Divorcing in Thailand before thai wife issues proceedings in the UK

[GOLDBUGGY]

4 hours ago, lungnorm said:

Why Why Why do you guys marry these wenches in the first place. Just pay for their services and stay free. Its not rocket science. You see the same old same old an this forum all the time. Wake up gents and live your life like a FREE MAN. Cheaper to pay by the nite than to marry the gold digging bitches. This my friends is SOUND ADVICE.

This reminds me of some younger guys arguing that it is better to rent your place then buy one. 

 

The argument being that it is cheaper to rent then buy. That if you rent a place you are free to move around as you like staying 6 months in one place, then another 6 months someplace else. If something breaks down you don't have to fix it. Just get them to do that or move on. You are never committed to owning anything, or being responsible for anything or anybody, or being in any one place too long.

 

But after 10 years or so of this life, you realize that you are getting older and perhaps a bit lonely, as you still have no real commitments or anything else. Just you and the roof over your head that you rented for a few months as well as the woman in your bed. All the rent money you spent so far on both is gone, and all you have to look forward to in the further rent increases, from both. 

 

On the other hand the other guy decides to buy his own place instead of renting it. He doesn't have to worry about packing up and moving out as he is happy with the place he shares with the woman in his bed. No more money wasted on renting a place anymore or always looking for a new place to move to, or someone to move in. Sure in 10 years some things do break down which if he is wise he tries to fix them. He hopes he can keep this place and the things he has for life. But nobody knows the future. 

 

But if he is forced to sell his place in 10 years time or longer, at least he knows he will get half of his money back. What does the renter get back?  

[ableguy]

6 hours ago, louse1953 said:

So you are trying to screw your wife over.What she does with half the money she supported you in earning is no concern of yours.I can see why your wife is leaving you.

What utter biased stupid nonsense when you know nothing of the circumstances, nothing I can say will make you look less stupid than you are.

[Ballantyne]

Thanks for all the replies guys both positive and possibly not so. ILR stands for indefinite leave to  remain. I am 43 and my wife is 34. I met her when i was working at a bhuddist university in N thailand. She is Karen hilltribe and had just finished uni on a work placement when i met her. I courted her for 6 months before i even got a kiss. We had been together nearly 4 years befor we decided to have children. My son is now 4 and my daughter is just 18 months and we had her born in Chiang mai.

 

I decided to marry her before we had children because I thought that it was the right thing to do,, and spent many years trying to get her ILR as i thought that this was the best thing for us as a family. 

 

I have worked very hard all my life and had some luck too. Doesnt feel like it at the moment though. So pretty much everything that we have i made before we were married. She has never had to work i have always supported her.

 

1 year and 3 months ago just after we got back from Thailand with our newborn i think that she got post natal depression and whilst i was away working left with the children with the help of social services. She unfairly claimed that I did not take care of her properly. After a lengthy court case with social services the courts found out that i was not at fault and allowed me to see my children again. Unfortunately by then the damage with the help of womens refuge, and social services saying to her what an awful person i am for being perhaps a slightly more old fashioned idealist of what a family unit should be, and now she has all that is precious to me my children. I do not get to see them as much as I want or to help with their schooling and it is breaking my heart.

 

Just when I thought that things were getting better between us through the post I receive a request from her solicitors saying that she has decided to divorce me on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, and they are to petition the court in the next 30 days. i am trying everything to stop it as all i really want is my family back. She has free legal aid for the next 4 years. Last year i spent over £20k just trying to clear my name and get access to my children. I had to rent my house out to try to cover some of the bills.

 

Now its starting all over again. i am truly close to breaking point. I've lost my business because I had to spend my whole time trying to see my children.

 

That is why now I need to know whether i just shoot off back to Thailand and try to issue proceedings there before she can take me to the cleaners over here.

 

We bought a house when we were together and understand that under THai law she is entitled to this. I am happy to buy her a house for the children and have every intention of supporting my children for the rest of their lives. I just want to protect what is left so that I can pass it onto them when I am gone.      

