Elderly female farangs living in LOS

[Kwasaki]

3 hours ago, sanemax said:

 

   It is quite possible that she may have changed her mind and began to like Thailand after she had got settled in and became familiar with it .

 

That's quite a lot of guessing and implying by you this time. 

[soalbundy]

Well done OP, a little meddlesome perhaps but she herself could have told him to push off, she didn't. Being meddlesome can safe lives of the vulnerable and the vulnerable should be a concern to all of us at least to those of us who come from a civilized country. 

[mulder12345]

It seemed she was an elderly woman being pushed around by her son. He must have had a reason for trying so hard to get her to sell the house. If she was getting very upset, the heat getting to her and beginning to get sick then she needed help. You live in a Thailand so long you get used to staying out of other peoples business even if it means someone might get hurt. This elderly woman could have easily died. Old people can be frail and all she wanted to do was go home but her bully of a son would not have it until he got his money(my supposition). If my mother came out and she was not happy and wanted to go home, i would send her home. Unless one has some ulterior motive to make her stay against her will, that is how a good man/son takes care of his mother.

[pgrahmm]

There was a reason you were banned from the bar....

 

There was a reason her phone wouldn't work......

 

There was a reason her son had isolated her here.....Away from her family....

 

And - there would have been a reason why the return flight ticket would have gone unused....

 

The son also knew there is minimal Thai support infrastructure for people such as her.....

 

I'm also betting that after more disheartening time here the ladies spirit would have been broken - and she would have been very vulnerable.....The reason most countries have ombudsmen programs available for the elderly......

 

In my opinion you did a noble thing....

[kowpot]

8 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Pretty vindictive post there, georgegeorgia.

 

Not only would I be livid too if you meddled in my family's personal affairs like this, I would be positively enraged if I found out you came on TVF and broadcast my personal family business to the whole world, especially when you don't know all the facts behind the situation.

 

By providing all these personal details which make him easily identifiable to his friends and customers, you've potentially damaged his business and personal reputation, both unfairly and gratuitously. After all, how many barkeepers have a 78 year old mother recently visiting for 4 weeks from Wales?

 

You better watch your step. In the process of retaliating for being banned from his bar, I'm pretty sure you've also violated Thailand's slander laws, which is both a criminal and civil offense. 

It's only slander if it's untrue. 

[Gecko123]

21 minutes ago, kowpot said:

It's only slander if it's untrue. 

 

Not necessarily true under Thai law. 

 

http://library.siam-legal.com/thai-law/criminal-code-defamation-sections-326-333/

 

Section 330. Truth as a Defense

In case of defamation, if the person prosecuted for defamation can prove that the imputation made by him is true, he shall not be punished. But he shall not be allowed to prove if such imputation concerns personal matters, and such proof will not be benefit to the public.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 1, 2016 by Gecko123

[SteveSamui6262]

OP, you did the right thing.  This Pattaya cafe owner probably equals an expat who's business investment is slowly screwing itself into the ground.  Gathering from the situations you expressed, I would wager the son's eyes are focused on mom's elderly age financial status.  Luckily, the plan of imprisioning her here in Pattaya for the purpose of his future enrichment was poorly executed on his part.  

 

So so glad she was able to get back home safely.  I wish she could read these blogs.

[SteveSamui6262]

Thai law?  Really?  In this area with maybe few exceptions, expats are in the dark.  If seek law and order, you're in the wrong country.

[Gecko123]

2 hours ago, SteveSamui6262 said:

Thai law?  Really?  In this area with maybe few exceptions, expats are in the dark.  If seek law and order, you're in the wrong country.

 

if you follow the news, you will find that defamation complaints are not uncommon, sometimes snagging foreigners. Thinking that ignorance of the law here is a defense is a recipe for disaster.

Edited October 1, 2016 by Gecko123

[NickJ]

There wouldn't even be a post if the Lady were happy. The OP in my mind did a great service. bet dollars to doughnuts that this dude is living on the edge and his mind is blown. 

[55Jay]

At least from the OP's version of this, sounds like he did right by the lady. 

 

On the other hand, he could of posed his seemingly innocuous question about how elderly transplants get on here, without any of the blow by blow details of his intervention.  The question stand on its own merits. 

 

Perhaps he's looking for reassurance he did the "right thing"?  Or worse, seeking praise and adulation for what he did?

[soalbundy]

46 minutes ago, 55Jay said:

At least from the OP's version of this, sounds like he did right by the lady. 

 

On the other hand, he could of posed his seemingly innocuous question about how elderly transplants get on here, without any of the blow by blow details of his intervention.  The question stand on its own merits. 

 

Perhaps he's looking for reassurance he did the "right thing"?  Or worse, seeking praise and adulation for what he did?

praise for those who deserve it, nothing wrong in that,there are many PC knights here who stumble over themselves seeking praise for defense of the victims of minute 'slander' and 'wickedness' from the non conformists.

Edited October 1, 2016 by soalbundy

[SOTIRIOS]

....he was bewitched....and now everything is at stake.......

[SOTIRIOS]

..directly....or indirectly....that is a reflection of the real cost of foreign men marrying Thai women....

