My Wife Is Afraid To Stay Alone In The House

[londonthai]

meemiathai - because her behaviour (for example won't take shower unless somebody is on the same floor as she is) are irrational and on the border of mania/phobia/obsession and just make live difficult for herself and all around her.

of course we can tolerate such behaviour - but at some stage they might spinn out of controll and she won't be able to stay alone at home at all (like the example of this mother in law in London) or get depressive etc.

all might be a proove how insecure and unconfident she is

[Donz]

Just keep making her do stuff on her own and let her be scared, she will eventuallly get over it.

Simple as that

[oxymoron]

For 18 years my TW and I have lived in Oz and no problems even though my work demanded I travel a lot.

For the last 18 months we have been here in LOST caring for her mum who unfortunately died a month ago. Since then the house has been lit up like a Christmas Tree and I have a second shadow. the upside is though she wont shower alone so for the first time in 18 years I get to ?????

We will be going home after the mandatory 100 day period, following mums death, assuming I can get a visa of some sort to stay the extra 25 days.

I doubt the problem will exist in Oz as I expect Thai Phi Pobs have the same difficulty in getting visa's at the Oz Embassy as Thai w's or G/F's. Imagine the documentation hassles!!

[ThaiPauly]

I currently have a six bedroom residence in Pattaya, but when Thai family comes to stay - they all pile into one bedroom - no matter how many they are!

You are spot on Mobi.....I experienced exactly the same thing when my Wife's folks all piled up from Surat Thani, and when I had a very large Condo in Bangkok we had some workmen staying ..seven in one room with 3 empty

[The Skipper]

Thais don't like to do anything alone.

It takes two to travel, eat, sleep.

Even at work it takes two to do a simple errand.

Most Thais are mentally, still in kindergarden.

[BKKstan]

Thais don't like to do anything alone.

It takes two to travel, eat, sleep.

Even at work it takes two to do a simple errand.

Most Thais are mentally, still in kindergarden.

I agree with this and also the ''ghosts'',but there is another thing to consider!RAPE!Thai men are raised in a spoiled manner and the women are programmed to servitude towards them.Rape is a very prevalent in this society and less reported than the West for many reasons including that ''servitude'' programming.When a woman is married to a falang ,she is considered to be more ''less than'' other Thai women.She ,most of the time,is outside her family/village/province security zone and is standout target for locals!

[Scott]

You need to get two things 1) a dog and 2) a mia noi. Then let your wife decide which one is most likely to keep her happy when your gone! Bet she settles for the dog. Your lucky if she settles for # 2!

[kmart]

Thais don't like to do anything alone.

It takes two to travel, eat, sleep.

Even at work it takes two to do a simple errand.

Most Thais are mentally, still in kindergarden.

I agree with this and also the ''ghosts'',but there is another thing to consider!RAPE!Thai men are raised in a spoiled manner and the women are programmed to servitude towards them.Rape is a very prevalent in this society and less reported than the West for many reasons including that ''servitude'' programming.When a woman is married to a falang ,she is considered to be more ''less than'' other Thai women.She ,most of the time,is outside her family/village/province security zone and is standout target for locals!

This is true. I would never want to live anywhere near the poorer, uneducated Thais, and excuse any perceived snobbery, but drunken uneducated Thai men scare the crap out of my missus.

[alexth]

You need to get two things 1) a dog and 2) a mia noi. Then let your wife decide which one is most likely to keep her happy when your gone! Bet she settles for the dog. Your lucky if she settles for # 2!

And if she settles for #2, let me know if your wife has any sisters, I might want to meet them

[meemiathai]

meemiathai - because her behaviour (for example won't take shower unless somebody is on the same floor as she is) are irrational and on the border of mania/phobia/obsession and just make live difficult for herself and all around her.

of course we can tolerate such behaviour - but at some stage they might spinn out of controll and she won't be able to stay alone at home at all (like the example of this mother in law in London) or get depressive etc.

all might be a proove how insecure and unconfident she is

If the OP was to ask 'how to deal with it' instead of 'why this is happening'............

you see? looking for to blame instead of to help. And we are talking about 'the wife' here. Someone whom is supposed to be loved.

Don't tell if even there is one person here on this forum who does not understand the behaviour of the wife please.

I feel sorry for mine for I have to stay out due to work every 3 days. Lucky she has 2 cats.

