Getting ex-Girlfriend to leave the apartment

[DrDweeb]

6 hours ago, NanLaew said:

Then how does the OP know?

I don't wish to reveal how. I do not have it as far as can be determined.

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, DrDweeb said:

Well, it's the betrayal and lies behind my back that are hurtful. Sex is part of that betrayal package - we are not just talking physical sex. 

 

Like you, our sex life was fine, better than fine in fact. She wasn't looking for more orgasms, she was looking for something she didn't have - whatever that is. Grass is greener and all that.

 

She made a grab for the brass ring, and missed. The fall is going to be a long way.

 

I may be the last Boy Scout, I never wanted another woman after we hooked up. As unlikely as it might seem, I do have a clear conscience.

 

The boy is not mine, my obligation to him is moral not biological.

 

Glad to see you are bigger than the sexual betrayal, as for the lies, I do not tolerate them also, had a Thai girlfriend of 2 years once, very fond of her and her 2 young daughters, her phone rang while she was in the shower one day, I went to answer it to say she was in the shower, saw it was an X that she told me she had a restraining order on years ago and she had no communication with, he sent a text after the phone didn't answer, it said call me, I need to talk to you, long of the short when she came out of the shower, I said I think I heard your phone ring, she shook her head as to say I will look at it later, I said it might be important, or an emergency, you should always check, she did, shook her head again, I said what's up, who was it, she said it was Sheryl, I said ring her, she said, no, she probably wants to go to the shopping centre, not interested, I said are you sure, she said, what you think I lie, I said its possible, she said I not lie Sheryl call me, I said really, oh ok, show me, she said I delete here call, what you no trust me, I said sure it wasn't Wayne, what u talk about, I said swear on your 2 beautiful young daughters lives that it wasn't Wayne, she said I swear on my daughters lives it wasn't Wayne, that was enough for me, I then stood up from were I was sitting and said to her, I went to answer your phone when you were in the shower and saw it was Wayne, he also sent you a message to call him, you are a liar, and I told you in the beginning of our relationship, that just one lie would finish us, and that was your lie that just finished our relationship.

 

Lie's are the biggest betrayal, my wife of 10 years knows, that there is no reason to lie, and I am man enough to handle any situation, so let me be the judge of the situation and we can move forward from there, but never pull the rug from under my feet, I don't mind the occasional white lie, for example I discipline one of our daughter and say no iPad for a week, and when I am out she sneaks it to her and I arrive home and find our daughter with it, and ask her who gave it to her, and she looks at me and says, not me cranky old man, laughs and kisses and hugs me, please honey, it keep her quite 555

 

I have to say you are bigger than most continuing the financial support of the child, and I hope your pain is swifter than most, there are some good fish in the see, but one also has to sleep with one eye open unfortunately, because the species has an underlying evil with it.

 

As you appear to be quite mature about this, I can see you moving forward pretty quickly and perhaps, just perhaps hooking up with someone who has suffered enough to know best.

 

Good luck

[gemguy]

7 hours ago, MikeyIdea said:

 

ThaiVisa can be a great source of information for foreigners who don't know the law in Thailand or don't know what to do or how to act. The problem TV has are with people who hear something from a friend or why not a friend of a friend who got it from a nice poor working class girl and then post it as "fact" without confirming if it is correct or not.

 

I have been interpretor in Juvenile court and has had quite a lot of direct experience with the law here. It does not happen often but if it does, then it happens to people who actually are wrong almost all the time. It rarely happens to people who have done nothing wrong - and then only if they are uneducated.

 

Educated Thai's know how to handle this. Educated Thai's would simply - politely as it is the Thai way to avoid confrontation - first ask the police if they have jurisdiction and if the police still stands his ground, again politely as he wants to give the policeman a way out, suggest that they go down to the police station. Eeeehhhh..., the policeman will quickly leave with his head held high but what actually happened was that he got hammered as hard as any American police would have been trying to do something illegal with a "low life" finding out that Oh sh!t, that was actually an over confident educated guy who is now shovelling the law down his throat...

 

Just like in America, a policeman is surely not going to go to the police station to document that he's just tried to act in a matter where he has no jurisdiction..

 

Even the drivers at our office know enough to suggest to go down to the police station to clear the matter with roiwen, the maids and the cleaners do normally not though.