 

....100% risk....'leap of faith'.....for the foreign man....and his family...

 

...zero risk for the Thai woman....

[teacherpaul]

17 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Pretty vindictive post there, georgegeorgia.

 

Not only would I be livid too if you meddled in my family's personal affairs like this, I would be positively enraged if I found out you came on TVF and broadcast my personal family business to the whole world, especially when you don't know all the facts behind the situation.

 

By providing all these personal details which make him easily identifiable to his friends and customers, you've potentially damaged his business and personal reputation, both unfairly and gratuitously. After all, how many barkeepers have a 78 year old mother recently visiting for 4 weeks from Wales?

 

You better watch your step. In the process of retaliating for being banned from his bar, I'm pretty sure you've also violated Thailand's slander laws, which is both a criminal and civil offense. 

Oh, stop scaremongering. He did the right thing. That lady was there against her will. Sounds like you are bordering on threatening him as well. What a sad, uncaring individual you must be.

 

12 hours ago, dotpoom said:

 

A sterne rebuke....but unfortunately needed to be said.

Disagree entirely. He did the right thing. That lady was unhappy and this good samaritan put things right. Good for him and I'm happy for her. 

 

14 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

 

I think what the OP did is unbelievably meddlesome. Mr. 'I'm-such-a-compassionate-person-I-know what's-best-for-someone-else's-mother-than-her-own-son-does.'  And then to come on Thai Visa to crow about how thoughtful and sensitive he is for intervening, damaging the son's reputation in the process? You make it sound like she was interminably trapped here, being forced to live out her days in Pattaya against her will. LOL. She was midway through a four week vacation, which she wanted to cut short. The OP should have minded his own business.

The son got what he deserved. Good for the OP.

[JHolmesJr]

The son sounds like a real schweinhund….

 

good job OP.

[medic5678]

OP, you did a good thing.  But you shouldn't come here with specifics... unless you fabricated the details to protect identities.

[JJGreen]

OP i think you should keep your nose out of other peoples business.

A lady needed his help and he gave it
...how is that sticking his nose in?

Some of you guys need a reality check...

[Straight8]

16 hours ago, sanemax said:

 

   It is quite possible that she may have changed her mind and began to like Thailand after she had got settled in and became familiar with it .

Yeah and it's quite possible UFO's actually exist.

 

Put 2 and 2 together and you will see the possibly of the sons motives here.

 

Good on the OP for helping out.

 

For most elderly women, Thailand would be one of the last places on earth they'd want to retire in.

[landslide]

15 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

There was a reason you were banned from the bar....

 

There was a reason her phone wouldn't work......

 

There was a reason her son had isolated her here.....Away from her family....

 

And - there would have been a reason why the return flight ticket would have gone unused....

 

The son also knew there is minimal Thai support infrastructure for people such as her.....

 

I'm also betting that after more disheartening time here the ladies spirit would have been broken - and she would have been very vulnerable.....The reason most countries have ombudsmen programs available for the elderly......

 

In my opinion you did a noble thing....

Well said.  OP, you were right to assist the lady.  As you said, she was of sound mind, and she asked for some help.  You passed on her concerns to her son in Pattaya, and for your good intention, he banned you.  I think that shows his perspective on his mother's happiness.

[Think2Mutt]

NO Western women like it in Thailand there is even a preface in the Lonely Planet guide to Thailand,saying that the locals call them the 'Golden Bowl' or something like that.They have no power and nobody bothers with them,it is the total opposite to back in the West where they shout louder and louder and practice Androgyny everywhere!

[Liquorice]

On ‎01‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 7:21 AM, colinneil said:

OP i think you should keep your nose out of other peoples business.

 

For someone who's disabled and relies on others to conduct his affairs, that's a rather rash and bold statement.

 

Didn't you receive the support of do-gooders in your hours of need. 

[Liquorice]

18 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

 

A man from Wales who owns a bar in Pattaya?  Whose 78 y/o mother recently came to visit for a  month long vacation? Whose mother sometimes sat at his bar drinking tea and doing crossword puzzles and complained about being homesick and having culture shock?  Who just banned a patron for meddling with his mother's holiday? Given that the bar owner, other bar patrons, friends of the bar owner and now hundreds of TV members have heard this story, I'd say there's a high probability that someone will recognize these details and bring this thread to the bar owner's attention. 

 

I just don't think that initially downplaying complaints from your elderly mother about homesickness and culture shock, or dragging your feet about accomodating her request to return home early (especially if considerable expenses might be incurred for changing hotel and air travel plans) rises to the level of elder abuse, and the OP should have deferred to the son's wishes that he butt out.

 

So what your advocating is that we should all mind our own business, regardless of the situation.

 

Sometimes a man has to be a man and stand up for his morals, and if his moral principals concern another persons behaviour or the conduct of their activities, then sometimes someone has to step in.

 

Evil only triumphs because good men do nothing.

Take a look at the world we live in to know how true that quote is.

