How much of this is BS? (Thai Marriage Money)

[Amphur2000]

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 
i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 
 
now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

If she invites you to meet her parents the proposal has been taken seriously [emoji120][emoji120] They don't joke about marriage. Oh and I never paid a sin sod.


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[amykat]

3 hours ago, irwinfc said:

to some families, the "sin sod" is only ceremonial. a friend of mine just placed all his bank books into the golden bowl. his wife's parents didn't look inside and gave it back to the couple. the gold that was presented even came from them. it was just for show.

 

since you have already made plans to see her, go for it. but just like what everyone else is telling you, be smart about it. tell her directly how you feel about the "sin sod". once you tell her you don't feel comfortable handing over any sum of money just to be able to marry her and she suddenly feels disinterested in you, cut your losses (airfare, bag, chocolates, etc.) and leave her be (or find another). don't try and get a golden brick that you're going to hit yourself with later on.

 

Why would you even talk about it at all? Do you discuss your wedding plans with any dates at this point? How you will raise your children? What diaper brands you prefer?  If you don't agree at this point, she will simply LIE her ass off , duh, have you ever been in Thailand??

[retarius]

Why on earth bother getting married? I've been with my girl 12 years and we are not married.

[KIWIBATCH]

To the OP.....Keep the <deleted> away from any Thai girl on dating websites...especially Thaifriendly...it is full of "goldiggers"...it is absolutely  impossible to sort out the chaff from the wheat...impossible.!!!

You cannot joke with a Thai girl about marrying her.....they will suddenly turn into another type of personality if you only once mention it...jokingly or not...and you will be nagged...and reminded about "you said.....etc etc" until you do actually marry her...which in this case...don't!

Chronic lying is also in there genes..along with the other thing in their jeans that will have your small head thinking  and leaving your big  head devoid of reasoning and commonsense.

 

Believe me I have been there and done that 800,000 bahts worth...In hindsight I was a bloody fool and was lied too by her....1 girl from Thai Friendly was all it took...out of the thousands sitting behind their screens waiting for the next farang sucker.

Come and enjoy your holiday....get a grip of the basics of Thai culture...and the way Thais think...it is 99% the complete opposite of western thinking....and while you are here.....have a look around and test run a few of the millions of Thai woman "just waiting to meet and marry you"

Good luck

[LannaGuy]

12 minutes ago, KIWIBATCH said:

To the OP.....Keep the <deleted> away from any Thai girl on dating websites...especially Thaifriendly...it is full of "goldiggers"...it is absolutely  impossible to sort out the chaff from the wheat...impossible.!!!

You cannot joke with a Thai girl about marrying her.....they will suddenly turn into another type of personality if you only once mention it...jokingly or not...and you will be nagged...and reminded about "you said.....etc etc" until you do actually marry her...which in this case...don't!

Chronic lying is also in there genes..along with the other thing in their jeans that will have your small head thinking  and leaving your big  head devoid of reasoning and commonsense.

 

Believe me I have been there and done that 800,000 bahts worth...In hindsight I was a bloody fool and was lied too by her....1 girl from Thai Friendly was all it took...out of the thousands sitting behind their screens waiting for the next farang sucker.

Come and enjoy your holiday....get a grip of the basics of Thai culture...and the way Thais think...it is 99% the complete opposite of western thinking....and while you are here.....have a look around and test run a few of the millions of Thai woman "just waiting to meet and marry you"

Good luck

 

I actually date from ThaiFriendly and other site without any problems because I KNOW what you say is (mostly) true... don't buy the Pub when you want a drink. I just date, am clear I am not serious, and move on. Why all the drama HAVE FUN

[Global Guy]

My research on this topic is that the origination of the "sin sod" or dowry was money paid to the farming parents of a girl who provided the free labor on the family farm. So when the girl left the farm to get married, the family farm lost a free laborer and therefore the sin sod was compensation to the parents for loss of this free labor.

 

Kind of like a bar fine on the farm.

 

Moving along...this is a pretty hotly debated topic. It came up with my fiancee and I once. I told her that story and said that her family aren't farmers and they aren't losing free labor so it doesn't apply to us. I added if anyone should do any paying, it's her parents to me  because I will be taking care of their daughter for the rest of my life. So, I said the sin sod doesn't apply to us and will not be paid. 