[Deepinthailand]

What I don't understand here is you say your dreading losing half of everything YOU have worked for. You have 2 kids so I think your mrs might just have done a bit of work on that score and bringing them up. But as for loosing half if divorce is in UK you will do well to get 50/50 with kids involved more like 90/10 in favour wife and kids. Been there done that with UK wife two kids both under 10. Outcome her adultery I hasten to add. She got custody/house and 65% of my wages. Me got to see kids one day a week go figure. Should have gone out sagging myself!!!!. So good luck and be prepared to lose big style. Not because she is Thai but because she is a woman with kids and UK system is heavily weighted in there favour.

[AlexRRR]

10 hours ago, bazza40 said:

 

I was in a defacto relationship for 16 years. When I met her, she was one rental payment from being tossed out into the street, along with her two children, late teenagers. I put a roof over her head, bought her two new cars, took her on holidays she could never have afforded etc. etc.

When we parted company, I gave her the money to build a new townhouse. We had a written agreement she would leave half of the value to me or my son when she died. The other half to her children.

Behind my back, she consulted a solicitor who told her the agreement had no legal standing. The only agreements in Australian family law which have legal standing are a binding financial agreement, or court orders, both approved by the Family Court. If that's not a legal dictatorship, I don't know what is.

She reneged on the agreement, and nothing I could do. So don't talk to me about being a fair bloke, you haven't the foggiest idea of what the courts are doing to people like me.

 

 

Well you might have been trying to be a nice guy but obviously had no idea about how people even the ones you have lived with half your life or how the legal system works in Oz, after 16 ys she was entitled to maybe more then the money for a townhouse especially if you were a big earner or had mucho assets.

 

Just because a relationship eventually dies out after a time you two were a partnership, lot of guys have this idea that it was "there money", mate even if she sat at home the entire 16 years she is still your partner.

 

If you would like to add up the cost of a house keeper/cook/cleaner/sex provider for 16 years i think she would have cost much more than you gave your ex partner on separation including the 2 new cars and the holidays. An Aussie cleaner dosent earn 8,000B a month nor do they provide sex for 1500B short time, do the sums and stop winging.

[GOLDBUGGY]

52 minutes ago, Deepinthailand said:

What I don't understand here is you say your dreading losing half of everything YOU have worked for. You have 2 kids so I think your mrs might just have done a bit of work on that score and bringing them up. But as for loosing half if divorce is in UK you will do well to get 50/50 with kids involved more like 90/10 in favour wife and kids. Been there done that with UK wife two kids both under 10. Outcome her adultery I hasten to add. She got custody/house and 65% of my wages. Me got to see kids one day a week go figure. Should have gone out sagging myself!!!!. So good luck and be prepared to lose big style. Not because she is Thai but because she is a woman with kids and UK system is heavily weighted in there favour.

It is truly amazing how easy it is for your wife to walk away from you with the kids and a marriage and whether there is a good reason or not. All she has to do is cry Foul, and the doors to a woman's shelter flings wide open. Social Services come running to help her, with a line up of free legal aid standing by to assist her in screwing you dearly. 

 

If anyone else came to your house and took your kids, they would be charged for Kidnapping, and could spend the rest of there life in jail. But since it is only your wife then this is perfectly okay. You on the other hand taking your kids back home without her permission, you will be charged. I never could figure out how all of a sudden you lost your rights to your kids without anyone else's say so, and even when you may have been the far better parent. 

 

But you are determined to get your kids back and fight this to no end in a fare court of law. But what you don't realize yet is that there is n such thing as a fare court when it comes to this and you being the man. It is not even a fare fight to begin with, as you have to pay all your legal bills plus support your family still, and she gets all this for free. 

