How much do you give your wife/gf to spend for food and stuff

[JackThompson]

The consensus among those I've met is that their wife's/gf's "retirement plan" boils down to either or both of:

1. My kids will take care of me, just as I take care of my parents. 

2. My husband has/saves money. 

 

#1, above, doesn't exist in the West, where older people are generally assumed to have more accumulated wealth, barring crisis-situations.   I don't mind the "old fashioned" system of "man-supports-woman," myself.  Divorce was rare in my culture when husbands were the primary source of family-income.  I believe this was a big reason why. 

 

That does not mean a gf/wife cannot do well in a household-budget situation, or that she is not generous with her husband.  The "problem" is often too much generosity, in place of savings, from our Western "economic-island-world" perspective.  Wealth-sharing among family is the norm in the world.  The modern-West is the exception to the rule.  But we must survive in our world, as are only tangentially-included in theirs.

 

The broader issue of "saving long term" is driven by cultural factors.  Whether it is a "social security system" in the West (a new invention which replaced our traditional family-support systems) or "helping my parents" in the East, what you have, is a pyramid/ponzi-scheme.  Setting aside whether this is "good or bad" - it is what it is, and must be factored into the financial equation.

[amykat]

2 hours ago, Deepinthailand said:

Yeh Yeh Yeh established long term expat here you are wrong, maybe your partner is what you say. My wife is one of the best financial managers I know beats me hands down and I thought I was pretty money savvy. 

Can I ask this established  long term expat you speak of who are you refering to the wider expat community who are not tv members or this site's members two completely diffrent dogs there.

Oops sorry just re read your post your "pretty certain there is a consensus" then "Thai females are probably" so  a series of  hunches a guesses  no real evidence. Away to go chiang mai  best post of the thread is my hunch/guess.

I have to agree with Mr. Chiang Mai.  Although I don't mean to discount you and your wife personally.  But there is definitely a "thing" going on in Thailand, where Thai women tell their men that they are always "saving money" and this money is never anywhere to be found. They may well penny pinch ..YOU ..and pretend to save it. But that is not happening.  Try to access that savings someday and see what happens. 

Next, many people are not as good with money, as they may think.  They are not able to judge the true value of many things, like insurance products, investment products, credit and the true costs of that, etc.  Some people mistake being cheap with being good with money. That is not the same.

[KhonKaenKowboy]

10 minutes ago, amykat said:

I have to agree with Mr. Chiang Mai.  Although I don't mean to discount you and your wife personally.  But there is definitely a "thing" going on in Thailand, where Thai women tell their men that they are always "saving money" and this money is never anywhere to be found. They may well penny pinch ..YOU ..and pretend to save it. But that is not happening.  Try to access that savings someday and see what happens. 

Next, many people are not as good with money, as they may think.  They are not able to judge the true value of many things, like insurance products, investment products, credit and the true costs of that, etc.  Some people mistake being cheap with being good with money. That is not the same.

an extra 100 for a taxi?  they won't even use the BTS, they know that bus schedule religiously.

[Naam]

1 hour ago, SoiBiker said:

This is Thailand. You don't need to be rich to eat out.

fot the record... both my wife and me prefer our cook's food, our kitchen, our dishes, our cutlery and our dining room. mileages vary!

[CGW]

Some interesting points of view and insight into how people live their lives here.

 

As I see it how much you are happy with your wife spending depends purely on your budget, when you met you had a certain budget and lifestyle that she was most probably content with?so her expectation would be to live a similar lifestyle.

My wife and I spend quite a bit less than we could afford to so I have no interest in making small savings or needing to limit her to a fixed sum, she spends what we need which quite honestly I have never worked out, I would guesstimate 60 - 70k a month, maybe a bit more if I take into account car costs, all in, that excludes any rent as we own our own home.

With previous wives the situation has been different! you have to look at how "smart" they are with money!

We could live far cheaper but having worked all my life to be comfortable in retirement, thankfully there is no need, the more we can spend within reason the less I will leave behind for "others" to spend!

Edited January 29, 2017 by CGW

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, Naam said:

there are two ways for that mathematical sign

-the Anglo version is ≠

-the continental European version is <>

 

There is also the simple notation "NE"

[jpinx]

2 hours ago, Naam said:

that sheds some light on your low 7k/month. as opposed to you and your Mrs. we eat out only 5 times, and that not per month but per YEAR.