 

I also said that in my culture, it's like paying a bar fine for a wife. 

 

I said her parents don't have to pay me either. She never brought it up again. Yes, some Thais still pay it as a status, save face, bragging thing. And of course many expats are so paranoid about being accepted by Thais that they fork over the cash. I'd rather her parents be angry but see that her daughter is well cared for emotionally, physically, and financially while that cash stays in my bank account than give them money unneccessarily and be angry at myself for being scammed.

 

Some things her and I do the Thai way, some things we do the Western way, and some things we compromise on.  I have not and will not totally abandon my culture for the sake of trying to be accepted. Assimilation isn't about forgetting your culture to be accepted. It's a blending process.

 

Yes, my view is not a popular one. I accept that.

Edited January 9, 2017 by Global Guy
update

[KBsinter]

My brother was asked 200.000 refused on the grounds she was 2nd hand 

married before 1 child,forget how much he gave eventually,did laugh though............

[Rockee]

Time for a reality check. Step back, have a good look in the mirror. Are you late twenties tall dark and handsome. Full head of hair.
Or are you a balding, chubby chap. Thats inclined to be a bit irritable and set in your way. If your the former, well its reasonable to think an attractive girl under fourty wants you for your looks and charm. If your a fat old baldy bugger. Get real.
OF COURSE she wants your money. Its just up to you how much.

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[amykat]

10 minutes ago, Rockee said:

Time for a reality check. Step back, have a good look in the mirror. Are you late twenties tall dark and handsome. Full head of hair.
Or are you a balding, chubby chap. Thats inclined to be a bit irritable and set in your way. If your the former, well its reasonable to think an attractive girl under fourty wants you for your looks and charm. If your a fat old baldy bugger. Get real.
OF COURSE she wants your money. Its just up to you how much.

Sent from my D6503 using Thaivisa Connect mobile app
 

 

Well I think this is certainly true, especially when a man comes LOOKING for a poor woman in a country and culture totally different in EVERY way, shape and form. She cannot appreciate anything about you.  Your education, your fine manners, the way that you open the door for her. She doesn't really like the way farangs look, be that really attractive or not.  She doesn't really like your style, be that really stylish, or not.  She really doesn't like or understand your great financial management skills.  She cannot appreciate or talk to you about anything you know about in depth.  She cannot even evaluate if you are actually intelligent or not ..for the most part.  Your education or lack of it, mean nothing to her. 

 

So what is left here??  What you give her.  You try to lie to yourself, that she loves you because YOU know you have many great qualities!!  She must see those.  You men tell yourself stories to justify this ... if you put this much effort into nice women at home or women who were more appropriate. I think you might find happier results.

[Autonuaq]

just move one forget her.

There are so many good woman and they respect your culture too

 

Understand the it is a two way street.

 

Me and many of people I know are married to moce lovely and decent Thai national and did not pay anything or have support the family.

 

Move one and inless you like to be the family ATM.

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

4 hours ago, whatproblem said:

I don't need or want your advise ,I am a grown man .ive lived here 12 years ,I know the "Thai culture" bs ,it ever changing to the wants of the person ,its mostly about money ,marriage should be between 2 people and if parents wanted what's best for their daughters they would stay out of the money grabbing ,I asked what's the policy / culture when a lady marries multiple times in a village ceremony or is that a mai pen rai moment 

 

I would imagine multiple marriages w/sin sod are ok... after all, so many times the guy father's a kid or two and then moves on to the next wife... there is a two way street... 

[Noreya]

In recent decades it has become a trend in China for a man to give his wife-to-be's family a cash sum, like a reverse dowry. But the "bride price" has been rising, particularly in poorer rural areas where there are fewer potential wives, reaching more than 100,000 yuan ($14,000; £12,000) in some places.

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-38507308

[Noreya]

2 hours ago, BSJ said:

I was aware of the Thai custom with regard to 'Sinsod' so I said to the wife when we have our village wedding the Sinsod is for show and at the end of the day it comes back to me.  We are married at the Amphur which takes half an hour and some paperwork before hand.