 

The class differences in Thailand are sad indeed but they are fact

 

You have good points there...but my point was and still is this:

In Thailand people use the police to do their dirty work while everyday, all around Thailand, people have to deal with police officers that are acting on behalf of other people.

People that have paid the police to do "something" for them so that the person paying the police wins their legal case or wins their argument or gets "Their Way" by way of intimidation and or strong arm tactics.

This goes on regardless of the laws and or protocol as the laws and protocol do not stop the law enforcers from "Trying" to help other people in a corrupted manner.

Everyone knows that you can TRY to pay off a police officer here in Thailand and you will find a good number of police that will accommodate you for a price while many of the wealthy and influential people in Thailand commonly use the police as a back up to obtain what they want or need.....or make a problem go away.

Cheers

[greenchair]

3 hours ago, DrDweeb said:

One would think so, but whatever it is that is missing inside her, is big enough that she will destroy everything, including herself and son trying to get it. Destructive personality takes over and rationality takes the exit. Very few people are rational, almost no women are. Women tend to rely on emotional reasoning, and it often gives bad results - the case here I think.

 

I think you are already making excuses for her. That you love her very much. That this is going to drag on for years. 

Good luck mate. 

[madusa]

On 21/11/2016 at 5:01 AM, cyberfarang said:

I am so very very sad this has happened to you. 30 years ago in England my wife of 9 years done the same to me and we had our own house and 2 beautiful children together, I loved her very much. Discovered she was having an affair with a guy from my social club while I was at work.

 

I think this is one of the most painful emotional experiences that could ever happen to a man. The man feels cheated, betrayed and <deleted> on, it can tear your heart out. After this happened to me I could never have gone back with my wife as every time we`d be together, especially in bed,  I would be thinking of her making out with that guy, plus could never trust her again, it also proves that the woman does respect or love her man.

 

Unless your girlfriend has some sort of tenancy agreement where you are living together, then you are entitled to kick her out as there is no such thing as a common law wife in Thailand.

 

When you 2 meet again best to have a friend with you in case you lose your cool and do something you could go to prison for. Good luck to you.

Yes, you are right my friend, always have a friend when you meet her, sort of having a witness what is happening. Never assume that she is not bar girl she wouldn't do something bad. When emotionally unstable women do become unpredictable. If she brings a hand bag be aware of knife in the bag or gun. No, you do have to take precaution it's not being paranoid.

I never trust a Thai in situation like this. I am not farang, I think sometimes farang got murdered because they trust people obey the laws, which is not the case in Thailand. Otherwise why so much murder cases committed by the Thai boy friend ?

Take care good luck. If i were you once problem solved never go back to meet her ever again just to be on the safe side.  For the reason that thing changes all the time. Protect yourself while in Thailand because Thailand doesn't protect you at all. Tell me when did Thailand protects farangs in many murder cases?

[DrDweeb]

1 hour ago, greenchair said:

 

I think you are already making excuses for her. That you love her very much. That this is going to drag on for years. 

Good luck mate. 

Oh, not an excuse at all. I have actually spent some considerable time reading the literature of human behaviour. However, recognising behaviour in others (and one self) is only half the battle.

 

Everyone would do well to understand "emotional reasoning". Here is a random article on the matter, you may all learn something.

http://shrink4men.com/2011/08/29/welcome-to-the-land-of-emotional-reasoning-id-turn-back-if-i-were-you/

 

It has already dragged on beyond any reasonable length of time, but love can tolerate quite a lot before giving up.

Edited November 24, 2016 by DrDweeb
Clarification

[NanLaew]

5 hours ago, DrDweeb said:

One would think so, but whatever it is that is missing inside her, is big enough that she will destroy everything, including herself and son trying to get it. Destructive personality takes over and rationality takes the exit. Very few people are rational, almost no women are. Women tend to rely on emotional reasoning, and it often gives bad results - the case here I think.

Kudos for putting it all out there in a public forum but you are reading way to much into what she has done. You consider that she has destroyed everything "including herself and her son". That is your perception of what she and her son stand to lose and not hers. Obviously something was missing; no something was definitely missing and the sooner you define that, the easier it will be to totally break up and move on. Feeling obliged to maintain some form of relationship for the benefit of her son is your emotional crutch and she doesn't need one as long as she knows you think like that. If it was your biological son, then fair game in making allowances otherwise in the cold light of day your statement "The boy is not mine, my obligation to him is moral not biological" is emotional, self-pitying nonsense.

