The Evil Aunt

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

My Fiance' and I had a terribly long heavy argument last night about my reaction to a story she told me about her bitch of a aunt. Strangely enough, we didn't argue about the fact that she is a evil bitch, no we argued over my reaction to the news of her latest drama.

Apparently heres what happened. Her aunt is a marginally successful pseudo "Hi-So", divorced, business women in her late 30's early 40's with 2 dysfunctional children, from a previous marriage, that live in a small 2 bedroom upscale condo. She has a 13 or 14 yr old Burmese girl living with her as a maid sleeping on a mat in the living room. I always knew she was abusive and a bigot from the stories I heard about her before. For example the maid is not aloud to sit on the furniture or use the bathroom (she must use a public one down stairs by the pool, the aunt locks the door at night so she just has to hold it till morning) or shower, she showers with a hose outside on a small balcony with a old shower curton draped across the the short length of the deck for a little privacy.

The kid has been begging to be let go so she can maybe find a job for someone warmblooded, however each time the aunt has denied and told her that if she goes she will have the police arrest her, and her older sister (who is about 19 or so and works for my soon to be Mother in Law at the family house). All that changed a few days ago when things came to a boiling point over some baby powder. Yes, thats right baby powder. The girl had put some baby powder on her face with a lil bit of lip gloss that her sister gave her. Apparently this is common make up for Thais as it helps them to stay cool and lightens their features. Well upon seeing this the Aunt asked her "Whats the powder for, are you going to be on your back with some men in my house when I am gone?" Mortified the girl tried to escape too my Fiance's house, to be with her sister who has it very nice (own room treated gently paid well ect), that night. Unfortunetly she was caught by the Aunt who grabbed her and told her "If you try to leave again I won't call the police, I'll call someone and pay them to kill you, and your sister. Run away again and test me, you think I can't buy your life?"

Undaunted the girl broke away and ran for her life. She eventually ended up at my Fiance's house right before the police, that the braying bitch of a Aunt called, arrived. My soon to be father in law intervieened and the police backed off after warning that they would arrest the both of them if they saw them on the street as they don't have the proper visa's or whatever. Enraged the aunt yelled at both of the maids telling them that she will have the both of them killed, and calling them whores and all kinds of other foul shit, in the middle of a very nice housing community (houses are 8mill + in this area) at 3am in the morning.

I told my fiance' that her aunt need not clear her schedual for our wedding day and when we have children, I don't want her within 10 meters of them. My Fiance' agreed that she was evil and vile but said that I could not ban her from our wedding. Over this we agrued for 4 hours streight untill we just stopped not being able to come to a agreement.

My belief;

I am shelling out BOOKOO money for a kick ass 4star wedding for 200 people and only 6-10 or so will be people from my from my family and friends. Not to mention Sin Sot, gold, fat diamond ect ect ect. So that being the case I should have the right to deny entrance to people whom I feel are generally f'ed up. Simply put, the aunt is a evil negative person, I want as little negativity surrounding me on this joyous occasion as possible. I should note however that she is the only person I have a problem with, the rest of her family is Awesome and the treat me like blood kin and better, from the 80 yr old Grandma down to the happy lil children that run to me each time I see them, they are all wonderful to me, especially the parents.

Her belief:

Yes she is evil, but telling her she can't come would force people to address something they have already known for years but have ignored for typical "face" reasons. If forced to recognize it and choose a "side" their will be repercussions for years to come.

I really don't care who likes me and who doesn't there. I feel like life doesn't really through allot of opportunities at you to do something good and selfless. And to be quite honest there have been a number of times that it has and I have failed to rise to the occasion for what ever reason. But this girl has nothing, no voice, no power, just a will to live and find a way to be happy and normal. If I don't stand up and speak out against her abuse, no one will.

Also, if I do tell the Aunt point blank "Your not welcome at my wedding, because your a murderous slaver bitch" and various elements of the family are forced too choose a side, when it's time for the wedding, at least I will know who my friends are and who just came for free cake!

Plus I will probably only have to pay for 100 or so LOL!

What do yall think?

[Scott]

You can chose your friends, but your relatives are given to you.