 

But my wife doesn't want a village wedding.......yes really!   Her view is we can put 100k baht to better use than feed a lot of bludgers and ply the local alcoholics with whisky.

 

Of course the step-daughter has just got married and the bin for that was 120k baht for 150 guests.  I kicked in some coin thinking we would be seeing the back of her and the new husband but I was mistaken.....as I often am!   A conscript in the Thai army is on a rather low income and he has a year to go.  Then after that, a grand income of 300 baht a day will be his lot.  We haven't lost a daughter but gained another dependent!

 

So, marriage can be a serious business for a Thai girl.....and it can be serious for the farang por! 

I like your wife idea. 

[amykat]

3 hours ago, joebrown said:

I'm wanting some input/advice on the subject of paying 'sin sot' when marrying a Thai woman.

Could anyone pass on their thoughts or experience when it comes to marrying a 45 yr old divorced Thai  lady with 2 children aged 16 and 12. If I married her I would take care of her and her children until they 'fly the nest'. Is payment of a 'sin sot' appropriate or even justified in such a case?

  

 

Since nobody has answered you,  then I will say that in this case, no sin sod is NOT appropriate or necessary at all.   If you decide to do it, you should only do it, as a gesture at a wedding, in this case meaning, it is FAKE ...no money or gold actually changes hands.  Some men still say they "paid it" when they only did this. ..put something out for show. ..and nothing was actually given over to the family or wife.

[xtrnuno41]

Thailand , Indonesia all about mariage payment. Go to India and then you get paid !!

GO to Nigeria and the woman needs to work and not the guy, you can not even help doing the dishes.

Sometimes you even need to hit them when they are arguing for nothing, as then you show you love them !!??

 

So Thailand has "sinsod". Once i "talked"with Thai girl not well known in english, but she could tell me about sinsod.

Very quick, just in second "conversation" .

Only needed to buy a house of 3 million bath, which family lost.

Also it is/can be just for show to family and you can get it back afterwards, after they paid for mariage. Or not.

Lots is possible as you red now. It is about parents and the daughters and important. Talk

Also the date is important depending on many factors (example birthdays) and it is not your choice but a councils one.

Once i red about a guy married with paying sinsod and after a year she has already spreaded her wings for another guy. He was already nr 3,

so collecting sinsod every time. the woman was 42 ! Everything is possible, so do keep your eyes open.

Or a guy not agreeing with sinsod, so had to find another girl then.

ALso dont forgetThai women want to be white, looking western, so dont be amazed she doesnt want to go for a swim.

They would change to western lookings if they could with surgery, as  in a nose-, eye job or what ever, even changing color hair. that is easy.

However you like the black hair, 5555. SO you have to put her at ease about skincolor and the way she looks.

 

However what is your intention with the girl? Just for fun for vacation? Looks like that, as you said: I'm not particularly bothered about this woman

Well then look for a girl not particularly bothered about you.

[elgordo38]

5 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

Old saying "never look gift horse in the mouth" What does paying 200,000 baht buy you. Throw the rose colored glasses away smile and move on. You got to test drive without buying the car. It turned out to be a clunker. 

[smotherb]

10 hours ago, kenk24 said:

Do you not know of the Thai custom of Sin Sod? This is not something made up for foreigners. But there are endless threads on this. I think in your case, she is barking up the wrong tree... 

 

And for all of those who will rail against it - - I always wonder if they would gladly accept if the custom were reversed... 

I rail against sin sot. In my culture the bride's parents fork-over the assets to the groom; it's called a dowry. So, why should I have to play Thai custom, why can’t the bride’s parents abide by my custom and pay me? Or better yet, why don’t we simply allow the two cultures to cancel each other out?

  

Cultural difference is not my real problem with sin sot. I see a logical problem. To me, sin sot is no different than a bar fine. You pay papasan or mamasan for the girl in a bar fine and you pay papa and mama for the girl in sin sot. Both actions allow you to take the girl home and have sex with her.

 

Of course, sin sot is intended to be permanent. If the bar fine customer wants to keep the girl longer; he needs to pay a permanent bar fine. The permanent bar fine costs more and increases if the girl is especially gifted in looks, body, age or capabilities--quite similar to education, social status, age and looks in sin sot pricing.