You mean old cheapskate !!    haha!! 

"Eating out"  is misleading terminology.  Is that in the sit-down street food place, or off to a riverside seafood restaurant in central Bangkok/where-ever ?   I eat Thai food, very rarely anything western.  A mix of excellent street-food and occasional MK style restaurant and my food budget is 2,500 to 3,000 per week, per person - that includes whatever snacks, teas, etc.  

Edited January 29, 2017 by jpinx

[jpinx]

46 minutes ago, Naam said:

fot the record... both my wife and me prefer our cook's food, our kitchen, our dishes, our cutlery and our dining room. mileages vary!

I can well understand that -- "Home Comforts from Abroad"

I'm in an apartment and I don't like to cook and have the smells linger  - hence the permanent status of "Eating out" :)

[Deepinthailand]

1 hour ago, amykat said:

I have to agree with Mr. Chiang Mai.  Although I don't mean to discount you and your wife personally.  But there is definitely a "thing" going on in Thailand, where Thai women tell their men that they are always "saving money" and this money is never anywhere to be found. They may well penny pinch ..YOU ..and pretend to save it. But that is not happening.  Try to access that savings someday and see what happens. 

Next, many people are not as good with money, as they may think.  They are not able to judge the true value of many things, like insurance products, investment products, credit and the true costs of that, etc.  Some people mistake being cheap with being good with money. That is not the same.

Whilst I disagree I know many thai who are extremely good with money a lot more than people realize. Most on here are anicdotal passed from thread to thread and of course embellished upon. I know a good few women in the west a good few men as well who would fit the bill you talk about. The word saving encompasses many things it does not have to be physical money to say I save. Ie I saved 50 bht today on my shopping  or I saved 40 bht today by not buying xyz. The thing going on in Thailand as you say seems to be falang oriented. I am not saying by any means all people women or men and again there are a lot of falang here that would fall into your description as well. Can or do save. What I'm saying is there a lot more who do than this site gives them credit for.

[JHolmesJr]

Tell her to save all bills for a couple of months and figure out the average costs from there.

[Naam]

50 minutes ago, CGW said:

We could live far cheaper but having worked all my life to be comfortable in retirement, thankfully there is no need, the more we can spend within reason the less I will leave behind for "others" to spend!

bingo! fly first class, your heirs will.

[AlexRich]

2 hours ago, amykat said:

 Not really.  Often people are funding adult children in advanced education, and when we have step-children these things get complicated.  People do help their parents too.  Who shall we leave our money when we die?  Your 3rd wife would like it all to go to her  . ..but your children thinks she has only known you for 5 years and that doesn't seem quite right. 

 

But yes, this money issue becomes a topic, while you are dating here in Thailand.  Often before you have even met.  You start supporting "family" who isn't your family ..from day one.  Those people work and are often working age, and are not getting an education. We are not living in a war-torn country and you need to save them. It seems to be the center of everything and stays that way for your entire relationship. Not just for 4 years or while a parent has cancer or dementia.  You know that every Thai person you date, will be the same story, more or less.  I don't see that as family really  ..I see that a money issue.

 

I mean ..what I am saying, is that these people are not your family YET.  If you dated them and were with them and after 10 years your woman's Father got cancer and needed some help, then you have "family problem."  When you know a woman for 3 months and she says you have to send money to my parents because they are poorer than you are ..that is not a "family problem."

 

Even if they don't have family issues, they have money management issues. Some Western people also have these issue too but not in the same way. If two Thai people are together they tend to think the same about money so they are going to have a lot less conflict.  Many Western people don't think the same way about money, don't respect money in the same way and that is a big problem.  So my idea is that MONEY is the problem and keeping this area clean and clear can help your relationships.

 

The OP is obviously foggy with his idea about how to handle the money with his new lady. He doesn't want clean and clear lines. She will not want those either.  This will bite them both in the ass.

 

 

 

 

The only mistake the OP made was asking people on TV a relatively simple question ... but the general idea of giving his  soon-to-be live in girlfriend an allowance that covers her needs and allows them both to enjoy life is, in my view, a pretty reasonable idea. He allocates an amount of money to her every month that he can comfortably afford and is not constantly hassled for money in the relationship.

 

The question is what's a sensible figure? In my view it should be no more than the person could earn, and as they don't pay for accommodation and utilities they benefit also. 