 

It just seems that the day she walks away on you then you all of a sudden become the Bad Guy. The Guilty Party! The Criminal! Nobody will believe a word you say after that and everything your wife says goes down as a gospel truth. Perhaps your wife committed adultery? That should help you get your kids back! They will listen to you now!

 

Well? Not really! They may listen to you but not really care. Even if you do succeed in convincing your lawyer of this, and a judge, as you have proof, this makes no difference. They will just tell you that a wife who committed adultery doesn't make her a bad mother. Which then only makes you question: "What does?".

 

Now matter how you cut it, Divorce with kids is a loosing game for any man. As soon as you realize the horrible truth that your wife has total control over this game, and that this game is rigged against you for you to lose, the better it is for you.    

[thai3]

16 hours ago, catman20 said:

SPOKEN LIKE A REAL MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sounds more like a regular customer of bars girls speaking, prostitutes are not for everyone on here.

 

[DerringDo]

17 hours ago, louse1953 said:

So you are trying to screw your wife over.What she does with half the money she supported you in earning is no concern of yours.I can see why your wife is leaving you.

 

Undortunately the UK courts don't confine themselves to assets acquired through marriage.

[DerringDo]

Sorry should say during marriage not through.

[catman20]

5 hours ago, thai3 said:

 

Sounds more like a regular customer of bars girls speaking, prostitutes are not for everyone on here.

 

?????????????? think it was more about the idiots that get married to them. are you ?

[catman20]

20 hours ago, yooyoo said:

Hehee... wish you luck... you will now see the nice side of a Thai woman.. they are evil and will stop at nothing to grab all that they can and use the children against you ... 

sounds like most women when they feel they have been wronged.

[bazza40]

7 hours ago, AlexRRR said:

 

Well you might have been trying to be a nice guy but obviously had no idea about how people even the ones you have lived with half your life or how the legal system works in Oz, after 16 ys she was entitled to maybe more then the money for a townhouse especially if you were a big earner or had mucho assets.

 

Just because a relationship eventually dies out after a time you two were a partnership, lot of guys have this idea that it was "there money", mate even if she sat at home the entire 16 years she is still your partner.

 

If you would like to add up the cost of a house keeper/cook/cleaner/sex provider for 16 years i think she would have cost much more than you gave your ex partner on separation including the 2 new cars and the holidays. An Aussie cleaner dosent earn 8,000B a month nor do they provide sex for 1500B short time, do the sums and stop winging.

Well , I did most of the cooking and house maintenance. As far as sex goes, she was an enthusiastic participant - it was not a chore as it is for some women.

 

So by your criteria, a guy with a million dollars meets a girl with nothing. After some initial dates over a couple of months, they move in together. The Family Court clock starts ticking. After one year, half the guy's assets are hers.

 

I think the Thai system is much fairer. Only the assets accumulated after marriage are split. Defacto relationships are not recognised.

 

Through trying to do the right thing in a marriage and a defacto relationship, I've sustained significant financial bruising. If you think family law in Australia with its one size fits all philosophy is fair and equitable, you are f####d in the head.

 

I can admit to  being stupid about trusting people. That doesn't mean I tolerate pig-ignorant opinions.

 

 

[yooyoo]

56 minutes ago, catman20 said:

sounds like most women when they feel they have been wronged.

 

Nothing like the wrath of a woman... I agree 

[MarkyM3]

I'm 45, have not been married previously and this kind of situation reminds me of why I choose to remain unmarried.

 

No way I would want to marry and risk having half of my accumulated assets taken away in a couple of years time. IMO, it is entirely correct to have a proper division of assets accumulated during the period of marriage itself but assets accumulated prior to that should be excluded from the equation. I don't see why should a prospective wife (or husband if you reverse the roles) have a claim on money earned years before they met their spouse.

 

If I decide to marry and have kids with a Thai, it will be done in Thailand and I will ensure pre-marriage assets are out of the equation.

 

Good luck to the OP.