You are right, of course, not to want her there, but she is a member of the wife's family and the decision on HER family is HERS. Even though there will be very few of your family there, your best bet is to make the day as harmonious as possible and keep your distance from the Evil One.

That day is going to be particularly busy and her presence should scarcely be noticed.

After the wedding you might want to set some rules about how welcome she is in YOUR home, and how much time you are willing to spend at relatives homes if she is there.

Remember, in the long run you want might lose a few battles, but you want to win the war. Don't give this woman enough importance that anyone even has to chose.

Best of luck to you and your fiance. Remember there is someone like her in everyones family.

[JacknDanny]

I can understand about keeping harmony etc etc, however in this case I just could not allow that woman to the wedding. I cannot bring myself to even talk to someone who I do not like. I am unlike the Thais who are very good at masking their true feelings behind the famous smile. I cannot and refuse to put on a false smile.

If it was me there is no way she would be allowed to attend.

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

I can understand about keeping harmony etc etc, however in this case I just could not allow that woman to the wedding. I cannot bring myself to even talk to someone who I do not like. I am unlike the Thais who are very good at masking their true feelings behind the famous smile. I cannot and refuse to put on a false smile.

If it was me there is no way she would be allowed to attend.

Dig it!, thats exactly what I'm saying. I mean really, I could see if HER family was paying for the wedding then they would at least have a leg to stand on. But no, this is all coming out of my pocket and I'm paying money so this bitch can eat? hel_l no. And really I don't care who gets bent out of shape about it because it will help to show me who is genuine and who is not. Kinda tough in normal circumstances, nearly impossible when your not fluent in the language.

[Buckwheat]

What do yall think?

I think it's time to call out the heavy artillery...

[JacknDanny]

What do yall think?

I think it's time to call out the heavy artillery...

Get yer mate Rambo also, theres NO way she will get in

[November Rain]

Difficult one, because I do understand your fiancees argument & see her dilemna. But in my heart, I'm with you & JacknDanny. I couldn't have her there, either. Nothing to do with the money, but it will (hopefully) be the only wedding day you & your fiancee have & you don't want such a malevolent person there.

There are going to be times in your marriage when your different cultures do cause you to see things in a different way, so maybe this is a place to start on seeing how you'll deal with this. Is there any way you can reach a compromise, ie she doesn't get to come to the wedding, but you pay for a family dinner (which you don't attend!) later?

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

What do yall think?

I think it's time to call out the heavy artillery...

Get yer mate Rambo also, theres NO way she will get in

LOL I would be lieing if I said the thought never came to mind, 3 years living in Pattaya I have never met a bitch I wanted to pistol whip until her.

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

Difficult one, because I do understand your fiancees argument & see her dilemna. But in my heart, I'm with you & JacknDanny. I couldn't have her there, either. Nothing to do with the money, but it will (hopefully) be the only wedding day you & your fiancee have & you don't want such a malevolent person there.

There are going to be times in your marriage when your different cultures do cause you to see things in a different way, so maybe this is a place to start on seeing how you'll deal with this. Is there any way you can reach a compromise, ie she doesn't get to come to the wedding, but you pay for a family dinner (which you don't attend!) later?

Ahh yes I almost forgot Thank you for brining it up!

I did offer a compromise. I told her that if the Aunt apologized to the girl for threatening to have her family murdered, that I would let her come to the wedding.

My fiance' said don't bother I know my Aunt she would never apologize.

So I don't know what more I can do.

[leisurely]

I feel sorry for you with that nasty woman, however I am more concerned about the maids. Where are they now and are their lives in danger still? how foul. No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that this sort of thing doesn't happen, your post shows it does. Still, I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. How does this woman reconcile her behaviour with (what is almost certainly) her Buddhist religion and beliefs.

[Mobi]

This a bloody tough one.

If the Aunt was just a thoroughly unpleasant, mean spirited person (let's face it all families have them), then my unequivocal advice would be to let her come to the wedding, and put up with it, as by refusing her admission is going to cause massive problems with your Thai family.