[cyberfarang]

The harsh reality is that once a woman begins cheating on her partner, whether it be husband or long term boyfriend, it means she has fallen out of love from him, did not love him in the first place or simply become bored in the relationship and is seeking a different lifestyle elsewhere.

 

These women are sly, deceitful and cunning, they like to hedge their bets until the time is right for them. They will not usually completely disconnect themselves from a present partner until they have secured support from a new partner or to wherever they decide to move on. This means that in many cases when these women are confronted by their partners for cheating they will reacted in cold and callous ways, with an alright then, I don`t give a <deleted>, I`m out of here, bye, because they have secured support from elsewhere. So the OP should be prepared for this and condition himself to be emotionally strong when the crap hits the fan.  

[A1Str8]

On 11/22/2016 at 3:38 PM, 4MyEgo said:

 

For what its worth, people end relationships for many reasons, .e.g. the cheating husband/wife/partner which is right up there for relationships falling apart, but too many people in my opinion set themselves up for the big fall, i.e. we follow societies rules, which says we have to be faithful to each other, never cheat on me, I will never betray you, has anyone ever stopped to ask: who made up these rules, religion ? why do most relationships end by husbands/wives being unfaithful, has anyone ever thought of thinking outside the square, has anyone ever thought about there own needs as a human being and if they ever wanted to have there cake and eat it too, is anything wrong with that ?

 

Don't get me wrong, I am no expert on the matter, and my heart goes out to DrDweeb and others who have been betrayed, but seriously, as human beings we all have needs and urges, suffice to say, I am sure most guys on here wouldn't dare say that they cheated on their wives, a fling here or there, nothing wrong with a quick one here or there, quite healthy actually, but wouldn't life be much simpler if we all, as couples didn't place the ultimate restriction upon one and other i.e. if you feel like you want to go and have a bonk with someone else, ok, fine, visa versa, nothing wrong with it really, seriously, if its just a f... you are wanting with someone different, like a dog in the village having a good old sniff and then doing the mount, giddy up !!!

 

I mean are we all really that insecure, surely if your partner is going to leave you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, so why not enjoy the relationship without feeling insecure or betrayed, i.e. get it out in the open from day one, sure there are a lot of people, both men and women that wouldn't agree to what I am saying, but hell, how much better would your relationship be, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you go out and f... a different person every single day of the week, but you want to go away for a weekend, a week with some of your mates and you want to put a few on the board, why not, after all we are all human, its got nothing to do about being unfaithful, its about being true to yourself, to your partner and to your needs as a human being, satisfying your normal urges.

 

I do expect a fair bit of criticism for being openly honest about my way of thinking, but hey it works for me and I have a very health relationship with my wife, it has nothing to do with not being satisfied at home, our sex life is right up there, but hell, a little petite one here, a tall dark one there hits the spot for me. Naturally some simple boundaries would have to be put in place of course, like, not in our bed, don't tell me about it unless I ask, have safe sex, don't bring me back any diseases and last but not least, enjoy yourself, you only have one life.

 

Sure most of you are saying not a f'n chance in the world, and that's ok, if your happy in your relationship and don't want to have your cake and eat it too, that's fine, but if and when "betrayal" hits home, then you have to deal with it, I am not saying I agree with what she has done to him, what I am saying in my opinion, is that as a society we have placed too much control and expectations upon our relationships through religion or wherever this rule came from, and set ourselves up for the ultimate failure.

 

I know countless male friends who cheat on their wives, their business, not mine, and if they can live with it, then fine, although I do feel for their partners because in my opinion, its selfish and an outright lie, however, I can at least sleep at night knowing my wife knows who I am and how I want to live my life, and if she wishes to smell the roses, then she is also welcome. It works for us as crazy as it may sound to most, although I would suspect a few jealous ones in the crowd too, human nature....555  

 

With regard to the child, you never ever stop supporting the child financially, irregardless of who is at fault for the relationship ending, unless your bitter and twisted, you take it on the chin and contribute to your child's future, as others have said, its not the fault of the child, why should he have to suffer for his mum deciding to  fill a need, or betray her partner.

 

Go easy on the replies fella's, having my cake and eating it, maybe bitter sweet for some.

Wow. A man who gets it. I like your post. The fact is, monogamy is only forced on people by society. If both partners are intelligent and understanding beings, there's no reason to be against having the proverbial cake. 

However, unfortunately in most cases, people are possessive and jealous due to their insecure nature. 