[meemiathai]

I doubt the problem will exist in Oz as I expect Thai Phi Pobs have the same difficulty in getting visa's at the Oz Embassy as Thai w's or G/F's. Imagine the documentation hassles!!

[Greer]

This happened with my wife, so I got her a free-range organic hamster. One night the hamster tried to kill her. It's true!

Do they have inorganic hamsters, and battery farms full of hamsters producing ..what...hamster pellets...argh!!!! Sounds like the little blighter was unhinged for sure!

Haha...just kidding!

My other half is afraid of ghosts, my ex is also afraid of them, and did a good job of passing this stupidity on to our kids, despite my instructions not to tell them bullsh*t stories and scare them.

Oh well... it's a part of the culture, and despite all our protestations we will never change it, and you will cause yourself more grief than enough if you try.

You just have to adapt somehow or give up and accept that it's part of where you live.

Edited December 4, 2006 by Greer

[davidjtayler]

Ive copied my original post from another thread along the same lines ...

Its not an exclusively mutual womans issue this one (fear of sleeping on your own and fear of the dark) although many men would be loathe to admit such a seemingly 'irrational weakness'.

I can tell you however, that I'm not keen on the dark myself especially if Im on my ownsome and would be very hesitant about sleeping in a big old fashioned style house on my own without a big bottle of whisky to help my bravado ....

As Terry said earlier 'it freaks me out' ...

I do believe in ghosts/spirits and have never seen one ... I can understand why some people have fears even though they might seem irrational to others.

Each to their own ... but better to try and help and comfort those that have their fear than criticize

[meemiathai]

Ive copied my original post from another thread along the same lines ...

Its not an exclusively mutual womans issue this one (fear of sleeping on your own and fear of the dark) although many men would be loathe to admit such a seemingly 'irrational weakness'.

I can tell you however, that I'm not keen on the dark myself especially if Im on my ownsome and would be very hesitant about sleeping in a big old fashioned style house on my own without a big bottle of whisky to help my bravado ....

As Terry said earlier 'it freaks me out' ...

I do believe in ghosts/spirits and have never seen one ... I can understand why some people have fears even though they might seem irrational to others.

Each to their own ... but better to try and help and comfort those that have their fear than criticize

[meemiathai]

Growing up here in HK, I see a lot of chinese believing in ghosts.

And I have also been brainwashed into believing in ghosts for 11yrs of school. Yes they teach it at school! At class! If I remember right, they did have bible lessons!

Can someone help me make senses of it?

But still, luckily I don't believe a single word.

[farang prince]

My guess is that if you had granny and mommy and daddy and a sister staying in your house as permanent guests, you wife wouldn't have any problems with ghosts or being lonely. This isn't just a Thai thing. It happens in virtually every Asiatic country. It is called sharing the wealth.

[GuestHouse]

Going back to one of my earlier posts on Thais overseas, we have had problems with Thais latching on to my wife's every spare minute, and many a miunute that is not spare.

It is my opinion that many Thai families socially cripple their children with the dependency thing. Again, as I have posted before, we've had Thai visitors calling their children from here in Italy soliciting statements of 'Missing Mum/Dad (but usually Mum)'

Have you ever seen the performance at the airport whit Thai families grabbing onto a brother or syster who is going overseas. I always think when I see this behavior, "This is an Aircraft, not a gas chamber'.

I don't think it is an accident that so many Thais are unable to cope with being alone, they are raised to not have an identity outside their family/social group.

As for the big house thing, I think there are aspects of security here. Thais have a far better understanding of and awareness of security risks in Thailand.

It is very likely that a Thai is aware of risks from house breaking etc that the smiling Farang will not even notice (convincing himself that his newly built home and all it's trappings of wealth is at far less risk than wherever he came from).

[Pepe']

Don't work very hard to be provider and not be availible 24 hours per day.

Mine got so lonely after 8 years she dumped me for the newer model...

[Donz]

Going back to one of my earlier posts on Thais overseas, we have had problems with Thais latching on to my wife's every spare minute, and many a miunute that is not spare.

It is my opinion that many Thai families socially cripple their children with the dependency thing. Again, as I have posted before, we've had Thai visitors calling their children from here in Italy soliciting statements of 'Missing Mum/Dad (but usually Mum)'

Have you ever seen the performance at the airport whit Thai families grabbing onto a brother or syster who is going overseas. I always think when I see this behavior, "This is an Aircraft, not a gas chamber'.