However, she isn't just unpleasant, she is an evil criminal and deserves to be locked up for her behaviour, and would be in in many countries. There have even been recent similar cases in Thailand of such "hi-so" people being prosecuted, but I'm not sure what the outcomes were.

This is a very difficult decision for you, because by banning the aunt may destroy your marriage before it starts. On the other hand, if your fiance does accept your decision, it may lay some useful ground rules for your future marriage. However, I think this is unlikely.

This is clearly a moral issue, and it's easy for me to say it, because I'm not in your shoes, but I believe you have to take a stand on this, regardless of the consequences. You are what you are, and this sort of behaviour is unacceptable in any kind of civilised society, and if you let her come to the wedding you are effectively condoning it.

Good luck, and whatever you decide, I respect your decision.

Edited December 7, 2006 by Mobi D'Ark

[womble]

Don't give this woman enough importance that anyone even has to chose.

This is spot on.........

By telling her she can't come you will give her importance and....

As she is family, her close family will side with her regardless of what she has done.

You will lose.

You will also drive a huge wedge in the family which will no doubt ruin your relationship with those who you now get on with and who more than likely agree that she is an evil old witch.

You have to let her go but.........

Maybe try to find this girl a better job, and tell the Aunt in private that she will let her go and not hassle her or else there will be consequences.

Some things are best delt with in private, particulary in Thailand.

By baning her from the wedding.

You will be opening up a whole can of worms that will not benefit noone, least of all the perosn who is the victim in all of this.

[kmart]

Jeez! What an evil c*nt! Think I'd rather have Stalin, Hitler, or Pol Pot at my wedding.

However, as it will probably drive a huge wedge between you and the family, maybe allow her to attend under duress... Tough call.

[alexth]

Ugly stuff, I feel for you, however, there isn't much you can do about it, this evil person is a member of the family and it be a shock for her AND for the rest of the family banning her, like it or not, they are considering her family and there's nothing much you can do about it.

If I were you (after getting a cold shower from thinking of the ideea of having her dancing at your wedding like a happy dwarf) I would let her come and ignore her as much as possible, like a cold treatment, trust me, it works.

Make sure to let your wife know that you're only doing it for her only and make sure she doesn't forget it.

Good luck!!!

[skippybangkok]

My Fiance' and I had a terribly long heavy argument last night about my reaction to a story she told me about her bitch of a aunt. Strangely enough, we didn't argue about the fact that she is a evil bitch, no we argued over my reaction to the news of her latest drama.

Sounds like Aunt needs new batteries for her vibrator

[alexth]

My Fiance' and I had a terribly long heavy argument last night about my reaction to a story she told me about her bitch of a aunt. Strangely enough, we didn't argue about the fact that she is a evil bitch, no we argued over my reaction to the news of her latest drama.

Sounds like Aunt needs new batteries for her vibrator

A trip to the boys quarter in Pattaya maybe?

[ColPyat]

My Fiance' and I had a terribly long heavy argument last night about my reaction to a story she told me about her bitch of a aunt. Strangely enough, we didn't argue about the fact that she is a evil bitch, no we argued over my reaction to the news of her latest drama.

As much as i am for adaption to different cultures, and all that blablabla - that women would also have overstepped my limit of tolerance. No, i personally would not compromise if in such a situation. This sort of treatment of Burmese maids is endemic in Thailand. I've seen it often, and am disgusted.

But that might very well endanger your wedding. But then, i wonder if i would want to be a member in a family where such behavior by one of their members is accepted for face reasons.

Difficult situation, but i do expect from my wife that she primarily stays with me, and not her auntie. I don't care if that is not the "Thai" way. In many things i am ready to compromise, but she has to compromise as well. That is a point where she would have to compromise if there is going to be a future between us.

But that's just me.

[bob4you]

Listen to Womble.

[Mobi]

But that's just me.

No it's not. It's the right thing to do. People can't hide behind culture and face when criminal acts are involved.

Good post Col

[Mobi]

duplicate post deleted

Edited December 7, 2006 by Mobi D'Ark

[pumpuiman]

Let the evil one attend. Seat her near the rest room. Invite the maid.Deck her out in a better outfit than the aunt. Give her a seat of honor, and introduce her as a respected friend to the entire party.