 

[amykat]

16 minutes ago, Deepinthailand said:

Whilst I disagree I know many thai who are extremely good with money a lot more than people realize. Most on here are anicdotal passed from thread to thread and of course embellished upon. I know a good few women in the west a good few men as well who would fit the bill you talk about. The word saving encompasses many things it does not have to be physical money to say I save. Ie I saved 50 bht today on my shopping  or I saved 40 bht today by not buying xyz. The thing going on in Thailand as you say seems to be falang oriented. I am not saying by any means all people women or men and again there are a lot of falang here that would fall into your description as well. Can or do save. What I'm saying is there a lot more who do than this site gives them credit for.

Yes, I know Thai couples who are good with money.  We are speaking of Thais who marry Farangs.  I also know the difference when someone says "I saved 50 baht because this was on sale today."  I am speaking of women who claim they have bank accounts where they are socking away money for years. It is doubtful that it exists.  However, if it does, that money seems never to exist, when someone has an actual need for it. So maybe it will show it's face one day when the farang is dead?  But to me, this is the same as not having it.

Edited January 29, 2017 by amykat

[farmerjo]

Not what the OP wants to hear but one usually has an overall budget.

So just swing the figures till they work out.

Ours is 45,000/month,2 adults,2 kids,school fees,car,motorbikes,insurance,internet,electricity are fixed costs and the rest float to keep to the budget.

In saying that,there is always extras but it keeps them to a minimum.  

[Naam]

2 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

The question is what's a sensible figure? In my view it should be no more than the person could earn, and as they don't pay for accommodation and utilities they benefit also. 

there's not enough information to quote a sensible figure. what does the lady look like, what are her qualifications and her skills? 

[AlexRich]

3 minutes ago, Naam said:

there's not enough information to quote a sensible figure. what does the lady look like, what are her qualifications and her skills? 

What does she look like? Not that relevant. As for qualifications and skills, I'm guessing that she is not an ardent career high flyer ... because if she were she would want to continue in work ... but rather someone who would work in an ordinary position ... retail employee, receptionist, etc ... in other words an average job. In which case 10-15k per month is more than enough. 

[amykat]

9 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

 

The only mistake the OP made was asking people on TV a relatively simple question ... but the general idea of giving his  soon-to-be live in girlfriend an allowance that covers her needs and allows them both to enjoy life is, in my view, a pretty reasonable idea. He allocates an amount of money to her every month that he can comfortably afford and is not constantly hassled for money in the relationship.

 

The question is what's a sensible figure? In my view it should be no more than the person could earn, and as they don't pay for accommodation and utilities they benefit also. 

 

Well I don't see it that way at all.  I also think it is quite stupid to try to mix the food budget with everything else. I don't shop at the grocery store for my clothes and what does one thing have to do with the other?  Why can't a person think in compartments that make sense?  Why bother dividing our budget into any categories at all  ..just say it all costs $X and forget it??

 

According to your logic, if you made $100K a month and your g/f had never worked in her life and was 21 year old student, you wouldn't give her any money? No, he just wants to figure out what basically food costs and then have her find ways to buy her own things out of that money, because he wants to be lazy about it.  That isn't really generous and it isn't really responsible. He doesn't seem to have enough money to just throw it away.

 

Go to the damn store and buy what you want. Give your g/f an allowance for HER things that is reasonable according to what you can afford and let her have some respect for herself ...she doesn't have to find ways to screw you at the store to try get a few things that she needs.

 

How hard is that to figure out???

[AlexRich]

3 minutes ago, amykat said:

Well I don't see it that way at all.  I also think it is quite stupid to try to mix the food budget with everything else. I don't shop at the grocery store for my clothes and what does one thing have to do with the other?  Why can't a person think in compartments that make sense?  Why bother dividing our budget into any categories at all  ..just say it all costs $X and forget it??

 

According to your logic, if you made $100K a month and your g/f had never worked in her life and was 21 year old student, you wouldn't give her any money? No, he just wants to figure out what basically food costs and then have her find ways to buy her own things out of that money, because he wants to be lazy about it.  That isn't really generous and it isn't really responsible. He doesn't seem to have enough money to just throw it away.

 

Go to the damn store and buy what you want. Give your g/f an allowance for HER things that is reasonable according to what you can afford and let her have some respect for herself ...she doesn't have to find ways to screw you at the store to try get a few things that she needs.