 

However, as you know the dowry has lost Western cultural acceptance due to modern societal changes. I think the Thais have begun to realize that societal change. It is quite common for the bride's parents to just give the sin sot back to the groom or to only make a statement that the groom paid sin-sot without any actual transfer of assets. Of course, it helps if the groom gives the bride some jewelry as a showpiece--sound familiar guys, like an engagement ring in Western society.

[hobobo]

11 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

yawn yawn yawn.... why don't you go to 7-Eleven, buy a beer and go to a bar and watch something...

[Deepinthailand]

Dear OP I would love to live in your world is it good there how much does it cost you to live in this bubble. Ps I don't belive a word of it but a good trolling post never the less.

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

Half-hearted joke?  You are the one who dropped the "would you" line.  She took it seriously. Give her those things you have for her and tell her truthfully if you want to continue the relationship. Sin sot is always negotiable.

[billd766]

2 hours ago, retarius said:

Why on earth bother getting married? I've been with my girl 12 years and we are not married.

 

I have been with mine for 24 years now.

 

The last 17 we have been married and we have a 12 year old son.

 

I paid no sin sod.

[smotherb]

6 hours ago, kovaltech said:

Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave...

I know Thais who dislike sin sot and do not pay it. Should they go to?

[dentonian]

Know as the 'marriage dowry' or 'bride price' it is all but a forgotten practice in many cultures, although resurrected to extract money from the wealthy for the hand of a young beautiful women who predominantly should be a virgin.

 

In UK culture, the 'dowry' was always paid by the bride to the grooms family. (google it).

 

If she expects you to believe and respect that this is the normal practice of the culture of her Country, then I'd nod in agreement, then ask if she would also respect your culture.

 

Move on mate.........plenty of fish in the sea.

 

 

[smotherb]

5 hours ago, killbill said:

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

 

think again ....ot seems brave not to pay but you may end loosing this game.

So, you your girl didn't love you more than sin sot? I think you were lucky to find out.

[smotherb]

5 hours ago, steven100 said:

There's nothing wrong with paying an acceptable sin sod,  if you are happy with the family and love the girl then that what matters.

 

Or you could disagree with the request and culture, go back home

and find some ugly old hag with no sin sod.

It amazes me that some pot belly farangs have it in their minds that they can get a girl half their age to give to their every need without building a house, without contributing any money, without helping the parents, without doing anything because they think the girls will come running. 

lol ....  they are dreaming IMO.

 

There are other options than staying here in accordance with Thai culture. Many pot-bellied farangs, as you call them, give their half-their-age wives a better life than they would have had without the farang. Marrying a Thai shouldn't have to mean buying property you can never own or paying sin sot from which you may never benefit.  When two cultures marry, there are many ways to sort out cultural differences; love helps make it an easy compromise.

[khunPer]

11 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

Btw she's not some Isaan farm girl... her and her family live in BKK and seem quite well to do.

In that case it will not be $10,000 – expect to give $30k to $40k or (much) more in cash, plus diamond ring and an agreed amount of gold – you better start to save, or better move on.

Photo of Sin Sot at a "not some Isaan farm girl" wedding I've been guest at...

[smotherb]

6 minutes ago, khunPer said:

In that case it will not be $10,000 – expect to give $30k to $40k or (much) more in cash, plus diamond ring and an agreed amount of gold – you better start to save, or better move on.

Photo of Sin Sot at a "not some Isaan farm girl" wedding I've been guest at...

The skin-tones of those pictured do not appear to be hi-so.

[ThaiWai]

I'll fulfill their custom when they let me fill mine which is banging everyone in the village under 30.  What?  It's my custom.  Fairs fair right? Tell them to stick the sin sod in the shit shaft.

[TonyClifton]

Ask her for her Curriculum Vitae and 5 references who are not related.

[Mooner]

Your not Thai and this is a outdated tradition.

Tell her that in the West the girls dad pays for the wedding as see what happens.

A decent girl with a good family will not expect this nonsence. There might be a show for the people but thats it.

Anyone that demands it is a diva or a girl with bad intentions.