[ftpjtm]

In answer to the OP's question, yes. In my neighborhood there is a farang who bought the house next door to his for his elderly mother. She does well enough, gets along with the elderly farang men in the neighborhood and has a few farang women friends in other local neighborhoods. 

 

I'd like to get my mother to try living in LOS, our house is quite westernized, we get "home town" TV programing via Slingbox, and at home in the US she spends 98%  of her time in front of the TV or computer. I think she'd do well enough here. 

[Scotwight]

24 minutes ago, Faz said:

 

So what your advocating is that we should all mind our own business, regardless of the situation.

 

Sometimes a man has to be a man and stand up for his morals, and if his moral principals concern another persons behaviour or the conduct of their activities, then sometimes someone has to step in.

 

Evil only triumphs because good men do nothing.

Take a look at the world we live in to know how true that quote is.

When you get there and are trying to take care of elderly parents you will understand.  Walk a mile in my shoes.  I've done it twice.  The old folks get crazy and the kids get greedy.  Keep your mouth shut unless you know exactly what you are talking about and that is hard outside of the family circle.  

[Gecko123]

1 hour ago, Faz said:

 

So what your advocating is that we should all mind our own business, regardless of the situation.

 

Sometimes a man has to be a man and stand up for his morals, and if his moral principals concern another persons behaviour or the conduct of their activities, then sometimes someone has to step in.

 

Evil only triumphs because good men do nothing.

Take a look at the world we live in to know how true that quote is.

 

I'm not in disagreement with you, Winston Churchill.

 

This thread obviously hit multiple hot buttons, and generated some unusually strong reactions. For example, how we would want our own mother to be treated, and how we would want to be treated if we were in the same position. I get it.

 

But it also hit a hot button about respect for interpersonal boundaries and respect for another person's family ties. Some people just don't respect these relationships and barge in at the drop of a hat to tell you how you should raise your children, interact with your spouse, treat your parents. I'm all for intervening when I see clear cut evidence of child, spouse, or elder abuse. I just didn't see much evidence of that in this case.

 

The OP described a bar owner's mother who was going through culture shock during the first stage of her four week vacation, and who's son was trying to discuss difficult and sensitive end of life options with her, such as the possibility of her coming to live with him and his family in Thailand, and selling her home back in England. That's not elder abuse in my book, folks, and it's a situation that many of us have to confront at some point in our lives.

 

The OP also described the bar owner as his friend. From where I come from friendship is based on mutual respect and trust. Did the OP trust that the bar owner had his mother's best interests at heart? No. Did he trust that he knew his mother better than he did and was using his best judgment? No. Did he respect the bar owner's request that he stay away from the bar? No. Did he respect his reputation with his family in England? No. Did he respect his reputation with the expatriate community in Pattaya by posting a thread which disclosed numerous personal details about his family life and portrayed him as a heartless bastard who was trying to take financial advantage of his mother? No.

 

I, and I'm not alone in feeling this way, have been on the receiving end of people who think they know how I should run my life better than me, and their meddling can sometimes cause a lot of problems and do a lot of damage. Everybody's celebrating that the mom is back in Wales, but what is the aftermath of her relationship with her son in Pattaya, and his relationship with the sibling back home? I suspect a lot of time will be needed to heal some of the hard feelings that were generated.  

 

 

 

 

Edited October 2, 2016 by Gecko123

[sanemax]

6 hours ago, Straight8 said:

Yeah and it's quite possible UFO's actually exist.

 

Put 2 and 2 together and you will see the possibly of the sons motives here.

 

Good on the OP for helping out.

 

For most elderly women, Thailand would be one of the last places on earth they'd want to retire in.

 

   Now come on, are you suggesting that the probabilities of UFOs existing are the same probabilities as  a person getting to like a Country after initially not liking it ?

   A Person getting to like Thailand after initially not liking it : Probability . 50% chance , 2-1 odds

   UFO's existing : Probability 1 Million chance  :Probability 1 000 000 -1 odds

Hardly comparable 

[PJO]

On 01/10/2016 at 10:47 AM, sanemax said:

 

  The OP implies that selling the house was the Sons reason for him wanting her to stay in Thailand , now you are implying that he needed to money to stay in Thailand !!!!!

   That is quite a lot of guessing and implying that you are both doing there

Hmmm ......... I don't think it takes a genius to work out the guy's motivation for wanting his mum to sell her house & move in to his house!!??

[bangkapi]

My 84 year old mom and 64 year old sister are doing much better in the USA than they would be doing here.

For me it is the opposite.

[sanemax]

5 minutes ago, PJO said:

Hmmm ......... I don't think it takes a genius to work out the guy's motivation for wanting his mum to sell her house & move in to his house!!??

 

  It doesnt take a genius, although it does take a suspicious mind to think like that . 

Or at least a suspicious mind to think that the Sons sole intention was to get the money from the house for himself .

   There is nothing to suggest that the Son had any ill intentions . The Mother was elderly, living on her own , it may have been a good idea for her to sell her house and move to Thailand, where he son could take care of her and her grandchildren could be with her .

   Selling her house in the UK and then buying a property in Thailand may also have avoided the 40% inheritance tax (possibly, although, IDK, TBH)