I don't think it is an accident that so many Thais are unable to cope with being alone, they are raised to not have an identity outside their family/social group.

As for the big house thing, I think there are aspects of security here. Thais have a far better understanding of and awareness of security risks in Thailand.

It is very likely that a Thai is aware of risks from house breaking etc that the smiling Farang will not even notice (convincing himself that his newly built home and all it's trappings of wealth is at far less risk than wherever he came from).

Is that what you really think? Or you been on the turps

[davidjtayler]

Going back to one of my earlier posts on Thais overseas, we have had problems with Thais latching on to my wife's every spare minute, and many a miunute that is not spare.

It is my opinion that many Thai families socially cripple their children with the dependency thing. Again, as I have posted before, we've had Thai visitors calling their children from here in Italy soliciting statements of 'Missing Mum/Dad (but usually Mum)'

Have you ever seen the performance at the airport whit Thai families grabbing onto a brother or syster who is going overseas. I always think when I see this behavior, "This is an Aircraft, not a gas chamber'.

I don't think it is an accident that so many Thais are unable to cope with being alone, they are raised to not have an identity outside their family/social group.

As for the big house thing, I think there are aspects of security here. Thais have a far better understanding of and awareness of security risks in Thailand.

It is very likely that a Thai is aware of risks from house breaking etc that the smiling Farang will not even notice (convincing himself that his newly built home and all it's trappings of wealth is at far less risk than wherever he came from).

Is that what you really think? Or you been on the turps

Don't know about GH but I NEED to get on the turps to go in the big house at night on my own !

[Donz]

Going back to one of my earlier posts on Thais overseas, we have had problems with Thais latching on to my wife's every spare minute, and many a miunute that is not spare.

It is my opinion that many Thai families socially cripple their children with the dependency thing. Again, as I have posted before, we've had Thai visitors calling their children from here in Italy soliciting statements of 'Missing Mum/Dad (but usually Mum)'

Have you ever seen the performance at the airport whit Thai families grabbing onto a brother or syster who is going overseas. I always think when I see this behavior, "This is an Aircraft, not a gas chamber'.

I don't think it is an accident that so many Thais are unable to cope with being alone, they are raised to not have an identity outside their family/social group.

As for the big house thing, I think there are aspects of security here. Thais have a far better understanding of and awareness of security risks in Thailand.

It is very likely that a Thai is aware of risks from house breaking etc that the smiling Farang will not even notice (convincing himself that his newly built home and all it's trappings of wealth is at far less risk than wherever he came from).

Is that what you really think? Or you been on the turps

Don't know about GH but I NEED to get on the turps to go in the big house at night on my own !

I NEED to go on the turps whenever im thirsty

[Rinrada]

This happened with my wife, so I got her a free-range organic hamster. One night the hamster tried to kill her. It's true!

..absolutely priceless.....

On the subject ...ghosts and spirits.....

In our house here in the smoke I have big wooden elephants,shelves full of "monks" and very formal pictures of Rama 5 all for protection and good luck.On special occasions K.W will pray outside in the garden and leave an apple and sometimes a glass of (my )whisky on top of the gas meter.......

[kudroz]

Well thanks everyone for all your replies, it's very enlightening. I wonder why they fear these ghosts so much, makes me wonder why 3 movie trailers out of 5 at the movie theater showcase a Thai Ghost movie... Oh well

[VanZam]

This happened with my wife, so I got her a free-range organic hamster. One night the hamster tried to kill her. It's true!

..absolutely priceless.....

On the subject ...ghosts and spirits.....

In our house here in the smoke I have big wooden elephants,shelves full of "monks" and very formal pictures of Rama 5 all for protection and good luck.On special occasions K.W will pray outside in the garden and leave an apple and sometimes a glass of (my )whisky on top of the gas meter.......

Obviously ghosts have been known to target gas meters.. that could explain a lot...

[loveandlaughter]

People love ghost stories to be scared....my thai teenage niece especially.

The OP's wife sounds to be more than a little unsettled, and also remember that Thai folk seem to get bored easily if alone.

We have three teens, one baby, wife , dog and myself, so there is always someone around.... and I am probably the one who sometimes sits in my reading room alone.......

The OP has not mentioned neighbours etc......

This might be a situation where they have fopund a place with the good intention of having a large house with grounds somewhere away from everyone else....... and for many people this doesn't work. You could do the same taking a house in the outback, moving to Alaska or the Yorkshire Moors......

There may be no easy solution to this one.