But I agree with the OP, in his case I would have left the woman too. Who wants a dishonest chick. 

[cyberfarang]

On 22/11/2016 at 9:38 PM, 4MyEgo said:

 

For what its worth, people end relationships for many reasons, .e.g. the cheating husband/wife/partner which is right up there for relationships falling apart, but too many people in my opinion set themselves up for the big fall, i.e. we follow societies rules, which says we have to be faithful to each other, never cheat on me, I will never betray you, has anyone ever stopped to ask: who made up these rules, religion ? why do most relationships end by husbands/wives being unfaithful, has anyone ever thought of thinking outside the square, has anyone ever thought about there own needs as a human being and if they ever wanted to have there cake and eat it too, is anything wrong with that ?

 

Don't get me wrong, I am no expert on the matter, and my heart goes out to DrDweeb and others who have been betrayed, but seriously, as human beings we all have needs and urges, suffice to say, I am sure most guys on here wouldn't dare say that they cheated on their wives, a fling here or there, nothing wrong with a quick one here or there, quite healthy actually, but wouldn't life be much simpler if we all, as couples didn't place the ultimate restriction upon one and other i.e. if you feel like you want to go and have a bonk with someone else, ok, fine, visa versa, nothing wrong with it really, seriously, if its just a f... you are wanting with someone different, like a dog in the village having a good old sniff and then doing the mount, giddy up !!!

 

I mean are we all really that insecure, surely if your partner is going to leave you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, so why not enjoy the relationship without feeling insecure or betrayed, i.e. get it out in the open from day one, sure there are a lot of people, both men and women that wouldn't agree to what I am saying, but hell, how much better would your relationship be, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you go out and f... a different person every single day of the week, but you want to go away for a weekend, a week with some of your mates and you want to put a few on the board, why not, after all we are all human, its got nothing to do about being unfaithful, its about being true to yourself, to your partner and to your needs as a human being, satisfying your normal urges.

 

I do expect a fair bit of criticism for being openly honest about my way of thinking, but hey it works for me and I have a very health relationship with my wife, it has nothing to do with not being satisfied at home, our sex life is right up there, but hell, a little petite one here, a tall dark one there hits the spot for me. Naturally some simple boundaries would have to be put in place of course, like, not in our bed, don't tell me about it unless I ask, have safe sex, don't bring me back any diseases and last but not least, enjoy yourself, you only have one life.

 

Sure most of you are saying not a f'n chance in the world, and that's ok, if your happy in your relationship and don't want to have your cake and eat it too, that's fine, but if and when "betrayal" hits home, then you have to deal with it, I am not saying I agree with what she has done to him, what I am saying in my opinion, is that as a society we have placed too much control and expectations upon our relationships through religion or wherever this rule came from, and set ourselves up for the ultimate failure.

 

I know countless male friends who cheat on their wives, their business, not mine, and if they can live with it, then fine, although I do feel for their partners because in my opinion, its selfish and an outright lie, however, I can at least sleep at night knowing my wife knows who I am and how I want to live my life, and if she wishes to smell the roses, then she is also welcome. It works for us as crazy as it may sound to most, although I would suspect a few jealous ones in the crowd too, human nature....555  

 

With regard to the child, you never ever stop supporting the child financially, irregardless of who is at fault for the relationship ending, unless your bitter and twisted, you take it on the chin and contribute to your child's future, as others have said, its not the fault of the child, why should he have to suffer for his mum deciding to  fill a need, or betray her partner.

 

Go easy on the replies fella's, having my cake and eating it, maybe bitter sweet for some.

I understand where you are coming from, but you are missing the main points of cheating during relationships.

A husband, wife, GF, BF, may have invested and placed a lot of resources into a marriage or partnership, which will involve maybe years of their lives, hard graft, money, investments and especially if a couple have children together, then all that becomes wasted when one partner decides to cheat and throw in the towel to a relationship by cheating and seeking sexual activities outside the marriage or union. I agree that if one partner has fallen out of love then why should that person have to live a life of misery for the remainder of their life. But on the other hand for the partner who remains loyal and is content with the marriage and perhaps been a good and worthy husband or wife, then discovering a partner has been finding solace and adventure with somebody else must be devastating. It’s like some sort of intense game where there are winners and losers, only in these cases for the losers it becomes a total destruction of mind, body and soul, it can feel worse than grief when someone close to them dies. I know, I’ve been there and unfortunately on the losing end of the game.

