totally filled. It seemed that everyone wanted to see this dancing duck.

On the Sunday the guy went back to the bar and asked for his money and was duly paid as per the agreement. But the landlord said: "Wonderful trade, bar was packed full over the whole weekend, but just one thing! How the hel_l do you stop him dancing? He was clattering on his biscuit tin all night long and I never got a wink of sleep!". The guy told him to take the lid off the tin and blow out the candle.

[Pink Mist]

paedlarious

[John_Betong]

Still on the subject of jokes, quote from Disorder in the Courts. I know it is a repeat but worthy of a second posting?

q: : On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse down the footpath to the cowshed?

a: : I did.

q: : And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck pond?

a: : I did.

q: : And did you observe anything?

a: : I did. (Witness remains silent.)

q: : Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?

a: : I saw George.

q: : You saw George *******, the defendant in this case?

a: : Yes.

q: : Can you tell the Court what George ******* was doing?

a: : Yes. (Witness remains silent.)

q: : Well, would you kindly do so?

a: : He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks.

q: : His "thing"?

a: : You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his penis.

q: : You passed close by the duck pond, the light was good, you were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?

a: : Yes.

q: : Did you say anything to him?

a: : Of course I did!

q: : What did you say to him?

a: : "Morning, George