My guess is the evil one will leave.

Edited December 7, 2006 by pumpuiman

[davidjtayler]

You can always make sure she gets some of that E Coli spinach in her meal from professors thread ....

[dgoz]

Total respect to Capt Money Shot on your stance here.

The unfortunate thing about it all is this Aunt has the power to ruin the wedding. By banning her you will upset your wife, upset some of the relatives and turn the whole day into a divisive, rumour filled disaster. That's not what you want.

IMO, you should let her (it) come but completely ignore her, even at the end of the night when everyone is saying goodbye etc, just brush her aside.

After the wedding ignore her as well.

This is definitely the smart play but it's easier said than done. I know I'd be hard-pressed following my own advice on this one.

Good luck with the day. Don't let her ruin it.

[alexth]

Let the evil one attend. Seat her near the rest room. Invite the maid.Deck her out in a better outfit than the aunt. Give her a seat of honor, and introduce her as a respected friend to the entire party.

My guess is the evil one will leave.

OR make a scene and ruin the party

[pumpuiman]

Let the evil one attend. Seat her near the rest room. Invite the maid.Deck her out in a better outfit than the aunt. Give her a seat of honor, and introduce her as a respected friend to the entire party.

My guess is the evil one will leave.

OR make a scene and ruin the party

I would take the chance......what a show !!

[alexth]

Let the evil one attend. Seat her near the rest room. Invite the maid.Deck her out in a better outfit than the aunt. Give her a seat of honor, and introduce her as a respected friend to the entire party.

My guess is the evil one will leave.

OR make a scene and ruin the party

I would take the chance......what a show !!

Well...funny? yes! Wise? Definitely NO

[joe1912]

if the Aunt is prepared to call the police and threaten to murder the maid when she just wants to leave her employment, then what is she likely to do when you embarrass her in front of the whole family by not inviting her to the wedding ??

[Chang_paarp]

Invite her to the wedding.

Put her on the "special dietry needs" list.

Create a "special" menu.

Advise the staff that she may try to get other food that may threaten her life. Could they intervene please if this happens as it would not look good if she has to be carted to hospital.

Smile.

Edit

Oh, and get the girl and her sister new employers.

Edited December 7, 2006 by Chang_paarp

[bina]

i think most thai would have her at the wedding but totally ignore her... i've been to -thai-parties where unwanted/unliked people attended and the hosts and friends just really ignored them... never put food on their plates, never spoke to them, didnt offer them anything to drink, kept their backs turned whenever approached or neared them, suddenly became very busy somewhere else in the room... its the best most non confrontational way to do things....and it can be done fairly blatantly and everyone will notice, although they wont say anything... it will make the point.

a while after the wedding, maybe if u wanted to u could find a non obtrusive way to help the maid, there are organizations for these things as she is a minor even in thailand etc... but have it taken care of third party, not direct...u help her, your girlfriend doesnt have to deal with the family stress etc etc... sublte approaches for things are sometimes better

i speak with experience in dealing with some nasty situations among the thai workers here; use a third party for anything involving this woman if u want to help the maid at all... dont let her know it was u

walk soft and carry big ignore stick.... dont need to accept bad behavior but sometimes a western/uk/amrican whatever method just isnt effective when your in thailand as they are thai with their own codes and u might not have noticed but they may be doing this ignore/dont give respect thing to her already.

good luck

bina and anon

[ColPyat]

if the Aunt is prepared to call the police and threaten to murder the maid when she just wants to leave her employment, then what is she likely to do when you embarrass her in front of the whole family by not inviting her to the wedding ??

Threatening to get somebody killed, and actually getting somebody killed are two completely different things.

Anyhow, fear is not a base for a relationship with a family. If i would have to be so scared of standing up to a member of my family when that person is doing something so wrong that i cannot combine it with my set of ethics - i would not want to be part of that family. What happens in the future, when more such things are coming up?

Or, i would better stand up - people will never respect you if you if you will not stand up for yourself. There are matters that are beyond compromise, or lets say, matters where i would not compromise but the other party has to if they want to be on a social level with me. Just be aware of the risks, and calculate them.