This is a very difficult dilemma and there are no easy cut and dry solutions when relationships between couples who have committed themselves to each other maybe over several years turns sour.

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, cyberfarang said:

I understand where you are coming from, but you are missing the main points of cheating during relationships.

A husband, wife, GF, BF, may have invested and placed a lot of resources into a marriage or partnership, which will involve maybe years of their lives, hard graft, money, investments and especially if a couple have children together, then all that becomes wasted when one partner decides to cheat and throw in the towel to a relationship by cheating and seeking sexual activities outside the marriage or union. I agree that if one partner has fallen out of love then why should that person have to live a life of misery for the remainder of their life. But on the other hand for the partner who remains loyal and is content with the marriage and perhaps been a good and worthy husband or wife, then discovering a partner has been finding solace and adventure with somebody else must be devastating. It’s like some sort of intense game where there are winners and losers, only in these cases for the losers it becomes a total destruction of mind, body and soul, it can feel worse than grief when someone close to them dies. I know, I’ve been there and unfortunately on the losing end of the game.

This is a very difficult dilemma and there are no easy cut and dry solutions when relationships between couples who have committed themselves to each other maybe over several years turns sour.

 

I totally agree with your comments, my view was only if, in the beginning of the relationship it was made clear as to what one wanted, and both agreed, i.e. to have ones cake and eat it too.

 

But to be having too much of the cake in my opinion, e.g. sleeping with too many people or over doing it, a definite no no as far as it goes for me, and lying, totally out of the question, as far as I can see, we all have boundaries in relationships, some suit and some do not suit, however, living outside the boundaries will only lead to hurting the other partner and the relationship falling apart, friendship, respect, loyalty and love should always be the basis for a successful relationship. 

[cyberfarang]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

 

I totally agree with your comments, my view was only if, in the beginning of the relationship it was made clear as to what one wanted, and both agreed, i.e. to have ones cake and eat it too.

 

But to be having too much of the cake in my opinion, e.g. sleeping with too many people or over doing it, a definite no no as far as it goes for me, and lying, totally out of the question, as far as I can see, we all have boundaries in relationships, some suit and some do not suit, however, living outside the boundaries will only lead to hurting the other partner and the relationship falling apart, friendship, respect, loyalty and love should always be the basis for a successful relationship. 

I am going to be perfectly honest with you and some may find this a bit crude.

 

If I had a full time girlfriend or wife that I knew was sleeping around with another or several other guys, then each time my partner and I were making love I could only think of that another man`s bodily fluids has been there plus the thought of her indulging herself with another man that I could not erase from my mind no matter how hard I tried. While she is being sexually intimate with me, especially if she was the love of my life, I would be thinking of her doing the same with some other guy and also wondering if she would be comparing me with the guy/s she has had sexual contacts with. Not that it would be a jealousy thing or wanting to be controlling, but with the feeling that according to my beloved GF or wife I would not be the number one in a life because she is sharing her body with others and why I could never be in an open relationship, because being in an open relationship means the couple are just friends with benefits and not in actuality a real couple.  So for example, if I discovered my GF or wife was having sex with another guy behind my back, it means she`s not fully contented with me and wants more, then it`s better to just call it a day and end the relationship, because after cheating the relationship is ruined forever.

Edited November 24, 2016 by cyberfarang

[cyberfarang]

1 minute ago, cyberfarang said:

 

 

Sorry, double post

Edited November 24, 2016 by cyberfarang

[Rhys]

Dude.. really tough here.....Best to move on... Take care of your business the best you can.  Cover you issues with short term bandaids and you will be on your way... right.....Move on... more out there...

[AlexRich]

2 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

I am going to be perfectly honest with you and some may find this a bit crude.

 

If I had a full time girlfriend or wife that I knew was sleeping around with another or several other guys, then each time my partner and I were making love I could only think of that another man`s bodily fluids has been there plus the thought of her indulging herself with another man that I could not erase from my mind no matter how hard I tried. While she is being sexually intimate with me, especially if she was the love of my life, I would be thinking of her doing the same with some other guy and also wondering if she would be comparing me with the guy/s she has had sexual contacts with. Not that it would be a jealousy thing or wanting to be controlling, but with the feeling that according to my beloved GF or wife I would not be the number one in a life because she is sharing her body with others and why I could never be in an open relationship, because being in an open relationship means the couple are just friends with benefits and not in actuality a real couple.  So for example, if I discovered my GF or wife was having sex with another guy behind my back, it means she`s not fully contented with me and wants more, then it`s better to just call it a day and end the relationship, because after cheating the relationship is ruined forever.

