Farangs are from Mars, Thais are from Venus

[Inspire]

Farangs are from Mars, Thais are from Venus

 

 

When US relationships counselor John Gray wrote his iconic book about the fundamental psychological differences between the sexes many might have also thought about the equally large gulf between the thinking of people of people from different backgrounds and cultures.

 

Hence the title – are those from a western background really so different to the men women and children of the Land of Smiles. Or is there a gap as wide as the Gulf of Thailand?

 

At times when you look at forums where foreigners gather to discuss Thailand – and Thaivisa forum is a perfect example – it appears like it is “us vs them”. A battle every bit as ferocious and lacking in understanding as that between the sexes in Gray’s 1990s bestseller.

 

That author billed his book as “a practical guide to improving communication” and it wasn’t as if the language was different….that wasn’t the point. The words used in communication were the same language but the interpretation from each of the sexes was different. Forgetting – if it is possible – the difference in the language between westerners and Thais, what can be done to improve understanding?

 

Not that I am assuming that things are not cordial in many relationships between the nationalities but there must be room for improvement. And of course like the criticism of his book, any discussion on the subject will be largely stereotypical. It is hard to get away from that.

 

John Gray’s book had two fundamental assertions. The first was that women awarded a kind of points system to the good deeds of men. In their assessment however the points were always one. So helping out with a household chore, or showing appreciation in a loving way perhaps, received the same point as providing for someone by working for a year. Men could not grasp this one point system seeing everything in a gradated scale where certain things were worth much more meaning that they could “coast” after doing something big. They just didn’t get it that women needed a little and often to get by.

 

Could this correlate to cultural interactions between people of different nationalities in Thailand. Even people who have lived in the kingdom for years find themselves in many situations where they are perceived as recently arrived and perhaps have to “prove” themselves all over again. So the totting up of points never seems to end for many.

 

Indeed it can’t – remember to many people you always look like you just got off the boat.

 

Another central theme of Gray’s book is how stress is handled – women want to talk about their problems endlessly even if this has little direction towards finding an answer. While the approach of men is to retreat to their “cave” to get away from it all and address the problem anew when time has passed and their mood and perspective may have improved.

 

Full story: http://www.inspirepattaya.com/lifestyle/farangs-mars-thais-venus/

[AlexRRR]

Ha young man you remind me of a time when the ex wife wanted me to read that book....its like this....we are all in different stages of evolution, apart from that some can see some cant...on top of that we all have our own view on things, there is no BLACK or WHITE its all dam grey...take that to a western thai relationship and it gets even stickier ...so the deal is...who is willing to to forgo what they are and brought up and move to the other side to appease there partner.....few I'm afraid to say, to the successful  ones good luck to you to the less and that's me, the question really should be "where are in your life and what are you willing to give up?"

 

Throw the book and your going to get canned in here for bring it up...

 

Going back to the ex wife...she had an agenda and she was trying to prove a point in her favour to my detriment,  I've had a few TGF's now it seems that hasn't changed either...i do take responsibilty because in some cases its more me than her, as for the "stress" nope you got it wrong there  Thai dont want to deal with it, they will pay lip service to it in reality with most often will try and sweep it under the carpet at least thats been my experience..

[Donutz]

I find the whole idea of genders or nationalities comming from different planets just plain silly. Sure if you lumpsum all people of gender or nationality X in one group you can make some very general stereotypes but they will say little to nothing about an individual. I have heard about this 'men want to retreat to their cave, women want to talk and talk and talk'  thing before. I find it nonsense. Same applies to farang vs Thai. You can make a few very crude, broad stereotypical difference but they will say almost nothing about an individual. No need for any books or guides on how to understand people of gender/nationality X or Y.  You simply need to have the ability to see things from different perspectives. If you can't place yourself in the shoes of an other you will have many headaches, misunderstandings, frustrations and what else not. If you are a bit flexible and not sticking to one view (your own), very little should annoy you, frustrate you or be beyond your grap of understanding.  Besides, most human beings share the same basic principles of desiring to be respected, to have joy and such so culture is nothing but a thin layer of cloth anyway.  Pointing towards gender or nationality is simply a sad excuse. People are all different but they aren't from other planets. If you do think so you might simply have extremely poor people's skills. 