[MikeyIdea]

On ‎18‎/‎08‎/‎2016 at 4:50 PM, catman20 said:

 I am dreading losing half of everything that I have worked all my life for. I wanted to pass on a legacy to my children, and am terrified that she will either squander all of the money or that she will meet another man who may take advantage of her new financial wealth.

 

you should of thought about that before you decided to get married. i was married one time in the uk when i was young dum and full of cum. i would never marry again its a con you cant win.

 

Give it to your children before she sues. It is generally easy to give to children but it difficult to take away

[soalbundy]

On 8/18/2016 at 5:05 PM, catman20 said:

your dead right there mate, i was married one time a long time ago, I now know its a con and YES I AM NOT MARRIAGE MARITAL NOW. your also right i dont really care, people especially in here in Thailand getting married having kids in there sixties  thinking there 25 year old wife loves them and the first thing the man dose when he goes out to play golf is go to a short time bar to get his nuts in. the hole things a sham and i feel there for the most part they get what they deserved. 

You sound rather bitter, possibly with good reason. If you had a bad car accident would you stop driving for the rest of your life? Logically looked at marriage is a fools game for both women and men but we are human and prone to mistakes, it's part of the adventure called life. Wrapping yourself in cotton wool against the pain of the world isn't a good option either. Not all marriages or partnerships end badly, love or infatuation should turn to friendship which can survive ups and downs, i admit it can be hard work sometimes. There are positives even to a broken relationship, i have a 31 year old daughter in Germany of whom i am very proud and a beautiful grand daughter, i now have a very handsome 9 year old Thai / British son who is also blessed with a very high IQ. I get on well with my two adult step daughters and my partner and i show each other mutual respect and know our respective boarders and limitations. I cant say more than that except to say bitterness eats out from the inside.

[GOLDBUGGY]

4 hours ago, bazza40 said:

Well , I did most of the cooking and house maintenance. As far as sex goes, she was an enthusiastic participant - it was not a chore as it is for some women.

 

So by your criteria, a guy with a million dollars meets a girl with nothing. After some initial dates over a couple of months, they move in together. The Family Court clock starts ticking. After one year, half the guy's assets are hers.

 

I think the Thai system is much fairer. Only the assets accumulated after marriage are split. Defacto relationships are not recognised.

 

Through trying to do the right thing in a marriage and a defacto relationship, I've sustained significant financial bruising. If you think family law in Australia with its one size fits all philosophy is fair and equitable, you are f####d in the head.

 

I can admit to  being stupid about trusting people. That doesn't mean I tolerate pig-ignorant opinions.

 

 

I wouldn't get too upset at him. He is obviously a man who still believes in justice and fairness in the family courts. He obviously has never come home to discover his wife has been sleeping with an old boyfriend in his bed, and now wants a divorce so she can rekindle this new relationship.

 

Then still thinking he will get a fair role of the dice with family court finds himself moving into his parents place while his wife and boyfriend enjoy the house he paid mostly for. That with his 50% split from his partner, he still has to give most of that back and more, paying child support to kids for many years, that he might get to see 1 time a week now, and instead of everyday. Depending of course if your payments are on time and your x-wife is in the mood to let you visit. 

[soalbundy]

4 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

I wouldn't get too upset at him. He is obviously a man who still believes in justice and fairness in the family courts. He obviously has never come home to discover his wife has been sleeping with an old boyfriend in his bed, and now wants a divorce so she can rekindle this new relationship.

 

Then still thinking he will get a fair role of the dice with family court finds himself moving into his parents place while his wife and boyfriend enjoy the house he paid mostly for. That with his 50% split from his partner, he still has to give most of that back and more, paying child support to kids for many years, that he might get to see 1 time a week now, and instead of everyday. Depending of course if your payments are on time and your x-wife is in the mood to let you visit. 