 

I think one big problem, apart from the emotional hurt, is that your cheating partner might pass her Herpes infection to you ... a life long reminder of a relationship gone sour. 

 

People that want open relationships should not commit to marriage; these relationships simply don't work. 

 

The OP is doing the right thing ... moving on.

 

[DrDweeb]

Back in Bangkok ... defiance and abuse from her and no admission or acceptance whatsoever. She is playing the victim card, as if her actions are my fault - delusional. She avoids confronting the truth (her despicable behaviour) and avoids the elephant in the room (unequivocal evidence of her deeds - now presented).

 

If she did not understand before, she knows now. She has had a month to find a room but hasn't even looked. She has until Monday night to get out, the boy can stay until she has a place for him and her stuff can stay as well until she has a place.

I expect her to be sleeping in the street unless the Italian sends her money - which he won't. I have surprisingly little pity for her, someone who I loved very deeply and whom I have invested almost a decade in.

 

It's strange how people can self destruct and blame others. Back to the village with both of them ... people with potential, re-consigned to the land. What a f*ing waste

Edited December 3, 2016 by DrDweeb
Spelling

[rhodie]

Tough time. Good luck and stay strong.

[samsensam]

 

thanks for the update. unfortunately things are panning out predictably , the lack of responsibility for her actions and living in denial is, sadly, rooted in the culture.

 

keep calm, logical, re-stating the cold hard facts without emotion and most importantly stay strong. good luck.

[spidermike007]

On 11/21/2016 at 11:03 AM, samsensam said:

 

the most important thing is to stay calm, stay strong and logical.

 

before any show down i would ensure valuable documents and cash, credit cards etc and any other things you dont want damaged/stolen are removed from the apartment to a safe place

 

let her know that you know what she has been up to, show her the evidence

 

tell her the relationship is over

 

tell her that the financial support has finished. immediately.

 

dont get into discussions or arguments or any drama, keep reiterating; the relationship is over due to her actions, financial support has finished due to her actions and she has to leave due to her actions

 

if she needs money she knows where she can go

 

if she needs somewhere to live she knows where to go

 

have a fall back position; as there is a child involved offer to pay for a room for a week to enable her to contact family, friends, her lover who will take over responsibility for her and the child

 

again; stay calm, strong and logical.

 

good luck.

 

 

 

 

Extraordinarily level headed words of wisdom. All men in a similar position would be well advised to follow this sage advice. Be like Bond. What would James Bond do in this situation? I believe he would handle it exactly like Samsensam advised. These are the words of a real man, acting like a real man, when the situation calls for it. 

[spidermike007]

1 hour ago, DrDweeb said:

Back in Bangkok ... defiance and abuse from her and no admission or acceptance whatsoever. She is playing the victim card, as if her actions are my fault - delusional. She avoids confronting the truth (her despicable behaviour) and avoids the elephant in the room (unequivocal evidence of her deeds - now presented).

 

If she did not understand before, she knows now. She has had a month to find a room but hasn't even looked. She has until Monday night to get out, the boy can stay until she has a place for him and her stuff can stay as well until she has a place.

I expect her to be sleeping in the street unless the Italian sends her money - which he won't. I have surprisingly little pity for her, someone who I loved very deeply and whom I have invested almost a decade in.

 

It's strange how people can self destruct and blame others. Back to the village with both of them ... people with potential, re-consigned to the land. What a f*ing waste

 

 

Sorry to hear. Sounds like an exceptional lack of emotional development, combined with a complete lack of perspective on her life, or her actions. Just stick to your guns. You know what is right. Do not be swayed by any of the nonsense, and know that is all it is. Blame is very common here, when at fault. Always remember, the act of face, is the polar opposite of introspection, taking responsibility for one's actions, and owning a situation. The practice of face is the greatest act of cowardice a person can engage in. It is the very opposite of knowing ones self. It is a complete lack of humility, sorrow, or respect for others. So, it is to be expected. 

[AlexRich]

4 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

 

 

Extraordinarily level headed words of wisdom. All men in a similar position would be well advised to follow this sage advice. Be like Bond. What would James Bond do in this situation? I believe he would handle it exactly like Samsensam advised. These are the words of a real man, acting like a real man, when the situation calls for it. 