[JHolmesJr]

I disagree...

 

farngs are from mars, thais are from pluto. 

 

 

[tifino]

1 minute ago, JHolmesJr said:

I disagree...

 

farngs are from mars, thais are from pluto. 

 

 

 

and Katoeys are from Uranus

[JHolmesJr]

Yes. 

[swissie]

21 minutes ago, JHolmesJr said:

I disagree...

 

farngs are from mars, thais are from pluto. 

 

 

If living in a tourist-hub a Farang soon realizes that most Thai's do not come from Mars or Pluto, but from the Isaan.

Some folks insist, that the "Isaan" is farther away than Pluto. In many ways.

Cheers.

[anon4637435435]

The ancient Sumerians and annunaki i think have a more realistic view concidering that evolution in such drastic steps isnt theoretically possible and more questions than answers raised. Perhaps we were all just mod dna monkeys with varying tweaks to serve a purpose which offers up these differences that arent necessarily a bad thing. 

[Shiver]

Where are these places (Mars, Venus, Pluto)?  Are they further than Bangkok? (seriously I was asked that question when I mentioned a country name one time).

Wrt to the "Women want to talk things through"...Not in my experience here at all (but very much so in my origin country).  If I make my GF think for more than 2-3 mins she gets a headache and wants to go to her 'woman cave'. On the other hand, given a menial task she can put many to shame with the sweat dripping from her brow and no food as she works, it would appear from the outside, tirelessly until the task is complete.  That's when her tired muscles require a gentle massage and then everything is good in the world.  How many times have I heard "mai tong kit maak" (not necessary to think too much, not over analyse or something like that).  So I keep it simple and stay out of the way doing the thinking part elsewhere until called upon for assistance.

 

 

[gandalf12]

By definition of the usual association it means that Fagans are men and Thai's are women. That has to be wrong

[1FinickyOne]

It has been said that there are only two types of people... people who divide people into two types and people who don't. 

[Mangostin]

No way.

I will now explain the universe to you, for the "stare at the universe" please wait for the nesht lesson....

Farangs = HandSun

Thais = Black Holes

[sandemara]

We're all members of the same crew on Starship Earth, travelling thru the universe.  Better make the best of it until we're sucked out of the coffin port into that cold vacuum freefall.

[hdkane]

Most explanations that rely on cultural differences are just hollow excuses for laziness, stupidity, or selfish behavior...

 

also, John Grey is hardly a real psychologist...he got his doctorate from a degree mill and never legally practiced real psychology...

[zyphodb]

20 hours ago, tifino said:

 

and Katoeys are from Uranus

 

Someone just had to say it didn't they.....

[augustwest]

Men are from Mars women from Venus Thais are from Pluto.

[cncltd1973]

Good article with helpful tips. I see the Thais as being very socially developed and adept of where each other fit in their class system, and all the risks and rewards of playing that system. Some of those skills we lost since entering the brotherhood status of the 1st world class.

[tandor]

...they certainly are stubborn and will not debate in a sensible way..they reach their max stress level when cornered and resort to shouting, screaming so as others around feel sympathy towards them..one friend gave me some good advice too..just cut them some extra slack...or end it....i listened but i dont know if i can do that...Im going for compromise..weighted in my favour cause i know Im right in these incidents.

[Shiver]

On 10/2/2016 at 0:42 PM, kenk24 said:

It has been said that there are only two types of people... people who divide people into two types and people who don't. 

 

Then again, there are 10 types of people; Those who understand Binary and those who don't.

 

 

Edited October 3, 2016 by Shiver