Courts in the West are grossly unfair towards the man as they were grossly unfair towards the woman in earlier times. Finding the 'guilty party is obviously difficult and time consuming and so the guilt question was thrown out of the window, then comes the question of whether society should pick up the tab to support the ex-wife and children,that was an obvious no no so the burden was loaded onto the man. The courts are following government laws and guide lines. Ideally marriages weren't meant to break down, everything was meant to go its orderly way but we live in an imperfect world with imperfect solutions.

[GOLDBUGGY]

17 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

Courts in the West are grossly unfair towards the man as they were grossly unfair towards the woman in earlier times. Finding the 'guilty party is obviously difficult and time consuming and so the guilt question was thrown out of the window, then comes the question of whether society should pick up the tab to support the ex-wife and children,that was an obvious no no so the burden was loaded onto the man. The courts are following government laws and guide lines. Ideally marriages weren't meant to break down, everything was meant to go its orderly way but we live in an imperfect world with imperfect solutions.

This post to me sounds like "rationalization" which is making excuses to justify controversial behavior. What ever happened to needing a good reason to get a Divorce? When governments make policies making it easier to get a divorce is that a good thing? When a woman can leave now at anytime she wants to for any reason, and the government may even encourage that. As they are not worried as the man will be forced to pay the tab or go t jail. Does that make it right now?

 

Poland used to have some of the lowest Divorce Rates in the World and about 6%, while the UK has 47%. Part of the reason was they are mostly Catholic, making it more difficult to get a Divorce. The Church encourages couple to stay together, plus family and friends. But perhaps the biggest reason for this was the Polish Divorce Laws, making in undesirable to get a Divorce.

 

The way the Law worked is that if you went for a Divorce the condo or house wasn't sold and the proceeds split 50/50. Instead they still shared the condo where they virtually drew a line through the middle and shared common areas like the kitchen and bathroom. So if a man or woman wanted a divorce they still had to share the same house together and like before. So no big benefit in getting one.

Divorce Rates in Poland shot up to 27% now because a lot of Polish Men went to work in the EU, and decide not to comeback.

 

Sure there are instances where a woman needs a divorce from an abusive husband. But I think that is 1 in 10 at the very most and from what we have now. The sad fact is that these governments stuck their noses into something they don;'t understand and now made it way to easy for a woman to fleece the man and get divorce. 

 

Maybe the old way were better where at least a woman needed a reason to leave her husband other then want to expand and grow without him. Maybe start with a doctors note and a few bruises at least.      

 

 

[uthaithanirules]

On 19/08/2016 at 1:07 AM, GOLDBUGGY said:

This reminds me of some younger guys arguing that it is better to rent your place then buy one. 

 

The argument being that it is cheaper to rent then buy. That if you rent a place you are free to move around as you like staying 6 months in one place, then another 6 months someplace else. If something breaks down you don't have to fix it. Just get them to do that or move on. You are never committed to owning anything, or being responsible for anything or anybody, or being in any one place too long.

 

But after 10 years or so of this life, you realize that you are getting older and perhaps a bit lonely, as you still have no real commitments or anything else. Just you and the roof over your head that you rented for a few months as well as the woman in your bed. All the rent money you spent so far on both is gone, and all you have to look forward to in the further rent increases, from both. 

 

On the other hand the other guy decides to buy his own place instead of renting it. He doesn't have to worry about packing up and moving out as he is happy with the place he shares with the woman in his bed. No more money wasted on renting a place anymore or always looking for a new place to move to, or someone to move in. Sure in 10 years some things do break down which if he is wise he tries to fix them. He hopes he can keep this place and the things he has for life. But nobody knows the future. 

 

But if he is forced to sell his place in 10 years time or longer, at least he knows he will get half of his money back. What does the renter get back?  

 

 

Trouble with that post, is that in Thailand you spend up ending more averaged out a year buying a place than renting, especially once you factor in what you can do with the capital it took to buy, elsewhere

[uthaithanirules]

On 18/08/2016 at 8:02 PM, lungnorm said:

Why Why Why do you guys marry these wenches in the first place. Just pay for their services and stay free. Its not rocket science. You see the same old same old an this forum all the time. Wake up gents and live your life like a FREE MAN. Cheaper to pay by the nite than to marry the gold digging bitches. This my friends is SOUND ADVICE.