 

And on a semi-serious note, don't turn your back on her ... it's not unheard of that an outgoing Thai cheater takes a knife to her former lover.  

[Rhys]

Then...find the guy, especially in the dirty mode.... wack his ppoff. justice.

 

[jerojero]

 
You either pick very poor partners, then, or you have a serious personal problem. Actually, the first would also be the result of the second. It's rather sad that you can't maintain a relationship and raises all kinds of questions about you.

Oh, holier-than-thou pontificating! 50% of marriages fail and greater number of common law relationships fail. Hope you are never on the down side of the 50%, but sounds like you got it aced. Are you so sure it will never happen to you? Sheesh!

[Bangkok Barry]

54 minutes ago, jerojero said:

Oh, holier-than-thou pontificating! 50% of marriages fail and greater number of common law relationships fail. Hope you are never on the down side of the 50%, but sounds like you got it aced. Are you so sure it will never happen to you? Sheesh!

 

26 years married and counting. Based on a little give and take. Same as all of my friends, so it isn't that unusual. Comes down to picking the right partner in the first place, making the right judgement. Sad that so many - you say 50 percent but I think it's higher - can't do that. I do wonder why.

[AlexRich]

1 hour ago, Bangkok Barry said:

 

26 years married and counting. Based on a little give and take. Same as all of my friends, so it isn't that unusual. Comes down to picking the right partner in the first place, making the right judgement. Sad that so many - you say 50 percent but I think it's higher - can't do that. I do wonder why.

 

Is it because they are not as amazing as Bangkok Barry?

 

[DrDweeb]

The good news is that she is now packing.

The bad news is that she is as arrogant and defiant as ever - she really still thinks she deserves some concessions from me. No admission and no apology, as one would expect from one so selfish.

 

This saddens me a great deal.

 

Naturally the lad is very angry at me. He will probably hate me for the rest of his life. This is the most painful, but unavoidable.

 

She will not stay in Bangkok so that her son could continue at a good school, even if I or the Italian snake paid for it (which I could do, but apparently he cannot).  So it is back to the village with the pair of them. Opportunities lost, and futures squandered.

[AlexRich]

Looks like a failure to own the consequences of her own actions. Sad that her son is affected ... but he is not the OPs responsibility ... and his mother took a risk with his future that has not paid off. 2017 around the corner, onwards and upwards.

[DrDweeb]

The latest developments ... very typical Thai I expect.

 

We have met and talked rationally about past and future. In her "normal" state she is charming and thoughtful and mostly reasonable. However she is not completely rational whenever she realises she is not going to get what she wants, and get it now. Like a 3 year old, she loses it.

 

• I have repeated multiple times verbally and in writing that they must leave by mid-December.
• I have indicated they need to find a room to live in until school term ends - I have offered to pay for it
• I have fixed up her sons school fees
• She wants to stay until end of February when school term ends.
• She is going to the police (now) to demonstrate that she can hurt me with whatever weaponry she thinks she has (no idea what that is at this point).

I am now her "enemy" - her word. Given how she has treated me of late, it already felt that way. I think my offer is fair and reasonable and generous.

 

I know it is painful for the child to change addresses mid-term, but it's already painful for him now. I am meeting with his school teachers tomorrow to make sure they know what's happening.

 

In any case, I guess there might be laws about children's rights in such cases that might come into play. Or maybe she has something with which to blackmail me, who knows at this stage. I guess reading all her emails that she left on her old phone (registered in my name) when she gave it back was probably "illegal".

 

Anyway, the saga continues. Stay tuned.

[DrDweeb]

Oh dear, she has decided better of it and wants to see me, now. I have arranged a meeting later this evening. It might be interesting. I will choose a public place, hopefully she will be the charming, thoughtful and reasonable person I was in love with.

 

She will beg to let her and son stay until the end of February. This is no cost option for me of course, except she will probably piss off to get a job somewhere and call her mom down from up country to look after the boy.

 

Actually, I have no idea what her mind is thinking.

[AlexRich]

Tread carefully, especially where your physical safety is concerned. As you are not the father of the child, I'm guessing you are under no obligation to support him. If you are the legal owner of the phone I'd be surprised if that was an issue. 

 

It might be a good idea to withhold any further support payments until she is out of the house for good.