 

How hard is that to figure out???

 

According to my logic? No, according to what you've just made up, more like!

 

If the g/f is a student she will want to work ... no point in attending a university, studying for years, and then not pursuing a career. I don't believe that this is the situation here ... so an allowance that covers a job salary, with your g/f only contribution to buy the food out of that, seems pretty reasonable and workable. I suspect that the OPs g/f will be the main cook, so better that she does it as she knows where to go and what to buy. A good deal for both.

 

[amykat]

4 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

 

According to my logic? No, according to what you've just made up, more like!

 

If the g/f is a student she will want to work ... no point in attending a university, studying for years, and then not pursuing a career. I don't believe that this is the situation here ... so an allowance that covers a job salary, with your g/f only contribution to buy the food out of that, seems pretty reasonable and workable. I suspect that the OPs g/f will be the main cook, so better that she does it as she knows where to go and what to buy. A good deal for both.

 

Alex, I wasn't restricting myself to a specific fact pattern ...we are using critical thinking skills here. What is the goal we are seeking?  The least conflict possible?  Those of us with experience can predict certain things.  Clear expectations, limits  and boundaries help people.  You are conflating issues that don't matter to our goals. If the man doesn't want to be constantly bothered with problems and discussing money all the time, and feeling that he is getting screwed left and right, then that are certain measures that he can take.

 

If he would like the woman to feel good about herself, and also know how much money she has to work with each month, then there are ways to accomplish that, they are rather simple.

 

Nobody knows exactly how much money they spend on food each month ..in advance.  Especially if you are not dirt poor.   If you insist and he insists, that he doesn't want to do the shopping with her, then have her do it, but expect that he won't get what he wants, there will be a lot of waste also, and some money will disappear.  He should still give her a defined allowance that is for her personal things.

 

I really would not feel valued if you gave me food money and told me to "just pick what I need for myself out of that, if there is anything left."  But she is not your wife/partner in life so there is no need to treat her as such.  Some of you guys are really all over the map and seem to suffer from a lack of clear thinking ..in my opinion.

 

What happens when you need to change a tire ..do you start F'ing around with the engine or do you just go straight to the tire???

[YeahSiam]

5 hours ago, chiang mai said:

A Thai woman who likes to save money for a rainy day is about as rare as hens teeth!

Well that's not quite accurate.

What you mean is that a Thai woman typically available to farangs who likes to save money for a rainy.........

 

[chiang mai]

2 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

Well that's not quite accurate.

What you mean is that a Thai woman typically available to farangs who likes to save money for a rainy.........

 

No that's not what I mean, I wrote what I meant.

[YeahSiam]

Just now, chiang mai said:

No that's not what I mean, I wrote what I meant.

Ok well your experiences differ wildly from mine in that regard.

[AGareth2]

8 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

Well that's not quite accurate.

What you mean is that a Thai woman typically available to farangs who likes to save money for a rainy.........

 

we need to define what you mean by

"typically"

[chiang mai]

Just now, YeahSiam said:

Ok well your experiences differ wildly from mine in that regard.

Once again, as already said:

 

Somebody who budgets, a person who actively and religiously saves every month, invests their funds for even a small return, somebody who considers and acts upon the need for financial planning for retirement and so on and so on.  Thai females who do all those things are very very rare, if your experience is otherwise you are extremely lucky and not typical based on everything I've read on TVF, experienced in my personal life or heard from friends and acquaintances.

[YeahSiam]

3 minutes ago, chiang mai said:

if your experience is otherwise you are extremely lucky and not typical based on everything I've read on TVF, experienced in my personal life or heard from friends and acquaintances.

Guilty as charged

[YeahSiam]

7 minutes ago, AGareth2 said:

we need to define what you mean by

"typically"

Ordinarily, I'd bite but don't fancy upsetting the membership.....

........today

[Deepinthailand]

41 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

Well that's not quite accurate.

What you mean is that a Thai woman typically available to farangs who likes to save money for a rainy.........

 

My goodness you type some utter garbage

[YeahSiam]

2 minutes ago, Deepinthailand said:

My goodness you type some utter garbage

Nerve struck yet again.

[AGareth2]

Thai-Chinese are good at saving

[localczar]

a relationship based solely on the amount of monetary disbursement. Who would fall for this scam?? I would tell her to hit the trail...

Edited January 29, 2017 by localczar