 

 

As for this, the opposing side of the argument

 

There are easy ways to handle certain things, especially if marrying a thai girl in thailand, 1) would be never buy anything of great value, rent and leasehold with the kids names on the lease   2) would be never get her to come to your home country

 

The main reason for (2) is that the laws back in our home country are far more ****ed for the guy than the laws in Thailand, so I dont really know what guys are on about on both sides of the argument "gold digging bitches" the Thai wife should never be able to get you for anywhere near the amount one back home could

[soalbundy]

21 hours ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

This post to me sounds like "rationalization" which is making excuses to justify controversial behavior. What ever happened to needing a good reason to get a Divorce? When governments make policies making it easier to get a divorce is that a good thing? When a woman can leave now at anytime she wants to for any reason, and the government may even encourage that. As they are not worried as the man will be forced to pay the tab or go t jail. Does that make it right now?

 

Poland used to have some of the lowest Divorce Rates in the World and about 6%, while the UK has 47%. Part of the reason was they are mostly Catholic, making it more difficult to get a Divorce. The Church encourages couple to stay together, plus family and friends. But perhaps the biggest reason for this was the Polish Divorce Laws, making in undesirable to get a Divorce.

 

The way the Law worked is that if you went for a Divorce the condo or house wasn't sold and the proceeds split 50/50. Instead they still shared the condo where they virtually drew a line through the middle and shared common areas like the kitchen and bathroom. So if a man or woman wanted a divorce they still had to share the same house together and like before. So no big benefit in getting one.

Divorce Rates in Poland shot up to 27% now because a lot of Polish Men went to work in the EU, and decide not to comeback.

 

Sure there are instances where a woman needs a divorce from an abusive husband. But I think that is 1 in 10 at the very most and from what we have now. The sad fact is that these governments stuck their noses into something they don;'t understand and now made it way to easy for a woman to fleece the man and get divorce. 

 

Maybe the old way were better where at least a woman needed a reason to leave her husband other then want to expand and grow without him. Maybe start with a doctors note and a few bruises at least.      

 

 

So in Poland two people who have come to hate each other are forced to live under one roof with their children watching the fighting, yeah, sounds like a good system.

[GOLDBUGGY]

5 hours ago, uthaithanirules said:

 

 

Trouble with that post, is that in Thailand you spend up ending more averaged out a year buying a place than renting, especially once you factor in what you can do with the capital it took to buy, elsewhere

My Beef isn't with a man who doesn't ever want to get married. If he wants to grow old and alone to save money, like Ebenezer Scrooge, then this is totally up to them. But know at least that the governments have changes these rule also. You know longer have to be married to be married in their eyes anymore. Does that make sense to you? Well, me neither! Except another way in which the man can get screwed out of his saving and to legalize Highway Robbery.  

 

My Beef is with governments who make it so easy for the woman to walk away and take their kids with her. Most men who have never gone through this only think it is all about money, but it isn't. You have no idea how much this hurt to lose your kids unless you have gone through this yourself. 

 

When I was young and naive I used to think that most of the divorces happened because the man ran away with a younger woman. But when I got older and stopped believing TV Shows, and saw the reality of things I soon changed my mind. Over the years I have had many friends and relatives go through a divorce, including myself. What I found the greatest cause to this was the wife cheating on her husband and wanting a new life for herself without him. That she changed her mind as she got older. Most of them I thought to be decent men. Hard working men who supported their families. But none of them I know got a fair deal and shake from the divorce. 

 

I am just saying that if a woman is married and she is not happy with her life anymore, she should need more of a reason to leave and take the kids with her. If she is willing to give up her 50% Partnership, and leave the kids behind, to start what she hopes as a new and exciting life for her, then close the door on the way out.   .